Chapter 18 #2
Breaking Alex’s stare, Erin cleared her throat. “Maybe you shouldn’t come over tonight.”
A frown etched itself onto Lia’s face. “What? Because of Adrianna?”
Erin shrugged. “Maybe you should go out with them. Spend some time with the rest of the team. After all, you promised Adrianna a night out.”
“To get her to stop pestering me about it.” Lia frowned. “And I don’t want to go out with Adrianna. I’d rather be with you.”
And that was the crux of the problem, wasn’t it? Because that was what Erin wanted, too. To be alone with Lia, to strip her down, to trace every inch of her body with hands and lips and tongue until she never wanted to come up for air.
She’d never wanted—craved—anyone so fiercely before.
And it was utterly terrifying.
For a few weeks now, Lia had been crawling into her bed, and out of it before sunrise. Weeks, and Erin still wasn’t sated. Would she ever be? Would she want and want and want until she couldn’t want anymore?
Would Lia slip closer, become an irrevocably ingrained part of her life?
Would Erin mind if she did?
Were the lines between them already too blurred?
“Lia…”
“I didn’t mean that how it sounded.” Panic crept into Lia’s voice. “I don’t mean like that. I just meant that I’d rather be in your bed than in a nightclub surrounded by drunk, sweaty people. That’s all.”
“Still. I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Not tonight.” Erin felt too raw, too exposed. She needed more time to sit with her feelings, more time to figure out what the hell was going on in her brain. “So you should go out. Have fun.”
“And what are you going to do? Sit at home alone brooding?” Lia shook her head. “Are you ending this because you’re jealous of Adrianna?”
“I didn’t say I was ending this.” Panic settled into her own voice now. “Just…not tonight.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m tired of everything being on your schedule.” Lia pushed herself to her feet, a scowl on her face. “Have fun tonight. And every other night, for that matter. Alone.”
She stalked away—over to where Adrianna stood with a few of the others—and Erin bit her tongue so she didn’t call out for her to stay.
* * *
“Okay, what is your problem?” Concerned grey eyes peered at Lia’s face as Cerys leaned her head on her shoulder.
“Because you’ve had a frowny face the whole ride back, and you should be happy!
We just won a trophy! Our first one together!
But you look like someone died. Is it your knee? Is it worse than we thought?”
“No. My knee is fine.” It didn’t ache anymore. She was annoyed it had forced her off, but the decision had been taken out of her hands, Ayla insisting it wasn’t worth the risk of exacerbating it if it was something serious.
Instead, she’d had to watch from the sidelines, praying that the team would be able to win without her. She finally knew what Erin had been feeling all those months sitting in the stands and had hated every second.
It was poetic that Erin had scored the winner.
“What’s wrong? Why are you frowny?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Bullshit. I’ve seen you tired. I’ve seen you do training drills on less than an hour of sleep. Dozens of media interviews on less than two. And you were still happier than this.”
“I’m sorry.” Lia had tried to put on a brave face, but after how her conversation with Erin had ended, she hadn’t been feeling it.
She’d sat toward the front of the coach, leaving those who wanted to party—playing loud music and still drinking champagne—toward the back. “I know I’ve been miserable.”
“No shit. So tell me why. Or are you going to make me guess? Is it your father? Stepmonster? Brett? Your grandmother?” After listing each one, Cerys studied Lia’s face carefully before mentioning the next. “Okay, so…someone on the team? Adrianna and her over-the-top flirting?”
At the mention of Adrianna’s name, Lia reacted. Not much—she was quick to stop the frown before it became too pronounced—but Cerys zeroed in on the twitch of her eyebrows.
“Hmm. So it is something to do with Adrianna, but not the flirting?”
How differently Lia’s night might have ended if Adrianna had never come over to her and Erin.
They wouldn’t have fought. Erin wouldn’t have gotten jealous.
As much as she denied it, she had been, which was ridiculous—what for?
As if Lia would rather go home with Adrianna than Erin!
As if Erin—with the gigantic ego, who looked so damn self-satisfied whenever she made Lia come—could ever believe she would?
Lia was getting herself worked up again. For the last ninety minutes, as they’d travelled back to Manchester along the M6, she’d been fuming over it.
And over her own overreaction. Were things with Erin really over, all because of something so minor?
