Chapter Twenty
Gwendolyn spotted Andrew on the terrace, his hands on the balustrade as he stared out across the cove waters that glistened in the afternoon sun.
“Andrew,” she said, coming to his side.
He turned to her with a smug expression that irked her. “He told you all about his batty sister?”
She bristled. “Yes. You needn’t gloat, for your family is no prize, either.”
“I never said they were. In fact, you know how difficult relations have always been between me and my father. Yet I defied him because of my love for you.”
“Was it for love? Or was I merely a useful means for you to get back at your father? But now that you have your own title, your own wealth, and can stand independently, what is it you really want? I’m not sure it is me.”
He regarded her for a long moment, appearing genuinely surprised. “It has always been you.”
Gwendolyn felt at a loss. “Is this true? Ten years is an awfully long time to stay away from someone you consider the mate of your heart. Well, I understand that you had no choice during the war years. But these past six years? Think hard about this, Andrew. You have not even seen your Winterbrook estate and you already wish to leave it.”
“I’ve told you that I am no farmer. All I need is a good estate manager to run the place, and then we shall be free to do whatever we want.”
“Yes, and travel wherever in the world we wish to go.”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
“What if I did not want to travel outside of England?”
He shook his head and laughed. “You’re joking. I cannot believe you would rather spend your time at Winterbrook, on some estate in the middle of nowhere, when you could be visiting Rome, Florence, Athens, seeing the wonders of the world. C’mon, Gwen. You must prefer travel to that mundane life.”
She cast him an indulgent smile. “I might, one day.”
But not with him.
She did not have to make up lists to compare Andrew and James, or even make up a list about James alone. The truth was obvious and had been all along.
Even her heart understood this from the first, only she had been too stubborn to listen.
She and Andrew were not compatible. Were they ever a match?
He did not wish to remain in England a moment longer than necessary, while she could not see herself settling anywhere else. Oh, she would enjoy traveling throughout the Continent at some point in her life, perhaps soon. But she would never want to do it with Andrew.
He had never given her a say in anything he’d done. Even now, he was talking about traveling and not really considering that she might not wish to go. Nor had he asked her where in the world she would like most to go. He’d just made general pronouncements about visiting some popular locations.
Was this not the simplest thing to ask her? What would it have taken him to think about her preferences? What would you like to do, Gwen? Where would you like to go? He had yet to say the words.
Would he ever consider her wishes, hopes, and dreams as James would? Would she ever trust Andrew as much as she trusted James?
And she did trust James, despite the fact he had not told her about Cordelia until now. But even in their conversation, his valor and integrity shone through. He was taking care of his sister and ensuring her comfort. He was visiting her regularly instead of abandoning her to the care of others.
It would have been so easy to deposit her somewhere and forget all about her. But this was not his nature. He protected and cared for his family and others he loved.
Andrew always put himself first. Perhaps he might change if ever he met the right young lady, one who truly stole his heart. One who left him breathless and whom he could not live a moment without.
She was not that lady for Andrew.
But she was for James.
She felt his love.
Was this not the most wonderful thing in the world?
Why was she so foolishly kicking her chances away?
More important, it was James who left her breathless and aching to be with him. It was James she wanted touching her and holding her. Not Andrew.
Oh, he was a good man. But not her man.
Yet she wanted him to be happy and find love.
An idea popped into her head and made her smile.
Oh, everyone would now consider her completely mad.
But why could Andrew not find his happiness with Lady Millicent Hanford, also known as Miss Pointy Nose?
She would be perfect for him. After all, she spoke three languages fluently, had expressed a desire to travel, and James’s ridiculous complaint that her nose was too sharp and would get in the way of his kisses wasn’t true.
Millicent had a lovely nose that was no pointier or longer than her own.
She breathed a sigh of relief and cast Andrew a brilliant smile. “You do not love me.”
He shook his head. “What?”
“In your heart, you know it is true.”
He seemed genuinely distressed, but this was only because he had been thinking of her as his betrothed for all these years, and it was no easy thing to admit that mistake and move on. “Gwen, no.”
“A man in love does not stay away from his beloved for as long as you have done. By your own choice, I may add.” She put a hand up to stop him when he began to protest. “No, Andrew. Do not insist we are right for each other simply because this is what we both believed for so many years, even as children. Believe me, I held on to the past more fiercely than anyone else could ever have done. Then James came along and shook me out of my complacency. It is time for both of us to move forward and seek our true happiness.”
He let out a startled grunt. “You love Milbury?”
She nodded. “Yes, I do. I just hope I haven’t ruined my chances by fighting this marvelous feeling every step of the way.”
“Marvelous feeling?”
“Yes, and it is an odd feeling as well. Oh my. So odd, but also so beautiful. Happiness. Love. Rapture. My heart flutters whenever I see him. I cannot help but smile when I am with him. Even if I did not have these feelings for him, there is no going back to you.”
