Chapter 9
What Are You Not Telling Me?
Lillian
I CAN’T REMEMBER the last time I got such a restful night of sleep as last night.
Sleeping out on deck, underneath the stars was everything I knew I was missing.
I figured I might as well enjoy it before we trek into the forest and the canopy obscures their light.
Who knows when we’ll lay eyes upon them again.
Only Margaret and James dared to join me above deck.
Ademir and Ben stayed confined to the wheelhouse, and the others felt more comfortable below.
After what we endured on the ocean, I can’t see how.
I, for one, doubt I will ever be able to stomach the claustrophobia of being below decks again.
Knowing water and unseen obstacles would run swiftly just on the other side of the bulkhead would be too much.
Sudden rage courses through my veins when a stabbing flash of pain at my ankles takes me back to cargo hold.
I have never feared the river despite its monsters and hidden barriers.
Now, when I look at the dark water skimming the sides of the vessel, all I feel are biting ropes at my wrists and the fear of being dragged under.
Tears well in my eyes as I think about all I’ve sacrificed to get here.
I’ve given up my hair, my skin, my culture.
That precious comfort water has always given me is sinking below the weight of the pain I suffered at the hands of my captors.
It isn’t fair and it isn’t right, but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt so I will persevere.
Before I can let the despair completely smother me, I let my face tilt up toward the sky. A bright blue soothes me instantly, just as the stars had last night. I can only hope there are many evenings beneath the stars left on our journey to heal what was lost on the ocean.
Thankfully, the weather looks clear and hearts are light.
The day has been passed lazily with games and snacking.
We’ve floated through many wonderful spots for fishing, but with the unknown troop of Germans surely on the continent, no one dares ask to stop and try for some fresh fish.
Even now, as another day begins to peter out, we pass by a canoe with fishermen.
I raise a hand in silence and they acknowledge us, thankful that we’ve cut the engine to pass in relative silence.
Ademir has always been considerate in that way.
Mr. Bennett, of course, has other thoughts. He has thoughts about everything and they are rarely ever positive or kind. Thankfully, everyone has started to tune him out. Well, everyone except for James, but I suppose his job is to wait on him for every beck and call.
No matter the discomfort at the choice of words made by Mr. Bennett, I wouldn’t trade having Ademir here for the world.
“Must we make another pitstop?” Mr. Bennett complains. “That dreaded shipwreck already set us behind. Manaus seems useless.” He turns to me. “Why can’t your contact meet us further downriver?”
Biting my tongue on the attitude I nearly give, I instead smile and treat him as I would a small child.
“Bruno will be supplying us and giving us shelter for a night or two. Trust me, you will want a break by midday tomorrow when we get there.” When he is not satisfied, I give him just a bit more.
“Bruno has been both a noble friend and trusted ally in all of this.”
Not to mention he actually knows the truth of all the madness.
“There’s more you're not saying, Ms. Bach.” James has one foot up on a crate, his hands busy whittling. So much like Ben in that he must always be busy. I suppose most soldiers might be that way.
“Bruno is a dear friend I wish to visit.” Before Mr. Bennett can scoff, I continue on, “He has a small army of men at his disposal. We are to ask him for manpower and aid us in the next step of the journey.”
“That,” James begins, “was not the original plan.”
Margaret cuts in with a sweet demeanor and a smile. “Neither was a shipwreck disposing of all of our equipment.”
“We were supposed to intercept this Bruno chap and merely give him a progress report to send back to England,” Mr. Bennett says, narrowing his eyes at me. “I don’t see why we cannot keep this meeting to a minimum and be on our way.”
“Please,” Oliver chimes in. “I need new equipment to replace what I lost.”
The group turns to the only other person on deck, Diederick.
I truly believe he will have my back in everything, but when he opens his mouth, he surprises me.
“I don’t think it wise to expose more men than necessary to our cause.
” Before I can protest, he pries his gaze away from the riverbank and pushes his hair back.
He knows Bruno’s role in this, so his answer is perplexing.
“However, we do need to replenish our supplies if we have any hope of success.”
