Chapter 27
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Ifelt like a teenager being scolded by her mother for sneaking out. Instead, I was an adult being scolded by her best friend for making out with her other best friend.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Pia paced back and forth through my room while I sat with my knees pulled to my chest, my head in my hands while I sat on the bed.
I had gone and found her immediately after Sebastian had silently stormed from the courtyard.
She’d been ranting for what felt like hours, but had only been minutes.
“I know I’ve joked in the past about you guys hooking up, but I was joking. I mean, I knew you guys were close, but not that close.”
“You're mad,” I pointed out the obvious—and she had every right to be.
“I’m not mad, I’m just fucking confused. How long has this been going on? Walk me through the order of events here.”
“Pia, I—”
She cut me off, holding a silencing hand up. “Nope. No excuses. Spit it out.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “Fine,” I groaned. “First of all, nothing is going on. It’s just…on my birthday I was upset. And he came to check on me.” My own thoughts flustering me, I stood up and turned my back to her, unable to bear the disappointment on her face.
“Okay? And what about the part where you locked lips and did gods know what else?”
“I’m not finished,” I grumbled. “We were just hugging and then when we pulled back he just…kissed me. And I didn’t exactly stop it right away.”
My body pivoted to get a good view of her bulging eyes.
“We stopped before it went too far,” I added.
“What’s too far?”
“Do you really want the dirty details here?”
“Um, do you even know me, Maeve? Of course I want the dirty details. Spill it,” Pia ordered.
“It was more like a make out session than it was a kiss,” I ashamedly admitted.
“Was any genitalia involved?” she deadpanned, crossing her arms.
My face bunched up. “First of all, ew. That is a disgusting word. And second of all, no. He started kissing my neck and then I snapped back to reality.”
She uncrossed her arms to reach up and tie her hair back, nodding freakishly slowly. “One question.” She dropped her hands and held up a single finger. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I was deep in my own head before he came. I had just had a good talk with Seb right before—”
Pia threw her arms into the air. “Oh gods, Maeve! Seriously?”
“At the time, I was trying to convince myself that I couldn’t be with Seb after what happened, and I had been watching you and Kohen together and I just felt so broken.
I just needed to not feel anything. So when he kissed me, it kinda just turned my mind off for a minute.
All the background noise was gone. Until I realized what I had done, then the noise came rushing back in even louder.
” Ignoring her disbelief, I continued, “It was just a moment of weakness.”
“I would consider a moment of weakness as being a peck, not a full make out session.”
I drew a deep breath, my chest shuddering on the exhale.
“That's why you were acting so weird the next morning,” Pia scoffed and turned her head towards the door, avoiding eye contact with me. “Were you ever going to say something?”
I choked down the orange-sized lump in my throat.
“We agreed to pretend it didn't happen, and I knew the kiss was a mistake immediately after, so I just wanted to forget it. I knew that I needed to tell Sebastian, though, and the look on his face just now quite literally tore me in half. The thought that I hurt him—” I choked on my words.
“The thought that I hurt him makes me hate myself even more than I already do. And I hate that this is what it took for me to realize that I still need him. Now more than ever.” I buried my face in my hands, letting my tears seep between my fingers.
“I have hurt so many people without meaning to.”
“Maeve…” Pia said my name with a hint of sympathy as she took her place beside me.
“You should have talked to me. I would have helped you work through whatever is going on inside there.” She tapped lightly on my head.
“I know you’ve been having a hard time with everything, and I’m sorry if I have been absent or not checking in enough with you.
In all honesty, I’ve had a lot on my plate, too. ”
“What's going on?” I asked, suddenly painfully aware that I had been an all-around shitty friend lately.
She hesitated before saying, “It can wait, really.”
My head shook. “Pia, no. You can tell me—”
“It seriously can wait. Truly,” she said sharply.
Accepting her response, I continued. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve dragged all of you into my mess over and over again, and everyone keeps getting hurt by my problems and mistakes.”
“We love you. Your problems are our problems,” she assured me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into a hug.
My body shook as my sobs grew stronger. “I don’t know what to do now. I doubt Seb will be able to forgive this, and I don’t blame him. He shouldn't."
“Believe it or not, Seb is more understanding than he seems.”
He was, but this was different. And I knew the longer I waited, the worse it would be. “I should go find him so we can have this exact same conversation again.”
