Chapter 47
She hasn’t left my arms, but she’s unusually quiet, and that scares me more than if she were arguing with me.
Olívia is intelligent and sensitive. What she said about Layla following her mother’s pattern by rejecting Valentina is something I had already thought of.
I will never admit it out loud, because she’s already had her share of pain in life, but nothing in the world will convince me that her biological mother didn’t need much persuasion to give up one of her daughters.
The justification given was that her husband wanted only one child, but maybe she also didn’t want two little girls.
Olívia didn’t read the entire letter, but I did.
I read and reread it, trying to understand, and in the end, the only thing I could gather from it all was that the woman who gave birth to her was as empty as Layla herself.
If Olívia ever finishes reading the letter, she’ll know that what made her mother choose her sister over her was the fact that my late wife had red hair, which was also the hair color of the selfish jerk her mother married.
Can you believe such crap? First, it’s unthinkable to choose between one child or another, and then to base that choice on hair color . . . They wanted the daughter they were going to raise to look like her stepfather to hush the society gossip.
I hold her even tighter in my arms. I wish to shield her from the pain, but I know it’s impossible, and it wouldn’t be fair either.
Suddenly, I feel choked up and have a need to spill everything.
“I never intended to lie to you. I wanted to do the right thing. Allow my daughter to live with her aunt, pass on the money that was rightfully yours and that Layla never delivered. Compensate you in some way for all the injustices you were subjected to. But when I saw your photo, from the very first time I laid eyes on you, my intuition told me they were the ones who’d lost out. ”
“Why?”
“Your smile, even through the photograph. I could tell how happy you were.”
“My mother made me promise to live a good life when she was gone. I tried to stay positive.”
I kiss her cheek, although I want so much more. “I love that about you, but there’s nothing wrong with crying sometimes.”
“Finish what you were going to say about when you met me,” she deflects.
“I wasn’t prepared for you, love. In the first twenty minutes I spent in the café, I was knocked head over heels, although I was in denial for a while.”
“You should have told me the truth from the beginning.”
“About the money, I agree. About Nina, I’m sorry, but no. I didn’t know who you were and needed to protect my daughter. As for what happened between us, it wasn’t planned, but I don’t regret it.”
“I don’t care about the money, Guillermo. I don’t want anything from that woman. From those women. Keep it for Valentina.”
“It’s rightfully yours.”
“I’m not for sale. Their sins will have to be paid before God. I won’t change my decision.”
“Alright. We’ll talk about this another time.”
I know I should give her space, but I’m afraid of what will happen to us in the future. In my carefully planned life, Olívia, the woman I desire, is an uncertainty.
“The more I got to know you, the more attracted I felt. I wanted you, regardless of how fate brought you into my path.”
“Is that why you didn’t make love to me on the day of the celebration brigadeiro? Because you hadn’t told me the truth yet?”
“Mainly because of that, but also because I was already doing a lot of wrong things. When I found out you were a virgin, I wanted you to have a choice. Then, you went out with that guy, and I went crazy with jealousy. Since that night, I couldn’t let you go, but I also didn’t know what you would do when you found out who Layla was to me.
” I lift her face to look at me. “I still can’t let you go. ”
She turns to face me. “I don’t feel connected to her.”
“Layla?”
“Yes. Neither of them, really. They are strangers to me. I didn’t know them in life because they never wanted me, so it would be a lie if I said that just because I share their blood, I feel any affection. There’s no feeling towards them inside me other than contempt.”
Hope begins to play in my chest, but when she breaks free and sits in the armchair, creating distance, a coldness spreads through the room. As if an icy wall has been created.
“So, between us . . .”
“I didn’t say I forgive you.”
“I won’t give up.”
“Really? How far are you willing to go to prove that you love me?”
I walk over to where she is and kneel in front of her. “You have no idea.”
“Is your love great enough to give me space?”
I try to keep my face impassive, but inside, I’m scared as hell. This is what I feared, that she would push me away. “How long do you need?”
“I don’t know. I need to think. Maybe it’s better if I resign from the hotel.”
“No. You have the coffee course next week. I’ll respect your wishes.” Even though everything in me screams that you’re mine. “I’ve waited for you my whole life. I’ll wait until you’re ready to make a decision.”
She looks at her hands. “I’m very confused. I don’t want to be a man’s second choice. I deserve better.”
I stand up because otherwise I won’t be able to keep my promise and give her the time she needs to think. “Olívia, I know you’re not obligated to believe what I say, but I give you my word that you were never my second choice. You’re the only one. Until I met you, I had never fallen in love.”
She looks away. “I want to go home. I’ll do what you suggested. I’ll stay away from everything for a few days to attend the course, then we’ll talk over the weekend.”
I park the car in her building’s garage and get out to accompany her to her apartment.
“You don’t have to. I can go up alone.”
“No. You’re my woman, and I won’t leave until I’ve made sure you’re safe.”
She doesn’t protest, but a dense silence falls between us as the elevator goes up to her floor. When we arrive, I wait for her to open the door. Before she enters, however, I grab her by the nape, pulling her into a desperate kiss.
There’s so much I want to say, but even going against my nature, after a few seconds, I let her go.