21. Chapter 21
Chapter 21
I ’m sitting huddled in the window nook in the princesses quarters, my legs pressed to my chest, my arms wrapped around my legs and my eyes fixed on the top of Graf Hill. Right now, it’s quiet here, the only sound being the ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece and the gliding of Farryn’s quill over paper. In my mind, though, I still hear the noise, and the noise still makes me angry.
In fact, it makes me so angry, I can’t stop thinking about it. Especially when I remember the temper tantrum he threw.
What snaps me out of it is the sound of the door being flung open. I look to my right to see Sylmarilla march into the sitting room in her training uniform, a ripped pant leg showing a fresh cut. Making a point of not even looking in our direction, she grabs a pitcher of water off the dining table, lifts her foot onto a chair armrest and pours some over the cut. Almost theatrically, she takes a strip of cloth out of her pocket, bandages the wound and storms out of the room.
I shake my head. As if she couldn’t have done that in her bedroom, in the bathroom, in the hospital, or pretty much anywhere else. Or , and this is more to the point, as if she weren’t the kind of person who’d never do anything like that on her own.
Still, her little ploy seems to be succeeding, because Farryn is staring at the door through which she disappeared with a look of tremendous concern and guilt on her face.
“She’s only trying to guilt you into relenting, Farryn,” I tell her softly.
She turns to look at me. “You think so?”
“I know so.”
She seems to believe me, but there’s something else bothering her. I get up and come to sit next to her. “She once got into a fight with this girl from boarding school,” she tells me. “That was eleven years ago and she’s still holding the grudge.”
“You have a stubborn twin, Farryn.”
“I’m just not sure I can take eleven years of this,” she protests weakly. She shakes her head, turning pensive. “Maybe it’s not that important, what we’re fighting over.”
“What’s not important, Farryn?” I ask in a firmer voice. “The way your sister’s treating you?”
She hesitates.
I put a hand on her upper arm. “Look, it’ll be hard for you, but trust me, she’ll come around.”
“You think so?” There’s hope in her voice.
“Of course,” I insist. I give her a smile. “I mean, honestly, who could resist you?”
With the corner of my eye, I spot a servant appear in the doorway. We both turn to look at him, but it’s me he locks eyes with before he bows. “His Grace would like you to join him for dinner,” he tells me.
My jaw clenches. “Tell him I won’t be there,” I say, struggling not to sound cold.
Even before the man leaves, I feel Farryn’s eyes on my profile. “Anyi? Is everything alright?”
Damn it. I’m planning on getting a divorce as soon as possible, so if I don’t tell her now, it’s only after the fact that she’ll find out, which is bound to hurt her feelings. “Actually, Farryn…”
It’s with wide eyes that she’s waiting for me to continue.
“Um, please don’t breathe a word of this to anyone for now, but your brother and I, we’re getting divorced.”
“What? No. Why?” It’s like she can’t decide on a single reaction.
I shake my head. “Too many differences.”
She grabs my upper arm, her eyebrows pulling down. “Has he been an ass? I know he can be an ass.” Her tone turns pleading as she adds, “But I also know he loves you so very much.”
I have to fight not to roll my eyes at the words. “You’re very sweet, you know that?”
She lets go of my arm and looks away.
“What? Express it, goddamn it,” I demand, albeit gently.
“Now you’re being an ass,” she tells me.
I smile. “Really?”
“Yes,” she insists, obviously hurt. “You’re acting as if my opinion is of no importance, just like everyone always is, and I’d never expect something like that from you , Anyi.”
“Well,” I protest, “it’s only because I’ve come to realize that your brother is a selfish, immature child incapable of real love.”
As if he heard me, said brother appears in the doorway, looking all formal with his hands clasped behind his back and a somber look on his face. He barely glances at his sister before he announces, “I’m here to tell you I’ll be waiting for you at seven sharp.”
“I said I wouldn’t come,” I reply flatly.
For a moment, he just looks at me. Then he turns to his sister. “Leave, Farryn.”
I try to catch her eye, to communicate something along the lines of “What did I tell you?”
But she’s already pushing past him, and the next thing I know, he’s standing in front of me, leaning to whisper in my ear, “I’ll do anything, just don’t be cross with me, I can’t bear it.”
With a flutter in my stomach, I get up, making him double back. “You can’t do this, Orpheus,” I complain.
He clears his throat. “Yes, of course. Forget dinner then, the point of it was to talk anyway. Is that something you’d agree to? A conversation? A brief one?”
It’s so earnest, the way he’s looking at me, that I feel all my anger melt away and I find myself letting out a sigh but giving him a nod.
