35. Chapter 35
Chapter 35
Lea
J ust as they’d discussed, Evangeline surprised them all when it was time to leave. They spread out their departures, just by a minute or so, in hopes that it would confuse Eudora were she to try to see what their plans were. But Evangeline wasn't the only one with a secret.
Lea had the beginnings of one herself. Her own plan. A way that she could maybe take Alaric’s magic without it killing her. Or, at least, to keep death from coming for her until she had taken every last drop and stabbed a blade through his heart.
And the first step in that plan was speaking to Evangeline. Lea volunteered to leave after her birth mother, knowing Gray would take the tail of the caravan to ensure no one was left behind. It was the perfect opportunity for a private conversation, and one she might not get again anytime soon.
They traveled northeast, through tall, skinny trees with fat pinecones and long, spindly leaves. But Lea tried not to focus on where they were going as she urged her horse forward, moving next to Evangeline.
"Do you mind if I ride next to you for a while?" Lea asked, and a bright smile spread across Evangeline's face, her shoulders loosening.
"I would like that very much," she said, moving her horse over to the left to allow them a bit more room. They rode in silence for a while, Lea wondering how she was able to navigate the forest without her eyesight, and unsure how to have the conversation with her that she needed to. Lea shared her own blood and bone with this woman, but knew virtually nothing about her, and she was at a complete loss for what her life had been like. Where she’d traveled and what she’d experienced. Why she’d been so afraid the Black King would find her.
"What would you like to ask me? I have no secrets." Evangeline's voice was kind and warm, soft and melodic.
Lea cleared her throat. "Why did you do it? Why’d you help the king? Why not just hide us both? Tanad would've kept us safe. Did you not trust him? Or was it Eudora you didn’t trust?" Evangeline's smile turned sad.
"Eudora," she echoed, and Lea's gut churned. "It's hard to know, now that she's working with Alaric, what was the truth and what was deceit. We knew of her prophecy, of course. The Daughter of Suns and Stars would come to save the kingdom. She warned me to never get pregnant. Said whatever child I conceived would never be safe from the Black King. That her power would call to him. Power immense enough to change everything , to save the world or destroy it."
Evangeline looked at her as if she could actually see her face. "I told her she was foolish, that I had no plans to have a child. I didn't want to raise a child outside of my kingdom, and I knew to do so within it wasn’t safe. And then, I met Ryland."
"Is he…" Lea didn't know what she wanted to ask. Her father? Alive? A good man?
"Your father, yes." Evangeline reached out as if to touch Lea’s arm, but stopped herself.
"What happened to him?" Lea’s voice was soft. Hesitant. Did she even want to know?
Evangeline’ s shoulders fell, and suddenly, she seemed exhausted. "The Black King happened, just like with everything else. We were happy. So happy, but the king found out about me. Had heard that the queen's child had been taken from her womb. He was paranoid, certain I was out there somewhere, plotting his demise." Her bottom lip trembled. "I wasn't. I just wanted to live on my own soil, in my own kingdom. We built a home, a garden, right in the Wicked Wood. The demons stayed away, as if we were blessed by the goddess herself. Maybe we were."
Lea pictured the house her father had brought her to. The very garden that she’d had her vision in.
"I shielded it, and every day I added to the shield’s strength. But it still wasn't enough."
"How did you escape?"
"I was out gathering herbs when I heard Ryland's scream. The pain in that scream…" Evangeline quieted, swallowing several times before continuing. "I felt his pain. There was no way he would have survived whatever had been done to him." Her hand drifted to her stomach. "I’d just found out about you. Hadn't even had the chance to tell Ryland yet. But when I heard that scream, I knew they would kill me if I returned, and therefore, kill you. So I fled. I left him behind."
Her voice broke, and she raised her fist, biting down on a knuckle to stop the tears. The tears she couldn't cry, but certainly felt.
"I'm sorry," Lea said, the word feeling so small and insignificant.
Evangeline shook her head. "No. It was the right decision. I wouldn't change it. And I certainly don't regret it. I hid, hoping I could eventually return home, but it never felt safe. Once you were born, I fled south, back to Calir. To Tanad. I knew they would protect you, just like I knew I had to try to kill Brennus. Eudora came and made a bargain with me. She would give me some of her magic—magic that would allow me to make a potion to slip into the king's food or drink that would kill him instantly and was undetectable. It would target only him, even if he had poison testers. I didn't have his strength, or his power, and it seemed like the only way. In exchange, I would bring home Eudora's niece, Seraphine."
