Chapter 21
Early the next morning, when only some of the servants were up, I helped Juliet dress and tidy her hair before promising to watch out of the window, as the fountain was just below our room.
In the gray half-light of dawn, Mr. Shelley appeared below. He sat on the edge of the fountain, then jumped up and paced back and forth. But he didn’t have to wait more than a minute, as Juliet emerged from the house and came toward him.
I had opened the window, in case their voices were loud enough for me to hear; Juliet had given me permission to listen. They faced each other at the fountain. Though I could hear them talking, I couldn’t make out the words.
They were speaking very soberly, it seemed. Juliet was doing most of the talking. I’d expected it to end sooner, but then she was crying. He was handing her a handkerchief. Oh no. My stomach sank. Poor Juliet. If only I could hear what they were saying.
Mr. Shelley was bending down, their faces very close together. He was speaking and Juliet was still wiping her cheeks. Then he suddenly dropped to one knee, took her hand in his, and gazed up at her with the sweetest expression I’d ever seen on a man.
Juliet was nodding, then they were embracing, and I was pretty sure, though I couldn’t quite see, that they were kissing.
I felt my own tears spilling over. Unlike Juliet, I did cry rather often. I was just so happy for her.
I finished getting dressed, since I knew Juliet would never want to go back to bed after such events. Then, seeing that the two of them were no longer standing in the garden, I ventured out of my room, thinking to go downstairs to congratulate them.
They were standing at the bottom of the staircase in a very close embrace. But then they parted, he going a different way and she coming up the stairs. When she saw me, she broke into a happy grin and quickened her pace.
“We are engaged,” she whispered as she came close. “Come, let us go to the room.”
Once we were inside, Juliet closed the door.
“I am so happy for you! Are you happy?” I asked.
“I am, but I . . .” She sighed. “He surprised me by asking if I would tell him exactly what happened the night that I went riding with Mr. F—I don’t like saying his name.”
I nodded, imagining what Juliet must have felt.
“Well, I told him everything, but I was a little angry. What right did he have to ask me? And truly, I am surprised I was able to tell him. I think it was what you said that gave me the courage, that it wasn’t my fault and that he was the one who chose to betray my trust and good faith in him.
It was still difficult and upsetting to tell him, and I cried a little.
He immediately told me he was sorry and that he understood that Mr. F had been very evil to me and that I had not deserved that, and then he asked me to marry him. ”
She was smiling again.
“I told him he had to vow to me not to duel with Mr. F.”
“And he agreed?”
Juliet nodded.
“He is a good man, Amelia, not like me. He is steady and honorable and not impulsive or rebellious by nature. He is the kind of man I need. Do I not sound like I’m maturing?”
“You do, but you are a good person too, Juliet.”
“You don’t have to make me feel better, although I do appreciate it. You are such a good friend to me, Amelia.”
We smiled and embraced, and Juliet said, “This is the happiest I’ve been since Mother passed away. I wish she was here to see me happy and to know Mr. Shelley—Timothy. Don’t you love that name, Timothy? I think it’s the best name in the world.” She sighed, a happy sound.
“I am very happy for you, Juliet, and for Mr. Shelley, as he is marrying a wonderful person who I know will make him happy.”
Juliet giggled and spun around in a circle, gazing up at the ceiling.
I believed many men would have reacted differently to what Juliet had told Mr. Shelley, and I was glad that he had turned out to be the man she needed. I blessed him silently, praying God would also bless their union.
When we were back in London, I returned to my aunt and uncle’s home, and Juliet and Jeremy returned to theirs.
Juliet was now engaged and would be spending much of her time with Mr. Shelley.
I was engaged to Jeremy, and though I wasn’t sure if we would be getting married, it seemed best that I go back to Mrs. Kendall’s.
Jeremy called on me every day, and my heart would lift every time he walked into the room. I would get almost giddy when he talked only to me, Mrs. Kendall usually speaking with the housekeeper or other callers, as she had many friends who called on her.
For the next three days, the four of us—Mr. Shelley and Juliet, Jeremy and I—went on our morning walks together, along with Mrs. Wilson, who was now fully recovered from her cold.
Mr. Shelley and Juliet talked of their wedding, which was to take place very soon, and their honeymoon trip, as they were still deciding where to go.
When they were deep in conversation, it was good to have Jeremy there to talk to.
Mrs. Wilson was always there, but her conversation was often tedious, telling detailed stories about people I didn’t know and places I’d never been, which might not have been so tedious if she’d described the places and people with the details I wanted to hear.
Juliet said, “I know it must be irritating to be with us and hear all our dull talk of the wedding and honeymoon trip. I’m sorry, Amelia.”
She had not insisted I stay with her. I supposed she didn’t need me anymore.
Perhaps it shouldn’t hurt, but I was realizing that feeling needed was the same as feeling loved. At least, that was how I thought about it. And when I had felt as if Juliet needed me, it helped me not feel as lonely and homesick for my family.
If no one needed me, how would know I was loved?
I knew my baby sister Diana loved me because she needed me to put her to sleep, and to help her get dressed in the mornings when she was grumpy and hungry and all the servants were busy doing other things.
My mother loved me because I helped her whenever she needed me.
