Chapter Sixteen
James watched Gwendolyn as she slept in the circle of his arms.
He hadn’t closed his eyes at all, for there was little point to it now that the light of dawn was visible above the horizon. The first gleams of sunshine filtered in through their open windows.
She looked so lovely in repose, her face angelic, and her hair in a wild, dark cascade over his arm and across their pillows.
He wanted to make this permanent, wished to wake up to her beside him every morning ever after.
“Ah, Gwen,” he muttered, easing his arm out from under her. “What have we done?” He worried that she would regret what had happened between them last night.
Her shift was askew and hid little of her lithe body.
He placed a tender kiss to the exposed swell of her breast before carefully nudging the fabric back in place to properly cover her exquisite bosom, which had filled the cups of his hands not so long ago.
Then he tugged more of the fabric down to cover her shapely legs.
Her skin was warm and felt like silk to the touch.
He placed another soft kiss on her shoulder before rising to walk to the window and stare out onto the cove.
The fog was lifting, and a golden sheen of sunlight rippled across water that was varying shades of blue, lighter in the shallows and a dark azure in deeper waters.
As ever, the white-crested waves broke against the rocks immediately below them, which had been hollowed out over time by the conquering forces of nature.
What of him? Had he conquered Gwendolyn last night?
He had pleasured her, for certain. But that was not quite the same thing. The beast in him desired her complete surrender, wanted full claim over her body, heart, and soul.
For always.
Had he been skillful enough to accomplish this victory in one night?
Ha.
He knew it could not be that easy to win her heart. Despite the years of abandonment and betrayal existing between Gwendolyn and Andrew Clement, it would still be an uphill battle for him. He was confident in his abilities, but this was too much of a stretch.
He turned back to Gwendolyn when she stirred. “James?”
“Right here,” he called from his position by the window. “I can step out if you require privacy.”
She gave a groaning laugh and sat up in bed. “Oh, dear heaven. Did last night really happen?”
He strode to her side and knelt. “Regretting it?”
She shook her head. “No. Why would you think such a thing? Are you?”
“Not in the least. If anything, my feelings for you have deepened. My only regret is that I rushed you into something you might not have been ready for.”
“Oh, I was ready to be deflowered. If I had waited any longer, you’d be making love to old bones and shriveled remains.”
“Gad, Gwen! You are far from that.”
“Perhaps still a few years away.” Her eyes shimmered and her smile was sleepy and gentle as she reached out to lightly rub her hand across his bristled jaw. “Rough.”
He nodded. “I need a shave. But you look beautiful in the morning light.”
“Despite the wild tangle of my hair?”
He ran his fingers through it to brush back a few stray wisps. “It’s lovely. A little wild but not at all tangled.”
“It is nice waking up to the sight of you, James.”
He chuckled. “You are sleep deprived, Gwen.”
“Yes, and so are you. But that doesn’t change my feelings toward you. I’m glad it was you who claimed me. I would not have allowed anyone else to do this.”
“All well and good,” he said with a wry smile. “But you weren’t actually claimed in the strictest sense of the word. You weren’t deflowered. I was careful about that. We were intimate, but you are still…intact.”
“Sure, if one goes by the medical definition. I surrendered my very heart and soul to you last night.”
He gave her cheek a light caress. “You surely surrendered your body, but I am not certain you have surrendered all of yourself to me just yet. I think that will require some more time, hopefully no more than a few weeks.”
“And what about your heart, James?”
“It is firmly and irrevocably yours. I would not have proposed to you if I had any doubts. Nor would I have done what I did to you in this bed mere hours ago.” He sighed. “Can we forget this house party idea? No one is going to outshine you.”
“Maybe. Let me think about it. Without that party, we would be alone for the entire month.”
“Is that so terrible?”
“No, but it would be scandalous.”
“Do you care? You know I would marry you with or without the shadow of scandal upon us. Besides, we will not be alone. My sons will be with us. Fiona is going to stick her nose in at Milbury Hill just about every day. She’ll drag Bromleigh’s wife, Cherish, with her as her partner in crime.”
He saw her hesitation.
“Write out those invitations,” he said with a resigned breath. “We have a few days before they absolutely must be sent out.”
“All right.”
They had just finished washing and dressing when the proprietor quietly knocked on their door. “Your carriage is here, m’lord.”
