Seven
“What?” I smiled back.
“These are keys to your place, right?” he asked, rolling them in his hand.
“Yeah. You should have a set.”
The muscles in his jaw clenched tight. “Thank you.”
“Are you okay?”
He nodded.
“Good.” I leaned up to touch his face. “Me too.”
He grabbed me tight and kissed me hard. Who knew a set of keys could make the man so happy?
That night, Sam had arranged for me to meet his new partner and her boyfriend for the first time.
I wanted to make a really good impression, but I was so nervous that I did what I always did when I was either worried or bored—I drank.
By the time Sam got to the restaurant with his guests and collected me at the bar, the hour’s head start that I had on them made it impossible for me to be anything but funny and charming as all hell.
I was good tipsy and a fun drunk, so people were always torn between worrying about me getting wasted and enjoying the fun they had when I was.
When I was drinking, I was the life of the party, and I realized that was how I wanted to be when I met Sam’s partner. I wanted her to love me.
Chloe Stazzi was warm and kind, and her boyfriend, Jason Cozza, was one of those strong, silent types.
That I got him laughing surprised both her and Sam, and after that I could do no wrong.
We went to sing karaoke after dinner, and I got Jason up on stage with me.
Chloe fell out of her chair watching us sing “Love Will Keep Us Together” and then dance around on the stage.
Sam was very pleased with me, but when he bought the next few rounds, I noticed I had a Long Island iced tea without the Long Island.
“What’s going on?” I asked him, trying to focus my eyes.
“You’re done,” he assured me. “You drink too much, babe, and if I’m gonna stop swearing, you’re gonna sober up.”
“Me? I drink too much?”
“Yeah.” He smiled evilly. “Ya do, and even though you’re cute as hell, we’re gonna cut this off.”
I waited for the lecture and the scowl, and waited, and then I realized it wasn’t coming. He wasn’t passing judgment on me, he was just stating the facts.
“You’re not mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad?” he asked, reaching for my hand and tugging me forward to stand between his legs. “You ready to let me take you home with me, hotshot?”
I stared down into his eyes.
“Your face is all flushed, and your pupils are huge.”
I was stunned. There was no yelling, no growling, and no threats…just Sam talking to me.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “I’m ready to go.”
“Good, ’cause just watching you is killin’ me,” he breathed, standing up, his hand going to the back of my neck, massaging as I let my head fall forward.
I leaned into him, and I heard the deep chuckle.
“I love the purring.”
“I think maybe I’m hungry again,” I said, suddenly ready to just sit and talk to him.
“Me too.” He wrapped his arm around my neck. “Come with me. Let’s find Chloe and Jason and see if they wanna stop somewhere and grab a late snack.”
At the car, Jason told me he loved me, and I quickly returned the sentiment.
Chloe groaned loudly and laughed before giving me a big kiss and telling Sam I was a keeper—something about me being as big a pain in the ass as her man.
I liked her so much. I was glad that Sam had had me meet his partner, and it was a nice way to spend a Friday night.
I wanted everyone in his life to adore me.
I was surprised when they didn’t wait for us but instead drove away.
“Wait,” I said, pointing after them. “Did you ask them if they wanted to eat again?”
“No, dear, you did.”
“I did?”
There was a snort of laughter from him. “Yeah.”
I looked up at his face. “What’d they say?”
He shook his head. “They told you no, like, five times. You never listen when you’re fucked up.”
“Don’t swear.” I yawned. “Say wasted instead.”
“Fine. You never listen when you’re wasted.”
I grinned wide. “Chloe liked me.”
“Yeah, she did.”
“Her boyfriend’s nice.”
“Her boyfriend barely looked at her. He paid more attention to you.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Sam, he just—”
“You move nice, by the way,” he said in his smoky voice, and I felt the shudder pass through me just from the sound. “Cold?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“I wouldn’t get too attached to Jason if I were you.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“I’m thinkin’ he’s done.”
“Like how? You think he’s cheating on Chloe?”
“Maybe not cheating, but you can tell just from watching them that he’s not that into her. I mean, I’m not saying he has to throw her down and screw her on the floor of the bar, but I don’t think he touched her once all night.”
As we walked to the car, I thought about what he had said. Could I roll back the night in my head and see disinterest from Jason? I made the argument that some people just weren’t that demonstrative.
He grunted.
“Okay,” I said, grinning at him, “but for example, obviously, because we were in a straight club, you—”
“Even if we were in a gay club, J—which for the record I might never go in—I’m not usually into the whole public-display thing.”
“This is what I’m saying.” I yawned quickly. “Maybe Jason isn’t either.”
