10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Gray
A gasp—a deep inhale—and Gray’s world stopped spinning. Lea’s chest rose, and before he could even process what was happening, he lunged at her, his chair clattering to the stone floor with a crash. His hands cupped her cheeks, and his heart kicked into a furious rhythm as he found her skin warm and pink.
"Lea," he breathed, and as if his voice had called her home, her eyes opened. Her beautiful blue eyes that he had believed he would never look into again in this lifetime.
Gray cried out her name, his shadows wrapping around them as he pulled Lea into his arms and crushed her tired body against his. Countless questions ran through his mind, but all he could say was her name, again and again. She was here. She was home. She was alive .
"I’m here," she said, her voice weak as she inhaled deeply into the crook of his neck. She pulled back, running her fingers along the side of Gray’s face. "I’m here," she repeated, her voice getting stronger with every word.
"How— How is this possible?" Janelle asked. Lea’s eyes slid over to her friend, and just like when they’d both been beyond the veil, Gray was once again aware of how much Lea had changed. Her warmth was gone. There was no sparkle in her eye as she looked at her best friend, no hint of light within her at all.
It didn’t matter. He would take her however she was, and would help her find her way back to herself. Of course, she was different. What she had been through… Gray’s shadows pulsed at the memory.
"The goddess of the moon sent me back. She said if we are to defeat Alaric, she had no choice. The god of the sun—" Lea’s voice hardened, her eyes darkening. "He was against it. There will be consequences."
The hair on Gray’s arms stood on end as he took in Lea’s words. If the goddess of the moon had acted against the sun god’s wishes, they would be battling more than just Alaric. He hoped it wouldn’t affect his magic, or Lea’s. They needed every weapon at their disposal to win this war.
But he shoved down the thought. "Whatever the consequences are, we will handle them," Gray said. "Together."
Lea nodded, but her eyes remained haunted, unsure.
Gray’s shadows caressed Lea from head to toe, prodding and assessing her for injuries as much as savoring the feeling of touching her warm skin. Making sure she was really here .
"Are you hurt?" he asked, no longer caring that Lea had forced him to return without her. He’d been so full of grief at losing her not once, but twice. It had been mixed with anger at what she’d done. At tricking him into returning without her. But not anymore. Now, he was filled with only joy and relief.
Lea nodded. "I’m fine. I’m…" she trailed off, clenching her jaw.
"Janelle, get Erik and Emma." Gray said without sparing a glance at Janelle, but the click of her shoes on the stone floor told him she was scurrying away to do what he’d asked.
The moment she was gone, Gray crushed his lips to Lea’s, needing to feel her warmth seep into him. A growl left his throat as she opened her mouth and climbed onto his lap, straddling him, her tongue darting between his lips and her hands scraping down his back.
He pulled her flush against his front, needing to feel the erratic beat of her heart as he proved to himself that she was real with his hands and his lips and his cock.
Their kiss morphed into a clash of teeth and limbs, a groan leaving Gray’s throat as he speared his fingers through her long, golden hair. His knuckles scraped on the thorny moonflower vines making up the crown on her head, but he hardly noticed as Lea's hands wrapped around his biceps, her fingernails digging into his arms. He welcomed the bite of pain, savored it, even.
It was proof that this was real , that she had somehow returned to him.
"You’re really here…" Gray whispered, his lip still pressed to Lea's. She broke away, her chest heaving. As her eyes met his, Gray was once again struck by how utterly Fae she looked, how her human exterior had crumbled away once her primary magic had fully revealed itself, burning through the last bit of glamor from the potion her mother had given her to hide her true identity.
Lea didn't answer him, instead, placing a hand on his chest and firmly pushing him backward until he was flat on his back on the bed. Gray’s shadows caressed her body, unable to stop touching her, even for a moment. They floated across her breast, driven by the need to feel her heartbeat, the steady, rhythmic rise and fall of her chest.
