Chapter 20
It was late by the time they made it back to the training ground.
In the inky black of the car park, as rain teemed over them—fitting, considering the group’s mood—Erin struggled to find Lia among the bodies of their teammates as they all arranged their way home.
Was it a good idea, inviting Lia back to her place? Inviting her back into Erin’s life? Erin wasn’t sure, but she was sure she couldn’t keep going the way things were.
The game in Wolfsburg had been dreadful. Erin had gotten a mere twenty minutes, but she’d played even worse than she had at the weekend, and that missed chance… That would haunt her for years to come.
It had happened a handful of times in the past. Open goals missed, excellent saves denying her, trophies slipping away. But for it to be her fault, to feel the weight of the loss heavy on her shoulders—Erin hated it.
And if Alex was right—if trying to make it work with Lia would get her out of her own head, would get her back on track, would make her feel less of an aching loneliness when she was trying to sleep at night, it would be worth the risk of putting herself out there.
Lia was worth the risk.
Erin could see that now.
She finally spotted Lia, hovering near a shape Erin recognised as Cerys as she drifted closer.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you at home?” Cerys said, failing to notice Erin’s approach. “Save you from walking in the rain?”
“Um, I’m actually sorted.” Lia scratched at the back of her neck.
“Sorted? What do you mean? You’ve not called an Uber, have you?”
Erin cleared her throat, announcing her presence and making both Cerys and Lia jump. “I’ve offered her a ride.”
Even in the darkness, Erin could see the way Cerys’ eyes narrowed into slits. Her gaze flickered to Lia. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
Lia shrugged. She was trying hard to look unaffected, Erin thought. “We live in the same building—it makes sense.”
Erin suspected Lia was saying that for the sake of any other ears that might be listening in nearby.
From the look on Cerys’ face, she didn’t seem to agree it made sense at all. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Can we please not do this now?” Lia turned her pleading eyes toward her friend. “Please?”
“Fine. But call me tomorrow. Or tonight, if you need me to pick up the pieces. Again.” Cerys gave Erin one last poisonous look before turning and walking away.
“She doesn’t hold back, does she?” Erin raised an eyebrow in Lia’s direction.
A guilty expression stared back at her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Knowing it would be easy for them to be seen, Erin refrained from reaching out to touch her. “While I wish she’d been less obvious about glaring at me every chance she got the last week, you should have someone to talk to.”
“Like you have Alex?”
“Did they say something to you?”
“Not in so many words, but they made it clear they knew enough.” Lia didn’t sound angry about it, though. “Should we get out of this rain? I’m getting drenched.”
“Sorry.” Erin clicked the car key in her pocket, and her Audi lit up in the night. “I’m over here.”
“I didn’t know you had a car,” Lia said after they’d stowed their bags in the back and she’d climbed into the leather passenger seat.
“I don’t use it often.” Didn’t need to, when the training ground was a mere fifteen-minute walk away. “But I like to drive home after a flight or a late-night match. You don’t drive, do you?”
“I can, but I don’t have a car. Never saw the need for one—not when I could use Hannah’s, if I needed to.”
A fifteen-minute walk was a five-minute drive so late at night, but it dragged as a heavy silence settled between them.
Erin should be the one to break it—she was the reason Lia was there, after all—but she didn’t know what to say.
She’d spent the remainder of the flight after Lia had left her alone, as well as the coach ride from the airport, trying to figure out what she should say, how she could possibly put into words the weight of what she was feeling.
And trying not to think of how crushed she would be if Lia let her down gently.
Because that was the thing, wasn’t it? Lia might not want anything more than they had already shared.
“I can hear you overthinking.” Amusement tinged Lia’s words.
Erin risked a glance at her. Lia had her cheek pressed to the headrest, eyes on Erin’s profile. Despite the long day, she didn’t look tired, her eyes bright in the darkness. Her hair, wet from the rain, curled against the sides of her pale cheeks.
“Sorry.”
“We’re all alone now. You can say whatever you need to say.”
“I’d rather wait until I’m not on the road.”
“That serious, huh? Should I be worried?” She didn’t look it, though. If Lia was nervous, she was hiding it well.
Much better than Erin was, apparently. “No.”
“So, relax.” Lia stretched out a hand into the space between them, settling her palm high on Erin’s thigh.
Even through the thick material of her sweatpants, the touch burned. “That is not relaxing.”