They hurried downstairs, both of them hoping they weren’t noticed, since they were not fit to be seen in Brighton.
He had not shaved. Gwen had no hairbrush and could only run her fingers through her curls. She had pinned her hair up as best as she could, but anyone looking closely would notice the tenuous nature of that glorious mass and know it would tumble in disarray at the slightest gust of wind.
They took seats opposite each other in his carriage, although James would not have discouraged her had she wished to sit beside him. But Gwen had placed a barrier of silence between them, no doubt because she needed to think hard about what they had done and what it signified.
Perhaps regret would now seep into her thoughts.
“Gwen, are you all right?”
She was leaning against the side of the carriage, her head resting against the window frame as she peered out to study the passing countryside. Her thoughts were somewhere far away, and she was also trying to put physical distance between them.
It was not easily done. His carriage was spacious, but still just a carriage, and there was nowhere for her to avoid him.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
He frowned. “You don’t look it.”
“I am lost in my thoughts,” she said, sparing him a glance before turning away once more.
“Thoughts? Or regrets?”
She pursed her lips and remained peering out the window as she muttered, “I am not regretting a moment of what we did last night.”
“Then what has you suddenly so distant? You can tell me the truth, Gwen. You can tell me anything and I will always do my best to understand.”
“I know. I wish you would stop being so perfect, because how am I ever going to live up to your perfection? Jessica must have been an angel. It is obvious you and your sons loved her so much. But who am I other than the spinster who held on to the hope of a love that turned out to be fake all along?”
“I am far from perfect.” He regarded her with genuine surprise.
“Can you not see that I am a fiery mess, only holding myself together because you need me to be that bedrock for you? But who am I other than a widower who never once considered he might love again? Yes, Jessica was good and kind, an angel if you wish to call her that. But Gwen…”
“Yes?”
He released a groaning breath. “Do you think I am comfortable feeling like a fifteen-year-old, besotted fool every time I look at you? And those feelings! Blessed saints! Hopeful, excited, dreaming of a future with you. I was only looking to remarry because of my boys. I had it planned out in my mind. All I wanted was to find someone companionable and nurturing to provide some mothering for my sons. It was never about finding love for myself, no matter what you or Fiona thought about this. And I was certainly not going to fall in love with my matchmaker.”
He shifted uncomfortably, his back stiff against the squabs as he continued.
“Then there you were, so adorably prim and charming that I wanted to sweep you into my arms and kiss you senseless at our very first introduction. I cannot tell you how frightening that was for me. That feeling came out of nowhere and refused to go away. The realization that I was actually in love with you crept up on me slowly. However, the feeling was there from the start. I simply refused to give it any credence.”
“I had no idea.”
James hoped his confession would allay her fears and allow her to move forward. It was past time for her to let go of Andrew Clement.
Gwendolyn turned to him, her lips slightly curved upward at the corners.
“You really are making this difficult for me, aren’t you?
See, even that admission was perfection.
I am afraid to blink my eyes and have you disappear, because you cannot possibly be real, only a phantom of my dreams.” But she edged closer to him and her smile was now broad.
“Don’t mind me. I am just slow to accept change. ”
“Accept it now, Gwen. You have a wonderful path before your very eyes. Will you dare take it?”
When she said nothing, he held up his hands in mock surrender.
“Sorry. Too soon?”
She nodded and turned thoughtful once more. “This is me, James. I must be the stodgiest person alive. But I dare not take a leap before checking all around and making certain there are no traps or obstacles before me.”
“What traps are you worried about finding with me?”
“That’s just it, I cannot think of any. But I still need to get comfortable with the idea of us. Maybe I am worried you will suddenly decide that you do not love me. You would not be the first man to do so.”
Ah, Andrew Clement again.
Lord, he hated that man.
“I am too old and set in my ways to be fickle.” He glanced out the window. “Ah, we are almost at Milbury Hill. You must be exhausted, Gwen. So am I. How about we sleep away the rest of the morning? Separate quarters, of course.”
She nodded. “Oh, yes. I’ll have Agatha wake me in time for the afternoon swim. Would you mind giving me my first lesson today? Or would you rather hold off until tomorrow? Your boys must have missed you yesterday and might want you all to themselves.”