Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Being alone with Ryker again felt different than before.
There were moments when things felt like they used to. When Ryker would tease her and their eyes would meet over a shared private joke. It hadn’t bothered Hallie at all which said a lot about the person she was.
Hallie was perfect.
The more time he spent with her under his roof had started to tip the scales for him. And seeing the way she fit with him and his brother…
He shut his eyes tight as his brother drove them to town.
A girl had come between them once before, but not in the typical sense.
“She’s good for you,” Ryker said, breaking the silence.
Jacob refused to comment. He already knew where this was going. Ryker had been the first to change when they were younger and he’d walked down another path. Jacob wasn’t going to be influenced to do the same no matter how intrigued he might have become.
“I noticed it the moment she came back with dinner. You’re more relaxed around her.” He chuckled. “Maybe relaxed isn’t the right word. It’s…” Ryker tilted his head, though he kept his eyes on the road. “It’s like the way I think I might have looked when I realized I cared for Mackenzie.”
Jacob scoffed, forcing his brother to look over at him briefly.
“What?” Ryker laughed. “You disagree?”
“I told you my best friend was off limits and what did you do? You went behind my back and started dating her anyway.”
The temperature in the cab dropped several degrees. This was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the problems he had with his brother. But right now, it seemed like the biggest unresolved issue.
Jacob continued to look out the window, ignoring the way his brother’s eyes drilled into him. He could feel it, the judgment. Years later and he hadn’t been able to come to terms with the fact that his older brother had stolen the only other important person in Jacob’s life.
In the beginning, Ryker had accused Jacob of harboring feelings for Mackenzie because why else would he have been so upset?
He couldn’t have been more wrong.
There was nothing romantic at all between them. Mackenzie was like a sister to him. She was his confidant when Jacob couldn’t go to his brother about something. Granted that wasn’t often, but she was his other person. When they’d been kids, they were inseparable.
Then Ryker had to ruin everything. He’d stopped seeing Mackenzie as his little brother’s friend and started seeing her as the woman of his dreams.
Jacob should have seen the signs. He should have realized that when Mackenzie asked about his brother, it wasn’t out of mere curiosity. She cared about him too. He could still feel the betrayal as if it were fresh. As if it had happened only yesterday.
His brother sighed. “You can’t tell me that you cut us out of your life because I married her. Have you forgotten that I know you? There’s more to this than you’re willing to admit.”
Jacob’s whole body seemed to itch. He didn’t like the fact that his brother was right.
He was always right. Not only that, but Ryker Hines was a good man.
He was smart, respectful, moral. He was the kind of guy everyone liked.
It was no wonder that Mackenzie had fallen in love with him. And that was the worst part, wasn’t it?
Because as much as Jacob wanted to keep hating his brother for the way things had turned out, he couldn’t deny that Ryker didn’t deserve Jacob’s wrath. No one deserved to find happiness more than Ryker.
“You know I love her, right? She’s everything to me.”
Jacob winced. “Once upon a time, I was everything to you.” He regretted the words the second they escaped his lips.
It was selfish. He knew that and maybe that was why he contemplated opening the door and attempting a tuck-and-roll just to escape this conversation.
He expected to hear his brother’s irritated response then, but that wasn’t what he got.
Ryker chuckled. “You’re my brother, Jacob. You always have meant more to me than my own life.”
Slowly, Jacob turned to look at his brother. Their parents had died when Jacob was still a minor. Ryker had taken responsibility for both of them. He’d ensured they didn’t get separated. He gave them both a purpose.
In the rodeo.
Their parents hadn’t even been great parents. Their father was abusive. Their mother was mentally absent most of the time. They had their vices which were ultimately the reason they passed away.
Ryker tossed him a look that bordered on anguished. “We’re still brothers. Always brothers. No matter what happens. No matter how long this fight lasts, that will never change.”
Jacob didn’t realize a tear had spilled free until it reached the edge of his mouth. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed to hear Ryker say those words. He looked away and blinked several times. “You abandoned me.”
His brother was quiet for a moment. “I’m not going to regret falling in love. I’m not going to regret starting a family with the love of my life. I will never regret my kids.”
“And what about the promises you made me?” Jacob’s voice broke.
He couldn’t meet his brother’s eyes anymore.
“What about the dreams we built together? What about competing in the finals?” They were supposed to be the Hines brothers who reached the finish line together.
That had been their plan since he was fifteen and his brother had been seventeen.
The landscape flew by the windows as they drove in silence. Then Ryker blew out a long breath. “So that’s the reason.”
Jacob couldn’t exactly shrug. He couldn’t really nod. But he also couldn’t trust his voice right now. So he did nothing.
His brother raked a hand through his hair. “Well, at least Mackenze will stop blaming herself over all of this.”
Jacob cut his brother a look. “She blames herself?”
The bite in Ryker’s voice was expected. “Of course she does. This whole thing between you and me started after you found out about us. She’s been blaming herself because she thought she came between us.
You didn’t just cut me from your life, Jake.
You cut her, too. Do you know how much that hurt her? ”
Pain sliced right into Jacob’s chest. He didn’t let many into his life.
He refused to allow people to get close because he’d never had good experiences.
His parents chose their alcohol and drugs over their kids.
His brother chose Jacob’s best friend over the future they’d planned together.
And Mackenzie chose Ryker. It was easier for Jacob to keep people at arm’s length.
If no one got close, then no one could let him down.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob whispered.
“Yeah, well, you don’t owe me an apology. As far as I’m concerned, you’re right to be upset with me. I’m the one who betrayed you. But Mackenzie? She didn’t deserve any of this. She’s done nothing but love you from the moment you became friends.”
Jacob didn’t have to verbally agree with his brother. Ryker knew that his words had hit home and Jacob wasn’t going to let this whole thing continue to fester. Instead, he picked at nonexistent lint on his pants. “Can I ask you something?”
