30
Maika
The overnight stop in Palma de Mallorca is a godsend after so many hours straight of churning out nautical miles and putting up with rude passengers.
The Marine IV stands imposingly at the western pier while we, the sea workers, swarm ashore with that rush that hits you when you’re given a few hours of conditional freedom.
Leo, Nico, and Lara have been the ringleaders of the expedition.
According to their illustrious theories, “we needed a break before we started growing scales.” According to Gonzalo, the biggest busybody, “we had to celebrate the fact that this hellish contract is coming to an end.” I, who know them as if I’d given birth to them, know perfectly well that they’re putting on this circus because they can sense the tension between Helen and me.
And even though it pisses me off that they’re playing cheap matchmakers with my private life, I’m deeply grateful for the gesture of pulling me out of my head.
After grabbing some quick sandwiches and tapas on a terrace along the boardwalk, we head to Can Pere Antoni Beach. The sand feels cool and pleasant under my bare feet. Palma glows behind us with that Mediterranean spell that whispers in your ear that, if you set your mind to it, miracles do exist.
Everything is so beautiful when you’re just passing through, really.
“This is pure bliss, damn it,” Nico blurts out, flopping down on the sand with a bag of chips he’s snagged from the buffet. “If they make me host another senior citizens’ trivia night tomorrow, I’m throwing the mic in the water and turning into a seagull.”
“Well, you’ve got it all figured out, kid, because seagulls are meaner and a whole lot smarter than you,” Lara shoots back, sitting down next to him.
Gonzalo appears on the scene like the crew’s wise king, lugging a pack of ice-cold zero-calorie beers and sporting a mischievous grin he can’t contain.
Helen, who has sat down next to me while pretending to keep a safe distance, keeps her eyes fixed on the black horizon as if she were alone on the planet.
Taking advantage of the fact that the guys are minding their own business, I keep glancing at her out of the corner of my eye.
She’s fucking gorgeous. Her hair is down, tousled by the sea breeze, and she has that intense look she gets when she’s deep in thought.
“Are you okay?” I ask her in a soft whisper.
It takes Helen forever to answer, as if every word has to pass through her brain’s security filter.
“Yeah,” she says, clearing her throat.
That’s a total lie. I know her too well.
“Palma is beautiful,” she adds.
“Well, well. Approved tourist brochure comment,” I say with a mischievous smirk.
“I don’t know what you expected me to say, Maika,” she replies, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “Especially after what you made so clear to me.”
“Yeah… you know I’m a total idiot.”
For a second, the stress of the ship disappears and the world seems like a slightly kinder place.
“I’ve missed you,” I blurt out, without a filter. Helen immediately looks down at the sand. “These last few days have been… fucking hell.”
“Tense,” she murmurs. “I’ve missed you too…” she confesses so softly that the wind almost steals her words away.
Helen sighs deeply and fixes me with those eyes full of promise.
I’m dying to close this tiny gap between us, grab her by the neck, devour her mouth, and tell her to screw the promotion, the ship, and everything else.
To tell her that everything’s going to be okay, that I’ll find a way to dig up my grandmother’s money from under the rocks, and that there’s nothing to worry about.
But life is a real bitch, and just as my mouth is about to brush against hers, the damn phone starts vibrating in my pants pocket as if it were in a hurry to ruin the moment.
“I have to answer it.”
“Sure, don’t worry.”
I stride away from the group, sinking into the cool sand until I reach a darker area, near some rocky breakwaters where the crashing waves drown out the guys’ voices.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Maika, sorry to bother you at this hour,” says the director of the nursing home. “I’m calling to confirm that your grandmother is stable; the medical assessment is good, but the doctors insist we need to start treatment right away so she doesn’t lose mobility.”
“Okay… So what’s the deal?” I ask, even though I know exactly where this is going.
“The problem is that we need you to make the first payment for the new special care plan before the end of the week,” she tells me gently, but with a firmness that makes my blood run cold.
“If the payment isn’t made, we’ll be forced by protocol to arrange her transfer to a public facility in the regional network…
and right now the only availability is at a nursing home in a mountain village, on the other side of the region. ”
“What do you mean, transfer her?” I snap, clearly nervous. “My grandmother couldn’t handle a change like that right now; she doesn’t know anyone there.”
“It wouldn’t happen overnight, Maika, but we have to open a care file per regulations. I understand this is terrible for you, but the center’s rules are strict if we want to keep her spot here.”
What a tactful, corporate way of telling me that they’re going to send my grandmother to the middle of nowhere just because her granddaughter doesn’t have a penny to her name.
I fire off four questions in a row about deadlines, admission dates, exact amounts, and whether there’s an option to pay in installments, but it’s all just excuses.
I listen to her answers, my gaze lost in the sea, blurred by the tears threatening to spill, and the roar of the waves echoing in my head.
When I hang up, I stand frozen in front of the water, staring at the black screen of my phone while the wind whips my hair against my face. Damn reality has grabbed me by the throat and is forcing me to face a truth I can no longer cover up with forced smiles: I’m between a rock and a hard place.
“Maika…” I hear Helen’s voice behind me.
