Chapter Fifteen
“Share it?” James laughed heartily.
How in heaven’s name had he got himself into this coil?
Yes, he ached to share the bed with her. He yearned to hold her and kiss her, strip her out of her clothes and explore that fine body of hers throughout the remaining night, since he was not likely to get another chance.
One room. One bed. And Gwendolyn.
But he wasn’t going to do it because of his stupid code of honor that prevented him from taking advantage of her while she was at her most vulnerable. “Gwen, I am not a eunuch. Sharing is not going to work for me.”
“Then we’ll take turns sleeping in the bed,” she suggested. “You go first. I’m still too angry to fall asleep.”
“No, you take the bed. I’ll stay up.”
She marched over to him and placed her small hands in his. “Come with me.”
He stared at their clasped hands, and resisted when she gave his a tug to pull him toward the bed. “What are you doing?”
“Ignoring your wishes.” She gave his hands another tug, and this time he did not resist. Nor did he resist when she next placed hers on his shoulders to nudge him onto the mattress. “Take off your boots.”
“Gwen…”
She placed her hands on her hips and cast him an impertinent look. “Either you sleep in that bed or we’ll sleep in it together. If anyone is to take the floor, it shall be me.”
“Not a chance,” he said with a deep and determined growl.
Was she not his to love and protect?
Well, she wasn’t his. Not yet, at least.
But she bloody well was not sleeping on the floor.
“Or I can take the chair. I am little enough to curl up in it,” she suggested, pointing to the only chair in the room, whose cushions were rather worn.
James did not want to think about what had taken place on that chair, and told her so.
She sighed. “Well, perhaps not. It does appear rather disgusting.”
“Because it is disgusting. Do not sit down on it.” He groaned. “All right, we’ll share. But we remain fully clothed.”
She pursed her lips and tipped her chin upward as she gave him another impertinent look. “You may do as you wish. My gown will wrinkle if I sleep in it, so I am taking it off.”
“Oh, gad. Don’t do this to me, Gwen.”
“Why are you so horrified? You’ve seen me undressed before. In fact, you undressed me the night I got drunk.”
“That was different. You could not stand on your own and I needed to take care of you.”
“Which you did wonderfully.” Her expression softened as she released a breathy sigh that shot heat through him—a bad thing, because he was already burning for her.
“How do you know?” he countered. “You cannot remember anything of that night.”
“Unfortunate for me,” she grumbled, now struggling with her laces. “Are you going to help me? Or must I manage these on my own?”
He cast her a look of exasperation before settling them both on the bed and then drawing her onto his lap. Before she could smile or ever say a word, he turned her to face away from him and undid her lacings. “There. Done.”
“You did that remarkably well.”
He grunted as she eased off his lap and slipped out of her gown, then set it carefully over the chair. This left her clad only in a shift that hid little of her exquisite body.
She next unpinned her hair, shaking out the lush, dark mane so that it tumbled freely down her back.
“Stop, Gwen. What are you doing?” Other than proving he’d chosen wisely in wanting her to be his wife, because she had gloriously full breasts and was setting off fiery spasms in his body.
Not that he’d fallen in love with her because of her ample breasts. This was simply yet another thing that attracted him, along with her intelligence, charm, and beautiful smile.
He tried not to stare at her impossibly hot body.
Heaven help him. The two of them were going to set off lightning sparks if they ever coupled.
But no, it wasn’t going to happen tonight, not when she had been thinking about Andrew Clement. They were only here because of that bounder.
“I’m getting ready for bed,” she said, interrupting his thoughts, which were too dour for his own good. “Are you going to join me?”
He let out a pained breath. “What else are you removing?”
She glanced at her shift. “Would you like me to remove this, too?”
“Yes…no. Don’t you dare take off another stitch,” he warned, growling again.
She met his gaze with determination. “Are you sure?”
Why was she being so difficult when he was trying his hardest to protect her virtue? A virtue she was angry enough to toss to the wind with the nearest man available, namely him.
Well, he meant more to her than that.
And Gwen was not going to give herself to anyone but him.
She trusted him. He also knew that she desired him, for her body responded to his in little ways that showed her interest was more than platonic. He knew that he was making deep inroads into her heart, too.
But he had yet to win her over completely.