*
“Won’t you take a seat?” he asks as soon as we’re in the kitchen.
“No, thank you.”
He hesitates for a moment, then chooses to keep standing as well. He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. “I’d like to start by apologizing for my behavior earlier today,” he says as he locks eyes with me. “It was downright despicable and it pains me to think about how much it must have hurt to be on the receiving end of it.”
“I’ll live.”
“Well, I don’t believe there’s any excuse for the way I acted. I’d just like you to understand that I was… Doesn’t matter. You’ve made your choice and the only decent course of action I can take is to respect it.” He grabs the papers off the kitchen table. “Here, this is for you.”
I take them in my hand and flip the pages over. Signed.
“If you so wish,” he continues, “this can be the last time you lay your eyes on me, but if you find it in yourself to forgive me, I can assure you I will never again let myself treat you with anything but the utmost respect and kindness.”
For a moment, I just look at him, taken aback by the change. The man standing in front of me is nothing like the one whose proposal I refused. This one is calm and kind. My lips curl into a smile. “It’s fine, Orpheus, there’s nothing to forgive really. In fact, I should be apologizing as well. I never meant to disrupt your life like this.”
This seems to make him suspicious. “So you’re not cross with me any longer?”
“I guess not,” I say, surprised to find it true myself.
He takes a step closer, a spark appearing in his eyes. “Alright, then don’t divorce me, at least not for the time being.”
My eyebrows pulling down, I shake my head and take a step back.
“No, please hear me out,” he urges. “Considering the mission you’re on, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to you, to have a prince at your beck and call, isn’t that right?”
For a moment, I stay speechless. Why is he doing this? “That’s very generous of you,” I reply, still frowning, “but it’s my mission.”
He looks away for a moment. “Look, I won’t be telling you what to do, but you’re obviously in grave danger, Anyi.” There’s a look of great determination on his face when he says, “And if you divorce me and move out, how can I protect you?”
I let out a sigh. “If I ever was to begin with, Orpheus, I’m no longer your problem.”
His jaw clenching, he shakes his head then smooths out his features. “You are not and could never be a problem . In fact, you would be doing me a favor, not vice versa. If I’m to have any piece of mind, I need to know you’re safe.”
It’s all so very tempting and endearing, but… “I still think it wouldn’t be fair to you , considering I wouldn’t be changing my mind about the other proposal.”
“It’s fine,” he rushes to say, “I don’t expect you to.” His lips tug into a joyless smile. “And if there’s anything I have experience with, it’s being the spare.”
The words break my heart.
And I guess I fail to hide it, because he turns defensive as he waves a hand in dismissal. “No, please don’t pity me, that was only a poor attempt at humor.” He clears his throat. “Believe me when I say I’m happy with this choice.” Then he takes something out of his pocket and holds it out for me. “Here, a token of my good will.”
I blink at the small round item on his palm. It’s a wooden hoop with yarn woven into an intricate web.
“What is it?” I ask as I look up at him.
His face flushes. “The Native American faes used it for all kinds of purposes, but one of them was to keep dreams private. As long as we both wear one… And I promise to have mine on me at all times.”
Ah. Well, that might actually make it possible for me to stay. I smile. “Thank you, this means a lot,” I say as I take the dreamcatcher in my hand.
“You’re welcome.”
I look at the divorce papers I’m holding in my other hand. “I guess we can put this aside then and just have dinner.” I rush to add, “A very un romantic one.”
He smiles. “Well, apparently I’m not very good at romance, so I should excel at that.”
*
I polish off the whole thing and lean back in my chair with a content sigh. “Gods, this was good. Thank you.”
He doesn’t acknowledge the praise. Leaning back with a drink in his hand, he just observes me for a moment. “The time you come from, is it much different than this one?” he asks softly.
My eyebrows shoot up. I take a moment to think. “Well,” I start listing, “here, you have poverty, slavery, corruption, newspaper cartoons and oyster bars. There, you have poverty, slavery, corruption, memes and avocado toast.” I shrug. “It’s all the same shit in a different packaging.”
He squints, seemingly registering the change in my vocabulary, but he only blows a soft laugh through his nose. Gods, I’m finding it so relaxing, not having to be constantly mindful of the way I talk.
“Avocados I know of,” he says. “Memes, on the other hand…”
I laugh. “No, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Do you miss them?” he asks. “Memes or avocados or whatever it is that you’re used to?”
Smiling, I roll my eyes. “Actually, what I miss most of all is not being called Your Grace or Lady Grimm or darling . But if there’s one good thing about being a living being, it’s that you can get used to pretty much anything.”
The smile slides off his face. “Your screaming in terror at night would suggest otherwise,” he says bluntly.
