Chapter 18 #2
‘Maybe it wasn’t,’ he replies, running his hands through his hair.
It needs a trim, and sticks up in cute blonde furrows.
‘But this place kind of calls to me. It’s a bit of a fixer-upper, as they say, but that’s something I could do and would actually enjoy doing.
It looks like the job is going to happen soon, so I’m gainfully employed, plus I have some savings.
I’m… God, this is the most boring sales pitch in the world, isn’t it? Let me do better.’
If I’d thought I was surprised beforehand, when he gets down on one knee I’m shoved over the edge into flabbergasted territory.
I stare at him, my heart suddenly galloping in my chest. This isn’t a thing I have ever dreamed of – I was born missing the romantic gene as well as the contentment gene, and I have never pictured my own personal rom-com moment.
He knows that, and I can tell from the amused look on his face that he senses my borderline panic.
‘Suzannah Victoria Llewellyn,’ he says, giving me my full and rarely-used title, ‘would you make me the happiest man in the world, and do me the honour of not marrying me?’
‘Of not marrying you?’
‘Yes. Don’t worry, I know you’re not the marrying type.
But I love you, Suzie, and I want to spend the rest of my days with you, with or without a ceremony.
I don’t care about any of that. I just care about you, about us.
About the life we could build here, together, for our family.
I look at this place, and I don’t see a commitment or a burden or something that ties us down – I see a place where we could grow and thrive, and really live.
Me, you, the baby; Miranda and Evan and your dad and the whole damn village.
I feel like I’ve finally found my peace, and I want to share it with you.
In fact, it doesn’t exist without you. So, what do you say? ’
I gaze down at him, at this man who has changed my life.
Changed my heart. Changed everything. I am overwhelmed with love for him, for the way he understands me and allows me to be myself, the way he always seems to know what I want and what I need.
Right now, I need to be brave – I need to take a chance on what is right in front of me.
No more running, no more excuses. No more self-sabotage.
A flicker of uncertainty crosses his face, and I realise I have been silent for too long. That he also took a chance by doing this, putting himself on the line.
‘I say yes, Guy. I will not-marry you. And I hope to stay not-married to you for the rest of my life. Now, where’s the ring?’
He laughs and pulls an imaginary box from his pocket. He mimes opening it up and showing it to me, and I let my hands fly to the sides of my face. ‘Oh my gosh!’ I say, breathlessly. ‘It’s so beautiful – this must have cost you a fortune!’
‘You’re worth it, babe,’ he says, winking at me as he gets out the non-existent ring, and slides it along my waiting finger. ‘There. It’s official. Now, can I get up off one knee? You do know I’m a grandad, don’t you?’
He stands up and kisses me, before sitting by my side.
His arm goes around my shoulder, and I snuggle in close.
I lean my head against his solid presence, and we both look out at the view of the coast, the shimmering blue of the waves.
I am so happy, I simply can’t get the silly grin off my face.
There might be no actual ring on my finger, but it feels like there is, and my heart is soaring.
Just as I thought the moment couldn’t get any more perfect, I feel it – the tumble and rumble of the baby moving.
I’ve been feeling it for a few days now, and it started like little bubbles popping inside me, the most delicate of movements.
Like Ella said, butterflies. Since then, it’s been getting more noticeable and more frequent, and it fills me with joy every single time – my baby is in there, doing somersaults, healthy and strong.
I take Guy’s hand and place it on my swollen belly.
‘Can you feel that?’ I ask, smiling. I wait for a few moments and can tell from the look on his face when he does. He laughs, completely delighted, keeping his hand where it is.
‘Yes! I can! I think it’s the baby’s way of telling us it knows that this place is going to be home, don’t you?’
I kiss him on the cheek. He looks like an excited teenager, and it makes me feel warm inside.
‘I think any place you are is home for me, Guy,’ I tell him, standing up and taking him by the hand. We stroll together around the secret garden, and back inside the house. Now, I see it not just as what it is, but what it might become.
I’m not scared, I realise. I’m not scared of being trapped or tied down or smothered – I’m not scared of anything.
I wonder if this is how my mum felt when she rolled into Starshine Cove in Barbara, her VW camper van, and met my dad. Like she was home. She once said to me, on one of the last few days we had together, that I’d ‘just know’ when I’d roamed enough.
As ever, I guess my mum was right – and now I just know.