Chapter 7 #2
‘What’s extreme about Ireland? People go to Ireland all the time. It’s perfectly normal.’
‘It just seems kind of a long way to go for a few days. But it’s fine.’
Max swallowed hard, not seeming reassured.
‘Tell me more,’ Evan prompted. There was something about the moment’s hesitation and the shiftiness in Max’s eyes that gave Evan a sense of foreboding.
‘I got you a house swap in Kerry!’
‘A house swap? You got me a house swap?’
‘Yes, a house swap, not a body swap. Jeez, calm down.’ Max rolled his eyes, regaining some of his characteristic chutzpah.
‘What the hell?’ Evan sighed wearily, rubbing his eyes. He should have known better than to give Max carte blanche. But he’d asked for it, literally. He’d said he didn’t care where he went.
‘Why on earth were you even looking at house swaps?’
‘Oh, it wasn’t for you. I was noodling around on this house swap site in my own time – you know I’ve always wanted to do that – and I found this great place.’
‘Why don’t you go and stay there if you think it’s so great?’
‘I wish!’ Max sighed. Evan knew that Max’s husband Ben was a workaholic finance guy who rarely took vacation, so Max resorted to travelling virtually on the internet and enjoying Evan’s trips vicariously.
‘I know you’ve always wanted to do a house swap. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to do one.’
‘Well, you said you didn’t care where you went.
And this place is gorgeous – overlooking the ocean, really remote.
No one’s going to bother you there and it’s the last place the paparazzi would look.
Here, let me show you.’ Max sat beside Evan on the sofa and placed his laptop on the coffee table, turning the screen towards Evan. ‘See?’
Admittedly, it was a great house and the location was stunning.
‘Isn’t it adorable?’
‘Very nice.’ Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…
‘It’ll be great. You’ll be like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday, having madcap adventures in a little village, falling for a local hunk – hunkette in your case – meeting all the quirky locals at the pub, doing céilí dancing.’
‘But I don’t want to meet anyone. That’s the whole point.’
‘Well, there’s plenty of room to roam around doing that whole brooding thing you’re so good at.’
‘But hang on – a house swap? So… are you giving them your place?’ Evan had a horrible feeling he already knew the answer.
‘Uh… no.’ Max flashed him a look as if he was being silly. ‘Where would Ben and I go?’
‘So that means someone’s going to be staying here?’
Max nodded. ‘A lovely woman called Sheena McBride and her family.’
‘Her family? How many of them are there?’
‘Sheena and her husband and her four kids—’
‘There are going to be children here?’
‘No, just one grandkid. The rest are all adults. So they won’t be weeing and throwing up everywhere and wrecking the place, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘I don’t care how old they are, I don’t want a bunch of random strangers staying in my apartment, going through my stuff.’
‘They won’t. Sheena’s a lovely lady and I’m sure they’ll be very respectful. I mean, they’re trusting you to look after their house too. It’s a two-way street.’
‘Where are they even all going to go?’
‘It’ll be fine – this place is plenty big enough for six adults and one little kid.’ Max looked around. ‘Most people don’t have a home this size all to themselves, you know.’
‘Stop trying to apartment-shame me.’
‘Whatever. The McBrides will squeeze themselves in here somehow. I thought the parents could have your bedroom, the two sisters could share the other bedroom, the brothers could sleep out here on this—’ he patted the couch ‘—and we could put a daybed in the study for the little girl.’
‘You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?’
‘I do my best,’ Max said with a satisfied smile.
‘But look, I don’t care where they sleep as long as they don’t sleep here in my apartment. What possessed you to sign me up to this without even running it by me?’ This was above and beyond even for Max.
Max gave an apologetic grimace. ‘I saw Sheena’s ad and I felt sorry for them.’ He pressed a hand to his heart. ‘Sorry. Sheena seemed like a really nice lady and they were desperate to come to New York to visit their daughter. She’s having some kind of crisis, I think.’
‘Why didn’t they just book a hotel, then, like normal people?’
‘There are so many of them, and you know what New York hotels cost. Or maybe you don’t.’
‘Of course I do. Quit acting like I’m some out-of-touch billionaire because I’ve had money for, like, five minutes.’
‘Sorry. Anyway, they couldn’t afford it. That’s why they wanted to do a house swap.’
‘I see. And why did I want to do a house swap?’
‘Because… you’re kind and you felt sorry for them?’ Max looked at him hopefully. ‘They didn’t have much chance of getting a swap at such short notice. I figured you were their only hope.’
‘Well, you’re always telling me I’m too nice and I should say no more often. So here I am saying no. This isn’t going to work. You have to call it off.’
‘I can’t! It’s all agreed. And where else are the McBrides going to find somewhere this late in the day? They’ve probably already booked their flights.’
‘Not my problem,’ Evan said, determined to stand firm.
‘You know, I take it all back. You can be a real jerk when you want to be.’