“Yeah, but I never take my eyes off you when we’re out.”
I snorted a laugh. “We’ve been out all of once at this point.”
He shook his head. “No, even from before… I never take my eyes off you.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, for one,” he said as we reached the car, “I like looking at you, and for two, if someone other than me tries to get close to you without my permission, then we’ve got a problem.”
“Ridiculous,” I teased him.
“We both know it’s true.”
I let him open the door for me, and as I climbed in, he went around and got in.
“That’s nice, you know.”
I turned to look at him as I put on my seat belt. “What is?”
“That you know I like to open the door for you, so you let me.”
“I find it romantic.”
“C’mere,” he demanded, and I smiled as I leaned sideways for a kiss.
Once we were moving, he said, “About Jason, I know it’s different when it’s new and you’re hot for each other twenty-four seven, but I can’t imagine that there will ever come a time when I’m sitting with you and don’t feel the need to touch you.
I think when you’re in love, even after years together, you still like that physical contact with the other person. ”
I nodded my agreement, because he had just told me he loved me again.
“So ya know, he doesn’t need to maul Chloe in public, but you’d think he’d at least wanna stand close to her and hold her hand, and definitely make sure no other guy was in close enough proximity to hit on her.”
“Maybe he figures since she’s a cop, she can take care of herself.”
“He’s still a guy. He should at least be concerned.”
I shook my head.
“Okay, so you disagree, but I know people. He’s not into her.”
“Why wouldn’t he be? She’s smart and funny, and beautiful as well.”
“The cop hours take it out of any relationship,” he said. “It’s hard.”
“What is?”
“Being alone so much.”
“What’re you talking about?”
“All the long hours, J. Being the spouse or partner of a cop is a rough gig. You hardly ever see them, and you worry all the time if this is gonna be the day that they don’t come home.
I mean, most people don’t have the potential to die every day when they go to work, unless they’re in the military or something. ”
I turned to look at him. “This is all very comforting.”
He chuckled, and his hand went to my leg. “C’mon, J, you knew it was like this. I mean, as much as I can, I’ll be around, but the whole home-every-night deal ain’t gonna be me. You’re gonna have a lot of time alone, and during that time I don’t want you out drinkin’.”
“What?” Talk about a weird transition.
“You heard me.”
“I don’t drink every night, Sam.”
“Yeah, but when you do drink, you drink too much.”
I scoffed at him. “I’m a social drinker.”
“Not anymore. We’re gonna skip this scene for a while.”
I grunted. “Like you get to say what I do.”
“Oh, I get to say,” he said smugly, now that we were stopped at a light, reaching out to slip his hand under my chin, drawing me close to him. “Remember who you let back in your life, J.”
I lifted my chin out of his hand and sat there scowling at him.
“You are fuckin’ adorable.”
“Stop swearing,” I grumbled as he laughed at me.
As I sat across from him at the diner, slouched down in the booth, I was struck by how easily we had both fallen into our old patterns.
Back together for mere days, we were acting like we had never been apart.
It was, truthfully, a bit overwhelming. But I was trying not to dwell on it and freak out.
“What are you thinking about?”
I needed something that would give me a second to breathe. “Oh, I know,” I said, more to myself than Sam. “Tell me how many women you slept with while you were gone.”
“Why would you wanna know that?”
“Because I want to hear the body count.”
“You’re disgusting.”
“I know. Now answer.”
“Fine.” He shrugged. “None.”
“Any guys?”
“Yeah.”
“How many?”
“I dunno, a few.”
It was irrational, but I was very happy.
“Why are you smiling? That makes no sense at all.”
“I just didn’t wanna be the only guy you ever slept with, Sam.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because if I was, you’d always be curious about what it would be like with other men. This way, you know.”
“Yep, I know.”
“And what do you know?”
“That it’s not the same as sleeping with you.”
I stared at him, my gaze unwavering. “It’s not?”
“No, J.”
“How come?”
“You’re fishing.”
“No, I just want to know what you mean.”
“It was just sex, J. I fucked those guys and left. They were all one-night stands.”
“You ever let any of them top, Sam?”
“What?” Quick scowl from him. “Oh fuck no.”
“Don’t—”
“Swear, I know. Whatever.”
“I was just wondering.”
“It’s not me, J, it’s not how I’m built. That will never happen.”
“Okay.”
“Why? Do you have the urge to fu—do me?”
“Nice save,” I teased him.
“Answer the question.”
“No, Sam,” I told him sincerely. “I don’t have the urge to do you. That’s not how I’m
built.”
“Have you ever?”
“What? Topped anyone?”
“Yeah.”
“Lots of times.”
“And you didn’t like it?”