Therefore, no matter what she said or did to lure and distract him, he was going to keep his hands off her. He refused to ignore his code of honor, assuming he could recall a single rule set forth in it while his brain was melting down and his restraint appeared to be slipping away.
She slid the sleeve of her shift off one creamy shoulder.
He reached forward and drew it back over her shoulder. “Don’t, Gwen.”
“Why not? Do you think I will regret our night of passion come morning?”
He gave a bitter laugh. “Think it? I know you will. Besides, there is almost nothing left to the night. It will be dawn soon. What we ought to do is sleep for the few hours remaining before Fuller returns to pick us up.”
“I promise you, I won’t regret a moment in your arms,” she said, her plaintive voice almost a whisper. “Tonight was all I needed to cut those bonds with Andrew. In truth, they have lately felt like chains upon me.”
He nodded. “Because of his inexcusable behavior.”
“Actually, no. It is because of my growing affection for you. This is not about Andrew.”
He stifled a laugh.
Was she serious? Her every thought and feeling revolved around that cad and his absence from her life.
“Gwen, this isn’t right. You are hurt and angry. I will not be used for revenge sex.”
“I do not even know what that is,” she said with touching honesty.
Of course, this aroused him all the more, because she was so na?ve about the power games men and women played.
“This has nothing to do with getting back at Andrew for neglecting me. This is about me acting upon what I wish to do with you. The smoldering look in your eyes says you want me. Am I mistaken?”
“No, you have it right. Achingly right,” he admitted.
“Then why are you so reluctant?”
“I’m not. But you should be. It is too soon for you, Gwen. Too soon.”
She gave a curt laugh and shook her head. “I am two-and-thirty. If I delay any longer, I fear it will be too late. Must I humiliate myself and plead with you to—”
“No.” He threw his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I will not deny you, if this is truly what you wish. But are you ready to bed someone you do not love?”
“Who says I do not love you?” she shot back. “I would never offer myself to you unless I had extremely strong feelings for you. Violently strong attraction. Deep affection. Complete trust.”
“Then should you not trust me to do what is right for you?”
“You’ve warned me. Lectured me. Given me all the reasons why you think this is a bad idea. And do you know what?”
He sighed. “What?”
“All your griping—”
“Griping? I am protecting you from making a terrible mistake.”
“Or it might be the most wonderful thing ever to happen to me. Your griping,” she said, “has made me more certain than ever that I am doing the right thing.”
“Do you love me, Gwen?” He laughed wryly as she faltered while trying to form a response. “If you do, then just admit it. But you cannot, can you?”
The air thickened between them.
“James… I…”
“No, do not cajole me. I do not want to hear platitudes from you.”
She tipped her pert chin into the air. “I wasn’t going to lie to you or flatter you. Do I ever give you less than my honest feelings? I just… My feelings are in a bit of a muddle right now.”
“There’s a surprise,” he muttered, not bothering to hide his sarcasm. “Have I not been warning you of this very thing? You need to be sure about this next step.”
“Is it not enough to be sure of you? To trust you with my heart and my life, and to know you will always be gentle with me?”
“Gad, you are the most irritating woman I have ever met.”
Her chin began to wobble. “I don’t mean to be.”
He groaned because he was not really angry with her, just frustrated by their situation. He always understood that her pulling away from Clement’s grip was going to take a while and be messy.
“Confused, are you?” he asked.
She looked down at her toes as she nodded.
“Let’s talk about this, Gwen. What is going through your head?”
She sat on the bed beside him. “I don’t know. A lot of angry thoughts right now. Not about you, of course. Being with you feels very right.”
“Sure it does. But is it right only for tonight?”
She cast him a stubborn look. “I am certain it is for far longer than that.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yes, we will. I’ll be staying the month at Milbury Hill, and I hope to spend as much time with you as possible. I’m sure I will have my mind made up about my future and your presence in it by then.”
He removed his boots. “Great. Let me know once you’ve come to a decision about me. If you truly love me, then it won’t be hard to take the next steps. By that, I mean marriage and then bed. In that order. In the meanwhile, go to sleep, Gwen.”
He’d earlier removed his jacket, waistcoat, and cravat, so he had nothing else to take off other than his shirt and trousers.