Chapter 8 #2
The room grew silent around them. Donal realized he’d made a mistake when he glanced up to see Tina with a look of horror on her face, her hand covering her mouth.
Marcas wanted to retaliate and struggled to get to his feet, but was restrained by the others around him.
With one last angry look at the Mackenzie table, he strode from the hall and out into the courtyard.
It wasn’t often that Donal lost his temper.
Until a couple of days ago, he was a very relaxed kind of guy, friendly with everyone and quick with a joke.
But his life was a mess and just when he thought he was getting it back on track, he attacked a friend.
This had to have been the worst time for him to do so.
Tina would never look at him the same way again.
He’d ruined everything. Not knowing what to do or where to go, Donal stood motionless, arms at his side, head and shoulders slumped in shame and defeat.
“Donal!” Logan’s voice called to him from the castle doors.
He didn’t move and didn’t respond. He could hear Logan striding up behind him and was ready for whatever might come his way.
“Donal, what was that all about?” Logan asked. There was no judgement or anger in his voice.
“I dinnae know,” Donal responded.
“It’s not like ye to do something like that.”
“My apologies,” he muttered, unable to face Logan.
“I’m nae the one ye need to apologize to. Tell me what Marcas has done.”
Donal sighed and turned to his friend. “There was nae need for my behavior. I was angry when I sat down and something Marcas said …”
Logan put an arm around his shoulders and got him to walk away from the castle. “So if it wasnae Marcas ye were angry with, then who or what?”
“Ye ken how yer always telling me I need a wife?”
“Aye.”
“I never believed it, but now there’s Elena. And she needs a Ma …”
“So this is about Elena?”
Donal searched his heart. Elena needed a mother, but he needed Tina more.
More than someone to care for the bairn, she was someone that made him want to be better than he was.
“Not really. I believed I’d found the woman I wanted, someone that I wanted in my life, but she was seated with someone else. ”
“So ye were jealous?”
Is that what the tight feeling in his chest was? “I’ve never felt this way before. Never had cause to be jealous.”
“Then it must be love.”
Logan was not making this easier for him. First jealousy and now love? He had never been more confused in his life. “I dinnae ken if ’tis, but I feel things when I’m with her that I’ve nae felt before.”
“May I ask who it is?”
“Tina. The lass from the future.”
“Well, that makes sense then,” Logan mused. “Sara told me that Ashley and Jenna were looking for the right man for her. I believe ye think yer the one.”
“I thought so, but now after what just happened.” He turned and caught Logan’s eye, then shook his head in shame. “I saw the look on her face. She’ll nae want me now.”
“You don’t know that. You should talk to her,” Logan suggested.
“She’s with Tam tonight.”
“That shouldnae stop ye. Explain what happened. As Sara always tells me, ye need to use yer words.” He chuckled at this.
“Use yer words?”
“Instead of yer fists.”
Donal nodded his understanding. “That would have been useful to know before I tried to kill Marcas,” he chuckled. “Yer wife is verra wise.”
“She is,” Logan beamed. “’Tis one of the many reasons I love her so.”
Despite all of his faults and inadequacies, Donal knew that Logan was on his side.
He’d been feeling of late that anyone who knew him thought him unworthy.
Perhaps they thought he’d finally gotten what he deserved.
In some ways maybe he had. It hurt that Lady Ashley and Jenna were trying to find a man for Tina.
But if he was being honest, he might do the same thing in their position.
Why would they want someone as kind and generous as Tina to be with someone so careless as to not even remember the names of women he had known.
He was sure he couldn’t feel any lower than he felt at this moment, but he was more determined than ever to prove them wrong.
He wasn’t that thoughtless man any more.
He was trying hard to change. He could be a good da to Elena.
He could be as good a man as any who resided at Breaghacraig and he could be the kind of man who was worthy of Tina’s love.
“Thank ye, Logan.”
“Will ye come back in and join us?”
“Nae. ’Tis best that I punish myself by eating in the kitchen with Mary.” In fact, he was far too embarrassed to go back in to the stares of those in the hall.
