Seventeen #6
A steel staircase rose from the first floor to the second, and his office, bedroom, and bathroom.
Two guest bedrooms and two more bathrooms were there.
He had a sunroom where the pool and sauna were that led out onto the balcony that faced Lake Michigan.
On the first floor was another balcony that looked out in the other direction, toward the city.
It was a dazzling place to live, and even more exciting that he could simply come down in his elevator and be downtown where all the night life and shopping was.
I had always loved it and got really excited when he went out of town and I got to house-sit.
As I stood in the living room looking out at the balcony, he walked by and passed me a set of keys and a card for the elevator.
“I have a set of keys for your place,” he assured me, yawning as he climbed the stairs to the second floor. “I’m going to make up the other bedroom for you. Just give me a minute.”
He was freaking me out by acting like everything was normal.
And to him it probably was. Because my new status was his decision, he had been given the time to work through it in his head.
I was the one who had woken up in the twilight zone.
I turned on my phone to call Sam, to let him know that his witness, me, was safe, and the second I did, it rang.
I answered it without even checking the number.
“Jory.”
“Hey.” I sighed. “You all right?”
“Tell me where you are.”
I flopped down onto the white leather couch. “I’m safe, don’t worry.”
“How do I not worry? I—”
“Sam,” I said softly, “have you noticed that we catch a break and then split apart again?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, we have these moments of bliss followed by total shit.” I was weary, and I could hear it in my voice. “It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m not trying to say anything, I’m telling you straight up. You are not ready for me.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I saw you with that girl, Sam. I saw how you were looking at her. You can’t lie now and tell me you weren’t interested in her. I watched you. Maggie Dixon interests you.”
“So what?”
There was no denial, only the defensive retort. I’d hit a nerve. “So go with it—see where it leads.”
“You think I need your permission, you cocky piece of shit?”
“I think what you said that night in the car was all true. You want what your parents have, but you wanna be in bed with me. You can’t have both.”
“You don’t get to say what I can or cannot have.”
“I know, but we keep doin’ this, and the outcome never changes. We shatter at the first hint of trouble.”
“We don’t shatter, you run. You always run.”
“It’s true, but you gotta ask yourself why that is.”
“Don’t lay your shit on me.”
“God,” I almost yelled, “don’t be so defensive. Just listen for once.”
“I am listening. I always listen, because you talk all the fuckin’ time.”
I let out a long sigh. “Just be honest. I don’t fit in your life, Sam. You left me tonight at the party because it would’ve looked weird if you kept me with you. I know it, you know it. Maggie fits perfect. I don’t.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“Deny that you abandoned me.”
“Jory, it was Dom’s birthday—it was about him, not you.”
“So wanting you with me or wanting you to include me, that was just selfish on my part?”
“Why couldn’t you have mingled with my friends?”
“Why couldn’t you have kept me with you?”
“I’m supposed to do, what, hold your hand all night?”
“I didn’t expect that, not there, in front of all your people. I just expected to be included.”
“You are incapable of thinking about anyone else but yourself.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
We were talking in circles. I thought he was wrong, he thought I was wrong. There was no middle ground, no understanding we were going to reach.
“Are you going to tell Dom about me, Sam?”
“You said you’d wait for me to—”
“C’mon, be honest. You can’t and you know it. Your life doesn’t work with a partner, it only works with a wife. Why fight it?” I waited only seconds for a response. “Your folks are gonna love Maggie.”
“You know, Jory, it’s funny that you think you of all people can know what’s good for me. You can’t even take care of yourself, but you think you know what’s best for me.”
“Deny any of it.”
“I think maybe it’s a good thing that you go. You obviously know nothing about sticking it out through hard times. You run at the first sign of trouble. You’re a quitter, and you should know that about yourself.”
“Only if there really is no way to win,” I said, my heart breaking along with my voice. “You can’t fool yourself into thinking things are gonna work out when the facts are right there in front of you.”
“You’re really stupid.”
“Okay.”
“It’s gonna be done this time, you know? I can’t keep running after you.”
“Sure,” I said as my eyes filled. “I know.”
“Do you even care?”
I cared more than I could even express. I had never ever been crazier about anyone. Sam Kage was the man of my dreams; it was too bad that being with him always turned into a nightmare.
“Have a good life,” he said, and hung up.
I fell sideways onto the couch. I would mourn him and our affair over breakfast. I was just too tired at that moment. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I didn’t remember falling asleep.