Chapter 44 Carla
Carla
NOW
Shellshocked. I can’t think of any other way to describe it when Ian tells us the news.
I knew before he said it. He made us all sit down first and that’s when it hit me.
Someone – I think it’s Jo – brings me a weak, sugary tea and encourages me to drink it, but my hands are shaking too much.
I hear wailing and I’m not sure if it’s me or Iris. Perhaps it’s both of us in chorus.
Time seems to have stopped. I have no idea how long we all sit in the living room – Ash; Iris; her friend, Tom, who is sitting on the floor because the armchairs and sofas are taken; Jo; Ian and me.
Some of us – maybe all of us – are crying.
I hear Ian – or maybe Ash – ask Jo about Yvonne.
I can hear voices, but muffled, as if I’m sinking underwater.
My lungs feel as if they’re full of water, too.
‘She was there. I saw her drive away. Like a madwoman. In her SUV. I told you.’
‘But you don’t even know the make and model of her car.’ Definitely Ian this time, although he is speaking in a whisper and what he’s saying isn’t really registering. I can hear the words, but they don’t make any sense to me.
‘I know Yvonne! I recognized her!’ Jo raises her voice. She’s not shouting, but until now the little that has been said has been spoken in hushed tones, and it stuns us all into silence. The wailing stops. Finally.
‘D’you think Yvonne caused the crash?’ Ash. He’s next to me, holding me or holding on to me. I’m not sure if he’s keeping me afloat or if it’s the other way round. I’m clinging to him as if I’m drowning and he’s my life raft.
‘I don’t know.’
‘They’ll check traffic cameras and ask for dashcam footage,’ Ian says. ‘Would Yvonne know Iris’s car? I mean, Iris hasn’t had it that long.’
‘I d-drove … Iris’s car when I went to Hilltop House … that d-day,’ I manage to say. I’m nowhere near as coherent as Ash, although his voice is unrecognizable. No one asks why I went there.
‘Could Yvonne have done this … deliberately?’ Ash asks Ian.
‘Perhaps she thought Iris was the one driving,’ Jo adds, her voice barely a whisper. ‘She may have cut her up or run her off the road or something.’
‘Let’s not jump to conclusions,’ Ian says.
He hasn’t finished, but the rest of what he says is lost to me. I’m having trouble concentrating, my mind numb to everything except the pain I’m feeling.
I’m not sure what we’re waiting for, who we’re waiting for. Someone to come and confirm it officially? Someone to take Ash and me to identify Olly?
I start crying again, less loudly this time, but just as uncontrollably. Ash holds me tighter. Tom leans forwards and hands me a tissue. I squeeze it up in my hand.
Karma. What goes around comes around. Olly killed Josh. And now he’s … oh, God, is my son really dead? Is that why he’s dead? Is it karma? Or is it payback? Did Yvonne do this on purpose?
There’s someone at the door. It must be whoever we’ve been waiting for.
But they don’t knock. I hear the front door close.
Someone’s inside the house now. There are voices, chatting, loudly.
Two people, insouciant, unaware of the drama playing out in here.
Recognizing one of voices, I whirl round, looking over my shoulder.
The sudden movement makes my head spin and for a split second, I think I may pass out.
I feel the blood drain from my face. I’m sure I was pale before, but now I must look as if I’ve just seen a ghost. For a moment, I wonder if I have. Liv has just walked into the sitting-room, and behind her, his hands in his pockets, is Olly.
‘Olly!’ Iris jumps to her feet and throws herself into her brother’s arms.
‘Whooaa,’ he says, with a little laugh, as he stumbles backwards.
‘Olly?’ Ash sounds as bewildered – and relieved – as I feel.
‘Olly, d-d-didn’t you take Iris’s c-car in?’ I stutter. I want to stand up, run to my son, but I can’t feel my legs and don’t trust them to take me the short distance to him.
‘No, sorry. I completely forgot,’ Olly says, looking sheepish. He clearly hasn’t picked up on the funereal vibes in the room. ‘We had to do shopping and stuff for Liv’s gran.’
Liv is more perceptive. ‘Are you OK, Carla?’ she asks. ‘Wh-what’s wrong?’
Some of the feeling comes back into my legs and I feel less dizzy, as if the haze that had descended on my brain is lifting.
As I stand up, there’s a rush of tiny stars to my head, but Ash has stood, too, and stops me from falling.
Together, we make our way over to Iris and Olly, who has barely stepped over the threshold into the living room.
The four of us hug and I never want to let go.
‘What’s going on, Mum? Dad?’
Ian is the one who explains. ‘There’s been a car accident,’ he says. ‘A fatal one. We thought you … we thought you were …’
My brain kicks into gear. Was it a coincidence?
Jo didn’t even know the make or model of Yvonne’s car.
Maybe she got it wrong for Iris’s car, too.
But then I remember Iris’s car isn’t in the driveway.
And didn’t Ian say something about the registration number being a match?
I get there at the same time as Olly spells it out for me.
‘Daniel sent me a text to say he would take the car to the garage. ’Cos I’d obviously forgotten.’ And then it dawns on him, too. ‘Oh, shit. Oh, no.’
Iris breaks the ensuing silence. ‘Where’s Margo?’ she asks.
I find myself flanked by Jo and Ash, who take an elbow each and sit me back down on the sofa again.
I’m still so relieved that Olly is here, alive, that I haven’t computed the fact I’ve lost Daniel yet.
‘She’s at Ellie’s Hallowe’en party.’ I pick up my mobile from the coffee table and check the time.
‘I should have picked her up half an hour ago.’
‘I’ll go,’ Olly offers.
‘No!’ Ash and I shout at the same time.
‘I’ll go. My car’s parked in the driveway.’ It’s Iris’s friend. Tom Fischer. His name comes back to me now.
‘I’ll come with you,’ Iris says.
‘No, you stay with your mum,’ Ash says. ‘I’ll—’
‘I’ll go with Tom in my car,’ Jo says firmly. I think she must know Tom from school. Perhaps he was one of her pupils. ‘Carla needs you both here. Brayworthy, right?’
‘Coombe Farm,’ Ian says.
I look up, surprised. Then I remember how he knows that.
Margo was supposed to be at her friend Ellie’s house when Daniel and I reported her missing.
And suddenly, I feel overwhelmed. Iris’s video.
Joshua’s murder. Margo’s disappearance. My partner’s …
I can’t even say it in my head. I can’t take any more.