29
Helen
After Maika leaves the room, I’m frozen in place. And it’s not because I don’t have anything to do; it’s just that my body has decided to go on a general strike. Maika’s words are burned into my forehead.
“And don’t you ever think again that you’re the only one who can save everyone.”
Okay, that direct hit to the chin hurt because she’s absolutely right. But the worst part is that, even though I know I go through life acting like a superhero, my rigid mind has already made up its mind and there’s no turning back. I’m a textbook case of stubbornness—why deny it?
I’m not going to let her grandmother go without her treatments just because I’m a selfish person determined to chase a promotion I’ve been longing for for years.
I can’t look Maika in the eyes, see the brutal weight she’s carrying, and keep competing against her like some Wall Street wolf.
That would make me a terrible person. And okay, yes, if I analyze it with my cold, rational mind, stepping aside is also a form of selfishness: I’m doing it because I’d rather take a professional hit than bear the guilt of watching her drown in bills.
Either way, I’m not going to let Maika be the one to save me. I’d rather throw myself to the sharks.
During the first seating of the gala dinner, when the main dining room is buzzing with laughter and live music, I take advantage of the commotion to slip away.
I spot Maika at the back of the room. She looks stunning in her evening uniform, talking to Nico near the waitstaff entrance.
She has massive dark circles under her eyes, but there she is: smiling at the diners, exuding charisma, and hiding her personal dramas behind that tough-as-nails facade. What a woman, seriously.
My jaw drops and my heart sinks at the same time.
I send Julianne a quick message asking for an urgent meeting. I stride down the hallways with my back so straight I look like a Navy sergeant. Inside, I swear I’m a total mess. Especially before I knock on the door three sharp times.
“Come in,” I hear from the other side.
I walk into the office. Julianne is focused on her work tablet, every hair in place, and she gives me that analytical look that makes you feel like you’re being scanned at customs.
“Helen,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “Your message caught me off guard. What’s the rush?”
I close the door, plant my heels on the carpet, and let out a deep breath.
“I want to withdraw my application for the position.”
Julianne is completely taken aback. For the first time in the entire contract, I catch her looking genuinely surprised. Her eyes widen, and it takes her a couple of seconds to react.
“Excuse me… Did I hear that right?” she asks, as if she thought the rocking of the ship was playing tricks on her.
“You heard me perfectly. I want to be taken out of the evaluation process.”
The tension in the office is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Julianne sets the tablet down on the desk with a slowness that’s almost frightening and gestures to the chair across from her.
“Please sit down.”
“I’d rather stand.”
“Helen,” she repeats, this time using that commanding tone. “Sit down.”
I obey. I collapse into the chair and interlace my fingers on my knees. Julianne leans back in her chair, studying me as if I were some kind of oddity.
“I suppose you’re aware of what this means, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“You’ve been working your ass off for this opportunity for years,” she reminds me.
“I know.”
“And in the last evaluation, you fell just short.”
That comment hits me where it hurts the most, and suddenly, my mind travels back in time.
I see myself on another ship, on another voyage, sitting before a very similar evaluation committee.
That time, I was trying to explain to the shore inspectors that the chaos that had ensued was a chain of unforeseen events that were impossible to stop.
Maika was sitting next to me, silent, staring at her shoes, completely frozen.
We were younger, more inexperienced, and that was the night our first chance to be together sank because of her silence.
I needed her to defend me, to stand up for me, and her silence hurt me so much that when I boarded the Marine IV and saw her name on the entertainment roster, I wanted to die.
I thought we’d kill each other on board.
What I didn’t expect was to discover that that wild Maika had become a professional with a gift for dealing with people that I wish I had myself, and that what I felt for her was still alive and beating stronger than ever.
All the resentment I’ve held in my heart over the years has evaporated. Or maybe I’ve just grown up. Now that I know about her grandmother, I understand that Maika didn’t stay silent that day out of disloyalty, but out of panic at losing the job that supported her family.
“May I ask why you’re throwing in the towel now?” Julianne asks, leaning forward.
I meet her gaze with pride.
“Because Maika is twice as qualified as I am for that position.”