My father loved me because I was a rational person to talk to, and I was his companion when he wanted to take a short trip to see a grand country home such as Stowe House, or a historical place such as Boarstall Tower.
My little brothers loved me because I made toy soldiers for them when they were playing war.
Did Jeremy Beaumont need me?
Perhaps that was why I couldn’t quite believe that he loved me, despite how attentive he was to me; he didn’t need me.
The two times we had kissed, I had a feeling that he needed me then, but any woman could offer a pair of lips to be kissed. Why did he need me?
I’d never heard anyone speak of such things. Was I the only one who thought this way?
“You know you are invited to our wedding,” Juliet said the next day on our walk. “Do you think you’ll be able to come? It will be in Bedfordshire.”
“I need to go home, to see my parents, but perhaps.”
It wasn’t customary for others, especially if they were not close relatives, to travel a long distance to someone’s wedding.
I had only been to two weddings, both at my home parish church, one being my cousin’s and the other a childhood friend’s.
I would have enjoyed seeing Juliet and Mr. Shelley’s wedding, but weddings were functional rather than celebratory.
Besides, I really needed to go home and see my parents and speak to them about my engagement and possible marriage.
Juliet leaned forward to glance at Jeremy, who was walking on my other side. “I am glad you are engaged, truly glad, but do you not think you should set a date for the wedding?”
“I think we should wait,” I said. “I haven’t spoken of it to my mother and father yet.”
“And I need to speak to Amelia’s father,” Jeremy said, “to ask his permission to marry his daughter. I’m afraid I got things out of order. I should have asked him sooner.”
It was true enough. He certainly did get things out of order by kissing me before I had any notion that he loved me. But that begged the question: Why had I allowed him to kiss me?
I couldn’t explain it, so the less said on the subject the better, for my part.
After walking to the park, we arrived at the Beaumont townhouse. Juliet embraced me. “If you do not come to the wedding, I shall not see you again until after the honeymoon trip.” She sighed. “I shall miss you, but to see everyone I love so happy and in love is my greatest pleasure!”
Jeremy and I were left standing on the front step.
“If you are tired,” he said, “I’m glad to get the carriage and drive you home.”
Was I tired? It was probably only a fifteen-minute walk, but the carriage would be slightly faster.
Normally I would rather walk, partly to save him the trouble of getting the carriage, but I was not to be so accommodating, as I remembered Juliet’s admonition not to do everything Jeremy wanted me to do.
“I think I would like to take the carriage.”
“Very well. You may wait inside while I see to it.”
His expressions were much softer when the two of us were alone, with none of the scowls and frowns that I’d seen so often on his face.
He seated me in the sitting room, then promised to return quickly.
I glanced around at the well-furnished room. Indeed, I was well acquainted with this home, having been a guest here. It was larger than the Kendall townhouse, less opulent but more comfortable. And if I married Jeremy Beaumont, I would be mistress of this house, as well as of his country estate.
But if he did not love me, if he regretted marrying me, I could not be happy, not if I were mistress of a dozen houses.
I could have climbed the stairs and asked Juliet to keep me company, but I found I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Besides, I was very aware that Juliet no longer needed me every minute of the day.
But what I truly wanted was to go home and be with my family, to see my mother and father again, to rock my baby sister to sleep, and to make toy soldiers for my brothers—to be useful again. I wanted to be home.
Was I even ready to be married?
Jeremy appeared in the doorway. “The carriage awaits.”
“Thank you.”
I searched his face for any sign of resentment for the trouble I had caused in asking for the carriage, but there was none that I could see. He even smiled slightly as he took my hand and walked me to the door, then handed me into the carriage, climbing in after me.
We sat opposite each other, as was the custom. He spoke first.
“I shall ride to Buckinghamshire today and speak to your father.”
“I beg you would not, for I know you are wanted at home for Juliet’s wedding.”
“The wedding is not for four days. Juliet is going early.”
“Would it not be best for you to accompany her? Why not go with Juliet, then you may come to see my father when the wedding is over.”
He just stared back at me.
“It is what I wish,” I said. “And I also wish to go home. I am . . .” I almost said I was sick of London, but that sounded petty and peevish. “I miss my family.”
“Very well. Thank you for being honest with me. Would you be willing to wait for me to return from the wedding? I can be back in London the evening of the wedding—that is in four days—and we can travel together in my carriage the next day.”
I thought about it a moment. I could travel alone and be home tomorrow.
“I thank you for the offer, but I shall go home tomorrow. You may come as you wish.”
The carriage stopped, and the footman opened the door and set down the steps. Jeremy jumped down and helped me out. He walked me to the door and inside.
No one was around, and I suddenly realized I should have said goodbye to him outside the door, for he leaned close as if he would kiss me.
I held out my hand, which made contact with his solid chest. “You scramble my thoughts when you kiss me,” I whispered.
“I do?” A grin spread slowly over his face.
“Which is why we shouldn’t do it, not until we decide if we will marry.” Part of me was proud of myself for denying him. The other part was upset that I would not get to kiss him.
“As you wish,” he said, taking a step back. “I shall respect your decision, as I respect you.” He made a gentlemanly bow. “And if you change your mind, I am more than happy to take you home when I return to London, after Juliet’s wedding.”
“Thank you, but I believe I must go tomorrow.”
“As you wish,” he repeated.
And then he was gone.