Chapter Eighteen
Reaching Out
Everyone was soon alerted to William’s reappearance at the Borrow-A-Bookshop. The village’s (self-appointed) authorities in these matters had concluded that a few days’ rest by the sea would do him good. A room was reserved for him at the Siren, what with it being their quiet time of year, though Finan the landlord pointed out his pub was booked out for the upcoming Valentine’s weekend so he couldn’t stay indefinitely.
William had said he might like to spend some of his daytimes at the bookshop amongst the stock. Perhaps he could make himself useful, he’d said.
His presence had been enough to bring nosy locals descending upon the bookshop to learn more about him, while Harri and Annie tried their hardest to keep the place running as normal.
Without the need to discuss it, William had remained tight-lipped about Harri and Annie being discovered in a compromising predicament in the library of Castle Lore long after the auction ended. Annie had taken his placid smile, aimed at her across the bookshop hubbub, as confirmation that their secret was safe with him.
After that she’d kept out of everyone’s way. There was the silent book club coming up that evening and a lot to prepare, or at least she made it look that way, fussing in the kitchen, rustling up her mother’s recipe for devilled eggs and cleaning the already very clean glasses, and she’d insisted on the shop opening as usual, even when there was a crowd of nosy parkers surrounding William in his armchair by the fire, no one more incredulous than Minty that he could have been living in their midst these fifty years and no one had laid eyes on him. William didn’t mind the news circulating about his former residence; as far as he was concerned it had never been a secret.
There’d been a few comments noting Mrs Crocombe’s absence. Why wasn’t she here to interrogate poor Mr Sabine when that sort of thing was right up her street?
‘She’s got the Ice Cream Cottage to run, and her Valentine’s flavours to perfect,’ Jowan concluded. ‘Never missed a day’s trading these thirty years,’ he added.
It was left to Izaak and Leonid to unravel the mysteries of the life of Mr William Sabine. They winkled it out of him that he was a French national and that he’d arrived with no passport and no papers with the rest of the backpackers and youth hostellers of the Seventies.
He’d received no formal education after the age of sixteen but was considered something of a genius by his teachers, though a worry to his mother, displaying an aptitude for ancient languages that really warranted a university career and could easily get him into the Sorbonne, but he’d struggled with the demands of directed study and preferred to suit himself.
Whilst visiting the libraries of the British Isles, he’d come across Courtenay’s appeal for a companion in private intellectual pursuits and with that he’d sunk into the pleasant daily rituals that kept him holed up at the castle, living in ease and contentment.
Jude Crawley, for she was here too, had wondered aloud about how they could have afforded to live, and William hadn’t liked the intrusion, pointing out that Nicholas Courtenay was a gentleman of some small means and although he had never paid William for his services, he’d taken care of all his worldly needs.
Elliot, Jude’s husband, had stopped the clamour of questions this provoked by pointing out that it was ‘no one’s business but William’s’ and they’d all pretended to be chastened until he left for work at the veterinary clinic, and they’d started up again.
Meanwhile, Harri was distracted.
‘Are we going to talk about it?’ he tried, catching Annie as she flitted between customers and her event preparations.
‘Can you make a batch of cookies?’ Annie replied, feeling the heat along her hairline, even in the February chill. ‘I know we told everyone to bring potluck baking, but it’s better to have too much than not enough.’
‘Annie…’
He’d tried to detain her but every fibre in her being was telling her to shut it down.
‘I don’t think we need to go over it,’ she hissed, checking for prying eyes and ears. ‘There was wine and firelight and a crazy Gothic library like a movie set, and we got carried away.’
‘Right, but if we hadn’t been interrupted…’ Harri had his hand clamped to the back of his neck and the tips of his ears were pink again. Only, he looked exasperated rather than embarrassed.
‘Thank god we were stopped!’ Annie cut him off. ‘We could have really done something stupid and spoiled things for good.’
This seemed to draw Harri up. She felt his eyes on her as she scurried away, folding paper napkins and piling them pointlessly on a tray. Annie wasn’t sticking around to dig deeper into her mortification.
