Chapter 31
I think Sonnet’s soul sings a similar tune to mine, and that recognition terrifies me, because what wounds does she carry, and what wounds can she conflict?
Zayden crossed the line. He knew he had, and the worst part was that he didn’t care. With Jude in his session with Dr. Burdough, and Felix, Kai, and Sonnet spending time together, Zayden took advantage of the privacy to call Maddox.
“There’s nothing here.”
“There has to be something,” Zayden sighed, leaning into the building wall as the sun beamed down on him. “Felix said she was abandoned at a police station when she was seven. There must be some type of report.”
“I’m not finding anything, and I’ve looked at all public records during the time frame you gave me,” Maddox said. “I’ve looked everywhere I could for information on Sonnet’s past, but there’s nothing. Her father could have paid someone off to hide whatever happened.”
But why?
Sonnet said her father was a successful realtor.
He could have the means to pay someone off, but what happened to Sonnet before the age of seven that made him want to?
He had an affair, sure, but that seemed like public knowledge.
The question was, if an affair was public, what else was so terrible that he wanted it to be kept a secret?
“Have you considered asking your mate?” Maddox asked, his tone matter of fact and exhausted. “After all, it is her past you're trying to reveal.”
Zayden instantly felt sick. Of course, Maddox was right, but when he asked his manager to be a private detective, Zayden wasn’t thinking about right. He was thinking about Sonnet, and how someone who glowed with happiness could be withholding darkness, too.
Zayden knew he was only spiraling because of his therapy session. Still, there felt like little else to do but let it happen and carry him away.
“You’re right,” Zayden said quietly. “I shouldn’t have asked you to do this but thank you for trying.”
He hung up right as Jude exited the building. A relaxed smile plastered on his face. Zayden wished he left Dr. Burdough’s office with the same ease.
“Felix will be here soon to pick us up. He said Sonnet has a surprise for us.”
Jude’s face lit up. “A surprise? I can’t wait!”
Zayden could. Something about Felix’s tone told him it wasn’t going to be a fun kind of surprise.
Although when was it ever? This pack was made up of a bunch of immature pups, and despite how adorable and perfect Sonnet was, he had a terrible feeling she was going to be the worst of them all.
And how was he going to possibly regain control when just one look into her eyes made him melt?
Zayden checked his watch. He wanted to be back home already, holding her if she’d let him.
“You’re smiling,” Jude teased. “Did you have a good session?”
“You think I’d be smiling after a therapy appointment?”
Jude shrugged his shoulders. “I guess not. Seems like I’m the only one who does. I don’t know why. Dr. Burdough is really good. I think she’s going to help us, and everything is going to be okay.”
“If she can’t, maybe your gift of optimism will.”
“You don’t think it’ll be okay?” Jude pushed off the wall and stood towered in front of Zayden, a pout and innocent gaze written on his face. “Sonnet is opening up more to all of us, and even Kai has been hanging around. Why wouldn’t it work out? We still have time.”
Zayden couldn’t bring himself to look at him. He was locked in on his scandals and the cracks on the sidewalk. “A lot has happened, Jude. A lot more can still go wrong.”
“What have you been saying in your sessions to be so pessimistic?”
“Geez!” Zayden shoved past him with his shoulder and stood firmly at the edge of the sidewalk. “We’re not supposed to talk about what we say privately to Dr. Burdough.”
“Why not? She never said we couldn’t.”
“I’m saying.”
Jude huffed. “This is stupid. This is why we have problems. No one wants to say anything!”
“And what would you say?” Zayden snapped. “If you felt no shame or guilt? Oh, that’s right. You never feel anything other than happiness. It practically shines out of your ass like a rainbow.”
“You think I’m the only one in this pack who isn’t guilty or depressed or fucking pissed!”
Zayden flinched and shifted around uncomfortably. Jude hadn’t cussed since his promise to Sonnet. And he never shouted unless it was to alert them of the ice cream truck.
“Keep your voice down,” Zayden growled, but it was more of a plea than a demand. He looked up and down the streets as if some hidden paparazzi were about to jump out, capture the moment, and smear it all over the internet.
“No! I won’t keep my voice down! Let the whole freaking world hear me!”
“Jude—”
“I’m so sick of all of you,” he seethed.
Tears pricked in the corner of Jude’s brown eyes, and his bottom lip trembled.
For someone so tall and large, he suddenly looked small.
“I’m so sick and tired of breaking my back with the weight of everyone’s selfishness.
Everyone conveniently forgets it was my suggestion that we try for a year and then go our separate ways, and do you know why I suggested it?
Because it was the only thing I could do to hold myself together instead of abandoning you all right when everything happened.
That’s right! I had enough hate for all of you that I never wanted to see any of you again, but… but…I still loved you all, too.”
Oh, good grief.
Zayden rolled his eyes, but pulled Jude into him, hugging him tightly, as if his embrace would verbalize his commitment to not let go.
Jude squeezed him back and hid his teary-eyed face into Zayden’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Zayden growled firmly, using his alpha dominance. “You’re right. I have been selfish. I should have paid attention. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how deep my fuckup with Juliana hurt everyone.”
Jude pulled back quickly; his eyebrows knitted together despite keeping a tight grip on Zayden’s arms. “This isn’t about Juliana, Zayden.
This is about you. You’re so lost in your own guilt you can’t even see we’re all hurt because you shut us out and abandoned us, not because of whatever happened with Juliana. ”
“But Kai—”
“Probably would say the same thing if he ever grew a pair and got the courage to say it. But nooo.” Jude rolled his eyes and waved his arms around dramatically.
“Look, Zayden. We need you as our alpha. And I hope tomorrow during our group session, Dr. Burdough starts calling everyone out on their bullsh—Um, crap. We can really move on.”
Moving on would be nice. Moving on together as a pack with Sonnet would be even better.
Zayden squeezed Jude’s shoulders before slugging his arm around him and pulling him close just as Felix drove into the parking lot. “We need you too, Jude. To keep us positive, but also to help call us out.”
“That’s what I’m here for!”
They both laughed and loaded into the car. But the laughter and lightheartedness stopped the moment their little omega was holding a very wiggly puppy in her arms.
You’ve got to be kidding me!