The statement drenches us in ice-cold water. This first leg of the journey inland is only the calm before the storm. I know the agony of going back into the forest is showing on my face because Margaret picks up on it instantly.
“What is it you two aren’t telling us?” She crosses her arms and glances between Diederick and me.
“The two of you have been so cryptic in all of this. I agreed to this mission because I am fond of Lillian’s story and wanted a bit of adventure, but so much was cut from those documents I read…
” She trails off with the shake of her head.
“What are you hiding? I’m here now! I’m not going anywhere!
The way your face changed when Diederick mentioned moving forward?
I want to know what to expect.” She sits back again, conscience made clear.
No one knows what to divulge, so a silence washes over our group. I slowly inch my gaze toward Ben at the wheel, but he and Ademir are caught up in navigation. I’m on my own in this.
“I would like to know too,” Oliver says boldly. “I too took this job to test myself and see the world, but I must know what to expect in order for me to perform my job.”
Silence again.
Tell them, the whispers say. Tell them to expect death. The voices laugh, and I nearly do as it says.
“Whatever you expected,” Diederick says with a harsh shake of his head.
“It will never paint a picture for you. I could never paint that picture for you with words. What you will experience…” He swallows.
“Will change you. There will be things that go unexplained, evil like you’ve never known or even imagined.
The mountain, the shadow that surrounds it, is a darkness that is older than life itself. ”
Mr. Bennett shakes his head. “There is no greater evil than facing the Hun in a trench, I assure you, sir,” he retorts, using a not-so-far-off reference for the barbaric Germans.
Diederick’s eyes harden. “Have a care, Mr. Bennett. I would not wish what we will encounter on my worst enemy.”
“Which is why we’re going?” Margaret asks. “When we were told that it was imperative we reach the site and procure the item before the Germans, the object in question was not explained fully. Why is it so important that we take this object first?”
“What is it we are actually searching for?” James asks, directing the question at me.
“A dagger,” I answer, looking him dead in the eye. “But you know parts of that already. It’s a dagger with unimaginable power.”
“Magic?” James asks, clearly offended, thinking I would lie with an answer like that.
An unsuspecting ally steps in. “Cursed,” Mr. Bennett answers. “That you should know already. There is much to discover when we reach the Lost Colony, but the dagger is the priority.”
I’m suddenly very confused as to how much each party member knows and how much of it they actually believe. Oh, how I wish it were as simple as going around the circle and catching everyone up on what they’re missing.
“And your necklace, Lillian?” Margaret asks. I place a hand over the stone and hold it tight. Please don’t tell them, I think to myself. Though I might be ready to share more, I am not prepared to share my own connection to all of this, not yet.
I think I might be spared when the hissing whispers don’t give me instructions to share. Safer still when no one else in the group seems interested.
Margaret doesn’t back down. Between giggles, she unknowingly sells me out. “Is it some sort of combatant against the dagger? A protection charm? I’ve seen it gl–”
“No!” Diederick steps in to steer the narrative.
I’m thankful to him for it. “No, the necklace is something that has been in Lillian’s family for generations.
” He stands then. “All you need to know right now is that where we are headed, we will need to watch our every step, our every word. There will be natural challenges and those of the unnatural kind. The rainforest is host to many dangers, but no one knows what awaits in the shadow of the Pico da Neblina.” Grabbing his bag from where he was just sitting, he throws it over his shoulder.
“Should you have any more questions, I encourage you to ask Mr. Bennett, as he is your direct superior in this.”
With that last snide remark, he disappears below decks.
My racing heart has only just recovered when James breaks the awkwardness. “There’s nothing else you wish to tell us, Ms. Bach?”
I shake my head without another word and shamelessly separate myself from the group. There are no state secrets that I am willing to spill until all of this is over. Like Diederick said, if they want answers, they can ask the man responsible for my tight lip.
Retreating to the bow, I prop my legs up on the bench, drop my pack to the deck, and look out over the water.
We’re coming to a bend in the river. A massive wall of trees stands towering in front of us.
Overhead, clouds are darkening. We’ve had such good luck so far with the weather that I should have known a turn was coming.