Chapter 43
We’re supposed to be figuring out what roles we want in our pack.
Dr. Burdough’s useless homework assignment.
But it got me thinking. What about my music role?
If we’re all staying together as a pack, then are we staying together as a band, too?
I don’t know if I want that. I think I still want to be a solo artist.
Kai was ready to get this session done and over with and maybe even receive a small reward for how awesome they all did.
Dr. Burdough deserved an award, too. Kai never considered therapy as an option for anything.
Not even after his mother passed. And although he had some major beef with her methods, like the homework and how she challenged them, it worked.
She did it. She managed to dig her fingers into their souls and tug out all the bad.
Well, not all the bad.
That’s what the doctor was ranting about right now, how despite all their progress, the four of them still needed a lot more help.
She even slid in a very professional threat that if they didn’t continue therapy back home, they could fall into the same problems, but this time, instead of hurting each other, they’d be hurting their omega.
Just knowing Sonnet was on the other side of the wall, waiting to be brought into the session, made Kai protective. The idea of him hurting her? That made him sick.
He turned his head sharply towards Zayden. “I think what she’s saying is don’t fuck anything up.”
Zayden growled, and that was exciting. Before, he was just a ghost moping around and wouldn’t dish it back. But something changed after they talked. Something better was happening now between them both.
“You’ve all made progress,” she continued, Dr. Burdough’s smile warm. “I’m very proud. Each of you has gone into the depths of your own insecurities, and that is commendable. Your devotion to your omega has strengthened your devotion to each other. Do you feel your bonds strengthening?”
They all turned to each other, stupid grins on their faces. Kai didn’t know what was happening to him. Lately, he couldn’t stop smiling.
“We all love each other very much,” Jude said, and everyone laughed.
“I think we’re definitely getting back on track to how things were,” Kai said, and then shrugged his shoulders. “But better. Except…” He looked at Felix, who was trying to blend into the shadows. “Something is wrong with him.”
“Geez,” Felix sighed, glaring down at him and pinching his glasses. “Nothing is wrong. We’re all building a much healthier pack dynamic, and I believe the foundation we’ve created here will only have a positive impact on our future back home.”
Kai’s face scrunched.
What is he even saying?
Nothing about how he feels, obviously. What kind of stick climbed up his ass while the rest of us were fixing ourselves?
Seriously. Felix went from being the most mature and secure to being—
“Depression,” Dr. Burdough said slowly, “is a hard beast to fight. It’s even harder to name. I’ve seen it in each of you. It’s a monster I’m very well versed with, and if it’s a monster you want help conquering, I can provide you with the right tools moving forward.”
Dr. Burdough was right. Depression and anxiety were something all four of them had been battling for who knows how long.
But while everyone else was climbing upwards, Felix seemed to stand at the bottom of that ladder, not knowing where to put his feet or hands or where to even start.
How long had Felix been down there with that confused expression of his, and why didn’t he ask for help?
Felix was the smartest out of all of them. Kai always went to him to learn practically anything because he was a great teacher and didn’t make you feel like a dumbass for not knowing something.
So how did a guy who knew everything does not know how to say, "Can someone help me?"
You’re one to talk, his alpha growled, flashing him memories of all the times since his mother’s death that Kai didn’t ask for help when he needed it.
But that’s different. I knew I needed help, but I just refused it. I don’t think Felix knew he was depressed until now.
Maybe that’s why Felix looked so serious these past few days.
Dr. Burdough gave him three of her books and the name of a doctor that Felix could start seeing black home. The offer of medication hung heavily in the air. Therapy was one thing, but would Felix be too stubborn to accept Dr. Burdough’s offer?
No. Stubbornness wasn’t like him.
“Thank you,” Felix said gladly, holding the books and note close to his chest.
Kai raised his eyebrows. “Do we get a prescription too, or—”
“I have the name of a therapist whose specialty is in grief. Meet with her before you try any medication.” Kai sank into the couch. “All of you will be set up with one of my trusted colleagues. Your journey isn’t over yet, but I am more hopeful now than when we started.”
Kai was hopeful, too.
“Before I invite your mate to join our closing session, I’d like to check in on one last thing. We spoke about pack roles and determining what each of you is, so the pack dynamics can fall into place. Has there been any consideration in that department?”
“I’ve been the listener,” Jude starts, “but I didn’t feel like anyone was taking the time to be there for me the same way I was. I don’t think I want to be the person who hordes secrets and gossip. I want to relax. And be the optimist I know I am.”
Dr. Burdough nodded her head. “An optimist plays a very important role. It's not too different from being a listener, and you’re correct that this switch will let you promote connection and positivity without feeling neglected. I think that is an excellent role. Kai? Have you given any consideration?”
“I like who I have been. The protector.”
Dr. Burdough agreed that the role suited him and offered some advice to help strengthen it before looking between Felix and Zayden. Neither of them looked like they wanted to be called on.
Felix was honest. He didn’t yet know how he wanted to fit into this pack, but he was ready and willing to ask for help figuring it out. And the rest of them were ready and willing to be patient.
But then it was Zayden’s turn, and it was like everyone was holding their breath.
For so many months, Kai wanted to punish him, wanted Zayden to never want to lead again.
Everything is different now. Now, Kai wanted Zayden to step up and return to the role that was his.
Kai would never follow anyone else as lead alpha.
Zayden shifted on his cushion seat uncomfortably before cracking a weak, embarrassed smile. “I’m ready to fulfill the role I’m meant to. If my boys will have me again.”
“I’ll have you,” Jude blurted out.
Kai clapped Zayden on the back of the shoulder. “I’ll have you.”
Felix sat still. He took his time mulling over his answer before sweeping his teal-tinted hair over his forehead. “I’ll have no one else.”
The pack is back together.
Dr. Burdough seemed relieved, and it was the perfect way to wrap up their last group session. After all, it began with being asked whether they wanted to stay together, and now it was ending with confirmation that they were.
And then came Sonnet. And Kai just couldn’t help it. He looked at her like a shooting star, making all his wishes come true.
Sonnet was shy at first when she spoke to Dr. Burdough. It was cute. Kai rubbed her lower back as she spoke, and soon everything they had gone through and healed from was now in her hands. Her soft, perfect hands held their burdens as if they were small creatures to be cared for.
She didn’t look at any of them with judgment or pity. By the end of it all, she thanked Dr. Burdough for helping her pack, and they said goodbye.
This chapter of their story is finally over.