Chapter 6
Chapter
Six
My two days to rest and acclimate were spent with fifty percent of my time focused on healing and getting to know my father, and the other fifty percent doing everything in my power to avoid Sebastian.
Not even the faintest idea of what to say to him crossed my mind.
I was still processing the death of my mother and the idea that he knew about it beforehand.
The fact that my father was alive. My new magic and my failure to properly wield it.
Between all of that, I hardly had time to really consider what happened with Sebastian, and what it meant for our relationship.
“Are you absolutely sure you’re up for this?” Archer passed me a rucksack overstuffed with food and two full canteens.
Hurling the bag over my shoulder, I then hunched over to adjust the dagger around my thigh. Despite my disappointment with the one who gifted me the weapon, I was incredibly thankful that the custom blade survived my transition. “Not really, but I have to go. I need to know.”
“Do you feel okay?” Archer raked his eyes up and down my body, inspecting every inch of visible flesh. “Your wounds are all healed? Your bones?”
“Yes. Every limb is intact.” Thanks to Venay, who was one hell of a mender and enchanter.
The herb Archer used to heal me back on the battlefield made more sense once I learned about her true identity.
It had only been a few days since I awoke in Lumosia and about a week since being pulverized, but her mending skills combined with a few medicinal salves almost made me feel like it never happened.
Archer grumble-sighed, accepting defeat. “I would try and pull the father card, but I know I haven’t earned that right yet.”
“It wouldn’t work anyway.” Sebastian entered the stables, unknowingly flaunting a pair of black pants and a muscle-hugging shirt. A charcoal leather jacket slung over one shoulder, a canvas pack on the other. “Your daughter is the most stubborn person I have ever met.”
“And I take pride in that,” I conceded with a smug smile.
“Don’t I know it,” Sebastian muttered, brushing past me to strap a reining saddle around a speckled Arabian mare.
Archer laid a hand on my shoulder, dipping his head. “Just be careful. Remember what I said. Do not enter the castle grounds. And should you discover Cyprian is alive—”
“I know, I know. Don’t let him see me and don’t try to kill him. Return here and we will devise a plan. Blah. Blah. Blah.”
With an amused grin, his hand fell. “Alright. This is where I leave you then. Kade should be here shortly, along with Jensen. Your friend Sawyer is coming, too?”
“Here,” Sawyer replied, kicking hay with his boot as he entered the stables. “It stinks in here.”
“No shit. It's a horse barn, not a hair salon.” Kade strolled in after him, shaking his head. He was followed by an average-height blond man who I assumed was Jensen.
Archer pulled me into an awkward I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m going to hug you goodbye anyway hug, then left to return to the palace.
“Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?
” Kade announced. He pulled a black stallion out the nearest stall by its reins, the thoroughbred already bridled and saddled.
“Two to three days there—make it three and a half with stops. Hopefully only a few hours in the actual shit hole, then another two to three days back. Is everyone still on board?”
I nodded at the same time I noticed how there were only four horses prepared to be ridden. “Which horse is mine?”
“You're with me,” Sebastian uttered, securing his rucksack into one of the saddle bags on his horse then reaching out for mine.
“Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes. “That’s funny.”
Kade passed the reins of a beige mustang to Jensen. “He’s not joking, you’re riding with Hawthorne. Our last mare is unwell. We only have the four horses that are robust enough to make the trip at this time. Venay needs the other if you want her to check out Caelestis for survivors.”
I took a step towards Sawyer, grasping the strap of my bag as Sebastian tried to snatch it. “Then I’ll ride with you.”
“So. Damn. Stubborn.” Sebastian stomped towards me as he grumbled. He picked me up, tossed me over his shoulder, strutted back towards his horse, and plopped me into the faded leather saddle.
“You can hold on to me, you know.”
“I don’t want to,” I sneered in response to Sebastian’s low tone. Although maintaining balance while my arms were crossed over my chest was proving to be quite the challenge.
“You’re going to fall—”
“Shut up.”
Something between a laugh, growl, and a sigh poured from Sebastian’s throat. “Well, are you feeling okay back there? Not sore or nauseous or anything?”
“I’m fine, Sebastian.”
“Are you sure? We can take a break if—”
“Take a left at the end of this trail,” Kade called out from the front of our herd. “Then it's a straight shot for hours.”