"The witch he kept captive before you. The one who created the Lonely Death," Lea said.
"Yes. I know you judge her—and me. And we deserve that. But the things the king did to us…" Evangeline shivered. "She begged for death, but he wouldn't grant her pleas. The pain. The torture. The way he cracked into our minds. When I was caught, when the king realized who I was, he almost broke me. He knew I wasn’t the daughter of suns and stars, that I didn't have both day and night magic. So he had me examined. It was—"
She stopped, taking a deep breath. "When his healer told him I had given birth before, I think he saw an opportunity. Eudora’s niece was nothing but a shell of who she’d once been. She was almost comatose, sitting in an empty room day in and day out with her head hung and her eyes glazed over. He couldn't get her to do magic anymore, even with the most horrific punishments. But he knew I would do anything to protect you. He told Seraphine that if she would give all her magic to me, he would grant her death. She did it freely. Willingly and desperately. Every last drop, and I had no choice but to accept it."
Lea pondered this for a minute. "The king gave up on finding me that easily?"
"No. He searched for you everywhere. He tortured me daily. The one thing I have done right in this life is enduring it all to protect you." Evangeline's lower lip trembled. "I'm sorry I missed your childhood. I knew that Adelaide and Henry would be good to you. That they would protect you. It was the only way I’d been able to leave at all. Eudora promised me Tanad wouldn't leave you unless you were protected.
"I was protected, and very well loved." A jolt of sorrow stabbed between Lea’s ribs at the memory of her mother.
"You must hate me for this mess I put us in."
"Of course I don't hate you. We've all made mistakes and errors in judgment. If Brennus had found me, this war would've been over before it even started. It was foretold that it would end up this way."
"Thank you," Evangeline said. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, anyone's forgiveness, but I will take it." She patted Lea’s hand, quickly and tentatively, and Lea allowed it. A lump formed in her throat as they rode on, the silence far more comfortable this time as Lea let Evangeline's confessions sink in.
She truly had loved her. Had been trying to keep her safe all along, and even though Gray was worried she had ulterior motives, Lea knew somewhere deep inside her that for once, there were none. Evangeline was simply a mother who loved her daughter and hadn’t known what else to do.
"Tanad said something about your magic that I’ve been thinking about," Lea said.
Evangeline stayed silent, waiting for Lea to continue, but she sucked in a sharp breath. "He said you could hold death at bay. I did that, once," Lea said, "but I don't know how I did it. I just kind of…" Lea trailed off, trying to figure out how to put what she’d felt that night into words. "I could feel death, and I fought it off. But I've never felt it again."
Evangeline nodded. "It's an eerie feeling, isn't it? Finding death’s cold fingers grasping for something. Someone," she corrected herself. "It took some time for me to figure out what it was. Death… He's not often brazen and bold. His presence is subtle. Sneaky. He doesn't want himself to be known, so he hides. Once I learned how to tell when he was lurking, though, he became easier to fight."
"What does he feel like?" Lea asked, a cold dread spreading through her stomach.
Evangeline shivered. "A chill. Like you need a sweater. Not cold enough to make your teeth chatter or your nose run. Just enough to turn the skin on your arms to gooseflesh. That was always my first sign that death was approaching. And then, if you pay attention, really focus, you'll feel him. It’s as if he's standing over your shoulder, watching you. You'll never see him, but you'll know he's there, waiting for the moment he can reach out and pluck your soul away; take it to wherever we go before we enter the veil."
"How did you hold him off?" Lea asked, her heart picking up in rhythm. This was it. The information she needed to know if her plan could work.
Evangeline tucked her hair behind her ear. "I’d hoped this vision wouldn’t come true." Her words were sad. "That you would find another way."
"There is no other way." This time it was Lea who reached out and touched Evangeline, placing her hand on her mother’s forearm. "Please," she begged.
Evangeline looked down to where their skin touched, then nodded sadly. "I would simply push my magic outward as hard as I could, like I was trying to drain every bit from my body. It created a shield death couldn't get through. Not when I channeled every good thought I had into it. Fortified it with every bit of love and laughter and joy I had ever felt. I would think of you. Of Ryland." She cleared her throat. "I couldn't hold death off forever, of course. I would weaken, eventually, but in most cases, I could maintain the shield long enough to allow time to get a healer for whoever had been injured or ill."
"Our magic comes from the same place," Lea said. "Do you think—"she stopped, clearing her throat. "Do you think I could do it? Again, I mean?"
