Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
MAEVE
“Sawyer? Are you awake? Open up.” I slammed my knuckles against the solid-pine door, not lowering my fist until it was yanked inward.
Sawyer appeared in his lounge pants, shirtless with disheveled, shaggy hair. He yawned as he side-stepped to let me in.
“Sorry. Were you sleeping?”
He blinked slowly then wiped his eyes with his closed fists. “What the hell does it look like I was doing?”
My nose scrunched. “Would it kill you to answer a question without using sarcasm?”
“Probably, yeah.” He launched himself back onto the bed, fluffing a pillow before collapsing his head onto it. “What's so urgent that you needed to wake me so late?”
I peered at the clock on his dresser. “It's nine in the evening.”
“And I haven’t slept in two days. I’m beat.”
I used my fisted hands to imitate crying and whining.
His forehead elevated along with the widening of his eyes.
“This is important. Sit up,” I demanded.
He groaned, but didn’t budge an inch.
I showed myself to the mattress and laid on my side next to him.
I’d never noticed it before, but his torso had freckles that matched the ones on his cheeks.
Granted, I had never been this up close and personal with him while he was shirtless, but regardless, my vision snagged on the trail of dark hair that travelled from his navel to the awfully low waistband of his sleep pants.
Fucking hell. Was I checking out Sawyer?
If that didn’t speak to my sexual deprivation and the fact that I hadn’t orgasmed in weeks, then I didn’t know what would.
“I was just with Venay,” I sputtered out, removing my lingering gaze from his abdomen.
“And?” he puffed out, allowing his eyelids to seal as his hands folded upon his grooved stomach.
“She healed my arm. I should be ready to go back to Draemor in a few days.” I would leave now, but seeing as no one else was ready to go, I figured it wouldn't kill me to listen to Venay’s advice.
“I would normally try to argue, but I can’t be bothered to reason with you right now. So if you want to believe that we will let you come with us when we go back, then sure, have at it.”
My brows wrinkled as I slapped his upper arm. “You're mean when you're tired.”
“You're annoying when I’m tired,” he deflected with the hint of a smirk.
When I smacked him again, his eyes snapped open, meeting mine.
“You aren't going to let me sleep until I let you blab, right?”
I nodded and jumped right into business. “Turns out Venay used to be friends with Queen Cicily. She also told me that there is another journal. And get this—it was enchanted by Venay.”
Sawyer’s left brow curved up. “Why would she enchant a notebook?”
“She said that it has vital information in it. Whatever that means. Maybe there is something in there that can help us kill Beaumont. Or something to help us get Seb out.”
“That would be nice.”
“The only problem is that I have no idea where it could be. I thought it went down with the castle, but Venay said that it can’t be destroyed. Her enchantment protects it from all harm.”
Running a hand down his face and pausing on his freshly-shaven chin, Sawyer groaned groggily. “And I suppose you want to start searching for it right away?”
My mouth bowed into an innocent smile. “The sooner the better.”
His eyes settled on my lips for a fraction of a second before jumping right back to my eyes.
Pulling back a bit, I wondered if Sebastian's question was actually as out-of-pocket as I’d thought.
He cleared his throat, closing his eyes once more. “Fine. But can you just let me sleep for a few hours? I’m of no use when I’m tired, and I certainly won’t be able to save Sebastian's life if I can’t see straight.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, rolling to my back instead of getting up.
In the silence of the night, I stared at his ceiling while my mind wandered to a dark, dangerous place. A place that I hated venturing off into, but a place that was more familiar than most other areas of my mind.
If something happened to Sebastian, I’d never forgive myself.
He was being held captive solely so Beaumont could get to me—and I knew for a fact that they weren’t keeping him in the guest quarters.
And the last thing I said to him…Fuck. If he died and the last thing I ever said to him was how he was a selfish jackass who never even really cared about me—
The thought made me want to curl up and die, but instead, more pain swarmed me. The aching in my heart that had been tightly caged away burst free, reminding me of the grief I had locked within it.
Thoughts of my mother intruded on me. Visions of her body burning to ash; her bones being crushed under thousands of pounds of brick and cement; how all I had left of the person who raised me was the star pendant she’d given me on my twenty-first birthday.