As she bustled around, her phone rang in her pocket. Drawing it out, she saw the words that made her momentarily forget everything: Cassidy calling.
‘Cass? Are you okay?’ She’d grabbed her coat and headed right out the shop door into the noon drizzle.
‘I’m good, I’m good. You?’ Her friend’s voice vibrated with emotion like she’d been crying.
‘What time is it in Amarillo?’ Annie held her phone from her face to check. ‘Seven? You’re up early.’
‘I got your Galentine’s letter.’
‘You did?’ Austen must have mailed it expedited. These locals really took their roles as Borrower Support Team very seriously.
‘Remember last Galentine’s?’ Cassidy said, sniffing through tears.
Annie didn’t miss a beat. ‘Those watermelon cocktails? I could take a couple of those now.’
‘Right?’
Annie listened to the fresh silence down the line, not wanting to spook her friend when she was reaching out.
‘I kicked him out,’ Cassidy blurted.
‘Okay?’ Annie knew to be cautious. There’d be no premature celebrations this time. No commiserations either.
‘He’s gone for good this time, Annie. I promise.’
‘What happened?’ she tried, keeping her voice neutral.
‘Remember Becky from the juice place?’
‘The blonde one?’
‘No, the other one. She happened.’
‘Ah! When did you find out?’
‘A week ago. Kinda hard not to find out when he was sneaking her out the back door when I came home from work.’
‘Shit!’
‘Yup! Shit.’
‘Are you okay?’ Annie was still cautious.
‘Yeah, I’m…’ Cassidy was trying to sound blasé, but she was breaking. ‘I’m so sorry…’
‘Hey, shush now, it’s fine.’
‘It’s not. I wasn’t there when you needed me.’
‘It’s all good, honestly.’
Cassidy’s guilt wouldn’t be easily placated. ‘Dave was tough to live with, you know? It was difficult to get away and see you…’
‘I know. It’s okay. I meant what I said in my letter . I’m here for you anytime.’
‘I’m not taking him back. Dad helped me change the locks. He’s gone for good. Becky can have him.’
‘He should come with a warning,’ hazarded Annie.
‘Like a pet passport from the pound. This dog has fleas.’
‘And needs a muzzle.’ It was happening again. She was being drawn in to the break-up revenge trash-talking. It had felt so good before, but Annie couldn’t shake the fear he’d be back and she’d be the one locked out again.
‘Cass, you know I don’t want to interfere but please, please don’t even see him. If he comes back with his sad eyes wanting to explain. Don’t hear him out. Please.’
‘I won’t. Your letter was like a light coming on, reminding me how much I let him change me, how much I lost myself. I’m never going back to him. Besides, Kenny’s moved in for a few days, so there’s someone else here.’ Kenny was Cassidy’s skinny brother. He’d be no match for Dave in a fight, but at least Cassidy wasn’t alone. ‘Annie?’ Cassidy’s voice faltered. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help with everything at school. I should have been.’
‘Oh, that? It’s okay. I’m just taking some time out. Why? What did you hear?’
‘That you and the senior library staff were suspended. That there was some kind of investigation going on. I should have called. Dave convinced me not to. He had this way of making me forget myself and the things I need. He knew exactly how to control me.’
‘I know.’
Annie wandered down the passageway that led to the breezy slope. The cobbles shone with slippery wetness under her feet. It didn’t stop her turning Down-along to face the harbour.
Being suspended from the job she loved had hurt all the more because Cassidy hadn’t reached out to check on her, and yet she’d already forgiven her. That’s what friends do.
She couldn’t help following her runaway thoughts. If Annie could brush Cassidy’s great big neglectful betrayal under the rug, Harri could surely forget their teeny tiny misdemeanour last night, for the sake of their friendship?
Annie tried to stick to the matter at hand. ‘It’s not your fault. Dave was a… lapse in judgement! And heck yes, he was controlling, and hot in a hottest-deadbeat-you-ever-saw kind of way. That’s a deadly combo.’
