Chapter 22
Sheer instincts took Eden back outside to the same spot where that poor sick woman had fallen.
The Santino brothers had created a place of vigil for the woman.
Eden lay down, her body literally trying to mimic the position that the woman had been in.
Meanwhile Eden had to wonder if her death really was from natural causes or if something else was going on.
Eden slowly relaxed deeper and deeper into the space around her, feeling the cool moist air and the grass beneath her. She knew why she was here; she just didn’t know if what she was doing was the right thing or not.
She had tried to help a lot of people for what seemed like forever, seeing somebody who needed it and working her way up to create the opportunity for a casual touch or a pat on the back so she could deliver a shot of healing energy, all because of her history.
Because, if people found out what she had done in the past and why, they would hate her more than she hated herself already.
And that was saying a lot because there wasn’t much in her world that she could forgive herself for.
Eden knew some people would say she had nothing to be forgiven for, but they were wrong.
So many messed-up thought processes were in her world that she knew it was almost impossible for her to get past them all.
But she had to, if only to realize that this energetic nightmare currently going on was a very similar thing.
Something the men around her probably didn’t recognize.
The fact that she did revealed a lot about what she had been through in her own world.
She knew she needed to stop Origin, before it took more.
And her next thought was even scarier. What if she failed? Like she’d failed to save her mother?
She closed her eyes and let her energy slip away as she entered another world.
Such a weird, freeing feeling. A separation from self. A letting go of the physical world.
A complete release of everything as she had known it. Freeing and in many ways terrifying. She let it go, moving past the other, sliding on down in a way she didn’t understand.
Freedom called out to her. She slipped from her body and started moving toward the nothingness of space around her. The absolute nonexistence of anything, including self.
As she let it go, she moved higher and higher up in frequency. The frequency of the all-knowing. Letting go of everything that was in her mind, in her tortured soul, in her guilt-ridden heart.
Knowing that she could have saved more people if she had been allowed. If she had had the strength, the courage to buck the system, a system she didn’t even understand at the time.
Somewhere in there, she knew she had to forgive herself. And, to forgive herself, she had to let go.
The problem was, she was okay with letting go … permanently. Coming back was the hardship because she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to come back to this world of pain and suffering and ugliness that she had seen so much of.
She had done a lot of studying over the years, trying to figure out in what way she could atone. Only to realize that, in this lifetime, there was no atoning.
And yet if she could do this—
If she could do this one thing, maybe she could regain forgiveness for all the things she’d done that had hurt others, even though she hadn’t meant to.
It was heartbreaking, absolutely devastating for her to see how she had hurt others, yet she cared about goodness, life, choice, growth, spirituality, heartfelt moments, coming from the heart, living in those spaces where goodness could happen. Allowing for goodness to happen.
One needed to be in the space, open and yet elevated to as high a frequency as possible.
It sounded right. Something that she had often done for her mother’s sake, only to feel her soul crushing under the weight of what she was doing as she fell endlessly in vibration, down to the point to do what she had to do. Take energy from the dying.
Screaming for forgiveness, even as she worked hard to help her mother, knowing it was taking away from somebody else who also deserved life.
Those were tricky moments in her history.
Those moments of How could you heartfelt screams to her grandmother that she knew her mother had heard and had understood the torment Eden was going through.
How did all that bring her to this moment?
Could she do this? It wouldn’t make up for all she’d done, but it would help. And it was something she desperately wanted to do.
It wasn’t helping people, but it was helping the universe, the soul, the energy of everyone around them. She just had to pull it off, once and for all. She closed her eyes, her inner eyes, and sank deeper and deeper and deeper into the goodness all around them.
All around her.
A goodness that she always felt she never deserved. A goodness they would snatch away from her in a heartbeat as soon as people knew. But Eden knew that atonement had to happen.
She just didn’t know how.
Just then she heard a voice beside her, and she shifted, only to see another woman standing there, glowing, yet with an oddly gray cast to her.
