Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Brent trudged up the stairs to his room.
He’d only missed one night in his own bed but it felt like it had been so much more.
Had the revelation about his father been only yesterday?
Yes, technically it was more than a day as the sun would soon be rising over the mountains in the distance, but he was utterly exhausted.
All he would have to do was let his head hit the pillow and he’d be out.
He entered his room and pulled off his boots before tossing them aside.
Then he stared around his room. It was strange looking at his life from different angles now.
When he was a kid, he’d been fascinated by racecars.
He’d known all the specs for different vehicles and the stats for different drivers.
As he’d gotten older, he’d replaced the cars with horses and the drivers with riders. Apparently, he’d always been destined to be interested in fast and dangerous sports.
It made him wonder how his upbringing would have differed if his father hadn’t died in that freak accident. Would he have liked being on the road? Or would he have grown tired of it into his teens and begged for his parents to find a place to settle down?
The not knowing was the worst part of it all.
And the more he thought about it, the harder it was to hold this against his mother. Maybe he was just too tired to hold a grudge after everything that had happened since he’d found out.
Or maybe something Faith had said hit a chord.
He put his head into his hands, feeling the start of a migraine. Everything felt like such a mess. How he’d thought that getting a sponsorship would solve all the problems of what he wanted in life he couldn’t understand now. That whole saying about hindsight was completely true.
If he’d known that following this path in his life would have led to him discovering his true lineage but also force him to acknowledge he might not want it, he wasn’t sure he would have been so stubborn.
And what did that say about him? Was he so easily swayed just because there were some bumps in the road?
A light knocking at the door had him dropping his hands and lifting his head just as the door opened and his father’s face appeared. In the soft glow of the bedside lamp, he looked even more tired than he had during their conversation about an hour ago.
Brent observed his father a little closer. This was the face of the man who had raised him. The man who had loved him unconditionally even though he hadn’t sired him. Judd Gilley had to be one of the most selfless people on the planet.
Where Brent had to be the complete opposite.
Guilt gnawed at Brent as he replayed all the conversations he’d had with his father over the years.
The arguments they’d had over the rodeo.
His father had never bowed when it came to putting his foot down.
He’d stood his ground like a father was supposed to do.
He demanded respect for him and his wife.
And Brent had spat on that request.
“Mind if I come in?” his father asked quietly. “I heard you get back and wanted to have a word.”
Brent’s spine straightened and he looked away. How could he look this man in the face after knowing everything he’d done for him? And everything Brent had done in return. “Yeah, that’s fine,” he murmured.
The door opened wider and his father entered the room.
Then he shut the door with a quiet click and moved across the room to sit on the edge of the queen-sized bed.
They sat there, side by side for long moments.
Brent didn’t know what to say beyond apologizing for what he’d done and how he’d gone about it.
Of course he had a lot to make up for. But now that he’d already made his mistakes, it was his turn to accept responsibility.
“Look, I wanted to—” Brent started but his father cut him off.
“Your dad was the most amazing rodeo star this world had seen in decades. I don’t know if you got curious and started doing some research on him, But Lou was the best.” A small smile took over his father’s face and his eyes took on a far-off look.
“That man just had a connection with animals, the likes I’ve never seen.
” There was so much awe in his voice that Brent couldn’t help but watch.
“We met at a 4H camp when we were in elementary school. It was one of those special days when kids from the community could check it out without having to pay anything. Lou was a little rough around the edges. Already, he’d been hardened by life.
Hated his foster family.” His father shook his head with a sigh.
“But you became friends anyway,” Brent guessed.
His father chuckled. “I didn’t exactly give him a choice.
” He cut a look at Brent. “I was the scrawny kid who didn’t have friends.
In fact, I was bullied. Boy, did they like to pick on me.
” He released a huff. “To this day, I can’t remember if I made the first move and hid behind Lou or if he took it upon himself to defend me.
Gave a kid a bloody nose and almost got booted from the activities.
” He was smiling again. “But after that day, we were best friends.”
Brent couldn’t see the version of his father he described. The man beside him was strong despite not doing hard labor. He helped out at Sagebrush in more of an academic sense. He helped with numbers and ordering. Went out to auctions, too. His father had an eye for that sort of thing.
“Anyway, when we got into our teens, we were inseparable. I’d started doing more at the rodeo because my older brother had an interest. One day I brought Lou with me.
You could see it in his eyes. From the first second he saw a cowboy leave the chute, he was hooked.
It’s like…” His father tilted his head back and seemed to consider something.
“It’s like when you see a savant do complicated math equations.
Your dad just had a knack for seeing everything from three hundred and sixty degrees.
The first time he got on the back of one of those broncos, he was hooked.
It took him two years to break his first record and he was still technically a kid. ”
Two years of practice.
Two years of hard work and obsession over something he was passionate about.
Brent could relate.
“Honestly, I didn’t think he would ever find something he liked more than riding.” His father gave Brent a knowing look. “Until he met your mother.”