‘Thanks. Happy now? Just cancel this and get me something else, okay? Somewhere upstate maybe – or anywhere in the US. I don’t need to fly all the way to Ireland like some goddamn lovelorn heroine in a cheesy romcom.’
Max got a steely look in his eyes. ‘Sorry, no can do. I am not going to be the one to break our promise to Sheena. If you want to call this off, you’ll have to do it yourself.’
‘Fine,’ Evan huffed. ‘Give me her contact details and I’ll call her myself. But I’m seriously beginning to wonder what I need you for.’
Max was of course unperturbed by the implied threat. He wasn’t just an employee, he was a friend, and he knew damn well Evan would never fire him. So he was just going to have to man up and do his own dirty work – as he should have done in the first place.
Max scrolled through the string of messages between him and Sheena on the house swap website and showed Evan the one where they’d exchanged email addresses and phone numbers.
‘It’s afternoon in Ireland,’ he said, glancing at his watch, ‘so you could Zoom her now. I’ll just text her to see if she’s free and then I’ll send her a link. You can use my laptop.’
‘Thanks,’ Evan said drily. ‘That’s very good of you.’
Ten minutes later, Max had set up the Zoom call. ‘Good luck,’ he said as Evan took the laptop and headed for the study.
Evan should have paid more attention to that knowing smirk of Max’s as he’d wished him luck.
He clearly knew what he was doing, making Evan talk to Sheena McBride himself.
Because as soon as Sheena started talking, Evan realised there was no way he could tell her the house swap was off.
Before he’d even opened his mouth, she’d launched into profusive thanks.
‘Evan, it’s lovely to meet you. I’m so glad I have a chance to talk to you in person and tell you how grateful I am for this. Thank you so much.’
‘Nice to meet you too, Sheena.’ She was an attractive middle-aged woman with strawberry blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. ‘But don’t thank me because—’
‘I thought there was no chance we’d get anywhere this late in the day,’ she continued, ‘but I thought what the hell, you never know, do you? So I put the house up on the site anyway. What you guys would call a Hail Mary pass, I think? And next thing I know, we’ve got an apartment big enough for the lot of us right bang slap in the centre of Manhattan!
Just like that.’ She snapped her fingers.
‘I couldn’t believe it! It’s like a Christmas miracle!
Mary – that’s my eldest – lives in New York and couldn’t get home for Christmas, so I decided we’d all go over there and surprise her.
Lucky for us, you wanted to get away at the last minute too, so it couldn’t have worked out better for all of us.
It just goes to show what can happen when you take a chance, doesn’t it? ’
‘Um… yes, fantastic,’ Evan found himself saying.
‘I hope you’ll be happy in our house. The people around are very friendly, so if there’s anything at all you need, just ask one of the neighbours.’
‘Well, that’s the thing, Sheena,’ Evan began, spotting an opening. ‘I don’t want to socialise or see anyone, really, so—’
‘Oh, no, don’t worry about that. Max explained to me that you don’t want anyone to know you’re there.
That’s no problem. I’m just saying, people will be there if you need help with anything, but they’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.
And we’re used to movie stars in our neck of the woods. You know Ryan Furey is from Inch?’
‘No, I didn’t know that.’
Sheena nodded. ‘He went to school with my kids. Used to go out with one of my daughters. So we don’t get starstruck by famous actors. We know you’re just regular people like the rest of us and you won’t have people harassing you, even if they do spot you.’
‘Great.’
‘It’s a pity we won’t get to meet you in person, but maybe some other time. You must come and visit. Max too. Max is lovely, isn’t he? You’re lucky to have him.’
‘Yeah, he’s a gem. Lucky me.’
‘It’s a pity that husband of his doesn’t take more time off work.’ Sheena paused and took a breath. ‘Anyway, let Max know what you’d like food-wise and I’ll have the house stocked up for you – and anything else you might need, so you won’t have to go out or see anyone if you don’t want to.’
‘Thanks, Sheena. That’s very thoughtful of you.’
‘It’s no bother. Max said I could give him a list of anything I wanted too and he’d do the same, but I might as well give it to you since I’m talking to you. Have you got a pen?’
‘Um, yes.’ Evan grabbed a pen and notepad from the desk. ‘Okay, go ahead.’ And then, instead of telling Sheena McBride that she and her family would under no circumstances be spending Christmas in his apartment, he found himself transcribing her shopping list.
‘Well, how did you get on?’ Max asked smugly when Evan finally emerged from the study, feeling like he’d been run over by a train. Bamboozled was the only word for it.
‘Fine. All sorted.’
‘Great. So, you want me to find somewhere closer to home for you?’
‘Nope. I’m going to Ireland.’
Max grinned unashamedly. ‘Oh, thank goodness. I’d hate to have let Sheena down.’
‘But I do have a shopping list for you.’ He handed Max the notepad.
‘Don’t look so glum. I’m sure you’ll have the best time! Ireland at Christmas – it’s so romantic! You’ll be dancing jigs down the pub with the quirky locals in no time.’