Chapter 36
“Did you say you married her when you found out she was pregnant?”
“Yes.” I notice Olívia is struggling between the need to know and the embarrassment of feeling like she’s invading my privacy, so I suggest, “Why don’t we take turns asking questions? I’ll ask one about your life, and you ask one about mine.”
“Why is it important to talk about the past?”
“Because what we have won’t end today.”
And it’s true.
In one way or another, the bond between us won’t fade away—whether it’s because of her relationship with my daughter or our own relationship, which I don’t intend to end anytime soon.
She continues to stare at me, but after a silence in which she doesn’t seem willing to yield, she responds, “Fine. I’ll tell you what I know about myself, okay?”
As she narrates her life alongside the woman I know as Heloísa, I immediately realize something: Olívia grew up surrounded by love.
Despite all the financial deprivation they endured, her eyes sparkle every time she recalls Christmases and how she loves another traditional sweet treat at Brazilian Christmas parties called rabanada.
Or how her mother insisted on sewing her Halloween costumes herself, and how she was only allowed to go trick-or-treating between six in the evening and nine at night, so as not to bother people.
She smiles as she recounts how Heloísa pretended to let her go alone from house to house for candy, but it didn’t take long for her to discover that her mother was actually hiding, watching her from afar.
“She seems to have been a wonderful person.”
“She was indeed. I’m lucky.” She smiles, and I wish I could pull her into my lap. “Did you also dress up for Halloween and go trick-or-treating?”
“Of course. Although I never had much patience. I didn’t understand the point of going out asking for sweets when you could just go to the store and buy them.”
She laughs so hard she clutches her belly. “God, you were a CEO from birth.”
I’m not sure if that was a compliment, so I ask, “What does that mean?”
“That you never just relaxed, did you? Going after candy isn’t just about the sweets but also the adventure of being able to wear a costume, pretending to be someone else. A witch, a fairy, an astronaut.”
“An astronaut?”
“Yes, at one point I dreamed of visiting the moon. That dream didn’t last long because Mom explained that they were isolated for months, and I couldn’t imagine myself alone for so long or with a small group of people only.”
“You like people.”
“I do, yes. I love to talk. People are so interesting. Each one has a different life story. It’s this exchange that makes us grow.”
“You’re very mature for your age. When we met, I thought you were just a baby.”
“I’m not a baby. I’m a woman now,” she says proudly, smiling and winking.
I try not to dwell on the word, because more than anyone else, I know how much of a woman she is.
“Halloween is in a few weeks. Do you plan to dress up Nina?”
The question catches me off-guard. “I hadn’t thought about it.”
“I can look for a costume for her, if you want.”
“Valentina doesn’t eat sweets yet.”
“It’s just for fun, but okay. I shouldn’t meddle in these things.”
“No, tell me what you’re thinking.”
“You could organize a costume party at your parents’ house, just for the family. I think she would be thrilled to see relatives dressed as different characters, but I must warn you that babies don’t like monster costumes. It should be something that makes her laugh.”
“Do I have to dress up too?” The idea is absurd. How many years has it been since I wore a Halloween costume? I think the last time was before I was ten.
“Yes. Especially you.”
Even though I think I’ll regret it, I say, “Fine, but you’ll have to organize it. If Mom thinks it’ll be too much commotion for Dad, we can do it here.”
“Me? You mean I can come too?”
“Definitely, little firecracker. If I’m going to embarrass myself, you’ll have to do your part.”
“Alright,” she agrees, although she seems to want to say something more. “My turn to ask questions now. Did you only marry because of the pregnancy?”
“Yes. I intended to get married someday, but Layla and I were too different. It wouldn’t have been to her.”
“You didn’t need to get married. There are many parents who share custody.”
“I know, but I was afraid of losing my daughter. I value family a lot, Olívia. Plus, Layla didn’t want to be a mother. I had to negotiate for her to have a healthy pregnancy,” I start explaining, testing the waters.
“Negotiate . . . Are you talking about some kind of agreement?”
“Exactly. A financial agreement. I paid her to take care of herself enough for my daughter to come into the world healthy.”
“My God!”
I can see the shock on her face, but despite this topic being unpleasant for me, if I want her to know the truth, I need to tell her everything.
“Does Valentina spend time with her maternal grandparents?”
“No, they’re both dead. As far as I know, Nina only has one living relative on her mother’s side.”
“Do you know them?”
“Want more wine?”
“No, I’m good,” she replies, showing the glass that still has a finger of alcohol in it. “You know, maybe it would be good for Valentina to meet this relative. She might have stories to tell about your late wife that you don’t even suspect.”
I doubt it.
“I grew up surrounded by love, Guillermo. I couldn’t have chosen a better mother even if I wanted to,” she says, unaware of how guilty I feel at this moment.
“But I also spent a lot of my life, especially in this last year when I felt so alone, wondering whether the woman who left me at the orphanage couldn’t have changed her mind over time and might now be willing to meet me. ”
“So you looked for her?”
“There was no way. Whoever abandoned me there left no clues.”
“But would you be willing to live with your biological mother if you could?”
“Maybe. I don’t know about living together, but I’d like to meet her. Understand the reasons she had for leaving me.”
I go to where she is and pick her up, bringing her to the couch and laying her on top of my body.
This is what Olívia does to me. I want to protect her from any suffering, even though I know that in the near future, it will be inevitable.
I had planned to keep my distance while we talked, but the truth is that staying away from her is torture.
“What about siblings?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t you think there might be more siblings out there?”
“I don’t know. Funny that I always thought only about my biological mother.
Not about who my father might be or whether I have siblings.
One day I intend to research that more thoroughly, but it’s not essential, you know?
I’ve lived without those blood relatives just fine so far.
To tell the truth, I’m afraid to meet them and be disappointed. ”
I’m sure she will be disappointed.
She raises her head, resting her chin on her hands. “Do you intend to look for Nina’s only living relative?”
I feel my jaw clench, and I just nod in agreement.
“You’re a good man, Guillermo. Another in your place would keep his distance from any ties with his ex’s family, from what you’ve told me about her so far.”
“Nina deserves to know her.” I pull her into a kiss with the feeling that there’s a countdown to the end of our time together. “If you could find out about your past right now, would you want to?”
“At this very moment, I think not. I’m afraid it might throw me off-balance. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m heading somewhere, and I’m afraid bringing my history to light might hurt me.”
It will definitely hurt.
I have no doubt she’ll be hurt.
“I could help you,” I cautiously suggest.
“Would you do that?”
“Yes, Olívia. I’ll never stop helping you, no matter what happens between us.”
Her face falls, but she keeps smiling, although the joy doesn’t reach her eyes. “Okay. I accept the help. But not now. I prefer to wait a few months before pursuing this. I just want to live for now. I haven’t known about them all this time; I can wait a little longer.”
I don’t know what to say. Our conversation didn’t take the turn I imagined, but the fear that everything between us will come to an end makes me retreat. “The moment you want to know, you’ll let me know?”
“Yes, but right now, I just want to live like a normal girl.”
“With me.”
“What?”
“Live like a normal girl with me,” I demand, even though I know I don’t have that right.
“Okay. For as long as we last.”