Chapter 36
Sonnet didn’t dream often, and when she did, they weren’t always warm or silly, and most of the time, it felt like she was trapped in the maze of her omega’s consciousness.
It used to be so bad that Sonnet would take medication just to sleep through the night, and that’s when her omega became even more mute.
Tonight was the first time in a year since her omega had a dream, and once again, it wasn’t a pleasant one.
She was seven years old again the night before her birth mother abandoned her.
Mother was supposed to go out that night, but she had canceled her appointment to stay at one of the nicest hotels Sonnet had ever been to.
They ordered almost everything on the menu, watched movies, and wore face masks.
Sonnet didn’t think she could ever be happier.
This was a good memory, so why did her omega feel so sad?
Sonnet focused on her mother, and her memory deepened, expanded. For the first time, Sonnet remembered her mother holding a cigarette, three of them had already put out in the ashtray on the bedside table. The bed was smaller, and so was the room, than she remembered.
“Mama. Do you think I’ll have one alpha or two when I’m older?” She asked, staring at the TV where her mother had paused on an old romantic comedy film about a beta coming out as an omega and being courted by a generous number of alphas.
Mama’s face darkened, and Sonnet noticed handprints around her throat, a bruise on her cheek, and her lip was cracked. “Oh, Songbird. Only omegas get alphas. You’re a beta.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m not raising you to be a whore.” She puffed out a long stream of smoke and looked down at Sonnet intensely. She was scared. “Do you understand me, Songbird? I love you so much. So please, grow up to be a good girl.”
Sonnet couldn’t control what she’d be assigned as, and even though she always remembered her mother hating her own omega traits, she didn’t remember her repeating those things back to Sonnet.
A whore. Is that what she really thought of omegas?
Yes.
Why are you showing me this? I don’t want to remember her this way. I don’t want to know! Why?
Because Mother didn’t love me like she loved you. But I want to love you. Please don’t hate me like Mother
Sonnet woke up, gasping for air and holding her chest. Her alphas were still asleep in the room while Goose slept at her feet, and the sun outside their window was only now waking up.
She hurried out of bed, climbing over Jude and letting Goose out onto the back patio. She stood outside, letting the cool morning air wash over her and wake her up. She played through the memory, picking it apart, every new piece that she had never remembered before, and then she started to cry.
“Are you there?” She asked softly, sitting down on the steps of the patio.
Her omega stirred inside her.
“I thought you hated me,” Sonnet admitted. “I thought you didn’t talk to me because I wasn’t a good omega. I thought… Am I the reason you don’t talk?”
Yes.
“Why?”
Because you remember Mother differently. I’ve been with you since the beginning. But when it was time for me to wake up, you wouldn’t let me. Your grief built a wall.
“No. No, you’re the one who had the wall.”
No.
“I don’t remember shutting you out. I remember wondering where you were, why you wouldn’t talk to me, why I wasn’t experiencing what other omegas were. I needed you,” Sonnet choked.
I know.
“Where were you?”
I was waiting. I’m sorry. I saw you. I saw you cry. I wanted to help you, but you wouldn’t let me. Sonnet. Don’t you remember how you reacted to your assignment? Don’t you remember how much hate you felt when you were assigned omega?
“I don’t think I remember anything anymore. I don’t know what’s real.”
I’m real. And I’m here now.
“Why now?”
Your grief has been an ugly monster I’ve been trying to tame and nurture for years now. I feared what the truth would do to you. But I see our alphas. They are strong and kind, and we are safe with them. You’re safe now. I think you’re ready to be shown the truth and finally heal.
Sonnet hugged her knees to her chest. The sun was climbing up the sky quickly now. “I miss my mother so much. I don’t want to hate her.”
Mother loved us. She tried really hard. But she would want you to let go because I don’t think she’s coming back for us.
“Do you think she’d still love us if she knew we are an omega?”
I hope she will. She paused. Can you love me?
Sonnet laughed as tears rolled down her cheek. She felt so much, and it all pooled and danced with her omega’s emotions. “Yes. I want to. I want to be a good omega. I want to be happy. With you. With them. I don’t want to have a wall between us anymore.”
They’re good alphas. And you are a perfect omega.