I turn around, wiping my face with the back of my hand. She’s a couple of steps away, arms crossed and looking worried.
“What happened?” she asks me.
I’m dying to lie to her. To tell her it was nothing, to smile as if nothing were wrong, to go back to the group and have a beer. But I don’t have the strength to keep this up anymore.
“If I don’t make the deposit for the new treatment this week, they’re taking my grandmother to a nursing home in some godforsaken town in the mountains,” I blurt out, my voice trembling.
Helen freezes, as if I’d shot her. A flash of pure pain crosses her eyes, and I swear that for a moment it seems to hurt her more than it hurts me.
“Maika…” she begins.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, Helen, I’m begging you,” I cut her off. “I couldn’t bear it.”
She bites her lip, nods silently, and simply stays by my side. It’s exactly what I need.
“How ridiculous I am… And here I was thinking I could play the noble one on this ship by sabotaging my own work,” I say with a bitter laugh.
“It sounded so good in my head, didn’t it?
Maika the generous one, the hopeless romantic, sacrificing her future for the woman of her life as if this were some afternoon movie. What a slap in the face from reality.”
Helen grabs my cheeks with both hands, forcing me to look her straight in the eye.
“You don’t have to keep carrying this burden alone, Maika. I won’t let you,” she tells me with conviction.
“I know… but that’s just how it is, Helen.”
She looks down at the sand, and a thick silence swallows up all the words we have left to say. In the distance, the group is still partying, and Nico has turned up the music. The world keeps dancing while my entire universe is reeling because of a damn monthly bill.
“I need to get back to the ship.”
Helen makes a move to grab my hands again, but stops herself just in time.
“I’ll walk you to the port.”
“No, really. Stay with the guys, have a drink, and enjoy yourself. I need to get into bed and think.”
I make my way back to the Marine IV as if I were a zombie.
The lights of the port of Palma reflect off the water at the pier, and as I cross the crew gangway, I feel a horrible crunch inside my chest. I’m cornered: there’s no way I can come up with that money without taking away the promotion Helen has been working her ass off for her whole life.
Why didn’t I save more over the last few years?
“Damn it…” I groan.
I just want to get to my bed, take off this uniform, and pull the sheet up to my neck. I’m walking down one of the interior corridors on the crew deck when Arturo’s figure materializes in the middle of the hallway.
“Good evening,” he greets me, a company folder under his arm. “I thought you’d be on break with the rest of the team.”
I stop dead in my tracks, stifling a sigh of frustration. Just what I needed to top off the day.
“Hi, Arturo,” I say, forcing a smile. “I’m just exhausted, to be honest. So I decided to call it a night early.”
Arturo stares at me intently.
“I find it fascinating that you have the best résumé I’ve seen at this shipping company in the last five years, yet you’re so determined to throw your reputation overboard,” he blurts out.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Arturo tilts his head, looking at me with crushing irony.
“Of course you know, Maika. Don’t take me for a fool.”
I instinctively glance down both sides of the corridor to make sure no crew members are eavesdropping on our conversation.
“Look, seriously, Arturo, I’m dead tired. If this is another one of your psychological tests, I beg you to save it for tomorrow.”
“It’s not an official evaluation, don’t worry,” he clarifies calmly.
“What a relief. Informal ambushes in hallways have always been my favorite,” I throw at him with every ounce of sarcasm left in my body.
A half-smile escapes Arturo’s lips.
“Helen is an impeccable officer, Maika,” Arturo continues in a serious tone, “but it’s a huge mistake to put the keys to your professional future in someone else’s hands. No matter how much you’re in love.”
The remark takes my breath away, but the truth is, I couldn’t care less about my future right now. What’s keeping me up at night is my grandmother and the fear that they’ll move her to some godforsaken town. As contradictory as that may sound right now.
“It’s just that you have no idea what they’re like,” I murmur.
He takes a step toward me, softening his expression a little.
“What is it that I don’t know, Maika? Speak up.”
“That it’s not just my future I’m risking on this cruise,” I blurt out, my eyes brimming with tears.
“Well, if there’s more at stake, that’s all the more reason you should stop playing games,” he snaps at me.
“And why are you telling me all this now?”
“Because I’ve seen many brilliant people pass through these ships who’ve ruined their careers because of fear, regret, or a bad decision. You’d do well to keep that in mind for the future.”
I let out a bitter laugh.
“Wow, what a motivational speech. Thanks.”
“And I’m also telling you this because this position onshore needs someone brave. Someone capable of making difficult and uncomfortable decisions. Even when those decisions sting or hurt the people we love most.”
At that moment, Helen’s face comes to mind, what we went through in the past, and everything I owe her because of my mistakes. But I also see my grandmother’s face and the promise I made to take care of her. I don’t want to let down either of the two people I love most in this world.
“Come on, go get some rest, Maika. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“They’ve all been that way lately.”
“Tomorrow’s will be especially so. Because Julianne and I have already made a decision.”
He turns and walks away down the inner hallway, leaving me there alone, my heart racing and a certainty running through my body like a chill: that it doesn’t matter at all what decision Helen or I make, because in the end, real life always makes sure to make you pay the price and shatter your plans.