Fifty-one
The pall of death hung over the house. Even Coco was more subdued than usual, as if recognising the sombre atmosphere. It reminded Joe of when Barb died, only this time the body of the deceased wasn’t lying in the next room, but in the hospital morgue.
Gill had gone straight home from the hospital, saying she didn’t want to intrude on the family’s grief, but Joe wished she was here to help him handle the awkward silences combined with Kieren’s accusations to his mother. Wisely, Briony stayed out of it, pleading the need to rest, and disappearing into the bedroom. Joe had no such excuse and tried to mediate between mother and son with little success. He knew Erica was still consumed with the guilt she’d expressed to him and Gill earlier, now greater than ever and overlaid with grief. While he knew much of Kieren’s anger was a result of his grief, his similarity to his dad was worrying.
Now, two days after Geoff’s death, the argument revolved around Geoff’s funeral, with Kieren insisting his body be returned to Perth and the funeral held there, and Erica wanting to have it in Pelican Crossing and get it over and done with.
Joe couldn’t see them coming to an agreement. He decided to bow out of it and headed out with Coco, hoping to catch up with Gill. They hadn’t seen each other since that dreadful moment at the hospital, though he had spoken to her on the phone.
It was good to get out of the house. The place which had been his comfort all those years, which had provided him with solace when Barb died, had turned into a battleground. He wanted to do something to help Erica, but Kieren was Geoff’s son, and he had rights too. Joe had often heard it said that a death could bring out the worst in families. He was witnessing it firsthand, and it wasn’t pretty.
Coco was glad to be out too, her nose to the ground as she sniffed out all the new scents since her last walk.
Joe wandered down to the marina, stopped for a few moments to admire the rows of boats berthed there, then moved on in the direction of Gill’s apartment. It was a Saturday morning. She didn’t work on Saturdays. But there was no guarantee she’d be home. He couldn’t believe how much he wanted to see her, to hear her voice, to be with someone unconnected with death and its attendant grief, grief for a man he’d despised, a man who didn’t deserve the outpouring of grief Joe had been expected to share.
Taking a deep breath, the thought of seeing Gill filling him with a sense of anticipation he hadn’t been prepared for, he made his way to her door.
*
Gill was feeling restless. Since returning from her early morning swim, she’d showered, changed and eaten breakfast. Now she was sitting on her balcony with a second cup of liquorice tea, wondering what was happening across the town in Joe’s house. Freya was due back today but not till late afternoon. She had a whole day to fill.
Gill’s mind went back to that moment in the hospital when Joe had told her Geoff was dead. It had been a shock, and she felt guilty at her initial feeling of relief, relief Erica would no longer have to be afraid of her husband. But her relief was soon tempered with sadness that Erica’s son had lost the father he idolised. Death was never pleasant, and this one had happened so suddenly, been so unexpected. Now the family would be grieving, and although she’d spoken to Joe on the phone, she had no idea what their plans were.
Draining her cup, she took it into the kitchen, rinsed it and set it on the draining board. She often didn’t bother with the dishwasher when she was on her own. She missed having Erica there, missed Joe dropping in with Coco. The dog had such a comforting presence. Gill was sure she was providing comfort to Joe’s family, aware of their distress.
Deciding these thoughts were unproductive and wanting to keep busy, Gill went into her study and fired up her computer. She had plenty of work to do, and she was sure Joe would contact her again when he could. She was looking forward to Freya coming back and to hearing all about her time in Sydney.
As her computer came to life, Gill saw a new email from her solicitor. Her heart sank. Max had been surprisingly quiet since Freya called to issue her ultimatum, but knowing him, he’d manage to get around it somehow. She opened the email.
Gill blinked, unable to believe her eyes. Freya’s tactic had worked. Not only had Max withdrawn his demand for a percentage of her future income, he’d agreed she could buy him out of the apartment using a fair market value. She stared at the email again, to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. But the words were still there. She was flooded with a sense of exhilaration. After all those years, after all the angst, all the recriminations, the divorce could finally be settled. This called for a celebration.
Gill was looking in the fridge and wondering if it would be too self-indulgent to open a bottle of champagne and drink a glass by herself at this time on a Saturday morning, when there was a knock on the door. Closing the fridge door, grateful she’d been saved from making a decision, she went to see who was there.
As soon as Gill opened the door, she was greeted by a wet nose and a tongue licking her hand. She raised her eyes to see the dog’s master. ‘Joe,’ she said, staring at him in surprise, her heart racing.
‘Can we come in?’
‘Sorry. Of course.’ Gill realised she’d been standing there as if turned to stone. ‘I didn’t expect to see you today. I thought you’d be busy arranging…’
‘Thanks.’ Joe walked in, following Coco who was already making her way to the kitchen. ‘It’s a madhouse at my place. Kieren and Erica are at loggerheads over the funeral. I had to get out. I was hoping you’d be home.’
‘Where else would I be?’ Gill smiled. She was so pleased to see him. She wanted to share her good news, but was it appropriate when he was so mired in grief… or was he? She knew he didn’t have much time for his brother-in-law when he was alive, and Joe wasn’t one of those hypocrites who suddenly changed their attitude to a person once they were dead.
‘Freya not back yet?’ Joe asked glancing around the room.
‘She gets in later today.’ Gill couldn’t keep the grin off her face.
‘You’re looking very pleased about something. Dare I think it’s about seeing me?’
Gill suddenly felt guilty. Of course Joe would jump to that conclusion. ‘Actually, I just received some good news,’ she said.
‘Let me guess, you’ve won the lottery?’
Gill laughed. ‘Almost as good. Freya’s ultimatum worked. Max has taken back most of his ridiculous demands. My divorce can be settled.’
‘Well, that does call for a celebration.’ Joe pulled Gill into a warm embrace, their lips meeting.
Gill clung to him. She felt her senses swim. But, as their embrace deepened, their passion mounting, she realised they were alone in her apartment. Freya wouldn’t be back for hours. If she gave in to her emotions, if she and Joe made love, there would be no turning back.
What was wrong with her ? Gill slid out of Joe’s embrace, seeing his expression of disappointment. Coco mirrored her master’s feelings, her eyes filled with sadness as she dropped her head onto her paws.
‘What’s the matter?’ Joe asked, clearly puzzled by Gill’s withdrawal. ‘You’ve got what you wanted, haven’t you?’
‘Ye…es, but…’ Gill bit her lip. She wanted to consummate their love. She did, she knew she did, but something held her back. Would it always be like this? Would she always draw back, too afraid to allow herself to enjoy a proper relationship ?
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, feeling like a rabbit caught in headlights.
‘Sorry for what?’ Joe said, frowning.
She wanted to grab him, kiss him. Instead, she took a step back.
‘What is it?’ Joe persisted, ‘Has something happened?’
Yes, something has happened. I’ve fallen in love with you.
‘Sorry,’ she said again, ‘I just… it’s… I’m not sure I can do this, Joe…’
Joe sighed and shook his head. ‘I can’t do this right now. It’s too much. Come, Coco.’
Gill’s eyes misted as she watched him leave. Coco padding silently behind him. She wanted to call him back, to tell him… But she didn’t. What had she done?