“They are good alphas.” Sonnet wiped her face and smiled just as Goose came racing towards her with a huge seashell in his mouth. She threw it at him a few times before the sun was halfway over the water. “Let’s go make them breakfast.”
Goose was all for breakfast until Sonnet started cooking.
He left the kitchen area fast and didn’t come back, but she could hear the boys from the master bedroom slowly waking up and moving around.
She didn’t mind. As long as they stayed in that room until she made an edible meal, she was happy, although right now, that wasn’t looking possible.
How hard was it to scramble eggs and flip pancakes?
After about two hours, Sonnet had made enough food for everyone. It didn’t look pretty, but it smelled okay. But in that entire time, none of her men had come out to greet her, which wasn’t normal.
Her omega thought the same thing, so after setting up the dining table, Sonnet went to check on them and found the bedroom completely empty and the bathroom incredibly loud.
As she approached it, she could hear her men all whisper-shouting at one another and even caught them laughing and teasing one another.
For a moment, she didn’t want to intrude and ruin whatever happiness was happening between them all.
“This is stupid,” she heard Kai growl. “Who chose this color for me?”
“Purple suits you,” Jude said.
Sonnet couldn’t hold back her curiosity as she opened the door and peeked inside. Her heart melted. All four of her men were helping each other dye strands of their hair and—
“AHH!” Sonnet threw the door open and pointed at Zayden, scaring the crap out of all of them. “You cut your hair? What is wrong with you?”
“You gave me a heart attack!” Jude clutched his chest and invisible pearls.
Sonnet stomped past them and marched over to Zayden, who was sitting on the edge of the tub next to Felix. She grabbed his face and looked over at his new haircut. Most of its majestic length is now resting lifelessly behind him in the bathtub.
It was now choppy, with a longer top and sides that tapered lightly, and loose fringe pieces that had been bleached and were now dark blue.
He had bolts of lightning shaved into each side to match the lightning tattoos on his neck.
And even though it was a total shock, Sonnet did have to admit he looked so hot right now.
He could never step foot on stage like this. She’d have to fight off so many fans!
“Do you hate it?” He asked, placing his hands on her hips.
She pouted slightly. “No. But now I’ll never get the chance to braid your hair.” She twirled her fingers into the back of his hair and turned to the others. “Why did you all decide to have a makeover?”
“It was Kai’s idea,” Jude said, his typical fluffy layered wolf cut covered in product. “I’m doing pastel blue,” he said proudly.
Sonnet raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, I’m confused. It was Kai’s idea for you all to dye your hair? Why?”
Kai hid semi behind Jude, looking at all the boys before meeting her gaze. “Loyalty.”
“Huh?”
“Loyalty,” he said louder this time. “We’re your solidarity sisters, too, or whatever.”
“Solidarity sisters? I—” Sonnet closed her mouth before erupting into a fit of giggles. “I’m going to start crying again.”
Felix frowned. “Again?”
She blushed. She didn’t feel like revealing her moment with her omega, because that was a whole other can of worms.
No offense.
None taken. Look at them. Look at how cute they are!
“You make it too easy for me to fall for you all,” she admitted. She felt slightly embarrassed by her confession, and all the boys looked stunned, but they deserved to know how much they were all starting to mean to her. “What color is your hair going to be?” She asked Kai.
“Purple,” he sighed, looking at Jude. “He picked out the colors.”
“I’m telling you, purple is your color! You’re purple, Zayden’s midnight blue, I’m baby blue, and Felix is definitely a turquoise like his eyes."
“Wait, when did you decide this?” Sonnet asked. “We all fell asleep together right after the restaurant.”
“We fell asleep together, but we didn’t stay asleep.
Kai woke us up,” Felix said, a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“Zayden stayed with you, but Kai made Jude and I drive all the way out to the nearest Walmart to grab everything, and then when you got up, we woke back up again to get it done.” Felix smiled softly, his dirty blonde hair down highlighted with product.
“We all wanted to show you that we’re here for you. ”
Sonnet couldn’t hold them back anymore. She smiled and cried simultaneously. “Can I help you?”
They agreed, and breakfast was forgotten about. They spent the entire morning cramming into the small space, Goose hyped up from all the laughter.
I wish Mother could see how happy I am.