Logan burst into laughter. “She’ll be sure to set ye straight. I’m here to listen if ye choose to use yer words.”
“I may take ye up on that offer.”
Logan walked back into the great hall and Donal banished himself to the kitchen where, true to form, Mary showed him no sympathy.
***
“What happened?” Tina asked no one in particular as she watched an angry Donal storm from the hall.
“Someone let their temper get the better of them,” Ashley said.
What she’d just witnessed had been downright scary. The man Donal had attacked was being held down by three other large Highlanders. She hoped he didn’t go after Donal once they let him go.
“Dinnae fear, lass. Logan has gone after Donal to see what’s got him so riled,” Cailin assured her.
Deep in her heart she thought she knew exactly what it had been. She’d seen him enter the hall out of the corner of her eye and his expression went from happy to angry in a flash when he saw her sitting with Tam.
“Is this normal around here?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t say it’s normal, but it’s definitely not something you should worry about. They usually work things out when they’re sparring with each other.”
“I’ve never seen anyone get that angry.” She was sure she didn’t want to see it again.
She knew many of the men here were warriors.
She had seen them training and sparring.
It hadn’t really occurred to her how that training would play out when they were angry.
She’d only known Donal for a short time, maybe he had a bad temper.
She wasn’t sure she could live with that.
Tina was rethinking the whole Donal-is-the-one thing.
“Come sit, lass.” Tam guided her back to her seat.
“Thank you, Tam.” He really was being a gentleman tonight. Of course, he might have a dark side, too. She had seen him on the practice field wielding a sword with the others. “I think Donal was angry that I was sitting with you. I hope he doesn’t go after you.”
“If he does, I’m capable of caring for myself,” he smiled at her.
Did he not realize how serious this was?
He seemed to pick up on her discomfort and explained, “Donal is a friend. If he doesnae like it, he’ll tell me.
” He gazed into her eyes. “What of ye? If ye’d rather be with Donal, I’ll understand. ”
“No. I mean … I don’t know. I’m confused right now.” Tina looked towards the door Donal had walked out. There was so much she didn’t understand about this time.
“I’ll give ye all the time ye need.”
“I appreciate that.”
***
Tina was relieved that she didn’t hear Elena crying that night.
It meant that she didn’t see Donal, which was probably for the best. She had some thinking to do.
They’d had such a nice day together and she’d thought him to be such a gentleman with her.
He spoiled it all when he decided to lose it in the great hall.
She wondered if it had really been jealousy that had caused him to lose his temper.
If it wasn’t, she wanted to know what had been said to set him off.
It was surprising how much it had frightened her.
Fighting wasn’t something she saw too often.
Her brothers occasionally got each other in a headlock, but it never escalated to the point where she feared they might do physical harm to each other.
For as long as she could remember it had really bothered her when people around her were angry.
Despite her take charge attitude and general snarkiness, it was clear to her that she put a wall up to keep people at arms length, far enough away that they couldn’t possibly be angry with her, or if they were they didn’t dare tell her.
Tina wasn’t sure where this all came from.
Her family certainly weren’t the type to yell and scream at each other.
She’d become somewhat of a people pleaser to avoid being yelled at in school, at work or just out and about in the world.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she was also frightened of her own anger.
She hated to lose her temper, feeling that it made her look a little nuts.
So she carefully kept it all in check. She certainly let people know when they disappointed her or when she thought they were wrong, but she kept all her anger locked up inside, never allowing it to see the light of day.
Giving people the silent treatment and that look she had perfected, the one that said don’t mess with me, was how she chose to handle most disagreeable things.
The sun peeking in through the lone window in her chamber told her it was time to get up.
Unsure of what the day would hold in store for her, Tina reluctantly rose and got dressed.
Had she made a mistake coming here? If she had, it was too late now to do anything about it.
She splashed some cold water on her face, brushed her teeth with the odd mixture Ashley had given her and then carefully laced the dress Jenna had let her borrow.
She donned the same slippers Edna had given her and, taking a deep breath, walked out of her room.
It was another day to shine, as her mother always said.