My birthday—I’d forgotten about it. It was in a few days, but I certainly wouldn't be celebrating. There was nothing worth celebrating. I had power that I couldn't contain, markings on my arms that I didn’t even fucking like for that matter, the pressure of the world on my shoulders, and I was so conflicted in the guy-department that I was considering abstaining from love and sex altogether. I could become a Devotee and spend the rest of my life in Caelestis’ sanctuary.
Oh wait—no, I couldn't. Caelestis’ sanctuary was probably gone along with half of the kingdom.
“Are you going to let me sleep, or?” Sawyer’s confused voice broke through my thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry. I’ll go,” I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
I sat upright, but then, as if I had no control over my body, I began to sob.
Sob wasn’t the right word.
I fucking wailed.
Tears came shooting out of me like lava, burning and salty, stinging my eyes and turning my cheeks raw. Everything that had been building up since I awoke in Lumosia came to a head, and I just lost complete control.
Sawyer’s muscles clenched as he sat up, the thin skin by his eyes creasing. “Maeve? What's wrong?”
I waved him away. “Nothing. I—I just…Nothing, I’m fine. I’m sorry. I—”
I couldn’t even form a damn sentence. My breathing snagged on my ribs and the words got caught in my lungs.
“Come here.” Sawyer’s tone was softer than I usually received from him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my back tightly against his bare chest. “What are you thinking?”
A mix of panic and grief shrouded my every sense. My vision was nothing more than a blur. My nose was too stuffed to breathe properly. My mouth was dry and my hands shook so hard I couldn't even dig my fingernails into my palms for some relief.
“Maeve. Talk to me.”
My head shook furiously as I tried to find the words. Any words. Even just one damn word.
Sawyer pivoted a bit so he could get a glimpse of my puffy, snotty face.
“Take a breath, then tell me what you’re thinking.”
I did. I sucked in a raspy bite of air, forcing it out through the gaps of my teeth, then repeating the motions until I found my voice.
“Everything. My mind won't stop. It never fucking stops, and I can’t fucking sleep,” I blubbered through my dying fit of hyperventilation, yawning in the middle of the sentence. “Everything is such a mess, and it is all my fault, and now Sebastian and I—” I yawned again.
“You are exhausted. Lay down.” Sawyer patted the mattress next to him.
My head shook vigorously, my hair shrouding his face. “No. I can’t. I need to start looking for the journal." I sucked in another harsh, jagged breath, tears surpassing my lips as I attempted to control my lungs.
“You aren't going to be looking for anything if you pass out from lack of oxygen. Breathe, damnit,” Sawyer demanded, swatting my hair out of his eyes.
He held me in silence for a few minutes, during which I followed instruction, using the pace of his breathing to settle my own.
“You’re okay. Everything will be okay,” Sawyer's words slipped over the back of my neck. “Lay down and try to sleep. I will help you in the morning.”
When I couldn't move, he pulled me down with him, rolling to his side and leaving an arm draped over my stomach. The position, although a bit intimate for friends, was comforting and exactly what I needed to finally get some sleep.
“There's nothing in any of these books,” I complained from where I sat crossed-legged on the floor of the common room, an entire bookshelf scattered around me and leaving hardly any room to walk.
“What exactly are you looking for again?” Pia flipped through a thin, red novel before tossing it to the side.
“Information about seers. Anything that might help me find where Cicily left her journal.”
“You might find information on seers in these books, but you certainly won’t find anything about Aunt Cicily.” Pia rose to her feet, stepping over piles of books to try and reach the bookshelf we hadn’t touched yet.
“There must be something about the Caelestis’ royal family. Ancestry? A family tree? Anything,” I replied, throwing another useless book over my shoulder.
“She was a very private person. You might find Aldous’ ancestry maybe, but not hers. And even if you did, it wouldn't be much help, anyway.”
“Do you know where Seb found the first journal?”
“He said that he found it in her closet a few years back.” Pia sat on the sofa with a leather-bound book, pulling her legs up to her chest. “But Uncle Aldous had her things cleared out since then, and if I’m remembering correctly, he donated them shortly after.”
My mouth fell slack. “Are you telling me that Aldous Hawthorne did something…nice?”
“I’m sure there was something in it for him,” she giggled.
