Five #4
“Of course it means something. It means everything,” he replied sharply. “But the truth is I’ll take you venting at me all day and all night. If you’re yelling at me, if you’re mad at me, I know you still care. I can take anything but silence.”
I drained the drink the guy had bought me in one gulp and slid off the barstool. I was halfway to the front door before my arm was grabbed, hard. I froze as he walked around in front of me.
“Let me drive you home.”
I moved by him and took a deep breath as soon as I was back outside.
“Do you care that I missed you?” Sam said as he appeared at my side.
“No.”
“Liar.”
“Sam, I can’t do this. I won’t.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. It was cold and late, and I could see my breath when I spoke. “I’d have to be crazy.” I walked faster, hoping he’d just let me go.
He grabbed me again, yanking me around so fast I almost fell. “You’ve always been crazy.”
“Let go!” I tried to twist free, but he had me.
The harder I pulled, the harder he held, unafraid of leaving bruises on my skin like everyone else was.
All the guys, from billionaire Aaron Sutter to every one-night stand I’d ever had, would back off the moment I actually put up any kind of real fight.
Not Sam. He always left marks, and I craved that—the dominance, my submission, down deep in dark places that I didn’t show to anyone.
I didn’t trust anyone with that secret, that desire.
For me, true love had an element of drowning in it.
My erratic impulses were all easily tamed with a steady hand, the person who said no.
I poisoned relationships myself because that piece was missing, and I pushed to find the breaking point.
I had liked Aaron a lot, and I would have separated him from his useless friends, made him see them for the sycophants they truly were, if I’d cared enough.
But I knew, deep down, he didn’t have what I needed.
“I’m not gonna let you go,” Sam said, bringing me out of my painful thoughts, my longing for something I shouldn’t want.
I stopped straining against him and stared up into his face. “Just go away.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I repeated. “Well, for starters, how about that bullshit in the street? You think it turns me on to be treated like some piece of ass that you—”
“Yes.” He cut me off, his eyes full of heat. “I think you get off on the idea of me making you do whatever I fuckin’ want. You’re dying to submit to me.”
I shook my head, trying to tug my arm free, but knowing, really, that it had nothing to do with his physical grip on me. It was the emotional one, the mental one, that I was tangled up in.
“We both know you want me.” His voice was calm, but the muscle in his jaw was flexing. “And I want you, J. With me, always—not just in my bed.”
I stared up into his eyes. “If you wanted me so bad, if I was so important…why’d you never call me or write me or send me a damn email or a single text?
You left for three years, Sam, three goddamn years!
You can’t expect us to just pick up where we left off after all this time just because you’re ready. That’s total crap! What about me?”
“I was gone. I was out of the country for two years, J. I didn’t talk to anyone. I—”
“Fine. You’ve been back a year. You even said it’s been a year. So why am I only seeing you now? We meet accidentally at a hardware store and you’re, what, overcome with emotion and now you’ve gotta see me again? It’s bullshit.”
He grabbed my other arm and shook me hard. “I didn’t know what to do. I never know what to do about you. When I got back, I went to see you, and you were with that guy, Aaron.”
I was stunned. “You saw me with Aaron?”
“Yeah,” he said, letting me go, letting me take a few steps away from him. “You looked happy, and you deserve to be happy, so… But I had to check, and then I saw he wasn’t around anymore, and you…you give yourself away. Why do you do that? Why do you go home with anybody who asks, J?”
I looked away because I couldn’t tell him.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch you go home with a different guy every night?”
“See?” I shrugged, still staring off down the street. “I’m trash, Sam…why even bother with me?”
“Look at me.”
But I didn’t.
“Look at me,” he growled, grabbing my arm again, yanking me back to him.
I tried tugging free, but his grip was like iron, no way was I going anywhere.
“You’re not trash, it’s just that none of those guys are right for you.”
I had no snappy comeback, because what he thought was exactly how I felt. Silence seemed the best option, so I went with it.
“I think you wanna belong to me, and if it ain’t gonna be me, you don’t want anybody.”
I turned back to look at him. “That’s crap, and you’re full of shit.”
He shook his head, reached out, and put his other hand on my cheek. “Nope, I’m right.”
“Sam—”
He closed the small distance between us. “Why are you trembling?”
“’Cause it’s cold out here.”
“But that’s not why,” he said, running his fingers over my jaw, smiling.
“Sam—”
“You need me bad.”
How did he know? My skin felt prickly, itchy, my muscles so tense I could barely breathe. Everything in me was ready, waiting for him. I ached for him even as my flight reflex was choking me. I wanted to run away at the same time as I wanted to stay.
