24. Renee
Renee
They finished their movie and ate a spicy, garlicky shrimp pasta Ben whipped up.
Renee already knew he was an excellent cook, but it was fun to watch him show off for their company.
Then they broke out a car racing game Ben had brought on his gaming console.
Jessica had never played it before, so she did horribly, but she seemed to get a kick out of Renee and Ben’s playful bickering.
Outside, the storm raged on. It had apparently weakened quite a bit as it reached the coastline, but it was still formidable.
The wind howled angrily, reminding them it was long past when anyone should be out on the roads.
Jessica was definitely here for the night.
While she wasn’t glad for the hurricane, she was glad she had a safe, comforting place for Jessica to ride it out.
“I guess Bartholomew isn’t coming out to say hi?”
“Barthy’s in hiding for the rest of the storm, I suspect,” Ben said. When Renee shot him a look, he laughed and added, “She hates when I call him that.”
“I can’t blame her.” Jessica chuckled. “It really is awful.”
Ben shrugged. “I’ve been outvoted, it seems. Bartholomew, it is.”
“Have you found someone for him yet?” Jessica asked, turning to Renee. “No one I’ve asked is able or willing to take in a cat.”
Renee felt a warmth wash over her heart that Jessica actually followed through on wanting to help with that.
“Thanks for trying. And no, I haven’t found anyone.
” Her shoulders sank with the weight of what she was coming to accept was her only option.
“I did find a shelter that will take him. It’s pretty nice for a place like that.
They’ll have better luck finding someone to love him. ”
“He already has someone who loves him,” Ben said.
“But you can’t take him,” Renee said.
“I meant you.”
Renee shook her head. “We’ve been over this a million times. Can’t bring him back to my apartment, and I’m selling this house. I can’t keep him.”
“I know, I know,” Ben said with a sigh. “But a guy can wish.”
“You can wish all you want,” Renee said. “Won’t make it come true.”
Renee wasn’t really annoyed by his persistence on the matter. She appreciated his desire to have her around more, and she knew he truly did want the best for her.
“I’m still up for the challenge,” he said.
Jessica looked back and forth between them. “What challenge?”
“I’m on a mission to convince Renee why it would be in her best interest to move back here.”
“Not happening,” Renee said in a singsong voice.
“That sounds like quite the mission,” Jessica said.
Ben nodded. “She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m taking her for a fall-in-love-with-Oakview day later this week. We’ll have to be flexible around storm damage, of course. But I can make it work.”
“I can’t wait to hear how that goes,” Jessica said.
Renee searched Jessica’s face for signs of… something. Was she also pushing for Renee to stick around?
They’d talked about this. Even if Renee stayed, there wasn’t a future for them. They wanted two very different things from a relationship, and Renee couldn’t stand breaking her heart if anything got too serious.
But did she have to break her heart?
Her conversation with Felicia played out in her head. How Felicia said she was afraid of things going right. Maybe there was some truth to that.
She looked at Jessica sitting on the sofa, one leg bent under the other, smooth and tanned in her light gray shorts.
Her hair was pulled into a low ponytail that trailed down the back of her T-shirt.
Her smile made her whole face glow as she and Ben exchanged a few more words about getting Renee on board with staying in Oakview.
But Renee didn’t hear them. All she could do was stare at Jessica in her living room, while she struggled to remember all the reasons she didn’t want a relationship with this sweet, hazel-eyed woman.
It wasn’t Jessica, she reminded herself. She didn’t want a relationship with anyone.
But Jessica wasn’t just anyone. In the short time they’d been around each other, Renee had developed more feelings for her than any other person she’d been out with.
And she’d been in relationships with people for longer than this, relationships where they both knew things were to remain strictly casual.
Jessica though… Jessica had swooped into her life and made everything fresh and comfortable.
This was the first time Renee could ever remember even considering breaking her “only casual relationships” rule.
She’d been on the camera end of too many failed relationships too many times. But like Felicia reminded her… what if things didn’t go horribly wrong? Would it be worth the risk?
Was she really considering this?
A powerful gust of wind hit the house, and everything went dark.
“Well, there it is,” Ben said.
Renee reached over and turned on the battery-operated lantern on the coffee table. It lit up most of the room, and flashlights sat ready around it. Everyone had flashlight apps on their phones, of course, but better to keep the charge on those as long as they could.
“Who’s up for snacks? And a game?”
“Sounds perfect,” Jessica said. “I’ll help you.”
Renee grabbed another lantern, turned it on, and carried it with them into the kitchen, where she placed it on the center island. Other than the light from the small lamp, it was eerily dark in the room with the windows boarded up.
“Thanks again for inviting me,” Jessica said. “I’m really glad I didn’t have to go through this storm alone. I know I’d be fine in my apartment, but it’s good to have people to pass the time with and keep me from being so anxious.”
