Chapter 14
Hadley
The hotel lobby smelled like fresh lilies and money I'd never touch.
Zariah stood in front of me, arms wrapped tight around my shoulders, her face buried in my neck.
We were both crying, quiet, messy tears that soaked into each other's shirts.
Eli clung to my leg like a limpet, small hands fisted in my jeans, already rocking side to side because the lobby was too bright, too echoey, too full of strangers staring.
Zariah pulled back just enough to look at me. Her mascara was streaked, eyes red. "Call me every day," she whispered. "Every single day, Had. Promise."
"I promise." My voice cracked. "And you come visit. Soon."
"I will. Work's insane right now but next month, max. I'll fly out. I swear."
She knelt down to Eli's level, brushed his bangs back. "Hey, little man. You be good for your sister, okay? I'll bring you that new train book when I come. The one with the bullet trains in Japan."
Eli nodded fast, eyes wide. "Shinkansen."
Zariah laughed through tears. "Exactly. Shinkansen."
She hugged him quick, gentle, careful not to squeeze too hard, then stood again. Looked at me hard.
"Don't let Syd win," she whispered. "She's poison. You're stronger than her, than all of them."
I nodded. Couldn't speak.
She kissed my cheek. "Love you."
"Love you more."
She walked backward toward the exit, waving until she disappeared around the corner. I stood there until Eli tugged my hand.
"Hadley? Where's Zariah going?"
"Home. But she'll come back."
He looked up at me. "Are we going home too?"
I swallowed. "We're going... somewhere new. For a while."
He didn't answer. Just pressed closer.
Packing had been hell earlier that morning.
I folded Eli's shirts into his little suitcase, tiny trains on the fabric, while my mind screamed.
Leaving Vegas meant leaving everything that was mine.
The club where I knew every shift, every tip, every escape route.
The apartment with the wobbly card table and the star projector that helped Eli sleep.
The routine that kept us breathing, cleaning houses, dancing nights, coming home to him.
That was independence. Crappy, exhausting, but mine.
LA? That was Cal's world. Syd's playground. Big houses, big egos, big everything. I didn't know how to breathe there. Didn't know if Eli could. New school. New noises. New people staring at us like we were the scandal of the week.
I zipped the suitcase. Hand on my stomach. Flat still. But not for long.
The private jet smelled like leather and money. We boarded through a side gate, no crowds, no flashes, but Eli still felt it. The engine hum. The smell of jet fuel. The way the ground vibrated.
He started pacing the aisle before we even taxied. Humming loud. Hands flapping. "Too loud. Too loud."
I pulled him into my lap. "Hey. Breathe with me. In... out."
He tried. Couldn't. Takeoff hit and he lost it completely, screaming "Down!
Want down!" rocking hard, hands clamped over his ears.
I wrapped around him like a shield. Rocked with him.
Whispered train routes, Amtrak from Chicago to Seattle, stops in Denver, Salt Lake, Portland. He clung. Shook. Cried into my neck.
Across the aisle Syd watched. Smirked. Leaned into Cal. "Kids are so dramatic, huh? Cal hates noise like that."
Cal didn't answer. Just stared out the window.
She kept going. Sat between him and Jake, played cards with Holland, winning on purpose, laughing loud. "You boys never learn. Remember that game in Austin? I cleaned you all out."
Holland laughed. Forced. "Yeah. You cheated."
"Did not. I'm just better."
She massaged Kei's shoulders when he rubbed his temples. "Tension headache again? Poor baby."
Kei gave a tight smile. Didn't pull away.
I looked away. Focused on Eli. On breathing.
Mid-flight turbulence jolted us. Eli finally crashed, headphones on, asleep against my chest. Holland slid into the seat across from me.
"Hey," he said quiet.
"Hey."
He rubbed his neck. "Zariah's been blowing up my phone. She's worried sick about you."
I managed a small smile. "She's the best."
He nodded. Looked down at his hands. "I've loved her forever. Since we were kids running around the same block. But this life... the road, the tours, the bullshit. It kills love. I don't want to drag her under with me."
I swallowed. "She's strong. She'd fight for you."
"I know." He looked at me. "You holding up?"
"I'm terrified," I admitted. "LA feels like a trap. Eli won't adjust. And Cal... he's not who I thought he was."
Holland exhaled. "Cal's not bad deep down. Just broken. Give him time, but don't wait forever. You deserve more than waiting."
I didn't answer. Just stared at Eli's sleeping face.
We landed in LA. Limo waiting. Blacked-out windows.
Eli pressed his face to the glass as we drove through Beverly Hills, palm trees, gates, houses bigger than my old apartment complex.