“Atonement. That’s a good word for it,” the gray lady murmured. “You can help us. We need the help. You can become one with us.”
Eden stared at her, confused, not sure who this was. And yet, at the same time, half recognizing her. “Who are you?” she whispered.
“I am Helen Frankberg, the one you came to see,” she declared. “I am the one who did everything she could to save her family, only to lose it all.”
Something was right, and yet something was so very wrong about her words. Not necessarily a falseness to it, but maybe a false take on it. “You are hiding behind your words.”
Helen shook her head. “You don’t understand,” she declared. “Everybody would have ended up with no place to live.”
“What are you talking about? Who are you?”
“I am no one. And we had no place to go. Nothing was left for us. They were taking it all.”
“Who?”
“Bad men, so much bigger, so much stronger, so much uglier than anything we could have imagined. And I knew my daughters would suffer. Suffer like no woman should have to,” Helen shared.
“My son was just a child, innocent. I did the only thing I could. And I know you don’t believe me, and you will judge me for it. But it doesn’t matter.”
“What doesn’t matter?” Eden asked, trying to slow down the woman’s story and to get more clarity.
“I will do it all over again,” she cried out, while a wind picked up behind her. Passion, love, truth, and necessity rolling through her voice, she repeated, “I’ll do it again if I have to.”
“Easy,” Eden murmured to her. “Just take it easy.”
Helen laughed. “There is no easy in life anymore,” she stated.
“Once you go down this pathway, there is no easy. I know not why you are truly here, but that you are my good fortune because it’s getting harder and harder to keep everyone here.
It’s as if their consciousness is rising, and they’re struggling to leave, even though I’ve warned them how dangerous it is out there.
I can’t keep them contained for much longer. ”
Eden winced and nodded. “I can see that. They are souls wanting to move on,” she told the frazzled woman. “And you’re tired.”
“I’m so tired,” Helen cried out softly. “So tired. I’m doing everything I can to keep us together, to keep us safe. And yet, it seems as if they don’t get it. They don’t understand.”
“It’s because they understand safety in a very different way than you. And I think it’s been slow to come, but, over time, understanding what’s happening, or maybe not understanding, just as part of their soul journey, slowly realizing that this is not how they are meant to live.”
“None of us are meant to live this way.” Helen’s voice cracked, hard and deep. “Do you think any of us want this?”
Eden stepped back ever-so-slightly, as Helen’s energy slid through the space around them with a lack of emotion that was both awe-inspiring and disconcerting. Eden’s energy disappeared farther and farther into the nothingness.
“You can’t keep going,” Helen told her. “You’ll be lost forever.”
Eden smiled at her. “It’s not that I’ll be lost forever,” she clarified. “Instead I’ll be found.”
“No, no, no, no, you don’t understand. You must stay and help me.
I can’t do this anymore,” Helen cried out, the pain and agony in her heart so horrific, with such a strong need that it was all Eden could do to not stop in place.
“You are strong. You can keep my babies alive in here. You can keep them safe.”
“I know you can’t keep up these guards,” Eden pointed out, as she reached out with the gentlest touch to stroke Helen’s energy, moving it, softening it. “You’re so broken from all this.”
Helen started to cry, her pain, her sorrow, her exhaustion, trying to stay ever vigilant in keeping everyone safe.
Eden heard voices around her, clamoring voices saying that they wanted to leave, that it was time to go, that they were safe, and they could leave now, but Helen shut them down immediately.
Obviously everything in her life had been so hard, still was, and it was crushing her.
She was at the end of her rope and didn’t know how to go on.
Helen was so determined to protect everybody that she was losing them all, but it was a slow poisoning process.
She was trying to keep everybody safe, and nobody was listening.
Yet they were all bound by the same rules Helen had set out.
Until she released them, there was no setting them free, no letting them go, no joy of release for any of them.
Helen stared at her. “You’re not here to help, are you?” she asked, her voice gaining in outrage. “You think you can save them? You think you can take them away, can expose them to all that nastiness where they will be hurt, where everybody will punish them for who they are?”