“And I don’t just mean in bed.”
He knew me so well…even after so long, he still knew me.
“Your eyes are a mess, J.”
I wanted to give in, but I was drowning in fear. He could shred my heart so easily.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come for you the minute I got back.”
“You don’t hafta—”
“But I’m here now.”
“Sam, you—”
“Jory!” he yelled at me. “I’m right here.”
I shook my head.
“I want you back.”
Everything blurred as my eyes filled. “You can find another guy.”
“I don’t want another guy, I want you.”
“You’re no good for me.”
“Yeah, I am, and I can’t wait to show you for the rest of my life.”
“Sam,” I sighed, “do you really think that after all this—”
“I don’t want anybody else to have you from this second on. I can’t… I won’t.”
I opened my mouth to tell him it was too late, but I was off my feet and in his monster SUV before I even realized I was moving.
The door was locked behind me, and I sat there, waiting, while he got in.
When he slid in behind the steering wheel, he immediately turned and smiled at me. He looked very smug.
“Stop.” I tried not to smile, so close to just giving in. “Lemme out.”
“You’re drunk. You can’t even walk.”
“I’m so not drunk.”
“I wanna take you home.”
I groaned, and he chuckled.
“C’mon, baby.”
“I am not your baby.”
“Yeah, ya are,” he said, smiling lazily. “You know ya are.”
“Sam—”
“You never stopped belonging to me.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Nope. It’s the truth.”
“And so what?” I was exhausted already.
“So lemme take you home.”
“Fine.” I threw up my hands in defeat. “Drive me home.”
“Okay.” He smiled, starting the car.
“Wait, to my home,” I clarified.
“I don’t know where you live.”
“Are you kidding me?” I muttered. “You’re unbelievable.”
He started laughing.
“You’re lying. I know you know where I live. You’re a detective, after all.”
“It’s outta my way.” He shrugged, his laughter giving him away. He was so lying through his teeth. “You can come to my place instead.”
“No.”
His smile went from smug to wicked that fast. “Like you can do shit right now.”
I groaned again, looking out the window. It was insane that I could still feel this way…still crazy about Sam Kage after all this time. He had ruined all other men for me. It was ridiculous.
“Jory…baby.” He sighed deeply, reaching out to put a hand around the back of my neck and pull me forward. “Stop fighting with me. Just give in.”
“Sam—”
“I see how you look at me. You want me.”
“Of course I want you, Sam, but that doesn’t mean I should.”
“Love—”
“This scene is so familiar. Me in your car, you promising things will be different this time, me believing you… We’ve done this dance before, and it never works out. We need to call it a day.”
“You’re fighting so hard because you’re scared of getting hurt.”
“Of course I’m afraid of getting—”
“Baby.” His voice was so warm, so soothing and gentle.
“It sounds stupid, I know, but this is it. This is the one that’s gonna stick, because I’m different.
You’re different. We’re both older, hopefully wiser, and you have to forgive me.
There’s no way around it. The sending me away is gutting me.
Stop. Please stop. Just…give in. I love you, and nobody else will ever love you as much as I do. ”
“No, you’re just trying to—”
“Let me show you. Please lemme show you.”
“No.”
“Say yes.”
“Why would I—you’re making me crazy.”
“Kiss me.”
“No. You––”
“I want a kiss; I could die without one. Gimme permission.”
“It’s the worst idea ever.”
“Sounds like a yes to me,” he said, smiling evilly.
“Sam.”
“Love,” he husked.
I couldn’t have stifled my whimper if I tried.
I felt his warm breath on my face a second before he kissed me.
The wave of heat flooded me, and when his tongue pushed between my lips, I instantly, without a moment of hesitation, opened for him.
His mouth sealed over mine, and I felt his hand slip around my throat to keep me there, to keep me still.
The noises of pleasure that came out of him made my stomach flutter as he pushed in deeper, his tongue tangling with mine, tasting, taking his time, devouring me.
It lasted so long, the heat, the need, just building…
and I felt his hands on me, one fisted in my hair, the other sliding up under my shirt, rubbing circles on my back.
He would kiss me for hours if I let him.
When I tried to pull back, he leaned with me until I put my hands on his chest and shoved hard.
“What?” he asked, his voice full of gravel, his eyes heavy-lidded and so, so dark. No way to miss how turned on he was—a study in lust.
“Drive me home.”
“After that kiss…after the way you just responded… No. No way.”
“Sam, c’mon. I don’t wanna make—”
“Please come home with me. I wanna talk to you.”