16. Renee
Renee
Jessica’s presence in the car unnerved Renee in a way that was more than just having another person at work with her. Her stomach fluttered. Fluttered. It was as if she were a teenager waiting for a make-out session.
But this was a job. Nothing more.
“So how did you get into this work?” Jessica asked, oblivious to where Renee’s mind had been. “Was it something you always wanted to do?”
She grabbed a pretzel from the sandwich bag Jessica had brought, despite Renee saying they didn’t need snacks. It was only fair. She’d brought what was left of her white chocolate cherry cookies to share.
She munched on the pretzel while she thought. Eventually, she settled on an answer. “Kind of? I used to always get excited when there were movies with a private investigator. They were always looking into some bad guy and taking part in making things right.”
“That’s really cool that you made a career out of that,” Jessica said, accepting a cookie Renee offered. Her big brown waves trailed down a little past her shoulders, and Renee wanted nothing more than to reach out and run her hands through those silky strands.
Just then, Renee caught sight of the same neighbor from the other night and grabbed Jessica’s arm.
“Get down.”
They both slid down in their seats, with Renee looking carefully over the dashboard until the woman was far enough past the car.
“It’s clear,” she said.
They both sat up again, and Jessica audibly sighed in relief. “Well, that was scary. Was that the woman who saw you before?”
“Yeah, that was her.”
“Do you think she saw us?”
Renee shook her head. “I hope not.”
“We should keep an eye out for her to come back, unless she goes all the way around the complex before going home.” Jessica turned to face Renee. “So, what do you want to talk about now?”
“Your turn,” Renee said. “How did you get into playing music? Did you always play since you were little?”
“My mom signed me up for lessons as soon as I could sit at the piano,” Jessica said. “It’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do. And I love teaching lessons. It’s like passing on the gift that was given to me all those years ago.”
“That’s a really nice way to look at that,” Renee said, packing up their snacks and placing the bag and container out of the way on the back seat. “You mentioned your mom. Do you have other family?”
“Oh, yeah. I have a big family. None of us are super close, though. They all live in Alabama. I came here for school and only go home for holidays. How about you? Big family?”
“Only child. Bunch of cousins, but we didn’t hang out. It was mostly just me and my aunt.”
“She raised you?”
“Not officially,” Renee said. “I just spent a lot of time with her. Mom was always busy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not. I had a good time with my aunt.” Renee choked out a small laugh. “It’s so weird. Like, I don’t feel like I earned that house. Like I owe her a house or something. Not the other way around.”
“She clearly disagreed.”
Renee looked down at the camera in her lap to avoid Jessica’s gaze. It made her feel vulnerable in a way she wasn’t used to. And that she wasn’t particularly comfortable with.
The apartment door opened, and Jessica’s ex stepped outside with the dog. It was nearly dark, so this was the last reasonable time for a walk.
Renee lifted her camera and took photos as the woman did just as she had the other night: rushed the eager dog to a small, nearby grassy area, then pulled him back inside.
When the door to the apartment closed, Jessica sighed. “I didn’t want to be right.”
“I’m sorry,” Renee said. “I didn’t want you to be right, either.”
“Well, at least now I know for sure.”
Renee set her camera down in her lap. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure yet.” Her voice was small and timid.
Renee felt the strongest urge to go in there and have a little chat with this ex. Instead, she decided to present the question that had been bugging her.
“Can I ask you something? Why were you with her? If she’s disappointing you with this, I’m sure she must have been shitty in other areas, too.” She shook her head. “Sorry, if that’s too personal, just tell me to shut up.”
“No, it’s fine,” Jessica said, her voice still barely audible. But she found some strength and said, “Yeah, she was pretty awful. I can see that now. I think I was in love with the idea of her. You know what I mean?”
Renee did not know what she meant. She’d had casual relationships, but nothing serious since high school. And even then, she wasn’t sure if she was ever really in love or just young. She’d never been so enamored with someone that the idea of them took over her brain.
Except that was sort of how she was feeling right now, wasn’t it?
But that’s how things had to stay. The idea of Jessica was all there could be. Even once they finished their jobs for each other, Renee would go back to Baton Rouge as soon as she emptied the house to put it on the market.
