Chapter 4
Eden headed to bed that night, weary and weeping, her grief warring with her anger at how things had been left between her and Debbie.
Eden had spoken to several of their mutual friends about it, and they had reminded her that Debbie’s personality changes with her other relationships—although minor compared to this blowup—had been very similar.
It seemed that Debbie thought, if she sent away all her female friends, she wouldn’t have to worry about them competing for her new heartthrob’s attention.
As Eden looked back, she realized that she’d never been around at the onset of Debbie’s other love affairs either.
Having these difficult thoughts at bedtime was never a good idea, and Eden’s sleep was anything but peaceful. She got down on the floor to meditate because she needed some time to herself.
Soon she walked calmly in the pasture, determined to let her meditation mantra in her head surround her, waft all over and through her, becoming something that just drifted away, along with all the other monkey mind thoughts that were driving through her.
She wasn’t asleep; she wasn’t awake. She was caught in between, in a meditation where she was trying to let go of all her thoughts that would never leave her alone, particularly this one.
That’s because I’m not a thought, Debbie’s meditative voice whispered, soft and gentle, so unlike the voice that screamed into Eden’s nightmares. That’s because right now you’re reaching out for me, but you’re not hearing me.
This isn’t happening, Eden muttered and groaned.
It is happening, repeated the same voice, in the same tone, but there was an edge to it now.
Groaning, Eden tried to shove her thoughts further away from her brain, so she could sink deeper into the meditation.
It was so hard, and meditating was never something that came naturally to her because her mind always moved a mile a minute.
She was typically twenty steps ahead and kept her life organized because she liked the order, the grounded assurance, and the calm that came with preparedness.
Debbie’s way of life was more one of chaos.
And grief was hard, but this seemed to be getting worse instead of better, as Debbie seemed to be dominating Eden’s world.
That’s because you’re not paying any attention to me, so I have to keep bugging you.
And yet that wasn’t true because the one thing Eden was doing right now was giving Debbie attention, even though Eden was trying not to. The more she tried to stop, the more it seemed to get worse.
Laughter resounded in the background, and, for the most part, she recognized it as Debbie’s laughter, and that was killing Eden. At times she wondered if she was losing her mind.
She finally swiped down the meditation app that had been guiding her deeper and deeper into the unknown, where she would relax and de-stress. She was trying, but relaxing wasn’t easy for her. Her thoughts always took over.
Yet it was a foreign concept that anything would help. What in the world helps you deal with the death of a friend, but keeps you hearing her voice even after she is gone?
Eden got up and walked to the kitchen. Just then she heard laughter behind her, and she froze for a moment.
Then she turned and looked around. “That’s a new trick.
” She glanced down to see the goose bumps on her arms. She wasn’t sure this was progress or a good step forward. In fact, it was on the creepy side.
She picked up her pace into the kitchen and put on the teakettle, standing close to it, hovering almost. It seemed as if the warmth helped a little to ease back the chill settling around her almost constantly now.
She glanced around the small kitchen, wondering if she had imagined the creepy sound in her house. And why was it creepy when it was Debbie’s laughter? That made no sense either.
None of this did. Eden wished it would all go away.
I’m not going away, Debbie’s voice snapped. And, as if on cue, the kitchen door opened, then slammed shut, right in front of her. Eden spun around in shock.
I was murdered, and it’s up to you to prove it.
Papers she had on her coffee table in full sight in the nearby living room now lifted and swirled in the madness, as if a huge wind had joined the party. She bolted toward an exit, opening the front door, when it slammed shut in her face, stopping her in her tracks.
She was stunned, partly from her contact with the door, but, even through all the chaos, she heard Debbie’s final words.
Or else …