Lea wrapped her shadows around Gray's wrists, pinning them to his sides. Staring him directly in the eye, she grabbed the hem of her shirt, slowly lifting it up her torso and pulling it over her head. She tossed it to the floor, never breaking eye contact, and Gray’s cock stiffened, the sight of her golden, freckled skin, flushed with color—with life—making him feral with need.
He tried to free his arms, pushing back against Lea's shadowy restraints, but she held them firm. Gray stilled, knowing he could break through them if he wanted, that he could have Lea in his arms in less than a second—her warm body under his as he made her moan with pleasure—but he stopped himself, sensing her need for control. She ripped open his shirt, revealing the puckered skin of his own scar, the jagged evidence of the chunk of flesh he’d cut from his own body.
"It's gone," Lea said, her voice cracking. "Gone."
Gray winced, the pain in her words as agonizing as Alaric’s sword slicing through his sternum. Gray's eyes slid to just below her collarbone, to the faint scar where her own mate mark had once tattooed her chest.
"Forever, Gray. It's gone forever ," she hissed, her shadows twisting tighter around his arms, pinning his legs in place against the bed so that he couldn't stand. There were no tears in her eyes, no hint of anything soft or gentle. There was only anger, dark and hard, and so intense, it made Gray's heart ache.
"I’d do it again," he said. There was no bite to his words, but she needed to know the truth. He hated that he’d been forced to sacrifice himself. Loathed the fact that they no longer had the mate bond between them, that Lea felt hurt and betrayed. But he didn't regret it. He couldn’t. It had been the only way to grow the moonflowers, and it had saved their entire army.
It had saved her.
At least, until she’d recklessly and selflessly followed behind him and found a way to save them both. He would make the same choice now, even knowing what it had cost them. Because they were alive. They were together.
Lea's eyes darkened. "Never again," she said, her voice nearly a growl. "Never. Again." She was so angry. Absolutely furious. He wanted to rush to her, fold her in his arms and show her with his body how much he loved her, show her the grief he’d been feeling, the pain and despair that had consumed his every waking moment since he’d returned without her.
He thought again about forcing his way through her shadows, but instead, he just nodded. "Never again," he agreed. "I swear it."
Lea's breath rushed out in one fell swoop, and she closed her eyes, her shoulders falling slightly, but her shadowy chains didn’t ease. She stalked forward, pulling her hair to the side as she knelt in front of him.
A memory flashed through his mind. You serve no one, especially me, he’d said after finding her on her knees scrubbing the floors of his hall. It had infuriated him. Made him want to rip out Alaric’s throat for assigning her as his maid. But they had come so far since then. She was his queen. His equal, and the sight of her kneeling in front of him made the most primal depths of his soul crave more.
Placing her palms on his knees, Lea slid them upward, slowly, torturously, until they reached his waistband. A long trail of shadow floated from her fingers, unbuttoning his trousers and sliding down the zipper. Lea stared him in the eye, straight into his soul, and finally moved her hands, pulling his cock free from his pants.
He fell hard and thick in her hand, pulsing as her fingers danced across the sensitive skin. Gray's chest heaved with ragged breaths as she leaned down, never looking away from his eyes, and swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock. He groaned again, his hips bucking, needing more. Lea wrapped her fingers around the base of him, squeezing him gently and gliding up and down before sliding her tongue from base to tip, closing her lips around his thick length.
"Gods, Lea," Gray hissed as she moved faster, the warmth of her mouth and pressure of her tongue further igniting his need, almost driving him mad. Gray’s shadows pulled her hair over her shoulder as he once again pushed against the restraints on his arms, desperate to thread his fingers through her hair, but Lea held him firmly in place.
"Let me touch you," he growled, the need to feel every inch of her body so intense it made his skin ache. He needed to kiss her, to hold her, to bury himself inside her until they were so entwined it would be impossible to separate them again. He’d thought he lost her forever, had broken her heart by breaking the bond. To have her kneeling before him, pleasuring him and not receiving anything in return? It didn't feel right.
Lea ignored his pleas, sliding her lips down again until he hit the back of her throat. His cock twitched as she worked him harder, faster. But this wasn’t what he wanted. What he needed .
