Chapter 40 #2
“So when you said that to me, someday, we’ll live again, it stuck.
And I made a promise to myself. A promise to give you the life you desired.
I prayed I would get to be a part of that life, but regardless, I wanted you to have at least one thing that you truly wanted, seeing as my father was the reason behind the life you despised.
So, I purchased the property rights of the beach from him and made it your—I mean, our—someday.
Though in hindsight now that Bitchmont thinks he has the right to our kingdom, the gesture seems a bit… preemptive.”
My jaw went slack.
“Once we get the kingdom rebuilt and back under the rule of my father—or someone more fit—you and I can build the ocean view home of your dreams.”
I stuttered before settling on the only words I could scrounge up. “You…you bought me a beach?”
“It was going to be my wedding gift to you someday, should I be so lucky to call you my wife. If not, I was going to send the deed anonymously in the post, though I do have full intentions on marrying you, in case that wasn’t obvious.
Sorry to spoil the surprise, but you asked, and I promised not to keep things from you so, happy future wedding, love. ”
“Sebastian Hawthorne, stop this horse right now,” I abruptly ordered.
“What?”
“You heard me. Stop.”
Our mare whined at the sudden jerk of her reins. She halted in place, and I jumped down off of her back.
Sebastian stared down at me, blue eyes wide.
“Get down here,” I demanded, pointing at the ground and letting my bossiness shine through.
He tossed his legs over the side of the saddle and landed with a thud in the field of flowers. “Are you…mad?” he asked, a hint of fear in his voice.
“What? No. I am so relentlessly in love with you and I need you to kiss me right now or I think I may die.”
He didn’t so much as waver before ruining me with his lips and tongue. I came undone for him right then and there. Every fiber of my being—every thread of my soul—was his.
Only his.
Always.
We pushed poor Honey to her limit, but we were able to catch up with the others.
A few miles later, we set up camp for the evening and I offered to take the first watch. My mind was too full to sleep—in a good way for once.
After ten minutes of bickering with Sebastian over it, he agreed to loosen the ropes he had tied to my safety. “Just scream if you hear so much as a twig break,” he demanded, then left me with swollen lips from his goodnight kiss.
The fire Pia and I had worked together to build crackled in front of me, the smell of smoke filling my nostrils. The sky had succumbed to the night's darkness, and the openness of the valley we sat in granted me a view of the sky like I’d never seen before.
“Imagine watching the Jewel-Light shower out here.” Sawyer's voice made me jump.
I clutched a hand to my chest. “If I make it out of this war alive, I’ll add that to my bucket list,” I answered breathily, letting my hand fall to my side.
He sat down beside me, planting his eyes on the burning flames. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me,” he said, his voice nothing more than a breath.
“I’m not. Why would you think that?” Stupid question. I knew why.
“Either because you're mad about how I reacted to your self-sacrificial plans, or because of the other thing,” he implied.
I didn't want to talk about either of those things, but pick your poison, I guess.
“I’m not mad about how you reacted to my plans.”
“I know I said some messed up things. It's no excuse, but when I’m scared, I tend to resort to anger, and I’m sorry.”
“Sawyer, we’re good. Truly. There's too much other stuff going on to dwell on your reaction to something I said that scared the shit out of you.” I dropped the hand of reassurance I had placed on his shoulder.
He nodded, staring into the crimson flames. “Then what's going on? Because the last time we really talked was right before you ran out of the arena.”
My attention fell to my hands as I began picking at my skin—a nervous habit I’d developed in the past few weeks. “Oh.”
“Maeve…I know we said things would go back to how they were, but things between us have been off, and I hate it.” Sawyer put his hand over mine, stopping me from ripping off a hangnail.
I sighed, giving him the eye contact I knew he desired. “I know. I don’t like it, either. I just don’t know how we go back when you are—” I stopped myself. He never actually told me the words, so technically I was still just assuming things.
“When I’m what?”
“You know…” I dropped my gaze again. This was uncomfortable to the maximum level.
“Remember back in the arena when we first got to Lumosia, and you compelled me to tell you a secret?”