Julianne raises an eyebrow, skeptical.
“The performance reports we have on the table don’t exactly say that, Helen.”
“With all due respect, reports only measure numbers,” I counter. “I’m efficient, organized, and methodical. I know how to contain a security crisis and follow standard operating procedures to the letter. But Maika has something I lack: empathy that money can’t buy.”
Julianne flashes a smile.
“Interesting term.”
“Please don’t take it as a joke,” I ask with a somewhat bitter smile.
“I’m not taking it as a joke at all. I’m listening.”
I take a breath, adjusting the collar of my shirt.
“Maika understands the human factor. She doesn’t just manage people; she knows how to read the passengers and her crew.
She knows when to yell at the right moment, when to give a hug, and when to explain things three times so a rookie doesn’t feel like a failure just because they’re scared.
Filling out budgets, balancing sheets in Excel, and writing incident reports for the shipping company—you can learn that in two weeks.
But that magic of getting people to follow you with a smile in the middle of a storm… that isn’t taught in any academy.”
Julianne looks at me with a newfound intensity, as if she were discovering a completely different Helen.
“You have leadership qualities that she doesn’t, Helen. You’re a pillar of this ship.”
“I know,” I admit, and doing so stings my soul. “But Maika is a sponge. She’ll absorb the technical side in the blink of an eye because she’s got more than enough intelligence and adaptability. And once she masters that part, she’ll be a thousand times better at this job than I could ever be.”
The words come pouring out of me.
“The company will come out ahead if they put her in charge of the shore offices,” I conclude with conviction.
“And you? What are you going to do with your career?”
The question hits me like a bucket of cold water.
“I’ll keep plugging away at my current job. Doing my duty, as always. I guess I’ll have to learn to put down roots and find my balance in a different way. Far from the offices on the mainland.”
Julianne takes her time before pressing the issue again.
“Does this surprising withdrawal have anything to do with the rumors about your personal relationship with the entertainment coordinator?” she asks point-blank. At this stage of the cruise, trying to hide anything from her is like trying to block out the sun with a finger.
“Yes,” I reply, laying my heart on the table.
I no longer feel like making up stories.
“It has to do with the fact that I’m madly in love with her and I don’t want to turn what we have into another pitched battle.
But I promise you on my honor that I’m also doing this because I firmly believe she’s the ideal person for the job. ”
“Helen, a decision made out of love can be just as blind and irrational as one made out of spite,” she warns me sensibly.
“I know,” I admit, swallowing hard. “That’s why I’m not here to ask you to give her the job.
I’m just asking you to take me out of the equation.
Evaluate Maika as strictly as you see fit.
If you ultimately decide she doesn’t fit the profile, that’s up to management.
But I’m not going to compete against the woman of my life. ”
Julianne folds her hands on the desk and gives me a very serious look.
“Are you one hundred percent sure? If you close this door, it’s very likely that the promotion train won’t come around for you again.”
There it is, the final nail in the coffin.
I feel a horrible emptiness beneath my ribs, the same dizziness I suffered long ago.
The sensation of watching your goals evaporate while you remain composed and crownless.
But this time there’s a difference: they aren’t firing me; I’m the one deciding to jump ship.
And, miraculously, that makes me feel a little more in control of my own destiny.
“I’m absolutely sure,” I say. And I swear I feel proud of myself.
Julianne watches me for a long moment.
“Does Maika know anything about this?”
“Not a word.”
“Do you want us to tell her?”
“No!” I blurt out, too quickly and with a slightly hysterical tone.
The boss tilts her head, her curiosity piqued.
“May I ask why?”
I clench my hands until they hurt.
“Because she has more pride than a peacock and would never accept it. I don’t want her to feel like I’ve given her the position out of charity, or that our relationship starts with a debt of this magnitude on her record. She’s got enough baggage to deal with already.”
Julianne looks at me in a completely different way. I think she’s even been moved by my romantic moment.
“I beg you not to tell her that I was the one who stepped aside,” I add, and that “please” costs me a fortune because I’d hate to appear vulnerable in front of my superiors.
“Helen…”