His heart thundered, his shadows mixing with Lea’s and begging them to release their hold.
"How does it feel to have no control?" Lea asked, pulling back and rubbing her breasts against his legs.
"Never again," Gray repeated, forcing himself to not break through her shadows, even though the need to touch her was threatening to kill him. She needed the control. Needed to make her point. "I swear it to you, Lea. I will never," his shadows reached out, grabbing her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. "I will never, ever leave you again. Not in life, or in death. I will not allow us to be separated. Never. Again." He reached forward, pushing against Lea’s shadows once more, and this time, they relented, setting him free.
A growl ripped from his throat as he sank to the floor, grabbing her by the waist and throwing her onto her back on the bed. This time, he held her down with his shadows as he fumbled with her pants, ripping them off and spreading her legs open wide. Lea moaned as his tongue found her center, a rumble leaving his throat as he tasted her. No— feasted on her.
He splayed a palm over her stomach, holding her in place as she arched against him.
"More," she begged, her breaths ragged and her skin flushing. It was almost his undoing. He pressed a finger inside her, then two, his dick pulsing as he moved them in and out, her body squeezing against him tighter and tighter.
He leaned back to look at her, at his fingers claiming her, the way she writhed and bucked against him. Just the sight was enough to make him come, and he leaned back in, nipping at her thighs before once again finding her clit with his tongue.
It was as if he was starving. As if she was cold water after years in the desert. He pressed the pad of his tongue against her, hard, and Lea cried out, her body going taut beneath his hand. His shadows snaked around her thighs, holding them down as he worked her through her pleasure, her body spasming as her orgasm crashed over her in waves, his name a prayer on her beautiful, plump lips.
It was the most beautiful sight Gray had ever seen; her head thrown back and her body quivering as he fucked her with his fingers, and he was certain it was an image he would never forget as long as he lived.
It wasn’t until she stilled beneath him that he pulled his fingers back, pressing kisses up her belly and neck until he was on top of her. He kicked off his pants and ripped off his shirt, unable to stand the thought of his skin not touching hers for another second. He was so hard it was painful, but he didn’t want to rush. He needed to take his time, to feel and taste and worship every single inch of her.
Lea’s hands trailed the lines of his back, pulling him closer, their hearts pounding in rhythm with one another as he dipped his head to her breast, swirling his tongue around her nipple. She squirmed against him, arching to push her breast deeper into his mouth as her shadows reached between them and positioned him at her opening.
Gray’s chest rumbled, the feeling of her, warm and soft against him, driving him mad.
"Please," she begged, pulling him closer. "Please. I need to feel you. "
And suddenly, the desire to go slow, to savor every moment, was crushed to bits.
He thrust inside her, gliding in as if his cock had been made just for her, and Lea cried out, her fingernails biting into his back. Gray reached the end of her and stilled, allowing her to adjust.
He could hardly breathe, the need to move so intense, it made his muscles shake. Lea wiggled beneath him, a silent plea for more, and he groaned, allowing himself to give in to the overwhelming need to claim her as his. To fuck her so deeply, so thoroughly, that even the gods would know she was his, and only his. That he would never again allow her to be taken away from him.
He began to move, his pleasure building unlike anything he’d ever felt before as he thrust again and again, harder and deeper, their need for one another driving them to the brink and holding them there for only a moment before they tumbled over the edge together. Lea screamed his name, and Gray growled hers as her walls pulsed around him, squeezing him as he spilled himself inside her.
It was ecstasy. Absolute euphoria.
"Mine," he rumbled into her mouth as he stilled, breaths ragged and heart thundering.
They laid there together, unable to part for gods knew how long. Gray pressed kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes and nose and jaw, and then finally, her lips before grabbing a wet cloth to clean Lea and himself. The sight of Lea’s flushed skin was breathtaking, and his eyes lingered for several long moments before he finally pulled the blanket back over them and gathered her into his arms. His fingers caressed an absent trail up and down her arms as their breathing returned to normal.
