Chapter 34
There’s something about the way she smiles that makes me hopeful that everything will work out. I hate it.
Dr. Burdough had revealed more about Kai than he thought possible, and that was his biggest fear. Maddox should have found them an underqualified shrink. That way Felix wouldn’t be looking at him like he was right now, all sorry and lovey-dovey. Jesus. What now? They kiss?
He looked away and crossed his arms defensively over his chest. He didn’t know how to say thank you for finally understanding my side, so he said nothing and continued to mope.
“Jude,” Dr. Burdough began again. “If my notes are correct, you and Zayden arrived as the police were leaving and intercepted Felix and Kai’s fight, correct?”
“I don’t know if I’d say intercepted,” Jude mumbled. “Actually, I got my butt handed to me by trying.”
Kai rolled his eyes.
Here he goes, being all over-dramatic again.
“I was home when Kai threw the party, and I was trying to fix it all. Then, I was the one to talk to the police after Felix called them. That’s when he and Kai started getting into it.
By the time I got to them, they were so heated that when Kai threw a punch, he hit me.
Think we got time for that to be acknowledged, because I still haven’t heard an ‘am sorry’ from him. ”
Not true. Kai apologized.
No. We didn’t, dumbass.
Kai felt a little sick to his stomach and guilty.
He thought he had, but that night was such a shit-show, he must have forgotten. Jude was religious with apologies. If he said Kai didn’t, then he didn’t.
Everyone turned to look at him. Again.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t aiming for you.”
Felix and Jude both scoffed.
Ugh. They’re not going to let that go if you half-ass an apology.
You say sorry then.
His alpha said nothing. Mr. High and mighty finally shut up, because the truth was, if Kai was an asshole, so was his alpha.
Jude pouted. “I was trying to fix it. You didn’t have to slug me.”
“I said I wasn’t aiming for you,” Kai growled, before trying to check himself. “You shouldn’t have stepped in. You can’t fix everything, Jude.”
“But—”
“I saw you. I did. I saw you try to fix things, tiptoeing around, playing matchmaker and fixer-upper, and I saw how it wore you out. I didn’t throw that party just for me, okay?
I threw it because, unlike our alpha Zayden, I saw how all of us were hurting and being affected, and I was the only one to do something about it.
” There. There it was. The truth. He stared right at Dr. Burdough and tipped his chin upwards.
“I threw that party to be seen and heard, but I threw it for Jude and Felix, too. Zayden was ignoring us all. I did this for us all.”
Silence took over the room, and he saw out the corner of his eyes how the weight of his confession affected each of them differently. Felix was typically good at hiding his feelings, but right now, he looked like a giant spotlight was on him. Jude seemed relieved. Zayden looked horrified.
Can’t believe you actually said it.
Me either.
Dr. Burdough shifted in her chair, letting the silence stretch longer than Kai thought necessary, before regaining control over the conversation.
“What did you see happening to your packmates that caused you to react so protectively? And during the confrontation, did you vocalize the true purpose of this party?”
Great. The spotlight was still on him.
“I know Jude was working overtime trying to make everything work. He wasn’t sneaky. No one just cared enough to notice.” But me. “But I knew what he was trying to make work wouldn’t, and that it was making him anxious and insecure. It was driving me nuts.”
“And Felix?”
Kai hesitated. He looked at him momentarily before saying fuck it. Everything else was coming out. There wasn’t any room for him to hold back now.
“His Grandma got sick. She was in the hospital. That’s why Felix kept leaving to visit them so much. He didn’t have any energy to put up with Juliana or Zayden’s bullshit.”
“How did you know my grandma was sick?” Felix asked, surprised.
Kai ignored the question because snooping wasn’t exactly an acceptable reason. He just shrugged his shoulders and let Jude and Zayden freak over the fact that they didn’t know.
Zayden buried his head in his hands and groaned.
Kai would pay money to see him fall apart and throw up, but then that same ping of guilt bubbled in his stomach.
Here was another ugly truth. As much as Kai wanted to hate Zayden, he couldn’t, and that’s what made him so angry.
He didn’t hate Zayden for fucking up. He missed him because he’s never been the same or recovered, letting his pack get worse and losing Kai’s respect day by day.
“I’m sorry,” Zayden choked. “I’m so sorry.”
Sorry? Does he mean it? Does he understand?
I think he’s starting to.
Then the real question was, could Zayden look at his mistakes in the face and forgive them? Could Kai?
Sonnet flashed into his mind, the sun setting behind her, lighting up her pink hair, her smile impossibly wide, illuminating more warmth than the sun.
She was so happy with them. So perfect. They all knew she sensed something was wrong with them, with their pack, but she still smiled like she was happy to be here with all of them.
Kai thought about his plan. Finishing out the next two months, sign the NDA, say goodbye for good, and move on to become one of the greatest solo artists ever. That goodbye wasn’t looking so sweet anymore. Just stupidly bitter.
Oh, God. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
“Thank you for apologizing," he said slowly, through gritted teeth, forcing out each letter with great resistance.
“Do you accept his apology, Kai?” Dr. Burdough asked softly.
“No,” Kai admitted. “But… I’m happy he said it.”
“Then it’s a good start.”
Kai nodded.
Dr. Burdough smiled, like she appreciated his answer, and turned to finally focus her attention on Felix and Jude. “A lot of wounds have been opened. Some you may not even know you had. Does Zayden’s apology resonate with either of you, or do either of you accept it?”
“I accept it,” Jude rushed out. “I accept it.”
“And Felix?”
He looked up from his notebook. “No.”
Kai flinched. Zayden was Felix’s other half, like Jude was his, so for him to say something like that was crazy talk. But then again, he internalized a lot. Who knows what lake of despair Felix had been dipping his toes in all this time.
Zayden looked more depressed by Felix’s answer than he had by anything else, which was saying something because the dude had been depressed for months now.
Dr. Burdough came to the rescue, looking at her watch and closing her book.
“I appreciate all of you for being honest during today’s group session.
I know how hard it can be to name feelings and say things that may be considered ugly or dark.
But as I said at our first session, we must allow ourselves to step into the darkness if any of you are going to walk back out into the sunlight together.
However,” she offered a kind smile, “I am very hopeful. The progression of each of you, as individuals and as a pack, is truly admirable. Let me end this session by saying you all must let go of Juliana. She’s just a girl who wanted to be loved, just like the rest of you are just boys wanting to love.
She was not the reason you all are here today.
She just happened to be the one to reveal real, raw problems, which we can now address next week.
For now, go and have fun with your omega. ”
Just a girl wanting to be loved.
Kai never thought of Juliana that way. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have used her in the crossfire, and maybe she wouldn’t be running to the tabloids.
Maybe Zayden wasn’t the only alpha who owed people an apology.
You? Apologizing?
Shut up.