Lia didn’t want things to be over. She wanted to knock on Erin’s door in an hour’s time and have it all be forgotten. But based on the fact Erin hadn’t so much as glanced Lia’s way once the rest of the evening, she didn’t think that would be well received.
“So Adrianna and someone else on the team.” Cerys was still pressing, though Lia tried hard to tune her out. “Was it that intense argument you had with Erin?”
Clenching her hands into fists, Lia dug her nails into the palms of her hands, forcing herself not to react. “What intense argument?”
“Come on.” Cerys scoffed. “Don’t play dumb with me. You were talking to her in the changing room. It didn’t look like a happy conversation.”
“That was nothing.” Lia glanced out the window, the lights of Manchester city centre growing ever closer, and with them, the promise of being able to sulk in the privacy of her own apartment. “We argue all the time.”
“Not lately. Come to think of it…” Cerys tilted her head. “Huh. I can’t remember the last time. She smiled at you the other day; that was weird. I didn’t know she could do that.”
“Don’t be mean.”
“Why are you defending her?”
“Because,” Lia shifted in her seat, “she’s not so bad.”
“But she’s the reason you’re upset.”
“No, she’s not.”
“You can’t lie to me, Lia. You’ve never been good at it.”
“Can you drop it, please?”
“No. Because she’s clearly done or said something to you. Was she rubbing in the fact that you got taken off and she scored the winning goal? Because if she did, I’ll give her a piece of my mind. In fact, I’ll do it right now. Where is she?” Cerys made to get to her feet.
Before she could make it into the aisle, Lia grabbed her arm and hauled her back into her seat. “Don’t! Leave it alone.”
Hurt flashed across Cerys’s face. “You’ve never kept secrets from me before.”
A kernel of guilt sat leaden in Lia’s stomach. Cerys was right. They’d been friends since they were teenagers. Cerys had been there for her through it all—her shitty father, her failed relationships and terrible one-night stands, and every step of her career.
Lia had started out her time at Albion by lying to her, keeping the real reason for her break-up with Hannah a secret.
And then this thing with Erin… For months Lia had kept it from her—by necessity, but still.
It was weighing heavily on her shoulders, solid on her chest, making it harder and harder to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” Lia whispered, hating the fact she was hurting Cerys. Hurting herself by keeping it all bottled inside. “But I can’t talk about it. Not here.”
“Later?” She glanced out the window. “We’re almost back at the training ground. Why don’t I come back to your apartment with you?”
“Don’t you want to go out with the others?”
Cerys shook her head. “Not without you. Not until I know you’re okay.”
Blinking back tears, Lia reached for Cerys’s hand and squeezed. “You’re a good friend. More than I deserve.”
A few minutes later, the coach pulled to a stop outside an empty Park Lane. Lia and Cerys were first off the bus—followed by a few of their teammates, who already looked worse for wear.
“Remember—we’ve got a recovery session tomorrow afternoon.” Ayla eyed them all sternly. “So don’t celebrate too hard. Now, get out of here, all of you. Go enjoy yourselves.”
Officially dismissed, groups gathered, making plans for the night ahead. She let Cerys tell the others she and Lia wouldn’t be joining them, her gaze flicking toward where Erin stood saying goodbye to Alex.
Erin glanced over, their gazes meeting for a second across the dark car park. Lia didn’t know what she expected. Erin to look regretful? To come over and say she didn’t mean it and of course Lia should come over?
Instead, Erin looked away, like Lia meant nothing. Like they’d shared nothing.
It left a sour taste in her mouth.
“Ready?” Cerys slid her arm through Lia’s.
“Can we go to your place instead of mine?” The thought of her path crossing Erin’s in the lobby or the hallway made her feel ill.
“Are you sure? Yours is closer.”
“Please. If Xander won’t mind.”
“He won’t mind at all; you know he loves you.” Xander and Cerys had been together almost as long as she and Lia had been friends. “Let me order an Uber—it’ll be quicker than the tram.”
Five minutes later, they were in the back seat of a Ford Focus, speeding through the centre of Manchester, and Cerys’s eyes were burning into the side of her face. “Spill the beans.”
“Not here, either.”
“Oh my God, Lia.” Cerys rolled her head back against the headrest with an exaggerated groan.