Ryker glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Always.”
“Do you…” Jacob took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips.
“Do you feel like something is missing? When you walked away from the career you built. How could you not…” He didn’t know how to finish that question without blatantly pointing out the sacrifices he’d made to settle down.
The whole house and white picket fence thing had never fit either of them.
Their home life hadn’t exactly instilled faith in a future like that.
His brother surprised him by chuckling. “I do feel like something is missing.”
Jacob turned to him sharply. “You do?”
“Yeah. You.”
Jacob rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
His brother laughed again. “No, Jake. I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
I loved the rodeo. The adrenaline alone made every competition worth it.
The way we grew closer during those years had given me some of the best memories of my life.
But…” He sighed. “When I realized what my life could be with Mackenzie by my side? I knew my priorities had changed. I didn’t need that rush anymore.
Every day with her and my kids… it’s my own personal masterpiece. They’re my legacy, Jake.”
Goosebumps erupted on Jacob’s arms.
Ryker continued. “I loved the rodeo. Still do. But that had never truly been my dream. It was a placeholder for a future I still planned on chasing. I always wanted a family. But I knew that wasn’t something you craved, so I didn’t talk about it much.
You were determined to make it big and I wanted to be there to help push you.
I knew you were capable of greatness, and I wasn’t about to drag you down… ”
And now he felt like an even bigger jerk.
How could he have been so blind? Ryker had been there for him when he’d needed it most. Part of that meant keeping his head in a good place.
Jacob wasn’t an idiot. He had his parents’ blood coursing through his body.
He could have just as easily turned to those vices and if he had? He wouldn’t be the man he was today.
He squeezed his eyes shut to fight the emotions threatening to appear.
No amount of apology would be good enough to show his brother how sorry he was for his selfishness.
He’d refused to attend the wedding. He’d moved away so he didn’t have to make excuses about missing holidays or other family events.
He’d shut them from his life and all because he was too stubborn to accept his brother had finally done something for himself.
When the silence dragged for too long, Ryker murmured, “So are you going to tell me about Hallie?”
Jacob didn’t answer. There were too many unanswered questions in his own head about her.
If he opened his mouth to talk about her, he might end up saying something he didn’t mean and then there would be no taking it back.
Not that he thought he’d hurt Ryker. Jacob simply wasn’t prepared to discover how he felt about the woman currently living under his roof.
“Because it’s clear there’s something brewing between the two of you. It’s in the air, brother.”
Jacob snorted.
“Don’t deny it. And don’t tell me that it’s one sided. I’ve never seen you look at a girl like that before. She’s more than just your friend, isn’t she?”
“No,” he snapped. “She’s my friend and I’m not going to take it further than that.” But even as the words left his lips, he wasn’t sure he believed them.
“Do me a favor, Jake? Don’t stand in the way of yourself when it comes to love. There’s nothing like it. Nothing can come close to the high you get when you find your better half.”
“And Mackenzie is that for you?” Jacob already knew the answer to that question, but he needed out of the conversation his brother was trying to have.
“You know she is.” Ryker glanced at him and Jacob thought he might say something more, but he didn’t. He seemed to want Jacob to let his words settle.
And there wasn’t anything more dangerous than leaving Jacob with his thoughts especially when it came to Hallie.
Competing had come to a standstill. He didn’t even know if he would be getting back into an arena for the rest of his life.
He was smart enough to listen to the doctors.
Heck, he’d seen other men do irreparable damage by ignoring their doctors.
So much so that they couldn’t walk again. Jacob wouldn’t do that to himself.
And if he couldn’t get back in the saddle? Would it be so bad to entertain the idea of finding someone who could mean as much to him as Mackenzie meant to Ryker?
“We’re here.”
The truck shut off and Jacob glanced up to find his brother had brought him to the bookstore. Jacob tossed his brother a flat look. “Why are we here?”
“Remember when Mackenzie taught you how to play chess?” Ryker grinned at him. “Perhaps you could teach Hallie. She told me she doesn’t know how to play. I seem to recall you enjoyed it on nights you stayed in.”
Jacob turned his focus to the bookstore that had a display of boardgames in the window.
Most of them were the inexpensive cardboard boxes full of plastic pieces.
But front and center was a really nice set.
If Jacob had to guess, he’d say that Ryker had noticed that set on his way through town.
That was the reason for this stop in particular.
When he didn’t comment, his brother sighed. “Have you still been drawing? That always seemed to help you get out of your head. And from what I remember, you were pretty good at it.”
Still, Jacob didn’t comment. His focus remained trained on the chess set.
He couldn’t deny that teaching Hallie actually sounded fun.
He would never admit to his brother that he had a sketchbook in his room—one that he was already filling with images of Hallie.
Because if he admitted that to his brother, then he’d have to accept that there was something deeper he felt for Hallie and he wasn’t prepared for that.
“Or we can just get lunch and I can take you back to your place,” Ryker offered.
“No,” Jacob muttered under his breath. “You’re right.” He jerked his chin toward the display in front of him. “I’m not exactly in the position to carry anything with my crutches. Could you…”
His brother smiled knowingly. “You want the stone set?”
Jacob nodded. “Yeah.” His voice had turned raspy. “Yeah, that’s the one.” He didn’t know if Hallie would actually be interested in learning how to play chess with him. But she probably would if he asked just to make him happy. Because that was the person Hallie was.
Perhaps it was time to let go and explore the strange feelings Hallie had been creating within him whenever their eyes met across the room. Perhaps Ryker had gotten something right. He sure seemed happy.
Jacob watched his brother enter the store and quietly made his own plans on bridging the gap he’d made between himself and Hallie. Whatever happened, he’d plan on figuring things out as they came.