Goosebumps rose all over Brent’s body.
“Those two were end game. Every time they looked at each other, there were stars in their eyes. And best of all? Your mother completely supported his dream to make it big. She was willing to walk away from her family for him. To follow him around the world. They were just kids but they knew what they wanted.”
A pang of empathy squeezed Brent’s chest. His father had watched a love story play out in front of him. He’d watched his best friends fall for each other and plan a future, only to witness it crumble.
His father’s eyes shone with anguish. “She found out she was pregnant with your brother shortly before graduating but she didn’t tell anyone.
It would have been a scandal. Didn’t matter that it had been a mistake between hormonal teenagers.
Didn’t matter that they were in love. She knew no one would understand so she left.
We all did. Carved our own paths. Three years, Brent.
We had three years of paradise. I dated around but never got attached.
Your parents married. Tripp was born. Lou broke record after record. ”
“Then the accident happened.”
His father nodded and swallowed hard. “Your mother didn’t leave the trailer for weeks after the funeral. I helped take care of Tripp. We were trying to figure out what to do next when she told me she was pregnant with you.”
Silence hung in the room. Anticipation. Brent knew what came next. They got married. They started a new life.
Clearing his throat, his father shifted.
“I don’t know that we were in love when we got married.
It was the right thing to do. I swore I’d take care of your mother and Tripp when Lou died and it just…
made sense. Your mother insisted we put as much distance between us and the rodeo circuit.
Heck, she wanted to settle down in the suburbs or in the city as long as she didn’t have to look at another horse.
So that was what we did.” He dragged a hand down his face.
“Eventually, we did fall in love.” He cut Brent a look out of the corner of his eye.
“The kind of love you have for your best friend. It’s soft and comforting. It’s consistent and it grounds you.”
“But it wasn’t the same way she felt for Louis.”
His father shook his head. “No, I think a part of her heart died with him that day. You don’t get over that kind of connection—the one that steals the oxygen from your lungs.
The one that makes your heart stall in your chest. The one that makes you wish you could be swallowed up by the earth itself if it meant seeing that person one more time.
” There was a wistfulness in his voice. He’d sacrificed so much.
“Do you regret it?” Brent asked, his voice breaking. “Do you regret…” he couldn’t bring himself to say the rest. Did he regret becoming a father to children that weren’t his? Did he regret giving his heart to someone who couldn’t fully reciprocate it?
There was no hesitation when his father responded.
“Absolutely not. I’m exactly where I needed to be.
I can’t say any of it has been easy, but when you love someone as much as I loved your parents, you will do anything to see them happy.
” He offered a reassuring smile. “That’s not to say I’m not happy.
I couldn’t have asked for anything more than I was blessed with. ”
“Did you ever want more children?”
He shrugged. “We tried. But it turns out I’m not capable. If it weren’t for you and your brother, I might not have known how rewarding it was to be a father.”
Brent snorted. “I don’t think we made it easy on you.”
“No,” his father agreed, “you didn’t.”
They were quiet again for a long moment then Brent whispered, “Lonestar Threads offered me a sponsorship tonight.” He tensed, waiting for his father to respond. When nothing was said, he peeked over.
There was a wide smile on his father’s face and his eyes were shining. “That’s amazing, son.”
Son.
Brent hadn’t realized how much he’d needed to hear his father say that word since discovering who Louis was. He gave a wry smile in return. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
“You guess? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”
Brent’s thoughts shifted to Faith. “I thought it was, but now I’m not so sure.” Was it bad he was already considering walking away from everything he’d been chasing all because a girl with pretty eyes and a heart-stopping smile cared for him? Probably.
His father remained silent as Brent attempted to find the words that would explain how he was feeling.
“What if I’m meant for something else? A family. Stability?”
“You can get that anywhere. Your folks managed it.”
“Until they didn’t,” Brent muttered bitterly.
His father gripped his shoulder in what was supposed to be reassuring.
“Accidents happen anywhere. Car accidents. Drowning. Plane crashes. Fires. What your mother couldn’t handle was losing your father.
She compartmentalized her grief and blamed the vocation.
My mistake was giving her what I thought she needed most. And when she asked to change Tripp’s name, I suggested we name you after Lou. ”
Something wet splashed onto Brent’s hand, drawing his attention to the fact he was crying.
He brushed at the tears on his cheeks and sucked in an unsteady breath.
He’d been wondering about that. It had been his father.
The man who knew how much his wife cared for another man had suggested she keep a piece of him, however small.
Brent swallowed hard. “Thank you.”
His father squeezed his shoulder again. “Your mother and I already talked about it. We’re going to support you in whatever decision you make.
We haven’t shown you in the right ways, but we are so proud of you.
What’s important is that you make a decision you won’t regret.
Heaven knows there’s enough of that to go around. ”
“What would you do?” Brent asked the question before he could think better of it.
His father rose to his feet and stared down at him with a small smile. “The easy answer is to make a pros and cons list.”
“And the hard one?”
“Follow your heart.”