Lia squeezed gently, fingers pressing into the muscle of Erin’s thigh. “Do you want me to move?”
Letting out a slow breath, Erin shook her head. The touch was electric, making her heart race, giving her hope that maybe Lia wouldn’t be so eager to turn her down.
Lia kept her hand in place until Erin had parked in the underground car park beneath their building, pulling away only to exit the car. Left cold by the absence of Lia’s touch, Erin hurried to get their bags and walk to the lift, eager to return to the safety of her apartment.
Even if she had no idea what she was going to say when they got there.
Gerrard greeted them, winding around first Erin’s and then Lia’s legs with a loud purr the moment they stepped inside. Erin flicked on the light with trembling fingers, watching Lia hover in her hallway, looking at Erin with an expectant gaze.
“Well? Tell me what you wanted to say.”
“I don’t know where to start.” Erin wandered toward her couch; Lia’s soft footsteps followed behind her. “Maybe with ‘I’m sorry’?”
Instead of joining her on the couch, Lia crouched beside the coffee table to stroke Gerrard’s head. She didn’t look at Erin as she scratched behind his ear. “For what?”
“For everything. For pushing you away. For getting jealous. For ruining everything.”
With a hum, Lia lifted her head to meet her gaze. “So you admit you were jealous?”
“It’s not my proudest moment.”
“You didn’t have anything to be jealous of! You were the one I wanted to go home with. You’re too clever not to realise that.”
“Turns out I can be obtuse when it comes to pesky things like feelings.” Tracing the number eleven imprinted on the pocket of her sweatpants in order to do something with her hands, Erin settled further into the couch. “I’ve never been good at them. Having them or admitting to them.”
“Shocking.”
Erin huffed. “I’m trying here, okay? Can you not make fun of me right now?”
“Don’t you think you deserve it?”
“Probably.” Erin had treated Lia unfairly from the moment she’d arrived at Albion.
“For my entire career, I’ve had my rules: Don’t mix business with pleasure.
Don’t get too close to anyone else on the team.
Don’t get too attached. And don’t ever let my personal relationships affect anything I do on the pitch.
You’ve made me break every single one of those rules. ”
“Made you?” Lia’s eyes flashed. “I haven’t made you do anything, Erin! Do I need to remind you that you started this? You were the one who tried to kiss me!”
“I know!” Frustrated, Erin ran a hand through her hair.
“That wasn’t what I meant. I’m not blaming you.
Every decision I’ve made has been my own.
I just meant you’re special. I can’t stop thinking about you.
” Saying it out loud was a relief. “It goes against everything I’ve ever stood by; it’s everything I swore I never wanted again.
But I can’t deny it anymore. I don’t want to. ”
Puzzlement slid across Lia’s face, a frown creasing her brow. She’d stopped petting Gerrard, and he headbutted her hand with an indignant meow. When she kept her hand extended, frozen in place, he stalked away. “What—what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I miss you. That I hate the way we left things. And that maybe I don’t want it to be just casual anymore. Maybe I want more than that. If you’re open to it.”
“You want a relationship. With me.” Lia didn’t phrase it as a question.
Her look of astonishment made Erin uneasy; her heart thudded painfully loud in her chest. “Yes.” In fact, Erin couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted something more.
If Lia said yes, she wouldn’t trade it for the quadruple—something she’d been wishing for her whole life.
That was how much—impossibly—Lia had come to mean to her.
“I think I’m having a hard time believing my ears.” Lia leaned backwards, sitting on the floor with her legs outstretched. “Considering you’ve told me for months that you’d never be with one of your teammates.”
“I didn’t think I ever would be. Until I met you.”
“And what’s so special about me?”
“The fact that you have to ask me that, for one.” Erin shifted off the couch to kneel on the floor beside Lia’s feet. “You have no idea how remarkable you are.”
“I’m far from remarkable.”
“That’s not what every football journalist in the UK would say. You’re the best of the best, future winner of the Ballon d’Or.”
“We’re not talking about my sporting achievements.” Lia tilted her head to one side. “Or is that why you’re attracted to me?”
With a scoff, Erin crawled closer, straddling Lia’s legs but keeping her weight on her own knees. “Of course not. I play with incredible footballers day in and day out. I have for years. Do you think I’ve laid myself bare for them—physically and emotionally—like I have for you?”
“I don’t know.” Lia’s hands reached for Erin’s waist, pulling until her weight rested in Lia’s lap. “You haven’t answered my question.”