“Of course,” Renee said. “Glad you came.”
There was a long, awkward pause. Then Jessica’s phone dinged, and she pulled it out from her back pocket.
“It’s Naomi, just checking in.”
While Jessica responded to her friend, Renee pulled out her phone and sent a curt, We’re fine, message to her mother.
“They’re all good,” Jessica said. “You checking in, too?”
“Yeah, figured I should probably answer my mom’s text, too.”
“I’m sure she’s glad to hear you’re okay.”
Renee wasn’t so sure about that. It was more like her mother was checking that there wasn’t some inconvenience she’d have to deal with. More concerned with damage to the house they needed to sell than with her daughter’s well-being.
“How about Chase? Have you checked on him yet?”
“Not yet.” Jessica’s expression became strained. “I should text Claire.”
A few moments later, Jessica got the response she wanted and said, “They’re fine.”
Renee noticed the weight of the text exchange on her. “But you miss him.”
Jessica nodded. “It’s just… hard. I’ve never been through a storm without him.”
“I’m sorry. That has to suck.”
“And having to continue to communicate with Claire about him,” Jessica said. “It messes with my head a little, that’s all.”
“But you’re done, right? The divorce is final except for the last of the paperwork?”
“Right. The mediator has everything, and we’re just waiting for it to go to a judge to sign off on it.”
Renee wasn’t sure why she was so relieved by this.
No, she knew why.
Other than her feelings for Jessica, which she couldn’t deny existed, she was worried for her.
Something was nagging her about Claire’s breakup with her girlfriend.
Would she somehow turn back to Jessica for comfort and mess with her head some more?
From what she’d heard, it didn’t sound like a healthy relationship, even before things went south.
But that was none of her business. Renee and Jessica weren’t together. It was up to Jessica who she was with.
Or was it her business?
She pulled a bag of chips toward her, then froze, unable to move away. Unable to leave this room without saying what needed to be said.
She turned to face Jessica completely, realizing now just how close they were. She could smell the sandalwood on her.
“Jessica,” she said, clearing the way for what she wasn’t sure she should say but couldn’t stop herself from saying it. “I like having you around. I like being around you. With you. I haven’t felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. Other than Ben and Felicia, maybe ever.”
Jessica smiled. “I really like being around you, too.”
Renee stepped closer, ignoring the snacks and the rest of the world. She took a deep breath and let her heart speak. “I think… I think I want to see where this can go.”
The words surprised even her, and Jessica seemed equally surprised by them.
“I thought you didn’t want anything serious.”
“Serious scares the shit out of me,” Renee admitted. “I’ve seen the shitty side of way too many break-ups. But it’s also been brought to my attention that it doesn’t have to be like that with the right person. So I’m up for dipping a toe in the relationship water.”
“You know I can’t do just a toe, right? And I thought you were moving?”
“Right. Well, I’d like to enjoy the time I have left with you here.”
Jessica smiled. “I’d like that too.” Her mouth turned downwards. “But after?”
“After, I’d see you when I come to Oakview to handle business with the estate. And you could visit whenever you want. And we’d keep in touch, of course.”
With a small laugh, Jessica said, “I think you just described a long-distance relationship.”
Renee ran a hand through her hair. “I guess I did.”
“Is that what you really want?”
Renee thought. Really thought about it. Was that what she wanted? She thought so. But what she didn’t want was to be wrong and break Jessica’s heart if she couldn’t follow through. Although wasn’t that a risk with all relationships?
“My friend says I’m afraid of things going right. I think she might be on to something.”
“The big question is, do you want things to go right?”
Renee thought some more. “Yes. That’s what I want.”
And for the first time, she was absolutely clear about that.
“Glad to hear it,” Jessica said with a smile.
“What about Claire?” she asked.
Jessica shook her head as her smile faded and she turned more serious. “Things are weird in my head sometimes, I can’t deny that, but I know she and I are done. I’m ready to move on.”
Renee closed the gap between them and reached for Jessica’s arm. She held her close as their lips met, neither of them pulling away this time. Neither of them running from this thing between them.
The kiss was slow and deliberate. Gentle as they got to know one another in this way, as they had in other ways over the past few weeks.
Jessica placed another smaller kiss on Renee’s lips and said, “So in case I wasn’t clear, this is what I want, too.”
Renee smiled and felt the joy all the way down to her toes. She nodded toward the other room. “But we should get back before Ben stages a mutiny over his missing snacks.”
Jessica laughed and squeezed Renee’s hand, sending more warmth up her arm and through her whole body.
Then, together, they grabbed the rest of the snacks and the lantern and went back to the living room to play the game Jessica had brought and get to know each other even more.