Chapter 24
WE’RE IN THERAPY! See? I can make anything exciting if I just say it loud enough.
Doesn’t count if you’re only saying it in your head.
I’m not going to shout anything out loud right now. Especially not with the guys looking the way they are. They all look constipated.
Talking about your feelings can be hard. For others, I mean. Not for us.
Never for us.
Except maybe sometimes, like when Jude messed up really bad and was too scared to tell someone because then they’d be mad and disappointed and if the people he surrounds himself with are mad and disappointed, then he’s failed them, and if he’s failed them, he’s failed himself, and if he’s failed himself, then he would have also failed his omeg—
Felix’s hand dropped onto Jude’s knee and squeezed. He stopped shaking instantly.
Jude wasn’t shaking because he was anxious about being in therapy and having to talk about his feelings. Jude’s favorite thing to do was talk. He just had a deep, very irrational fear of psychologists and therapists.
When he was in community college getting his AA, he took a psychology class and met a girl there who was obsessed with the human mind and behavior.
She knew so much she could accurately pinpoint what someone ate for breakfast, what they were going to say, and even little personal details about them.
The professor used her as an example of what someone could accomplish by majoring in psychology, but Jude knew the truth.
It was all a front for women to become powerful witches.
There was a knock at the office door, and in walked Dr. Burdough, and sure enough, she looked exactly like how Jude had pictured a powerful and modern witch. Her eyes were sharp, her nails long, and her hair pulled into an elaborate braided bun.
He side-eyed Kai and hoped he understood his expression, which read, "don’t throw a tantrum or she’s going to get you." He rolled his eyes.
“I hope I didn’t keep you all waiting too long,” she said, puffing a pillow for her chair before sitting down.
She crossed her legs and smiled. Her teeth were so white they looked hypnotic.
“I’m Dr. Burdough. It’s nice to formally meet you all.
Your manager has filled me in, and I feel very honored to be the one to help. ”
“Hopefully Maddox didn’t say too much,” Kai grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and melting into the couch.
How much did Maddox even know? He was just their band manager who had been with them since their debut and knew every minor detail and secret about them.
Dr. Burdough’s smile softened. She looked long and hard at each of them. When it was Jude’s turn to be stared at, he kept picturing a huge, thick cement wall to keep her from reading his thoughts.
Wait. Did Maddox tell her about my irrational fear?
His leg started shaking again.
Dr. Burdough reached over her desk and grabbed a notepad and pen before rolling her chair closer and centered. “Therapy can be a heavy word to digest, but I want to keep this space open and safe. There is no judgment in this room, only freedom and healing.”
“Dear god,” Kai snorted.
Jude elbowed him in the ribs. “Be nice,”
“No, no. Be you.” Dr. Burdough tilted her head, like a bird observing a herd of stupid, clumsy deer below its tree. “I am very well adapted to every range of emotion, so please, do not hold yourselves back, whether what you feel is intense, messy, loud, or big. I cannot help you if you hold back.”
Zayden cleared his throat. “Thank you for being willing to help us, Dr. Burdough. I know you originally came here for your book tour.”
“It is my honor. Typically, I’d spend at least 3 months delving into your pack dynamic and individual concerns. However, I have been made aware that we don’t have three months.”
Wow.
She really talked to Maddox. And Maddox talked to her. Like, really talked.
Jude looked at Felix, then Kai. They all had the same discerning expressions.
Kai opened his mouth, ready to hurl another insult no less, but Zayden cut in. “I’m the one who told Maddox to tell her about our time constraint. It felt like a very important matter.”
“And it is,” Dr. Burdough agreed; her smile faltered slightly. “Especially now that you have a fated mate in the mix. Sonnet, correct? Your match was only made a week ago. That is a heavy burden to carry when the weight of your pack dynamic is already failing.”
“She’s perfect,” Jude rushed out. “She’s not a burden.”
“That’s not what she meant,” Felix whispered, giving his knee another squeeze.
Dr. Burdough wrote something down, then smiled.
“Of course not. An omega is a gift to anyone. A 100% match is perfect, you’re right, Jude.
I’m sorry I offended you. However, it is my responsibility to be honest with my clients, which is why I feel the need to clarify how important it is that you have sought help now.
If it’s true, and the four of you are considering disbanding your band and pack, even now that your fated mate has appeared, then things become complicated and consequences ensue.
I ask now, is your two-month deal still on? ”
Everything went silent. None of them talked about it. They knew where Kai stood, and Jude knew for a fact Felix was on the same page as him, but what about Zayden?
Jude looked at him, at their lead alpha, and felt a deep sense of dread. Zayden used to be the one with the answer, always confident and quick with decisions for the pack. He was so unrecognizable now that Jude didn’t know what he was thinking.
And there was the answer.
Jude deflated in his seat, his eyes downcast towards his shoe.
“I see.” Dr. Burdough scribbled more, then sighed.
“There is much to accomplish then. The proposal I have made keeps your schedule busy. I’d like to see each of you individually three times a week, and then as a group once a week.
Then, the last week before you return home, you’ll have two group sessions: one with just the four of you and the other with you and your omega.
I will send out a more detailed calendar schedule for your appointments later today.
For now, I’d like to spend the rest of this appointment a little more lighthearted yet centered.
Tell me about your mate, how you have all been adjusting, what you’ve all done to accommodate her. ”
And just like that, Jude inflated again, the air in his lungs making him sit up higher and happier. He was the first to answer and the one with the most to say, because as it turned out, when you’re talking about the person you love, there was never a shortage of things to say about them.
Jude wasn’t sure if he was in love with her yet. It had barely been a week since he met Sonnet, and he had never loved someone before, but that was how he knew he was at least falling, because no one had made him feel the way Sonnet did.
Falling for Sonnet felt warm, like the sun on his skin when we walked along the beach shore.
It felt exciting, like sneaking candy into his bedroom late at night.
She gave him the same fuzzy feeling he got when he ate Sour Patch Kids.
Sonnet was like every happy moment and feeling wrapped in an adorable present with ribbon and stickers and sparkles, and when he opened it, it shot out rays from the sun and dust from the stars and every other disgustingly cliche and cringy thing possible.
If Dr. Burdough ended every appointment by talking about Sonnet, Jude was certain he could get through every uncomfortable conversation before that.
Dr. Burdough’s phone buzzed, the timer going off. “Well, that’s a wrap, gentlemen! I’d say that was a very successful first appointment, but before you race out of here, I have one last gift.”
Gift?
Oh, dear God, she’s going to turn us into frogs.
She reached into her desk and, instead of pulling out a wand, pulled out four composition notebooks, one for each of them.
“I know this entire process may be difficult and embarrassing, so I’d like to encourage each of you to write something each day.
It can be about anything. And when you come into your appointment, when things become awkward or uncomfortable, when you do not know what to say, you can open your notebook and talk about whatever it is you have written. ”
“Great. Homework.”
“Shut up, Kai.” Jude huffed and politely accepted the notebook.
He couldn’t wait to fill up every page about Sonnet.