My ears perked up at the change of subject, and somehow, this subject was worse. “Yes?”
“Do you remember what I told you?”
I hadn’t thought about this in weeks, and I planned to keep it that way. “Sawyer, we don’t need to talk about this. We shouldn’t talk about—”
“No, Maeve, actually we do need to talk about it. Because it’s been eating away at me ever since, and I have so much I just need to get off my chest, but you won’t let me.” Sawyer raised his voice just enough to convey the urgency, but not enough so that anyone could overhear us if they were awake.
I wanted to scream like Sebastian had told me, just so he could save me from this conversation, but I remembered what Pia had said about letting Sawyer confess, so I refrained.
“Fine, I’m all ears. Say what you have to say so that we can leave this behind us.”
“You sure?” His eyebrow lifted, the moonlight glowing into his skin.
I wasn’t, but he needed this. So for the sake of our friendship, I nodded.
Sawyer filled his cheeks with air, blowing it out before his words circulated through the damp evening air.
“First and foremost, what I said to you in the arena when you asked me to tell you something you didn't know—I never planned for those words to ever leave my lips. But you were gifted by the Goddess of the Mind for fuck’s sake, and I couldn’t fight it.
And I know what I said may seem messed up to you, hell, it is messed up, but I meant every word of it.
” He leaned closer to me, his jade-colored eyes frantically searching for mine.
“I know Seb is the better guy, and for that reason alone, you made the right choice by being with him. But I would burn every bridge I've built with him if it meant that I could have you. Don’t get me wrong—if your friendship is all that is on the table for us, I accept it with open arms, but I would ruin every other relationship I have in my life to call you mine. Maybe that's pathetic or desperate, but the feelings I feel for you are absolutely devastating. They have turned me into someone I am not, and I can’t contain them, nor do I want to.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
There was more. Sawyer continued, his explanation crushing my soul more than I ever imagined it could.
“I’m not asking you to leave Seb. I know you are in love with him, and that's a good thing. He can give you more than I ever could. But you just need to know that I am in love with you. You probably already knew that, but I needed you to hear it from me.” He paused to draw a breath.
“I meant what I said in the arena. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met. And it is destroying me.”
I blinked then held my eyes wide. “Sawyer, I—” Though I tried, no words found me. My brain was empty. Before I could so much as stutter a response, slow clapping filled my ears.
“Bravo,” Sebastian taunted from behind us. “That was quite the proclamation, Sawyer. Where did you get that? Surely you didn’t come up with that speech on your own.”
Uh oh.
I jumped to my feet, putting myself in front of Sebastian before he could do something rash—like fucking kill Sawyer.
“Seb, let’s go to our tent.” I pushed him back with my palms, but he stepped around me.
“I think I need to have a conversation with Sawyer first. I thought he and I had talked everything out, but apparently we have more to discuss.” Sebastian's voice was almost unrecognizable as he stomped towards Sawyer, who found his own footing.
Seb,” I pleaded. “I’ll get Kohen to take watch, just come—”
“Maeve, I love you so godsdamn much, but please,” he growled, the threat didn’t scare me, but was getting pretty damn close to.
Sawyer marched for Sebastian, squaring his chest. “I’m feeling honest tonight, so sure, let’s talk.”
There was no way he wasn't scared. Their heights and physique were similar, but Sebastian had a lethal edge that I’d never seen on another mortal.
Sebastian’s fists clenched by his side, and at that moment, I knew things were going to get bad. I needed to distract them, so I dug through the corridors of my brain, coming up with one thing that I knew neither of these men could resist.
My power.
When emotions were as high as theirs were right now, mental shields were inevitably weak. I broke through them both with ease, and commanded the two of them to, “Sit down, and don’t get up unless your lives are in danger or until you have made peace with each other.”
“I always forget that she can do that,” Sawyer mumbled under his breath, dropping to the ground.
“You’re lucky she can do that, " Sebastian grumbled back, copying Sawyer's motion and taking a seat by the fire.
Victims of my orders, they had no choice but to listen, so I went to bed.