We were already deep in the forest. Trees of all shades of green blocked the sun from singeing our skin.
The woods on this side of the continent were fascinating.
Small streams and rivers flowed every which way, creating a pale blue lattice across the forest floor.
Unusually colored fungi were scattered across grass.
Plants with flowers that I didn't recognize outlined the dirt pathway we rode upon.
The gods-made canvas was absolutely dazzling, but I already found myself missing the shore in Caelestis.
My mind scattered about, forcing me to relive the vivid memory of the beach Sebastian had taken me to when we first began training together. The chances that I would ever return there were less than unlikely, but I hoped so. I’d never seen a strip of shore as peaceful and gorgeous as that one.
“Maeve.”
“Hm?”
“Hold on to me,” Sebastian demanded, interrupting my daydream.
As Kade’s stallion picked up his speed, the rest of the horses began to follow, propelling into a steady canter.
With a groan, I wrapped my arms around Sebastian's chest. My thighs clenched around the saddle at the feel of his muscles underneath my palms. Which was exactly why I didn't want to hold on to him.
“Since it's just you and me up here, now seems like a good time to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.” I allowed juvenility to claim me.
“Fine. Then I’ll talk. You can just listen,” Sebastian spoke in a low tone, though I doubted anyone would overhear with the steady clambering of hooves anyway.
“I understand why you’re mad—”
“Do you? Do you really?” I cut in, snapping my tongue with each word.
“Yes, Maeve, I do. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure I’d be upset, too. But I love you, and because of that, I would do everything in my power to try and understand.”
Gods. I wish he wouldn't say that right now. Hearing him say I love you could very well be the death of me.
“You're better than me, I guess.” I shuffled in the saddle, my hands sliding down lower on his stomach to steady myself as our horse ripped through a curve.
“How am I supposed to trust that you're not hiding things from me now?
It's not like you didn't tell me about one of your exes. You hid things about my life. Things I had a right to know.”
“I thought I was protecting you.”
“You can’t protect someone from a truth they are bound to find out about, anyways.”
“I don’t know what else I can say except for how sorry I am. And I can keep reiterating my poor reasoning, but I know it doesn’t justify anything.”
“No. It doesn't,” I murmured, my eyes snagging on a shallow pond towards my right.
Sebastian cleared his throat prior to lowering his voice further. “Should I be searching for a permanent place to sleep? Because the sofa in the common room is starting to hurt my back.”
“That’s unfortunate. The mattress I’ve been sleeping on is incredibly comfortable.”
“Aren’t you lucky.” Sebastian chuckled, and though I couldn’t see his grin, I felt its presence.
After a few beats of silence, I admitted, “I just don’t think I'm ready to talk about it yet.”
The pain that formed within me when I thought too hard about his betrayal stung so much that it hurt to breathe. So I'd been putting it off, refusing to process how I felt.
“I understand. Whenever you’re ready, I will be available.” His words finalized the conversation, allowing us to resume our ride of silence.
We rode for hours without stopping. By the time we chose to set up camp for the night, my ass and thighs were so sore that I could hardly move.
I sprang out of the saddle, landing unsteadily when my boots collided with the rocky dirt.
Sebastian wrapped his fingers around my upper arm, preventing me from face planting.
Jerking my arm free, I turned to Kade. “Please tell me that your fifth tent isn’t unwell.” I had a feeling the sick horse thing was some bullshit suggested by Sebastian.
“You’ll be happy to know that it’s in perfect health.” He tossed me the canopy and its rods. “But you have to pitch it yourself.”
I couldn’t sleep, which came as no surprise. Jensen snored like a ninety-year-old, and the stars shone so bright in this part of the forest that it almost could have been mistaken for dawn.
Despite the summer air, shivers rattled my arms when I crawled out of my tent. My footing light and airy, I crept towards the dying fire and plopped in front of it.
I enjoyed a few minutes of placidity before Sawyer's voice broke through the crackling flames.
“Can't sleep? Me either. I’m taking over Kade’s watch.”
Like roasting meat, I rotated my palms over the lingering smoke to warm them. “My body is exhausted, but my mind is on overdrive.”
He took a seat on a broken log beside me, reaching over with a twig to prod the fire. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not particularly.”
Pursing his lips, he nodded once. “Fair enough.”
“Do you have any idea where we are?” I swiftly changed the subject.