Chapter 15
You shouldn’t have run away from her like that.
Shut up. I ran away to protect her. If I had stayed while in the mood I was in, who knows what else I would have said.
It was safer for Kai to abandon Sonnet in the hallway with his emotionally heavy words and then run away in shame to the gym for the past two hours. Hiding was better for everyone involved, and if he had to figure out a way to hide on this vacation, too, he would.
Kai wasn’t sure what Felix was thinking by giving that card to their managers, but therapy wasn’t going to fix this pack. They weren’t a broken vase; they were ash, completely burned to a crisp with no solution. The sooner everyone else realized that the better the next two months would go.
They were all supposed to go their separate ways at the end of this, but what if Sonnet had changed everything? What if the problem was him, not Zayden, not what happened, him? And what if, when they realize that, they decide to stay together with Sonnet, and he’ll be the only one to leave?
Kai didn’t understand why that bothered him so much.
I know why.
Shut up.
We need to talk about this. We need to talk to each other.
SHUT UP!
Kai’s hands slammed so hard into the punching bag that he broke the skin around his knuckles, leaving a bloody print. His alpha went silent. For a moment, everything did.
Then the door opened, and Jude’s bubbly, happy scent wafted into the gym’s air. Kai immediately felt sick to his stomach and tried to ignore him, bandaging his hand and wiping sweat from his face and body.
Jude hummed. “I brought you dinner. We ordered takeout, but you never came. I made sure to order your favorite.”
Kai’s nose twitched as he caught the scent of chicken saag. He shrugged his shoulders coolly as he turned around, trying to feign nonchalance. “You ordered it spicy with rice, butter naan, and their samosas?”
“Who do you think I am, an amateur?” Jude chucked the tinfoil-wrapped naan at him before setting the rest of his food near the treadmill.
Jude wasn’t his bubbly self. He looked awkward and tense, which meant an easy conversation wasn’t about to happen.
When did that change? Kai used to always be able to count on Jude for being laid-back and carefree, no drama, no expectations. Since Sonnet showed up, Jude started expecting too much too soon.
“Geez. Just say what you want, Jude.”
“Huh?”
“You look like you need to take a shit,” Kai growled, tearing into his bread like a feral wolf and taking a seat on one of the yoga mats.
Kai secretly loved yoga. He loved anything that would push his body to the extreme.
Jude sighed a bit at his stubby fingernails. “Sonnet was worried about you.”
“Why?”
She should be pissed off because of what I said to her.
“Because you didn’t come to dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting you to eat with us, but you didn’t even show up.
It took me forever to calm her down enough to get her to focus on her own food instead of yours getting cold.
I hate it when her scent burns. I hate it even more when her scent is burning because of one of us. ”
Kai scoffed. “She’s barely been here. You can’t care that much that soon unless you’re stupid.”
“Or, or, unless she just so happens to be our fated mate. You don’t need to be a jerk with a stick shoved up your…butt.”
“Geez,” Kai laughed, handing one of his samosas over to the love-sick idiot. “You’re taking this no cursing thing too seriously.”
“And you’re not taking her seriously enough,” he clapped back.
Shit.
Kai was tired of arguing with his best friend, so he said nothing.
He focused on his food, and Jude focused on whatever was going on in his head.
Which was always a lot. That’s how they became friends, because in high school, this idiot was spiraling from a bunch of negative thoughts and had a panic attack.
It was by complete accident that Kai found him struggling behind the football bleachers.
He was out there to skip class and smoke when he found Jude wheezing and pacing back and forth.
From then on, Kai had always been there to help Jude with all his noisy thoughts, until a year ago, when Kai’s own mind got complicated, and he started thinking only of himself.
He hated admitting it, but he began to neglect this pack just as much as Zayden did, so he didn’t admit it. It was easier to blame the lead alpha than to blame himself.
If Mom were still here, she’d know just what to say.
But she was dead, and he was leaving the pack.
He had to leave.
“Kai?” He looked up at Jude, who had a pained expression. Jude always was so expressive. His twisted expression was enough to twist a knife in Kai’s chest. “Your scent is burning.”
“Sorry,” Kai mumbled.
“You can talk to me, you know. About your thoughts. Like you do—did.”
Did.
Fuck, Jude, I’m so sorry.
“Thanks for bringing me my food.”
Their eyes met, and suddenly Jude’s scent began to burn, too.
Jude was trying to hold back his tears as he stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from peeling at the skin around his nails.
Kai knew this. He knew all about Jude, and yet he didn’t even consider trying. He was too tired to try anymore.
Jude’s heavy feet walked to the door before pausing.
His voice was rough and raw. “I know how much you wanted a mate, Kai. You were the one who was pushing us to find her, and I know Zayden messed up, and I know Juliana did a lot of damage, but we did find her. She’s here in this house, and she’s perfect.
Sonnet is perfect, and if you…” He choked back on a sob.
“If you leave or push her away, I think you’re going to hate yourself more than you already do. And I’m going to, too.”
The slam of the door to the gym was the only sound that registered in Kai’s mind. He fell back onto his yoga mat and stayed there, staring at the ceiling, unable to turn off the thoughts that had made him run away from his problems in the first place.