"Gray," Lea said, her voice sounding somehow melodic and broken at the same time. "I still don’t…" Lea trailed off, and even without the bond, Gray could tell what she was thinking .
"We lost one hundred and sixty-two brave men and women," he said, his voice low and somber. He’d forgotten that she had no clue what the outcome of the battle had been, other than their own deaths. "Your friends are alive. As is Vincent. All the fatal injuries were sustained in battle. The moonflowers worked, Lea. Not just for us, but for the sick and injured as well. There’s no trace of the Lonely Death within the camp."
Lea sucked in a sharp inhale, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. It was the first moment since her death, both here and beyond the veil, that Gray saw a small bit of light within her. Of who she used to be. The soft, gentle woman she’d been before.
She nodded. "And Alaric?" Her words were tight, and within an instant, every hint of that softness was gone. Black flames danced along her skin, up her legs and around her hands.
Gray shook his head. "We don’t know where he is. There’s been no sign of him so far."
"He could be anywhere." Darkness flooded Lea’s features, and it struck Gray how fierce she looked. Purely Fae, the flickering light of her fire accentuating her sharpened cheeks and jaw, the graceful way she turned her head.
"How many caves and small villages are there to hide in throughout the kingdom?" she asked.
"Hundreds," Gray answered. "But I know this land. No matter how long it takes, we will find him." He grabbed her face again, shaking gently to emphasize his promise.
Lea’s hand drifted to her head, her fingers trailing the moonflower crown above her brow. "And what if we don’t have time?" The desperation in Lea’s voice made Gray pause. Fear flooded his veins, instant and overwhelming. He grabbed her chin and met her eyes.
"What do you mean? What aren’t you telling me, Little Flower?" he asked, a shiver running down his spine.
The silence was thick and heavy as Lea swallowed, nodding absently, her eyes millions of miles away. Gray watched as she closed her eyes. Forced himself to remain still as she took a deep breath and commanded her flames and shadows to diminish, her nostrils flaring as she fought against her own power.
"The goddess said only I could end this. That I have to be the one to make the killing blow," Lea said. Gray’s heart thundered against his ribs as he searched her gaze, but it wasn’t pride or confidence he saw there. It was pure terror.
"This crown. I—" she paused, pressing her lips together. Gray somehow kept the dread and horror off his face as he grabbed Lea’s hand and squeezed. He waited for her to continue,doing everything he could to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone in whatever she was about to tell him.
"Until the last petal falls. That’s how long we have to kill Alaric and return the magic he stole to the earth."
Gray sucked in a breath, his lungs constricting as he counted the flowers on her crown—forty-two tiny, pure white petals dispersed around crescent shaped seeds in between the dark thorns. "How often do they fall? How much time do we have?" he asked, needing to know the answer and afraid to hear it all at once.
"I don’t know. I don’t know anything, other than I have until this crown is bare to kill Alaric."
"And if it takes more time?" Gray swallowed, steeling himself for her answer.
A single tear rolled down Lea’s cheek, a sliver of emotion betraying her stony exterior. "Then I return beyond the veil— "
Gray’s veins flooded with fury, and he clenched his fists, his shadows writhing in his bloodstream. "No—"
Lea held up a hand, stopping him. "Then I return beyond the veil, and even in death, we will be separated."
Gray’s vision went black with rage, and his shadows exploded outward, pressing against the walls as if needing to escape. He couldn’t speak—his fury and terror wouldn’t allow a single word to form in his throat. Every candle and torch within the room shrank, flickering until only tiny, soft halos of golden light illuminated the space.
"I must be the one to kill him, Gray. The goddess made that very clear. It must be my hand that delivers the killing blow. And I have to do it soon. I won’t risk losing you again." Lea’s voice was shaky. Unsteady and unsure. "Please listen to me. I know you. I know you will try to keep me out of harm’s way. But you could be killed, too." She grabbed his hands, pulling them to her chest. "I need you to understand what the goddess said. You can’t protect me from this."