Pia stopped me. “I would give it some time if I were you. Kohen is with him now doing damage control and making sure he doesn’t kill Sawyer.”
This shouldn’t wait. “Where are they?”
“No. I’m making an executive decision here. Give him some time.” Pia’s words were a demand, and I wasn’t in a position to argue. “Wait until after Venay’s burial.”
My mouth went slack. “Two days from now?”
“Trust me on this. I know Seb. He needs time to process this before deep-diving back into it. I’m sure you can relate to that—right?”
All I gave her as a response was a nod of my head.
Venay’s burial was like a vacation after the past forty-eight hours.
It was obvious that Sebastian was avoiding me, and with plausible cause. I wouldn't want to talk to me, either, if I were him. But soon, he wouldn’t have a choice. Even if he didn’t say a word back, I needed to give him an explanation. He deserved that much.
I stood beside Archer, who was incredibly talented at hiding his misery.
He was stone-faced, as if nothing at all had even happened.
I hadn't even begun to figure out how I would explain what we discovered about Venay before she died, or if I should even tell him.
But if there's anything I’d learned in the past month or so about keeping secrets, it was not to.
Lumosia’s burial grounds were small for obvious reasons. The kingdom technically didn’t exist, and its population was minuscule all things considered.
Two weather wielders used their magic to conjure a strong wind, guiding the air to gently lower Venay’s casket into the ground. Once covered and settled, an earth wielder used their emerald to grow flowers over the mound of dirt covering it.
“Weeds would be more fitting if you ask me,” Sawyer mumbled into my ear, and I had to disguise my laugh as a sob.
I planned to corner Sebastian following the ceremony, but he attempted to disappear as soon as the earth wielder concluded the burial. I observed the way he strode off, his hands tucked into his leather pockets, his head dipped towards the ground.
I started after him, pausing in my tracks when Kade noticed my wandering eyes and nudged me with his elbow. “Hawthorne sure is pissed at you.”
I scrunched my face at him and spat, “How would you know?” Sebastian wouldn't be caught dead confiding in Kade.
“Anyone within a mile of the arena the other day knows. He was ripshit in there the other day. I’m surprised we aren’t burying Sinclair right now, too.”
“Oh, shut up, Kade,” I hissed, giving him the stank eye.
I was surprised, too, though. As far as I knew, Sebastian hadn’t said a word to Sawyer about what happened. And I would know if he had—Sawyer would have some form of facial bruising.
“You're right. I should watch my mouth. Wouldn't want you to try and kiss it,” Kade teased, the comment being the first attempt at a joke I’d ever heard from him.
Knowing it was not really an appropriate funeral mannerism, I still pulled my fist back and punched him in the balls.
“Oops. Sorry. Lost control of my power there,” I snarked, giving him a cruel grin before starting for the palace.
“You didn’t even use your power!” he hollered back at me, followed by a few curse words.
Delani caught up to me, matching my pace. “Did I just see you hit Kade in the balls?”
“Yup.”
She chuckled. “Nice. He’s had that coming for a long time.”
“Sure has.”
Using my hand as a visor to block the sun, I checked to see if Sebastian was still anywhere in my field of vision. When I caught him in my peripheral, I sped off in a jog, the sole of my boots kicking up loose dirt as I advanced on him.
“Seb!”
He didn't turn around.
“Sebastian.” I tried again to snag his attention, and though I was almost positive he heard me, he only continued his steady gate towards the palace.
My jog increased to a full on sprint, and my speed did not sedate until I had my hand on the pure muscle of his shoulder.
“Seb.”
He froze in his tracks, though refused to meet my eyes.
“Can we talk? Please,” I pleaded to the back of his head.
Using my hand to guide him in a forced turn around, his eyes met mine for the first time in days, and holy hell had I missed them.
“What?” he snapped, grinding his teeth immediately following.
“I want to explain.”
“Explain what?” he scoffed, shaking his head, his dark hair following in pursuit. “Explain the details about how you kissed my best friend? Save it. I don’t want to know.”
“He kissed me,” I corrected, not that it really mattered.
Sebastian folded his arms, positioning one foot slightly ahead of the other, as if he was preparing to turn on his heel and leave me with my words. “And did you kiss him back?”
“Well—”
He held a hand up, silencing me mid-sentence. “Then I’ve heard enough.”