Jessica continued, “I think I lost myself in that relationship. I tried to be whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, but when I did try to be myself, whatever that meant, I never felt like I could do anything right. I just felt… wrong. All the time. It made me feel like I’d never find anyone else who would put up with me like she did. ”
Renee reached over and placed a hand on Jessica’s cheek, gently turning her head to face her. “You deserve so much more than that. No one has to ‘put up with’ you. You know that now, right?”
Jessica shrugged. “Sort of. I’m getting there.”
Renee left her hand on the side of Jessica’s face and stared into her bright hazel eyes, losing herself in them. Forgetting every objection she had. Feeling her body move across the seat, closing the space between them.
Everything around them fell away when she kissed Jessica. The parking lot. The apartment. The car. All of her objections. There was nothing but Jessica’s warm, soft lips against her own.
A knock on the window jolted her back to reality.
They jumped apart, and Renee looked to the driver’s side to find a uniformed police officer standing outside the door. Jessica gave a quick look back at Renee, then exited the car as the cop instructed her to do.
Renee exited on her side as well.
“There was a complaint about someone loitering out here who doesn’t live in the complex. Was that you two?”
“Yes, sir,” Renee said. “I’m a private investigator on a case. I can show you my license?”
When the cop nodded at her, she walked around and showed it to him, waiting as he looked it over.
“We’re wrapping up here,” she said.
He smirked. “I can see that.”
Renee felt her face grow hot as her brain scrambled to make sense of everything that was happening. Jessica stood frozen beside her.
The cop left, and they reentered the car. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Everything that had just gone wrong raced through Renee’s head. The confirmation that Jessica was right about her ex. The cop. The kiss.
She wasn’t sure if she should lump that last one in with the others. Wasn’t sure whether to put it in the good column or the bad one. It wasn’t the right thing to happen. But it had happened, and she couldn’t pretend otherwise. And she’d liked it. A lot.
This was a mess.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s fine,” Jessica said. “It’s fine. I’m just… It’s not that…”
“It’s okay if it’s not fine.”
Jessica’s eyes widened as if the thought had never occurred to her. Then she took a deep breath and continued. “It’s just that I don’t know if I’m ready for… something else.”
“I get it,” Renee said. “It was unprofessional of me, anyway. I’m sorry for crossing that line.”
Jessica laughed. “My friends all think I should have some kind of ‘fling.’ Can you believe that?”
“People do it all the time. It’s a viable way to get over a relationship sometimes.”
“Not for me, I don’t think.” Jessica sighed. “I just can’t do casual.”
Yet another reason that kiss had been a terrible idea.
“Right. And I only do casual, so that was a mistake.”
With a small smile, Jessica said, “It was nice, though.”
Renee smiled in return. “It was.”
They drove back to Jessica’s apartment, where Renee got out of the car and walked the few spots to hers. Jessica followed a step behind.
“Thanks for tonight,” Jessica said. “The photos, I mean.”
“I’ll get those to you tomorrow, so you can do whatever you want with them.”
“Oh, it can wait until Monday. I don’t want to mess up your weekend plans.”
Renee laughed. “Yeah, big plans. My friend Ben’s out of town at a family wedding, so it’s just me going through all the crap in that house by myself this weekend.”
Jessica looked thoughtful and tilted her head, like she had when she’d come up with the plan to take her car that evening. “Why don’t I come over and help you?”
“I couldn’t ask—”
“I’m offering,” Jessica said. “And it’ll give me something to do. How about I go over Sunday? I’ll be missing Chase terribly by then, so it would help me, too.”
Something told Renee this was another bad idea, but her mouth spoke before her brain could fully object.
“If you’re sure,” she said. “Company and a hand would be nice.”
“Then it’s settled. I’ll see you Sunday.”
Sunday.
Jessica smiled and said goodbye before heading into her apartment, leaving Renee standing outside her car, wondering what had just happened.
Jessica had happened.
Jessica with her mix of sunshine and sadness. Jessica with her unexpected plans. Jessica with her mouth that left an imprint on Renee’s own lips as well as her brain.
This was for sure a terrible idea.
But she could hold it together for one day. Be sensible. Neither of them wanted a serious relationship at the moment, and Jessica wasn’t up for anything short-term. Not even after this job and the celebration, when they were done with their business relationship. Nothing more could happen.
She had one whole day to convince herself of that.