"I think you can do anything."
"Because you're my mother?" Lea said, the first time she'd actually admitted those words out loud in front of her.
"No. Because I've seen it. I haven't seen the how of it all, but I’ve seen flashes of the world with Alaric dead, you and Gray ruling a peaceful kingdom, magic restored to its rightful state… So that's really your plan, then?" Evangeline asked. "To try to hold death at bay as you steal Alaric’s magic? Because to get so close to death, to really know and understand what and who he is, Lea—it changes you. He never really leaves you again. Once you find him—feel him—he’ll lurk over your shoulder until the day he finally takes you."
A shiver ran down Lea’s spine, but even if the idea terrified her, it didn’t matter. She was running out of time and running out of options. The goddess had been clear that she wouldn’t be able to take Alaric’s magic and survive with it. That the universe wouldn’t allow anyone to hold that much power ever again. But if she could hold off death, maybe she could find a way to get rid of the magic. To return it to the earth, though she still didn’t know how that was possible without her death. At the very least, she would be able to hold death at bay long enough to stab Alaric through his heart.
"Why did you say you’d hoped this vision wouldn’t come true?" Lea asked, her words shaky.
Evangeline’s shoulders fell, and she pressed her lips together. "Because you don’t survive in it, Lea. My magic cannot hold off death forever. Neither can yours. This solution… He will still come for you."
"I know," Lea said. "I don’t need forever." She left it there, riding next to Evangeline in heavy silence for several moments.
"I've spent my life trying to protect you," Evangeline finally said. "I don't know if I can be part of your plans to sacrifice yourself. You must keep searching for the answer. There’s a way for you to take his magic and not let it kill you. I’ve seen it. I just can’t see how ."
Lea bit her lip, holding back her retort. She was exhausted—tired of saying the same things again and again. If Alaric wasn't defeated, they would all die. Every last one of them. And worse, Lea would lose the chance to be with Gray beyond the veil.
"I know you've spent your life trying to protect me," Lea finally said. "And I’m grateful for it. I will keep trying to find another way, but please, understand I have people I love, too. It's my turn to protect them. Gray, Janelle, Erik, Thomas, Emma. My father, Nora, Elise. You…"
Evangeline choked back a sob, but Lea pushed forward.
"I will keep searching for another way. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to sacrifice myself. But I won’t be separated from Gray forever. I will kill Alaric before the final petal falls, even if it kills me, too. Can’t you understand that?"
Evangeline’s answering smile was sad. "I can. I would do anything to be with Ryland again…" Evangeline sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve before clearing her throat and straightening in her saddle. "I will help you. I won’t allow you to be separated from him, either. If it comes to it, I will help hold off death, and teach you to do the same. You have my word, as long as you promise me you’ll continue to search for another way."
"I swear it. Thank you," Lea’s words came out in a whoosh of emotion, and suddenly, she felt lighter. It wasn’t the perfect solution, but it was a solution. And for now, that had to be enough.
"Have you seen a way to get Gray to agree to this?" Lea asked, only half joking. He didn’t want to be separated after death any more than she did, but she knew Gray. Knew that he wouldn’t be able to see past her death in this life. She couldn’t imagine a scenario where he would allow her to sacrifice herself again, even if it meant killing Alaric.
"Lea, Gray can’t know." Evangeline pulled back on the reins, pulling her horse to a stop just short of a sparkling waterfall.
"What? I can’t hide this from him. Not again. Not after what happened before." Lea’s chest tightened, her breaths becoming shallow with panic. She didn’t want to leave this life with secrets and regret. Didn’t want Gray to resent her. There had to be a way to make him understand. To get him to agree that unless they could find another way, this was their only option.
Evangeline shook her head. "Gray can’t know any of this. He can’t be with you when you battle Alaric. If he finds out your plan, he will follow you. I’ve seen it again and again. He will never allow you to sacrifice yourself."
"I can get through to him—"
"No. I’m sorry, my daughter. But you can’t. I promised you I wouldn’t allow you to be separated from Gray after death. Your bargain with the goddess is the only reason I’m agreeing to any of this—because I know you would suffer for eternity if you fail to kill Alaric." Evangeline paused, and she reached out to grab Lea’s hand. "I need you to listen carefully. Really listen, and understand what I'm saying. Gray can’t know of your plans, under any circumstance."
"Why? Why can’t he know?" Lea asked, her heart in shreds as she realized she already knew the answer.
"Because in every single vision where Gray is with you—in every single vision where he follows you—you fail."