“Anyways, Cicily liked to read, just like Seb, and she had a huge collection of books. I don’t remember where they were sent, though.
I think to various archives across the kingdom.
And Uncle Aldous let the people who were close to her go through her things and take something to remember her if they wanted before donating the rest.”
“Damn. This complicates things.” I was hoping the book would still be at the castle, despite it being a pile of ruins. I would search every crumble of brick if I had to.
I stood and proceeded to tuck the books back in their place on the shelves. Maybe Venay had a way to figure out where the journal was. She was the one who enchanted it, after all, so she must have some sort of connection to it.
“Regardless of if we find the journal, we're going to save Seb. That’s not up for discussion,” Pia added after I’d gone silent.
“I know.” My voice wavered.
“Willawood.”
The waves of my hair fell into my face as I spun at the sound of my name. Sawyer stood in the archway, ushering me towards him with a finger. “Can I talk to you?”
Saw this coming from a mile away.
I cleared my throat, taking a nervous glance around the mess of a room and at Pia, who shot me an arched brow. “Be right back,” I told her.
“Did you find anything?” I asked Sawyer when we were in the corridor, hoping to hold off on the thing he really wanted to talk about.
He had spent the morning looking through the books and articles in Archer’s study for something about Cicily.
There weren't many manuscripts in there, but it was a start.
He shook his head. “Sorry.”
“Oh.” My grimace could not be disguised. “Okay, well what's up then?”
He ran a hand sheepishly through his hair, as if he suddenly felt uncomfortable being near me.
“Listen, last night shouldn't have happened. I know neither of us meant to fall asleep like that. You were just so upset…but either way, it just shouldn’t have happened.” His eyes refused to meet mine.
My throat felt like it had been stuffed with cotton.
“It’s fine, Sawyer. You were being a good friend. That’s all that was. Nothing more.” I offered him a soft smile.
“Right.” He shuffled a bit. “It’s just that you're my best friend, but you're also my other best friend's girl—sorry, ex-girlfriend,” he corrected. “Right?” he then questioned, doubting his wording.
“We aren’t together,” I clarified, forcing a fake, half-assed grin. “You're overthinking this, truly. Everything is fine.”
I was single and therefore, sleeping next to my friend wasn’t a crime. Although, sleeping next to my friend and having a sex dream about yourself, him, and your ex-boyfriend was questionable.
Sawyer nodded, returning my smile with his own awkward one. “Alright. If your arm is feeling better, maybe we can catch up on your training tonight?”
“No can do. Venay gave me strict orders to not use my arm until it is fully healed.” Not that I was much of a rule follower, but if I wanted any chance at going back to Draemor soon, I was better off attempting to comply.
I tapped a finger to my chin. “I don’t need my arm to use my mind control, though. So if you want to work on power wielding, I'll be there. Eight o’clock?”
He agreed with a soft nod, then backed away down the hall.
Flustered, I teased my hands through my hair before returning to the common room just in time to see Pia rushing back to her seat.
“You filthy little eavesdropper!” I exclaimed, casting an accusatory finger at her.
“You wanna talk about being filthy?” she yelled back, securing her hands on her hip bones. “What did you do!”
“I didn’t do anything.” I shrugged in defense.
“You slept with Sawyer?” she whispered the question so quietly that not even the gods could hear her.
Bending down to pick up a few loose books, I returned to my task of organizing the bookshelf. “I didn’t sleep with Sawyer. I slept next to Sawyer.”
“Sebastian is gonna be pissed,” Pia dragged out the last word, not even bothering to try and conceal her disapproval.
I stepped over piles of books as I made my way to the vacant shelf. “He can be pissed all he wants. We aren’t together. And there's nothing wrong with sharing a bed with a friend. You and me do it all the time.”
She stepped forward to pass me another pile of books. “That's different, and you know it.”
“You’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be,” I contested, pulling the top novel off the heap in her hands. “I was having a hard night, and Sawyer was there for me. We just so happened to fall asleep. That’s it. It meant nothing.”
“It meant nothing to you, I know that. But does Sawyer know that?”
I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t survive it.
His words continued to haunt me every chance they got.
I blew out a breath, then told a white lie. “Of course he does.”