Twenty-One #5
“I’m not that brave. I had no idea if you wanted me anymore.”
“Sam Kage, you should always know how I feel!” I yelled at him, the months of missing him coming out in how loud I was and how hard I was crying. I was furious with him.
He reached behind him and grabbed me a box of tissues that I made quick work of, blowing my nose and wiping my eyes before tossing them away.
“Did you just throw balls of snot onto my coffee table?” He sounded horrified.
“There’s no wastebasket,” I said, unable not to smile over how affronted he was. “I’ll get it in a minute, but I don’t want to get up, and I don’t want you to move either.”
He chuckled in my ear as he wrapped me in his arms. “Okay.”
The sigh that rose out of me was long and loud.
“Listen, even though being apart sucked, now I know everything I need to about you and me,” he rumbled, nuzzling his face into my hair.
“I don’t wanna be with you because sex with us is the best I’ve ever had or because kissing you makes me want to do it all the time, or because of how your body fits against mine so perfect.
I mean, I love all those things, but it’s not only that. ”
Normally, I would have teased him, bantered with him, but I wanted to hear everything he thought, so I stayed quiet, nearly holding my breath.
“You’re not an experiment that got out of control.”
I nodded.
“I’m not me without you, and that’s the truth. I can be a detective without you, I can be an investigator, but not a man. I need to be loved to be me, and only you can do that.”
I couldn’t speak around the lump in my throat, so I turned my head, rolled to my side, on my hip—couldn’t knock off the contraption on my ankle, there’d be water everywhere—and took hold of his face. My fingers scraped over his stubbled jaw, his cheeks, as I stared up into those eyes I loved.
“I’m sorry for being a coward and not coming to see you as soon as I figured everything out,” he husked. “There was a lot to do to make it right. I would’ve had to tell everyone, tell Maggie I couldn’t see her anymore—basically throwing a grenade at my life.”
He was willing me to understand, and I did.
I’d always been me, there was no change I had to make to be with him.
But for him, there was a whole reframing of how people saw him that had to happen.
Inside, there was a change of who he loved, but not of who he was.
Sam remained the same man he’d always been, with his values and beliefs intact.
What was different was on the outside, as people would make quick judgments seeing him holding my hand when we walked down the street.
That was the part he had come to terms with in his mind.
Our time apart had been him buried in work and doing a lot of soul searching.
“I thought we were done,” I said, and felt the shiver run through me. “Over. You weren’t coming back. I would have died before reaching out, so what was going to happen if I didn’t see you tonight?”
“Change was coming,” he assured me. “It’s a new millennium, after all. I couldn’t have gone too much further into two thousand without you.”
It was a good answer, but really, it didn’t matter.
I would have been just as ready to hear him, to take him back into my life, into my bed, whenever it was that he decided he wanted me.
And that probably made me weak and needy, but I knew my life would be perfect if I just had him along with all my other blessings.
“I love you,” I murmured.
“I know,” he said, grinning at me. “And I’ve bounced back and forth with you enough times to know that, with you around, I’m good. Gotta have you; only way my life works.”
I might have whimpered before he kissed me. I could have died happy right then and there.
We decided that since we were at his place, he would pack a bag and drive us to my apartment, and he would leave from there in the morning.
He had offered to just throw me over his back and carry me, but I was determined to get the crutches he had loaned me to work.
They were slightly too big, even though he had shortened them to the smallest they could go, but he assured me they were workable.
So I was making my way to my building, from his car, with him beside me, yawning dramatically.
“Could you stop that?” I groused at him.
“Sorry?” he asked like he had no idea what I was talking about.
I tried to scowl, but he looked so good with the smile in his eyes, the way his lips curled up in the corner, the day-old stubble, and his hair sticking up in places. He was rumpled and tousled from being in bed with me earlier, having proven that he could be careful when he made love to me.
He wrapped my legs around his waist and supported my weight in his lap without once touching my ankle. I had insisted that we consummate our back-together status, despite his objections.
“I don’t wanna rush you,” I said, sitting up and turning to look at him. “But I gotta have you.”
“I don’t think that’s such a great idea with your ankle, do you?”
“You’ve never hurt me,” I reminded him.
“That’s not really the issue now, is it?”
“I think it is.”
“J—”
“Get this thing off me and take me to bed.”