Cal's estate sat at the end of a winding drive, security gates, manicured lawns, infinity pool overlooking the city.
Mansion. White stone. Glass walls. Home theater.
Gym. Guest wing bigger than my whole life.
Inside it echoed. Cold marble floors. Art on the walls I didn't understand, abstract splashes of color that probably cost more than Eli's meds for a year. Eli clung to my hands. Wide-eyed. Overwhelmed.
"This isn't home," I whispered to myself. "It's a stage."
I carried Eli to what was supposed to be our room, huge bed, white linens, ocean view through floor-to-ceiling windows. He sat on the edge, swinging his legs, staring at the floor.
"Hadley?" he asked. "Is this forever?"
I knelt in front of him. "No, bud. Just for a while. Until things calm down."
He nodded. Didn't look convinced.
That night I sat alone in the guest room, huge bed, white linens, ocean view through floor-to-ceiling windows. Hand on my belly.
Whispered to the baby.
"We'll make it work. Somehow."
But doubt crept in hard.
This wasn't a home.
It was a prison.
And I didn't know how to get out.
Chapter 15
Hadley
Cal texted me the appointment details the night before like he was scheduling a dentist visit.
“Ultrasound tomorrow, 10 a.m. Sharp. I’ll drive.
” No emoji. No “you okay?” Just time and place.
I stared at the message until my eyes burned, thumb hovering over the keyboard.
Part of me wanted to type back “I’ll go alone” and mean it.
The other part, the exhausted, scared, lonely part, wanted him there.
Wanted him to see the screen. Hear the heartbeat.
Maybe then something in him would crack open.
I didn’t reply. Just set an alarm for 7:30.
Morning came gray and heavy. I woke Eli gently, rubbed his back until his eyes opened.
“Time to get up, bud.” He mumbled something about trains, rolled over.
I helped him brush his teeth, combed his hair, pulled on his favorite blue train shirt.
The house felt too big without Zariah’s laugh echoing down the hall.
She’d left yesterday after hugging me so hard I thought my ribs would crack, promising to call tonight, promising to visit soon. I missed her already.
Cal was in the foyer when we came down. Jeans. Black hoodie. Sunglasses even though the sky was overcast. He glanced at Eli, quick, almost awkward, then at me.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I adjusted Eli’s backpack. “You sure you want to come?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s my kid too.”
I nodded. Didn’t push.
We walked outside. The black SUV was already running. Syd was in the passenger seat. Legs crossed. Phone in hand. She looked up, smiled that too-sweet smile.
“Morning, family.”
My stomach dropped. “She’s coming?”
Cal opened the back door for Eli. “She asked. I said yes.”
I stared at him. “This is my appointment. Our baby. Not hers.”
Syd twisted around. “I’m just here for support. Cal’s nervous. I thought I could help.”
Kei appeared from the garage, keys dangling. He saw Syd in the front seat, saw my face, sighed like he’d seen this movie before.
“Syd,” he said quietly. “Back off. This is between Cal and Hadley.”
She laughed, soft, almost hurt. “It’s fine, Kei. I’m not crashing the ultrasound. Just riding along. Cal said it was okay.”
Kei looked at Cal. “You good with this?”
Cal exhaled through his nose. “She’s family.”
Syd turned to him, voice dropping to that small, trembling tone she used when she wanted something. “You promised. You said I could come.”
Cal’s jaw ticked. “Yeah. It’s fine.”
I felt the air leave my lungs. I turned away, buckled Eli in the back seat, didn’t look at anyone. Eli hummed softly to himself, oblivious. I wanted to be that calm.
The drive was silent except for Eli’s humming and the low thrum of the engine. Syd scrolled her phone. Cal stared straight ahead. I stared out the window at palm trees whipping past, thinking how wrong this all felt.
At the clinic Syd tried to follow us inside. I stopped her at the waiting room door.
“No,” I said. Firm. Louder than I meant. “Only me and Cal.”
She blinked. “I’m just....”
“The midwife said patient and partner only.”
Cal shifted behind me. “Syd....”
She cut him off, voice rising just enough to draw eyes. “You’re really doing this? Kicking me out? After everything I’ve done for you? For all of you?”
The receptionist glanced over. I ignored her.
“You’re not my family,” I said. “You’re his. And right now, this is mine.”
Syd’s eyes filled fast. She turned to Cal, lip trembling. “You’re letting her do this to me?”
Cal looked between us. Jaw tight. Then he stepped closer to her. Put a hand on her arm, gentle, familiar.
“Hey,” he murmured. “It’s okay. Just wait here. I’ll be right back. Promise.”
