Chapter 14 #5
‘Nobody really knows,’ I tell him, thrilled with the look of wonder on his face.
He is a practical man, a man not given to flights of fancy, and wonder looks good on him.
‘Well, I suppose somebody does, like a geologist or whatever. But when I was little, my mum used to just tell me it was magic, and that always seemed good enough for me.’
He nods, and smiles as he follows the beam. ‘Magic. Yeah. That’s a good word for it. It looks so normal until the light hits it…’
He turns back to me, stands inches away, the child-like look of delight still there.
‘Thank you,’ he says simply. ‘For showing me this. For sharing it with me. For everything you’ve done.’
I shake my head, confused. ‘I haven’t done anything, Guy.’
‘Yes, you have,’ he insists, his eyes intense in the flickering light. ‘You’ve listened to me. You’ve made me stronger. You’ve understood me. You’ve made me feel like I can do this – like I can stay and be better. Like I can build something here.’
He is so close I can feel his breath warm on my face and see the tiny flecks of gold in his eyes. I am alone in a sparkling cave with James Bond, and my heart rate is soaring. It’s not just the physical, though, it’s what he just said. The flash of hope it sparked inside me.
‘You think you’ll stay then?’ I ask, keeping my tone neutral.
I am a little scared by how much I want him to say yes.
I have no claim on this man, no right to expect anything from him, no justification at all for trying to influence him.
I desperately want him to stay, but it has to be his decision alone.
‘For now, yes. For now, I’m going nowhere. I’ll be here for as long as Miranda needs me. For as long as you need me. Because you do know, don’t you, that you’re part of the deal for me?’
I shake my head. I did not know that, and I don’t even really understand what he means by it. My relief at the fact that he is staying has clouded my thought processing ability, which was never that great to start with. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker.
‘No, sorry. I’m being dense, but what deal?’
‘The deal that says we’re there for each other. The deal we seemed to fall into on that very first day, without even realising it. The deal that makes us such good friends.’
Friends. Yes, I tell myself. That’s what we are.
We are good friends. Nothing more than that, no matter what my stupid hormones are screaming at me.
He’s watching me intently, and when he places a hand on the side of my face, it feels safe, and natural, and absolutely sublime. I lean into his palm, and sigh.
‘Friends,’ I repeat quietly.
‘Friends,’ he replies, his voice a low rumble, his touch like fire as his hands go to my shoulders. ‘Until maybe you’re ready for more. Until you’re ready to follow up on all that flirting.’
I gaze up at him, mesmerised. His face is serious, and I see that he means every word. ‘Guy, that’s… that’s not sensible, is it? I’m pregnant.’
‘I know you are,’ he says. ‘And so what? It doesn’t make me want to run for the hills.’
‘Maybe it should,’ I mutter, feeling hot and bothered and unsettled. He’s too close and he’s too handsome and he’s too everything. ‘Even if I wasn’t pregnant, Guy, I’m a disaster zone. I should come with some kind of government health warning.’
‘As opposed to me?’ he asks, smiling. ‘With my track record of successful relationships? I’m a middle-aged man who lives in a tent, Suzie.
I have a daughter I barely know, and I’ve spent years on the run from my own life.
I’m not exactly free of complications myself.
But, look, this wasn’t meant to be a sales pitch.
I didn’t plan to say any of this, and there is zero pressure here.
Anyway, it’s your fault for showing me these caves. ’
He takes a few steps away from me, and I feel the loss of him. I shake my head, trying to reset, trying to make sense of all of this. It’s easier to do when he’s not touching me.
‘You’re right,’ I reply. ‘I apologise on behalf of the Starshine Cove caves. We should leave. We should probably show our faces back at the party.’
We should probably also run while we still can, escape this spell, this love charm, this magic. It’s not real. It can’t be real.
His eyes linger on mine for a moment longer, and I can see there is more he wants to say.
But he simply nods, shuts it down, and heads back outside.
Into the starlight and the silvery glow of the sea, the gentle hiss of the waves, the warm night air.
It all looks so beautiful, like a scene from a fairy tale.
Years ago, my mum asked me what I saw when I looked out at this view.
I told her I saw a place I wanted to leave but was also scared to leave.
Now, I suspect it’s the complete opposite – I see a place where I want to stay, and I’m almost as afraid of that.
We stroll together back to the green, back to the celebration.
The band is playing ‘Kiss from a Rose’ by Seal, and there is some good old-fashioned slow dancing going on.
Cally and Archie are snuggled together, as are Jake and Ella, with little Kitty wedged between them, fighting sleep.
My dad is doing a waltz with Meg standing on his feet, and it makes me smile.
He always used to do that with us – dance us around the house doing a tango and making us laugh.
His poor toes must have been black and blue.
Guy takes my hand and leads me towards the crowd. ‘I promised Miranda I’d look after Evan later,’ he tells me. ‘But for now, I’m all yours. Don’t overthink anything I said earlier. Don’t panic. Just… dance.’
‘I don’t really know how to dance,’ I say. ‘Not this kind anyway.’
‘Neither do I,’ he replies, leading me towards the stage. ‘But I’m sure we can figure it out together. One foot in front of the other, right?’
He takes me in his arms, and I rest my face against his chest, listening to the thud of his heart. He holds me tight, our bodies melded together, and we sway in time to the music.
Don’t panic, I tell myself. Just enjoy.