“I—”
“Don’t you want to?”
“You know I want to, but you’re hurt and—”
“Please,” I begged him, my gaze riveted on his lips.
“What if I accidentally hurt you?”
“I’m not worried about that.”
“Because you’re horny.”
“Yes,” I rasped, feeling the heat wash through my entire body.
He took a breath. “Your face got all flushed.”
“I bet I’m flushed all over. Take me to bed and check.”
“Yeah, let’s…do that,” he rumbled, his voice low and husky.
I let him ease me out of his lap and watched as he unwrapped my ankle, releasing me from the machine.
He had an Ace bandage, and he was methodical when he put it on, checking to make sure it wasn’t too tight, massaging the cramp from my other calf, working his strong hands up both legs to my thighs.
When I reached for him, he picked me up and carried me to his bed.
Once there, I was pinned under him quickly, and when he kissed me, I moaned loudly.
“I wore a condom with Maggie, J. I swear I did.”
I smiled up into his eyes, now dark with passion, but waited for more.
“I went and got tested after, and I’m good and—”
“What do you want?”
“You know,” he said, kissing down the side of my throat.
“I’m not a mind reader.”
“Yes, you are,” he barely got out.
I chuckled softly. “You just want me to let you—”
“Yes. Please…let me.”
I stared up into his eyes, and I saw his jaw clenching, heard the shaky breath, saw the hard swallow.
“Baby, I swear I—”
“I don’t trust anyone like I trust you, Sam.”
I had never seen that look on his face before, the look of love—surrender and aching and happiness all at the same time. I was so pleased with him, with the man I would spend the rest of my life with.
“I’m gonna be so gentle, baby.”
“Don’t be that gentle,” I teased him.
The kiss I got in response curled my toes, it went through me so fast and so hard, racing heat that made me cry out.
“The sounds you make when you’re happy,” he growled against my mouth. “You kill me.”
I was burning up with my desire for him and his for me. Impossible to deny the connection between us, as tangible as it was. His skin on mine was scorching.
“Hello,” Sam barked at me.
My head snapped up, and I realized I’d been daydreaming about us in bed.
“I’m gonna grab you if you don’t hurry the fuck up,” he threatened me, his brows furrowing. “It’s freezing out here, J.”
I tried not to smile as I used the crutches, my foot no longer touching the ground as I hobbled on.
“I hope you have something to eat up there, because I’m starving.”
“I don’t, actually. Why don’t you run and get some Cuban food and meet me upstairs. Gimme the bag.”
He snorted out a laugh. “Yeah, right, like you can use crutches and carry a bag. I’ll meet you up there. Whaddya want?”
“Just rice and some chicken is good.”
“Okay,” he said, leaning forward, kissing my forehead before he left.
At the stairs I realized that Sam carrying me was probably the best-case scenario. It looked like Everest instead of the two flights it was. I was resting at the top of the first flight when I heard Sam whistling behind me.
“Need help yet?”
“Screw you, Kage.”
He walked around in front of me, dropped his shoulder, and threw me over his back.
“Sam!” I complained as he did what he always did and slapped my ass hard. “Put me down. The blood is rushing to—”
“Nope.” He bounced me on his shoulder to prove his dominance, carrying me and my crutches up the next flight of stairs.
When he deposited me in front of my door, I immediately reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck to draw him down to me for a kiss that he immediately deepened, having his way with me, completely in control.
I knew he loved that I was submissive, intoxicated with wielding his power over me.
It was the role he understood and why we fit together so well; the essential makeup of the man I would never ask to change.
He was the dominant partner, the alpha male, and I was his mate, simple as that.
“What’re you thinking about?”
“Where’s my food?” I teased him, hugging him tight.
He clutched me close, one hand in my hair, holding me against him, the other running up and down my back. The contented sigh was long, like he could finally breathe.
“The place is closed on Sundays. We’ll have to scrounge up some food. I’ll cook you something.”
I grunted and he pinched my ass.
“Open the door.”
When the door swung open, it took me a minute to realize what I was looking at. I had only ever seen an apartment ransacked in movies. I’d never imagined what it would look like in real life.
“Oh shit,” Sam breathed, and his gun was in his hand before I was even aware that he was carrying one. “Stay here while I check the rest of it, J.”