“Gwen! Do not be ridiculous. I would marry you.”
“And we would both be dissatisfied for the rest of our lives. Do you really wish to go through life in dull complacency? Do you want amiable? Or would you rather feel breathless? Intoxicated? Is genial enough? Why settle for that when you could experience a mad rush of desire, the knowing you would leap through fire to protect the woman you love?”
He shook his head. “And you think Milbury offers you this?”
She nodded. “Yes, this and more. And I want all of it with him.”
“I could kiss you and change your mind.”
“Oh, no.” She shook her head emphatically. “First of all, I do not want your kisses. Frankly, I do not think I will like them. But there is someone I believe would enjoy them very much. I’d like you to meet her.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“I spent months as Milbury’s matchmaker and chose some lovely young ladies for him. Of course, he rejected them all because he fell in love with me.”
Even now, it warmed her soul to think James had secretly been in love with her all along. Well, he’d probably denied it to himself until recently.
Andrew stared at her in astonishment. “Are you ending our betrothal and in the same breath trying to make a match for me?”
“Yes, I am. That is quite perceptive of you.” She cast him an encouraging smile. “The lady I have in mind is Lady Millicent Hanford. She is a viscount’s daughter and very intelligent. Very pretty. Chestnut hair, hazel eyes. Her nose is very much like my own.”
“Why would I care about her nose?”
“She lives in London. Speaks three languages. Would love to travel. Her father has excellent estate managers, any of whom can help you out with your Winterbrook estate.”
“You are handing me off to second best?”
Gwendolyn frowned at him. “Not at all. I am the one who has always been second best to you. Is it still not obvious to you? But I think Millicent could be first in your heart.”
He began to pace in front of her like a tiger trapped in a cage. “You were to be my wife, Gwen. I do not want you as my matchmaker.”
“I’ll write down her direction and provide you with an introductory note to give her,” she said, ignoring his protests. “Open your heart to her, Andrew. I wish the two of you a lifetime of happiness.”
He gave a wry laugh. “I don’t believe this.”
“Will you wait here while I write down her information?”
“Absolutely not,” he growled.
“Fine, then I shall have a messenger drop it off at Mr. Marchand’s café tomorrow.
” She tipped her chin up and squared her shoulders as a surprising weight suddenly lifted off them.
“Do not pretend to be overset about the end of our betrothal. Six years away from me is enough proof of your reluctance to ever be bound to me.”
“Do not put this on me, Gwen. You are the one ending our betrothal.”
“It wasn’t ever much of a betrothal, was it?
” she remarked, sighing. “More like an anvil placed on our shoulders. But you will find Millicent to be lively and engaging. The hours spent in her company will feel like mere minutes, and you will be eager to see her again…and again. Invite me to your wedding.”
She was surprised when tears clouded his eyes. “Will you forgive me for not attending yours? I will not object to ending our betrothal, but do not expect me to cheer at the thought of losing you to Milbury.”
“Wish me happiness, Andrew. We have always been the best of friends, and friends must always wish the best for each other.”
He groaned in anguish and then nodded. “Be happy, Gwen. Perhaps we were not each other’s great loves, but we would have been good together. In truth, I cannot imagine my life without you.”
She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, then grabbed his lapels and shook him.
“You have lived most of your adult life without me, so I am certain you shall survive quite well once I am out of your life. Finish your business with Marchand, and then get yourself off to London and seek out Millicent. I am not wrong about this.”
“I had better go,” he said, and she was surprised to hear the pain in his voice. In truth, more pain than she had ever expected.
Well, it had not been easy for her, either.
“I’m not going to wait around while you write down Millicent’s information.
” He started to leave, then paused and turned to her with an achingly sentimental smile.
“Have it delivered to Marchand’s café, as you suggested.
I’ll leave these borrowed clothes there for Milbury to collect.
” He swept her up in his arms and hugged her fiercely. “I love you, Gwen.”
She hugged him back with heartfelt desire to see him happy. “Stay safe, Andrew.”
He strode away.
She followed him out and watched him climb into his rig, and then, with a snap of the reins, he rode off.
Fiona and Agatha were hovering in the entry hall when she walked back inside.
Gwendolyn approached them. “Agatha, I’ve had a change of heart. Please have our bags brought back to our rooms. We’re not leaving.”
“Oh, my lady!” The maid and Fiona both cheered.
Gwendolyn held up a hand to quiet them. “Well, put them back upstairs, but better not unpack them just yet. I’m not certain I will be welcome to stay on at Milbury Hill after this. Where is James?”
“Still in his study. The boys are in there with him,” Fiona said, putting a hand lightly over her heart. “They were too upset to remain with Rob and wanted to be in their father’s arms. What are you going to do next?”
Gwen glanced at the closed study door. “Undo the mess I have obviously made. Wish me luck. I think I’ll need quite a bit of it.”