Cassidy laughed, thank goodness.
As Annie passed the wide window of the Ice Cream Cottage, she was too absorbed to notice Mrs Crocombe and Mr Bovis behind the colourful display of ices in the refrigerated cabinet like a kid’s paint palette of pastel colours, suddenly spotting Annie and in a panic Mrs C. whipping something small held between them out of sight behind her back. Neither did she see the look of relief on Mrs Crocombe’s face as she glanced at Bovis.
Annie passed on down the slope entirely unaware of whatever it was those two old buffers were intent on concealing.
‘Are you coming back to school?’ Cassidy was asking her.
‘I… I truly don’t know. Do I even want to work in an environment like that? With a handful of parents running the halls?’
‘Both Kimmy and Linda were reinstated. Did you hear?’
‘No! When?’
‘Yesterday. They’re holding community meetings next week to talk it all out. The Library Association reps will be there too.’
‘They will?’
‘Yeah, and you saw the kids’ protest, right?’
‘The what?’
Annie’s phone buzzed as Cassidy sent her the images. Her little band of library lurkers, holding banners, standing with their families around the school gates. There were so many of them.
Now it was Annie’s turn to cry.
‘It’s not as bad as you fear,’ Cassidy was saying. ‘If you come back, you’ll see. There’s more support than you think. And I’ll be there this time, whatever happens.’
Annie huffed a breath and looked down to the wide horizon over the Siren’s roof. A blue-grey line cut between the green sea and the clouds heavy with yet more February drizzle. It looked like it was setting in for the whole day.
‘I don’t know if I have the strength to take on all those other folks, Cass. And Mom and Dad, they’ve not exactly been supportive.’
‘But your mom is, secretly, right?’
‘ Hmm .’ Annie thought of her mother always telling her not to rock the boat, especially at home with her father. ‘She’s with me in private, but Dad was furious, couldn’t understand why I’d bring the fight to his door. It’s only a few books , he said. Stock them, don’t stock them, what’s the big deal? He doesn’t get it.’
‘Come back,’ Cassidy pleaded. ‘See how things are. You’re more ready for this than you know.’
‘That’s what Harri said too,’ said Annie, wryly. What did he know about how brave she was? She was a coward. He should have figured that by now.
‘Oh yeah? How are things with him?’
‘He’s kind of beat up. He’s on a break with Paisley.’
‘No way! Because of the bookselling vacation thing?’
‘I had nothing to do with it,’ said Annie, a little too primly.
‘That’s not what I said, but… was it?’
Annie groaned. ‘Maybe. They split at Christmas, but he’s been living in their flat share ever since.’
‘And they’re definitely taking a break? Are they talking?’
‘They’ve talked since I got here.’
‘But he’s with you right now, not Paisley, right? If he wanted to be with her, wouldn’t he be?’
‘We’re having some friend time. It’s been good for us.’
‘ And? ’
Annie knew that tone. It meant trouble. She could imagine Cassidy’s dark brow arching in suspicion.
‘And…’ Annie faltered.
‘Oh my god! There is an and!’
‘We might have… had a moment last night.’
There came a squeal of excitement down the line. Annie would have stopped her friend’s speculating dead if it weren’t for how good it felt to be confiding in each other again. It was like old times. Like there was no distance between them at all.
‘Was it a good moment?’ Cassidy pried.
Annie kept moving down the slope. She wanted to be out of the hearing of everyone in England if she was going to admit this.
‘It was… so good! We kind of got locked in an old library together at night…’
Another squeal.
‘It’s a long story. Anyway, we were drinking wine and one thing very quickly led to another, and he was kissing me, and then he was, you know, moving his mouth lower and…’
‘Oh my gawd! Go Harri!’
‘Quite,’ Annie said in a prudish way, even though she was smiling and enjoying this. She wasn’t on her own with it anymore. She had her other best friend in all the world back. ‘He was…’ Annie glanced around the harbour wall, covering where her mouth touched the phone with her hands. There were families nearby on the sand and kids in waterproofs barefoot in the rockpools. ‘…seriously good, and things were about to get crazy serious, like I was in my bag looking for birth control and then… we stopped.’