Taken aback, I just blink at him.
“Apologies,” he says as he leans forward, putting his forearms on the table. “I’ve been told I can be very blunt when there’s something I want to know.”
“My nightmares have nothing to do with me being stuck in a different time,” I say defensively, eager to change the subject.
“Yes, I suppose so,” he keeps going. “I believe I had a similar problem during the first few years following the war. I ended up devising a sleeping potion to help me through the nights. I could make a batch for you if you wish.”
I grit my teeth. “The reason I have the nightmares is because I watched the man I love get murdered, because the murderer in question is the man who’s currently trying to destroy the very world I live in, and because all everyone ever says is that he won’t stop until I defeat him. So I don’t think your goddamn sleeping potion would do anything to help.”
There’s a moment of silence during which he silently observes me and I silently wonder what the hell just made its way out of me. I clear my throat and shoot him an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, Orpheus, I really had no right to explode like that.”
To my surprise, he laughs. “It’s subtle, so I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Anyi, but I have this distaste for the so-called society .”
Yes, subtle indeed.
“It’s because society can be many things,” he keeps going, “but the one thing it always is, is suppression. Now, I’m not naive enough to think there aren’t things we should be suppressing, but I’m a man who values truth above all else, so being subjected to the exchange of fake smiles and regurgitation of empty phrases… It’s pure torture. I also don’t scare easily. So, to get to my point, at least when you’re around me , if what you need is to explode…” He shrugs. “Explode.”
For a moment, I just keep looking at him, feeling this weight lift off my shoulders. “I can still be sorry,” I say softly. “You were only trying to help.”
“Yes of course, apology accepted,” he replies with a wave of his hand. “Now back to what you were saying about the pressures you’re under.”
He gives me a look that makes me sit straight.
“I’m sorry to say I stand by what I told you about changing the past. However…”
I frown. “Yes?”
He looks away for a second. “I’ve been thinking about it. If I’m wrong, if it really can be done, I believe I know where you should look first.”
Hope explodes inside me. “Yes?” I nudge him eagerly.
“When I was still researching the nature of time,” he starts with a somber look on his face, “I heard a rumor about a group of people with the most knowledge on the topic. The original intention was to seek them out, but sadly, it turned out they were a sort of secret order, and my focus had already started shifting to Divine Magic...”
He breaks off, his eyebrows pulling down. “Anyi?”
My mind buzzing, it’s in a breathless voice that I ask, “By any chance, was the secret order called the Order of the Dawn?”
There’s a flash of surprise in his eyes. “It was.”
I get up so suddenly, I almost knock the chair to the floor. “Would you help me find them?”
He smiles. “Do I have time to change or are we leaving right this instant?”
For a second, I just blink at him. Then I shake my head, smiling. “No, you’re right, this might take a while.” I inhale sharply, too excited to sit back down. “But you don’t understand, Orpheus…”
A look of amusement and curiosity on his face, he nudges me to talk.
“The Order of the Dawn… It was primarily to help the Aurora that it was established in the first place.”
I see the spark of realization in his eyes. “Aurora meaning dawn.”
“Yes. So if it’s true, what you say about their knowledge of time…” Gods, I can barely start processing it. “Finding them might be the last thing I need to do before I’m back where I belong.”
He gives me a soft nod. “I see. Well, I’m happy for you, Anyi. And whatever I can do to help...”
I grin. “Thank you.”
I watch him get up. Not wanting to take up any more of his time, I move to retire for the night, then stop to give him another smile. “For dinner as well. Good night, Orpheus.”
He throws me a pensive smile. “Good night, Anyi.”
Feeling hopeful and invigorated, I change my mind even before I walk out of the kitchen. I don’t want to go to bed just yet, and the night is cold yet peaceful, so I step through the front door and stroll over to the edge of the hill, taking in the view below me.
A hiss nudges me to glance at the ground to my left, where, unsurprisingly, I find the little pest in the form of a cat staring me down.
I click my tongue at her, but then it finally hits me, the realization making my features soften. I come into a crouch and tilt my head at her. It’s in a gentle voice that I tell her, “I think I finally understand you, you little nuisance. And I’m not expecting us to become friends, but don’t worry, I won’t be taking him away from you.”
Judging by the hostile look in her eyes, my words don’t seem to change anything between us. She turns her butt to me and saunters away.
I stand straight again, turning my eyes back onto the Academy grounds below. Almost instantly, my mind rushes back to what I’d just found out.
And it’s a huge relief, but at the same time, it’s setting a whole other set of wheels in motion. Because, sure, I only need to find them.
But how in hell do you find a secret order?