Chapter 7 #2
An arm shot up in the crowd, and Beaumont pointed to the woman it belonged to. “Yes? Do you have a question?”
The woman nodded and took a few steps forward. “Yes. How do you know that she is still alive? From what I heard, isn't it quite possible she was killed from the destruction of the castle?”
Yes. Yes, it is possible. Cling to that. Believe that.
Except Beaumont had an answer prepared and ready to destroy any ounce of hope I had left. “With the way she singlehandedly destroyed a good portion of our troops, I would wager my kingdom in a bet that she is alive.”
My stomach lurched as my hand fell from Sebastian’s. I was going to be sick. I was sure of it.
“Once captured, should I deem that she cannot be controlled, she will be handled. Though if things go as I hope they do, I have far better plans for her power that will greatly benefit our kingdom,” Beaumont continued.
With that, I had heard enough.
Sure, he wanted me under his reign back in Caelestis, but part of me really hoped and prayed he would have given up on that after seeing what I was capable of.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be scared of me enough to leave me the fuck alone.
Maybe he didn’t truly understand what my new magic even was, but regardless, the others were right. This only seemed to motivate him more.
I stumbled back, turning on my heel and speed walking back to where we tied up our horses. I somehow managed to keep my bearings, but once I was out of sight of Beaumont, I ripped my helmet off and threw a hand over my mouth.
My body wanted nothing more than to fall into the dirt and heave, but I fought the vicious urge. I could control this overwhelming feeling of panic. I had before and I would now.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Despite the markings, how could he be so sure that I was alive? He saw the castle come down. He was there.
A rough hand grazed the base of my neck, pulling me back to reality.
“Put your helmet back on and get on the horse. We’ll talk back in the forest.” Sebastian’s voice warmed my flesh.
“He’s just going on a hunch that I’m alive.” Back a few miles into the forest, I sat in the dirt, pushing a pebble around with a jagged stick. “He has no proof.”
Sebastian handed me an apple, but I pushed his hand away. I couldn’t stomach anything right now. Not even a sip of water.
He sighed, taking a bite of the fruit himself. “It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that his assumption is right.”
“We should just kill him here and now. Why waste time and return to Lumosia when we're already here?” Sawyer snarled, pacing in a figure-eight around our group.
“No,” Jensen sternly disagreed. “That would get us all killed. We aren’t prepared to fight the kind of battle we would be starting if we attempted that.”
“We have swords and armor. Draemornian armor, at that. What else do we need?” Sawyer snapped back.
“A plan,” Jensen spat, getting in Sawyer’s face.
“Watch it, buddy. I got eight inches on you—in more places than one, by the looks of it.” Sawyer’s eyes gestured to the front of Jensen’s pants.
Kade laughed—actually laughed.
“I’m with Sawyer.” Sebastian tossed the apple core over his shoulder. “That sadistic fuck is threatening to kill my girl. I’m not just going to sit around and take a chance on that happening.”
“I’m not your girl,” I breathed into my knees.
I didn’t even mean to say the words, but they came out in pure admission from somewhere deep within my being.
I hadn’t even realized their truth until they were already spoken into existence—hadn’t realized my mind had made a decision about him and me until it was already voiced.
Sebastian's eyes darted to me, projecting with pure disbelief. “What?”
I stood up on wobbly calves and allowed the confession to break free—breaking me a little bit in the process. “I can’t trust you.”
Betrayal sprawled out along Sebastian’s face. He stepped towards me. “Don’t say that, Maeve. I know I fucked up, but you can trust me. I swear on my life that you can.”
My head shook. “No, I can’t. You’ve been hiding things from me since the very first day we met. You weren’t honest with me from the start. How am I supposed to just believe now that things have changed?”
“Because I hid those things to protect you!” Sebastian argued, tossing his open palms out to the side. “And let’s not forget what you just hid from me about your new power. You implied that you knew how to control it, but that is clearly not the case.”
“That’s not the same.”
“How is that not the same? You knew something that you should have told me, but didn’t. Sound familiar?”
“It’s not the same because it wasn’t about you!
” I yelled back, hurling my arms towards the clouds.
We just had this same damn conversation.
“It wasn’t about your power, it was about mine!
The things you knew from that journal were about me and my family.
You knew my fucking mother was going to die and you didn’t say a godsdamn thing, Sebastian! ”
“Would you really have wanted to know? And really think about that before answering. Because I know if someone had told me my mother was going to die, I would have wished I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have wanted to dwell on it until the day came.”
My teeth burrowed into my tongue until I tasted salt. “It doesn’t matter what I would have wanted because you made the choice for me.” My head shook, denial setting in once more. “I could have saved her. I know I could have. And you took that away from me.”
“That’s not true, and deep down, you know it. You just refuse to admit it to yourself because you are so damn stubborn. I mean, come on, Maeve. How come everyone else can forgive me, but you can’t?”
“Probably because they weren't confiding in you. Kissing you. Sleeping with you. Telling you how in love they were with you.”
Sebastian groped the sides of his hair, tugging slightly in frustration. “You were already an anxious mess without knowing what was in that journal. Telling you would have just made it worse, and I didn’t want you to worry more than you already were. There are two sides to this.”
My eyes widened, and his followed as he realized his mistake.
Ouch.
“Well, this anxious mess has handled more than she lets on.” I stomped towards him, deepening the angle of my eyebrows. “And regardless, you don't get to decide what I can and cannot handle. That is up to me and no one else.”
“Anxious mess, man? Really? Baddd choice of words,” Kade chirped with a smug smirk displayed on his face.
“Shut up, Kade,” Sebastian snapped over his shoulder, then settled his gaze back on me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I just meant that you were so scared about the prophecy and your powers, that I didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire.”
“How considerate of you, Sebastian. But now instead, you’ve been fueling a whole other fire. One fueled by your bullshit and fucking lies,” I snarled, my eyes dampening with each word.
He reached out a hand to me, but I backed away.
“No,” I spat through my clamped jaw. “I have enough crap to deal with as it is. I don’t need to deal with your shitty attitude and fucked up comments, too. You’re acting just like you were when we first met, and I’m not going to tolerate it.”
He lowered his voice. “So what are you saying? You’re just giving up on us?”
“I’m not giving up, but I need time. I need to know that I can trust you, and right now, I can’t.”
His eyes hazed over with numbness. “You just told me you loved me.”
“I do love you. But sometimes love just isn’t enough.” My voice wavered with each word.
For a moment, it was as though we were alone in the woods, not a soul around aside from ours. His vision honed in on me and his voice deepened to that gravelly tone I loved so much, but broke me simultaneously. “If you want something deeply enough, love is always enough.”
“I’m not sure if I believe that.”
Sebastian bit his bottom lip, nodding slowly. “Well, alright then.” He turned away from me and the rest of the group, returning to his mare.
My body shuddered with the expulsion of my tears. I didn’t realize that I was crying so hard.
“Quite the show,” Kade quipped with a slow clap of his hands.
“Shut the fuck up, Kade!” Sebastian hollered back, holding a finger up behind him.