“Why so secretive? It’s not like you’ve been sleeping with her!
” She snickered at her own joke—until she glanced at Lia’s face.
Her laughter died, and her mouth dropped open. “You’ve been sleeping with her?!”
Lia cast a meaningful glance at their driver. “Not. Here.”
“Oh, come on! You can’t drop a bomb like that and expect me not to ask questions!”
“Technically you dropped the bomb.”
“I was joking.” Cerys shook her head. “I can’t believe this.”
“Well, believe it.” Resting her head against the window, Lia watched the shops and takeaways turn to residential streets.
Cerys and Xander lived in a two-bed house on the outskirts of the city.
The Christmas decorations that had covered every available surface on Lia’s last visit had been taken down to reveal the usual family photos plastered over the walls and a framed shirt from Cerys’s first-ever international game hanging at the top of the stairs.
In the living room, Xander sat on the couch, waving as Cerys dragged Lia inside. “Hey. Congrats on the win—I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”
“That’s okay, baby.” Cerys bent to kiss his cheek. “You had your own game to play. I watched the highlights on the coach back—you killed it.”
His smile was dazzling, and the domesticity of it—Cerys coming home to someone who loved her, who ran in the same circles and understood her job and the commitment it took—made Lia’s heart ache.
After Hannah, she’d never thought she would want something like that again. But lately, it was like her life was missing something. Her apartment was lonely. How nice would it be to have someone to share her space with? For more than a night?
“You know how much I love you, right?” Cerys batted her eyelashes at Xander.
He grinned. “You want me to get out of here so you can have some girl time? No problem.”
“Sorry.” He’d been waiting for Cerys all evening, and Lia had ruined their plans. “Look at me, barging in here and kicking you out of your own living room. I should go home.”
“It’s all good.” Crossing the room in three long strides, Xander squeezed her shoulder. “My Xbox is upstairs anyway, and there’s a game I’ve been waiting to play for a while. You stay as long as you need, Lia.”
“Love you.” Cerys kissed his cheek again, and, with another wave, Xander retreated up the staircase, leaving them alone. “Okay, now you have no excuse.” Cerys sat on the couch and patted the spot next to her. “Sit. Spill.”
So, Lia did. She let it all come pouring out—how it had happened in Spain (“Erin was the person you spent the night with?! Holy shit!”), how they’d agreed it could never happen again (“Yeah right—like that’s ever how it goes”), how they hadn’t been able to stay away from one another (“I can’t believe I didn’t notice”), and, finally, how it had all crumbled earlier in the changing room.
“Oh, wow. You had that whole argument when we were all stood there?” Cerys shook her head. “That’s bold.”
“Or stupid.” Anyone could have overheard them. If Cerys had noticed something was amiss… “It goes without saying that none of what I’ve told you can get back to Erin.”
“Still trying to protect her even after she broke your heart.”
“She didn’t break my heart.”
Cerys caught Lia’s eye. “Didn’t she? Because you’ve been moping all night.”
“I’m not in love with her.” Could she fall in love with her? Maybe. The more sides of Erin she got to see, the more she liked her. She was smart and funny and damn good at her job. Not to mention her multitude of skills in the bedroom. “But I am going to miss what we had.”
“It doesn’t have to be over.”
“I think it does.” Admitting it hurt, but she knew in her heart it was true. “Because I might not be in love with her, but I like her. A lot. Tonight has proved that. And I think to be happy, I would want more than what we had. And that’s something she’s been clear she won’t be able to give me.”
“I’m sorry, Lia.” Cerys pulled her into a hug. “But maybe it’s for the best that it happened now. Before you get in too deep.”
“Yeah,” Lia said, though a part of her wondered if she already was out of her depth. But she’d been through worse and survived. And saying it all out loud had helped somewhat.
Facing Erin at training tomorrow and pretending nothing was wrong was going to be fun.
“You wanna stay in our spare room tonight?”
“Would that be okay?”
“Of course.” Cerys kissed her forehead. “Let’s go get changed into some pyjamas and watch trashy movies and eat ice cream.”
“You don’t want to spend time with Xander?”
“Nah. He’ll be happy shouting at his video game. Come on.” Cerys tugged her upright. “You can have my fluffiest, comfiest pair.”