She sniffled. Nodded. Shot me a look that could’ve cut glass.
I walked past them. Didn’t look back.
The midwife was older, kind eyes, no-nonsense voice. She let us into the exam room. Dim lights. Paper on the table. Gel bottle warming on the counter.
Cal stood by my head. Hands in his pockets. Didn’t touch me. Didn’t speak.
I lay back. Lifted my shirt. Cold gel. Colder wand.
The midwife moved it slow. Then, the sound.
Fast. Tiny. Thumping through the speakers like a drum under water.
The heartbeat.
I cried. Couldn’t stop it. Tears slid hot down my temples, into my hair. I laughed at the same time, shaky, broken.
“That’s… him?” Cal asked. Voice rough. Barely above a whisper.
“Or her,” the midwife said gently. “Strong heartbeat. Everything looks perfect.”
I laughed again through tears. “Yeah. That’s our baby.”
Cal stared at the screen. Face blank at first. Then something cracked. His throat worked. Eyes glassy. He didn’t wipe them. Just watched until the image froze.
The midwife printed pictures. Handed them to me. I clutched them like they were gold.
After, in the hallway, Syd was waiting. Arms crossed. Eyes red.
Cal walked straight to her. “Hey. It’s okay.”
She buried her face in his chest. “I just wanted to be there.”
“I know.”
I walked past them. Eli was with the driver in the car. I didn’t look back.
Cal sent me home with the driver. Said he had to take Syd to band practice. Upcoming concert prep. I didn’t argue.
Evening came slow.
I sat in the guest room alone. Window open. Ocean breeze cool on my skin. Hand on my belly. Thinking.
I used to dream of being a social worker. Helping kids like me, foster kids, orphans, ones who bounced from house to house with no one to claim them. I wanted to be the person who showed up. Who listened. Who fought for them.
I never finished high school. Dropped out at seventeen when Eli’s parents left him with me. No diploma. No GED. No college.
But maybe now…
Cal was rich. He could help. Pay for classes. Tutoring. Childcare. I could swallow my pride. Ask.
If he said no?
I had savings. Not much. Enough to start small. A bakery maybe. Somewhere quiet. Oregon. I always wanted Oregon, green, rainy, far from neon lights and paparazzi. Me, Eli, the baby. A little shop with cakes and bread. Fresh every morning. No cameras. No Syd.
Cal could pay child support after the divorce. We’d be fine.
I was still staring at the dark ocean when the door opened quietly.
I startled. Turned.
Cal.
He stepped inside. Closed the door soft. Didn’t turn on the light.
He looked disheveled—hair messed, shirt wrinkled, eyes tired. No alcohol smell. Just… him.
Eli was in the next room. His own space now. Door shut.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
He didn’t answer. Just walked to the bed. Sat on the edge. Head down.
I waited.
“My head’s killing me,” he said finally. Quiet. “I don’t have anyone to go to.”
I crossed my arms. “Syd’s busy?”
“Probably with Jake. Fucking or blowing him. I don’t know.”
I sighed. “So I’m the second choice.”
He looked up. Eyes raw. “Please. Let me stay. Your scent… it calms me.”
I stared at him. He’d never sounded like this. Vulnerable. Small.
I should’ve thrown him out.
I didn’t.
“Fine,” I said. “But don’t touch me.”
He nodded.
We lay down. Him on top of the covers. Me under. Space between us.
After a while he spoke. Voice low.
“I heard the heartbeat today.”
“Yeah.”
“It was… real.”
I didn’t answer.
He shifted. Closer. Hand hovered over my shirt.
“Can I…?”
I didn’t move.
He lifted the hem. Slow. Exposed my stomach. Flat. Soft.
He pressed his cheek there. Warm. Stubble rough.
“Hey, little one,” he whispered. “It’s me. Your dad.”
My throat closed.
He talked. Quiet. Told the baby about trains. About music. About how he’d fuck up but try not to.
His hand moved. Circled my skin. Slow. Gentle.
Then lower.
Fingers slipped under my waistband. Found me.
I gasped.
He didn’t stop.
Two fingers slid inside. Slow. Deep. Curled.
I arched. Bit my lip.
He moved. Steady rhythm. Thumb on my clit. Circles. Pressure.
“You’re wet,” he murmured against my skin. “For me.”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t.
He kept going. Faster. Deeper. Crooked fingers hitting that spot.
I came quiet. Shaking. Tears in my eyes.
He pulled out. Kissed my stomach once.
Then lay back.
We fell asleep like that.
Him curled toward me.
Me staring at the ceiling.
Wondering what the hell I was doing.