Chapter 11 #2
He’d seen the hurt and disappointment in her eyes and heard it in her voice and he knew he’d done that to her.
His guilt over lying and what a terrible man he had been was overwhelming him.
He’d resigned himself to losing her once before but he didn’t want that now.
He wasn’t the same man that had pursued those women.
He knew, now, what it meant to find someone special and he didn’t want to find someone else.
He wanted Tina and he would do whatever was necessary to keep her.
Logan told him to use his words and that is what he would do.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to say that might change her mind, but he would try.
The door opened and Tina entered. “I brought food. Mary thought you’d be hungry.”
“Mary is right, as always.” A crooked grin appeared on his lips.
One he hoped would charm Tina. Donal had never cared enough about a woman to want to win her back, but Tina was different.
When she walked through that door, his heart skipped a beat and his mind went to work.
He had to find a way to let her know she was special to him.
That he would do anything for her. “Are ye feeling better this morning? Ye were quite upset last night.” Much to his surprise she didn’t respond the way he’d hoped.
“I found out the man I thought I loved was a liar who steps on hearts without a second thought.” She took a deep breath before continuing, her anger obvious.
“That you not only didn’t remember Sionaid’s name, but had tossed her aside so fast you were already making your way through the women of the village.
How long did your relationship with Tess last? ”
Donal didn’t say anything to that.
“Honestly, Donal, how long do you really think this,” she wagged a finger back and forth between them, “is going to last? Clearly you are not a man familiar with commitment. I am not looking to be someone’s throw away.
I wanted …” she stopped and Donal didn’t breathe until she spoke again.
“I wanted to find someone that would love me for me. Someone who would be my partner in life. Obviously that person doesn’t exist. Not in this time or in the future. ”
“Tina, that’s not true. I …”
“What do you know about the truth, Donal?” That stopped him.
He had lied or at least misled her about nearly everything from the moment he met her.
But not about how he felt. For the first time in his life he had been completely honest about his feelings for a woman, but she didn’t trust him and he couldn’t blame her.
He’d merely asked a question. One he’d hoped showed his concern for her. Somehow he’d said the wrong thing and now she was angry. Or perhaps she was still angry. Despite all the women he’d known, he had no experience with this side of them.
“Forgive me. I didnae mean to rile ye, but it seems I cannae help myself.”
She grumbled something under her breath as she unpacked the basket.
He stood and walked to the table where as he reached for an apple his hand grazed hers.
She froze and he noted she closed her eyes.
This was a woman at war with herself. She still had feelings for him and yet she was denying them.
He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to promise her he’d never lie to her again.
If he did, would she reject him? As the seconds ticked by he realized he had no idea what to say to her.
Maybe if he could keep her in the room his brain would kick in and figure out what he was supposed to say to fix this.
He grabbed an apple from the basket and rubbed it on his plaid to have something to do. “Ye should eat,” he said.
“I wish everyone would stop telling me to eat. I’ll eat when I’m hungry,” she snapped.
“As ye wish.”
“You should eat and then go about your day. I’ll stay here with Elena.” When she glanced at him there was a sadness in her eyes that he hadn’t seen before.
“Tina …”
She held up her hand to stop his approach and his words, “No, don’t say anything. I’m trying my best to get through this. I am here to help take care of Elena. When she’s feeling better, I’m going home. So, until then we are nothing more than two people who care about one little girl.”
What could he say to that? They were not to be.
He grabbed some bread, cheese and the apple and left the room.
He was angry with himself for the lies, his careless past, and his idjit brain that couldnae think of the right thing to say to her.
She’d seemed touched by his plight and he’d shamelessly taken advantage of her kind heart.
He truly was as awful as she thought him to be.
***
At around the noon hour Tina got some relief. Doreen came back and offered to stay with Elena for a while.
“She’s been sleeping quite a bit, but at least she seems comfortable. Send for me if she seems worse.”
“Aye. Me ma tells me many of the villagers are sick with the same. ’Tis never a good thing. We’ll lose many to be sure.”
Remembering where she was and when she was had a sobering effect on her.
A bad feeling worked its way through her.
What if Elena was one of those who would be lost?
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Tina vowed to herself that she wouldn’t allow that to happen. “Maybe I should stay here with her.”
“She’ll be fine for a short while. Ye need some time out of this room.”
She gave Elena one last kiss on the forehead and was satisfied that she no longer had a fever, “I won’t be far if you need me.”
Once outside in the courtyard, Tina lifted her face to the sun, feeling its warmth chase away the chill she felt inside.
How could this have happened? She’d been sent here to find a mate and somehow the idyllic scenes she had imagined when she first thought about it in her own time, were far from the reality she was living here and now.
Why did Edna send her? Was it because she knew Elena would need her?
She found herself walking towards the practice field.
She wasn’t sure why, but for some reason she needed to see Donal.
Not to speak with him, but just to know he was there.
She watched him from afar greatly appreciating his skill and was struck by how attracted to him she still was.
He spun around suddenly and was facing her direction, he must have seen her because he spoke to his opponent and began striding her way.
Tina pivoted on her heel, heading away from the field and Donal.
“Tina!” he called.
She didn’t answer as she hurried on her way.
“Tina!” he was right behind her now and it was implausible that she couldn’t hear him. She stopped where she was. “Is it Elena? Is she well?”
“She’s fine. She seems better.”
“I saw ye and was afeared something was wrong. I’m relieved to hear yer news.”
What a fool she was. It wasn’t her he wanted to see. He was worried for his daughter, as he should be. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Who’s with her?” he asked, placing his dirk back in its sheath.
“Doreen came back today. I told her I’d only be gone a short while. I should go back.” He was too close. She needed to get away from him so she could breathe. She turned and began to walk away.
“I’ll walk with ye,” he said, hurrying to catch up with her.
“No need. You should go back to what you were doing.” She couldn’t look at him as she kept walking.
“I wish to see my daughter. I’m coming with ye.” His patience seemed to be wearing thin and she realized she may have pushed him too far. Maybe he was more affected by her than she gave him credit for.
As he walked along beside her, Tina was acutely aware of him.
The way he slowed his stride to stay at her side, the sheen of sweat on his shirtless chest and arms. She found herself breathless and aroused by him and yet confused and uncertain about where these emotions were coming from.
Hadn’t she already made up her mind about him?
He didn’t try to apologize as he had before.
In fact he didn’t speak at all. Any conversation, any move at all would have to come from her.
He opened the castle doors allowing her to walk in before him, being the type of gentleman she’d always hoped for and not the type of guy who let the door slam in your face before you got through it. Then he stopped at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her to go first.
“I’m going to look for Ashley,” she said. “I’ll be up in a little while.” The need to escape his incredible pull on her was great. If she didn’t create some distance between them she might find herself in his arms once again and she couldn’t let that happen. Not yet and maybe not ever.
He bounded up the stairs two at a time and out of sight. Tina stood at the bottom looking up for a long while after he was gone.