Chapter 32 #2
intense sex many times in his bed, but tonight it didn’t matter if the headboard banged against the wall or if they groaned
loudly. If she shouted his name.
“This is nice.” She snuggled further against him, her naked body sliding temptingly against his.
“If we lived together, we could do this a lot more often.”
She froze, and he cursed his big mouth. Yes, he’d planned to use tonight to talk to her, ask where she thought this was going,
but that was not the way to go about it.
“You want us to move in together?”
“You say that like you’re surprised.”
“But we’ve only just started dating.”
He shifted so he could look at her properly. “We spent a week together in July in Nantucket. In September we met up again.
It’s now November.” With his finger on her chin, he gently tilted her head so their eyes met. “It’s more than enough time
for me to know I’m completely in love with you.” She inhaled sharply, immediately lowering her gaze, and he exhaled in frustration.
“I know it isn’t what you planned, that this is probably scaring the shit out of you, but I can’t hide it anymore. You’re
it for me.”
He’d always thought the phrase deafening silence was ridiculous. Could there really be a silence so loud, so overwhelming, it felt deafening?
Answer—yes.
“I love you too,” she said finally, her voice so quiet he nearly missed it.
“Yeah?” And now his heart was in his throat, emotions seesawing. Hope and joy burned fiercely in his chest, wanting a release,
but they were trapped, weighed down by the sight of her stillness, the pain tightening her mouth, the eyes that wouldn’t look
at him. “You don’t want to love me, do you?” And fuck, now he thought about it, of course she didn’t want to. “I know I’m
a work in progress, but the Instagram account is going to start earning me money soon, and—”
“Stop it.” She sat bolt upright, eyes blazing. “If you think for one minute how much you earn matters to me, you don’t know
me at all. And to avoid you insulting me further, it isn’t that you’re a dad either. Ellie is very special, and I’m already
more than a little in love with her too.”
“But?” It was blatantly clear there was a but.
She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. “I meant what I said when we started dating—I’m scared of hurting
you.” When her eyes found his, they looked full of turmoil. “But I’m also scared of getting hurt. What happens when Ellie
is old enough not to need you? You’ll be able to do everything you missed out on. You won’t want to be saddled with a fifty-year-old
woman.”
His jaw tightened. “You think I feel I missed out because of Ellie?”
“I think that’s what you enjoyed about Nantucket. A chance to be a carefree single young man for a few weeks.”
This wasn’t about his daughter.
“I’m not going to pretend there haven’t been times in my life when I’ve wanted a break from Ellie, but I sure as hell can’t
imagine where I’d be without her, what I’d be doing.” He smoothed a finger down her cheek. “She’s enriched my life, made me
a better person—stronger, more capable, more responsible. A guy who, though he’s panicking inside, has the balls to look an
incredible woman in the eye—one who’s so far out of his league, she’s playing a different game—and admit he loves her.” He
dipped his head to meet her gaze. “That’s you, in case you were wondering.”
Her smile was strained. “I told you about not wanting to be like my mum?”
“It’s the reason you focused on your career.”
“Yes.” She stared down at the blanket covering them, her fingers picking at the frayed hem. “When I talked to Mum the other
day, though, she was shocked that I thought she had been unhappy, unfulfilled. She said we, her daughters, were her greatest
achievement, her biggest joy, and that she stayed with Dad because she loved him, not because she had to. I never saw that.”
She looked genuinely flummoxed, like her world had been turned on its head. His heart went out to her. “Maybe because it wouldn’t
have been right for you.”
“Yes, probably. But now I need to work out what is right for me.” He watched her swallow, eyes darting over his shoulder. “I think I’ve used my career as a shield to avoid
relationships so I wouldn’t risk falling for a man who ended up chipping away at me until I no longer felt like me anymore.”
Her eyes lifted to his. “Being in love with a single dad isn’t a position I ever planned to be in.”
He couldn’t stop the hope blooming in his chest. “It doesn’t have to be complicated, Livvy. You don’t have to choose this
life or that life. We can just work it out as we go along.”
It got a low laugh out of her. “Because that’s exactly what someone like me wants to do, bumble along with no clear plan or
direction.” Her smile slipped. “It wouldn’t be easy living with me, Connor.”
“Nothing of value is ever easy.” He smiled. “Besides, you’re so focused on looking for reasons we shouldn’t work, you’ve not
noticed that we’re already working.”
“But living together is different to dating,” she argued. “What about when I phone to say I’ve got to work late and you’ve
just made dinner? Or you’re expecting me back to take care of Ellie because you’ve arranged to play football? Or we have plans
to go away for the weekend and I have to work? And that’s not mentioning my obsessive tidiness, which won’t mesh well with
how you and Ellie live, or my need for structure and organization where you’re more spontaneous and . . . and . . .”
“Chaotic?” he supplied dryly.
“I was trying to find a kinder word.”
He took a breath and used his fingers to count down her arguments one by one. “I’ll eat dinner with Ellie and keep yours warm.
If I arrange to see mates, I’ll ask my parents to take care of Ellie so you can work as late as you need to. If we’ve planned
to go away for the weekend, Ellie and I would entertain ourselves and leave you working in the hotel until you were ready
to join us. At home we’ll keep our mess to one room that you don’t have to go in, but as you’re teaching me to be more organized
and I’m getting you to relax more, it shouldn’t be problem.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “These are small things, Livvy.
I fucking love you. All I want to do is spend as much time as I can with you. Even if it’s only lying down with you at the end of the day.”
“God, Connor.” Her voice caught and she exhaled a shaky breath. “You make it sound so easy.”
“Because it is. You just have to take a leap of faith.” He brushed a kiss against her lips. “But you don’t have to take it
today.”
Her eyes fluttered closed and she snuggled closer, pressing her head against his neck. “Thank you.”
He wrapped his arms around her, his neck feeling suspiciously damp. “What for?”
“Being so patient with me.” She eased back, her eyes glistening. “I promise I’ll think about what you said, but whatever the
future holds, I need you to know that I love . . . sorry, I fucking love you too.”
He smiled, arms tightening around her. And ignored the little voice in his head telling him the cliff he was asking her to
leap from was too high.