‘Why?’
‘I didn’t want to stop, believe me, but it’s for the best we did. It was a good reminder about how important he is to me as a friend. Actually, this whole trip’s been one big reminder after another that I need my friends around me.’
Silence down the line told her this had landed with Cassidy how she’d needed it to. It wasn’t a barbed criticism; it was the truth. She needed friends more than she needed excitement or adventure or unbelievably hot and intuitively good head from Harri, even if she’d never wanted someone so much in her entire life than she’d wanted Harri last night when he’d made her forget where she was. Heck she’d forgotten her own name!
‘Annie?’ Cassidy’s voice broke through.
‘I’m still here.’ Annie shook away the memories, standing at the edge of the shore. ‘Listen, do you need me to come home early? I can change my flights.’
‘No way! Don’t run from this.’
‘I’m good at running. When are people going to realise this? I’m not as brave as you think I am.’
‘If Harri really is your best friend, don’t you owe it to him to stay and prove it?’
This silenced Annie.
‘And if there’s actually something more, and things between you are as good as I suspect they must be, well… don’t you think it’s worth the risk to find out?’
‘I don’t want to lose him.’ That was the bottom line. Annie feared his loss more than she dared risk exploring the growing attraction.
‘If your friendship is so important and so strong the thought of losing him makes you this afraid, how could telling him you like him possibly spoil things? Look at us, we’re friends, right, no matter what?’
‘Right.’ Annie wanted to protest that Harri was a different matter entirely, but she didn’t. She only watched the gulls in the sky, her shoulders dropping. She suddenly felt very small and very stupid indeed.
Cassidy wasn’t done yet. ‘If he’s love-of-your-life material, you don’t want to pass up the opportunity to find out for sure.’
‘I’m flying home Saturday. What can possibly happen before then?’
‘It sounds like plenty’s already happened.’
Annie wanted to dream and confide and giggle like a kid with her old pal, but she forced herself to face facts. ‘I saw him pick out a Valentine card for Paisley.’
‘Was that before the library thing?’
‘Yeah,’ Annie said grudgingly.
‘Well then. Things can change.’
Annie took a deep breath of salty sea air and released it in a sigh. ‘I hear you.’
‘I don’t know much, but I know you and Harri, and I’ve never heard you in a fix like this over a guy. He’s got under your skin.’
Annie huffed sadly. Cassidy knew her better than she knew herself. ‘I’ve missed you,’ she told her friend.
‘Me too. So much. Thank you for forgiving me.’
‘Nothing to forgive.’
They talked more about the shop and the English seaside, and Annie told her all about William, the silent book club tonight, and the Valentine’s movie night on Friday, and Cassidy tried hard not to get carried away and say how it all sounded like the most romantic thing she’d ever heard of, but Annie could tell that’s exactly what she meant every time she remarked it sounded ‘so cute’ and Annie ‘deserved every second of it’.
When they hung up, Annie found herself staring into a rock pool, catching her reflection in the ripples with the grey sky above her. The Cassidy-shaped hole in her heart was filled up again, and now there was something new troubling her; the battle between her fears and the great big aching wanting she had for a sweet, nerdy Welshman who, after last night, she couldn’t help but appreciate in a whole new light.
She lingered on the sand for a long time trying not to feel anything at all. For a supposedly simple bookselling vacation with an old friend, she’d seriously got more than she’d signed up for. It was a lot to take on board.
Added to that, the situation back home had clearly moved on. Was her community really coming out in support of the library? The kids had made their voices heard. Her colleagues were taking the high ground and inviting discussion and understanding. Was there a place for her amongst it all? Would her father be ready to get on board now? Could she face it all now that she knew Cassidy was waiting for her and Dave was out the picture?
It would still be so hard. Why on earth did everyone think she was so brave? She was afraid, and she was tired and, above all, confused about literally everything.