Gray felt sick, his skin clammy and his heart racing as he thought about Lea facing Alaric again. What Alaric had done to him had been brutal. Horrific. He couldn’t let her get close to him ever again. Refused to allow her within half a kingdom from him.
And yet, it seemed that was the only way.
Gray stood, pulling on his pants and pacing back and forth across the room. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides as he tried to form a plan. "We’ll find him, Lea. We’ll start now. We’ll find him, and we will kill him. You will kill him." Gray had never meant anything more. He wouldn’t rest until they found him, and would do anything possible to help Lea fulfill her destiny. He had no choice. Because he refused to ever let her go again. There was no world, neither here nor beyond the veil, that he would allow them to be torn apart in. Not again.
Never again .
Lea sat up, wringing her hands together. "I’m afraid, Gray. Of who I am now. Of who I’ve become—or could become."
The confession took his breath away, making his heart ache. He forced himself to stop pacing and sat, pulling her into his arms. "You're the same woman I fell in love with. Everything you are now, it was always there. You’ve always been Fae. You’ve always had this magic. It was just hidden away."
She shook her head. "When I saw what Alaric had done to you, something broke inside me. This darkness, it’s overwhelming me already." Small black flames danced along Lea‘s fingertips, her shadows writhing in a haze around her. "I tried to take Alaric’s magic, and when he disappeared, when I watched you cut the mate bond from your skin and your eyes glaze over with death, I almost…" Lea’s nostrils flared as she took a deep breath, several candles in the room extinguishing completely. The black flames along Lea’s skin grew taller, hotter.
"I could have killed Erik for holding me back. Could have killed all of them—people I love —for trying to keep me from you. There’s this voice inside me, telling me to kill. To destroy." She bit her lip, exhaling shakily. "I’m afraid that voice will win, Gray."
Lea finally looked up at him, the vulnerability in her eyes so shocking compared to the harsh planes of her face and determined set of her jaw.
Gray knelt before her, holding both of her hands firmly in his, steadying their shaking. "I know—as much as I know that I love you—that you can control it. You are strong. You are capable." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I will not allow the darkness to claim you, Lea. It will no more take you from me than the gods."
Lea exhaled slowly, nodding as she closed her eyes and forced her flames and shadows to recede. "There’s something else we need to discuss. Something I’ve been thinking about since we went beyond the veil," she said, the moment of vulnerability fading as she lifted her chin. Fire still crackled around her, black and red and so hot, it burned just kneeling next to her.
"Many things," Gray agreed. "Your father is here—"
"Do you know how Alaric found us?" Lea interrupted, several more candles extinguishing. Gray’s shadows surged in response, answering the call of Lea’s darkness. Gray took a moment to examine her, her differences. It went beyond the physical changes that had occurred once her primary magic had been set free. There was a harshness to her eyes and a black haze surrounded her body, as if the shadows were so deeply a part of her they could never be separated.
But even more, Gray could feel the power inside her in a way he couldn’t before, crashing and rolling like waves in the ocean that drag an unsuspecting swimmer into its depths to his death.
Lea’s confession of her fear of that darkness echoed through his entire being. She didn’t feel evil, but she did feel dangerous .
It changed nothing. This was who she was always meant to be. The strongest, bravest woman he knew. The only one with the power and resolve to defeat Alaric.
Gray tried to tug on the mate bond to see what Lea was feeling but found nothing to grab onto, no link to his mate to allow his magic to mix with hers. A lump formed in his throat as he realized he’d forgotten it was gone. How many times would he reach for her only to find the scarred remains of where their bond used to be?
What he wouldn’t give to be able to read her thoughts again, her emotions and feelings. Maybe it could help him understand her better, and what she had become. Maybe it could allow him to find a way to help her control that which she was so afraid of.
"Vincent’s been interrogating everyone. But no. As of now, we don’t know who the traitor was."
Lea tilted her head, a cruel smile dancing across her lips. "Then that’s where we begin. Bring me my sword," she said, her words as sharp as broken glass. "I think it’s time we discover who betrayed us."