Chapter 25
KAI
Kai peered over Isla’s shoulder from where she stood at one of several elongated, high banquet-style tables strewn across this quarter of the lower city. His arms bracketed her as she scribbled on a piece of parchment.
One of their many Equinox traditions was to write down three things you were grateful for, three things you hoped to change about yourself in the upcoming year, and three things you hoped for the future, personally or in general, that would be sent up to the goddesses in a lantern that would eventually burn up and rain down in glittering ash.
Isla hadn’t worked on building her lantern yet, but a few feet away, he could see Davina had been busy crafting hers, her hands a mess of glitter, glue, and gemstones.
Beside her, Ameera lazily drew her hand over her parchment, a vacant look on her face that, every so often, was edged with rage and pain.
He hadn’t asked her if she’d spoken to her mother or father today; the former was granted permission to visit the latter, where he was under house arrest in a secure location in Ifera’s countryside.
Though a different kind of hurt, this holiday had as much a bitter undercurrent for her as it did for him.
Last Equinox, he and Ameera had needed to sneak away from the soiree his parents had thrown for the pack’s upper echelons to meet Jonah and Rhydian at this festival in the city.
In hindsight, maybe they should’ve stayed those few more minutes his mother had requested.
Maybe he should’ve smiled wider for that final family portrait, which had now been taken down and brought to his mother’s new estate.
There were so many things he could never change. So many regrets.
Isla’s touch drew him from his dark thoughts, featherlight over the skin of his hand where it rested beside her. She must’ve felt his impending spiral.
“You’re so nosy, you know that?” she teased, leaning into him.
Her body molded perfectly to his, the curve of her ass pressing dangerously against him in a way that made the fresh mark on his neck throb.
He honestly wasn’t sure how he could be this close to her without the deep, nagging desire to tear her clothes off again.
It wasn’t like they hadn’t just fucked until they were sweaty, exhausted heaps on the study floor, their pillow talk slipping into meandering conversations about the dark moon, the coronation, the ceremonial dagger, Isla’s nightmares, the open tunnel, and his own whirlwind of feelings.
Eventually, they’d tracked down some presentable-yet-simple clothes, leaving behind their adornments so they could easily blend into the crowd. Then they’d tracked their friends down to one of Rhydian’s favorite eateries.
He twisted his hand around, capturing hers and interlocking their fingers. “Can’t I know what you’re grateful for?” He leaned down to rest his chin on her shoulder, nudging her head with his, earning that laugh he scrambled for and tucked away.
Isla’s voice was seductive as she answered, still not revealing the parchment, “Davina.”
“Davina?” Kai lifted his lips to her ear, whispering, “Was it her name you were crying out a couple of hours ago?”
Isla bit her lip, her hips kicking back, involuntarily or not, making him curse softly. Another sultry laugh. “I don’t remember anything I was crying out a couple of hours ago.”
He certainly hadn’t forgotten. The keenness of her moans, the look on her face, and the feel of her body against his. All of it.
He lifted a hand to draw a trail over her stomach, wrapping his arm around her waist. Isla let out a deep sigh. “You’re relentless.”
Kai only hummed in answer, giving her the softest kiss on the skin of her neck. She shivered, and… maybe this wasn’t the best idea… his pants started to feel a bit tight. Goddess, he needed to have better self-control than this.
Isla finally pulled her hands back, and Kai stood taller, trying to distract himself with the ink across the canvas. Three lines sectioned off for each part of the custom, her handwriting neat and precise.
I'm grateful for my family.
I’m grateful for my home, old and new.
I'm grateful I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend… even if he likes our house freezing.
A warmth bloomed in his chest, and he couldn’t hold back his laugh or resist the urge to kiss her again. “I love you,” he murmured, though those words didn’t feel nearly enough to express how he felt.
He continued reading.
I want to accept that I may never be as I was.
I want to think more before I act.
I want to become a better cook.
“A better cook? What do you mean? You’re perfect.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.
She lightly pinched his hand. “Oh, shut it.”
The last time she’d attempted to prepare a complex meal, she’d nearly burned the House down.
Finally, Kai’s eyes dropped to the last lines—hopes.
Each one felt like a punch to the gut.
I hope we’ll get to grow our family.
I hope we don't go to war.
I hope I can bring my mother home again.
Kai stiffened, and Isla had to have felt it because she did, too, her hand settling atop his around her waist.
That power within him opened an eye and beat against his chest like a war drum.
Murderer.
It had been lulled before, quieted by her, by their time together, but with the shot of emotion, all chains had been stripped away. Now, it was a thrashing against his ribcage, a pounding on his skull. He shoved it down—down, down, fucking down—and cleared his throat. “Are you hungry?"
Isla turned, eyes trailing over his face. “I could eat.” At his lofted brows in question, she added, “Surprise me?"
Kai nodded. “I'll meet you back over there.”
He kissed her temple, but before he could go far, Isla spun, inclining her head with an ask he’d never refuse.
His lips met hers in a simple kiss that shouldn’t have stunned him the way it did. From one shared breath to the next, he felt himself unraveling beneath her, the threads that created the fabric of who he was hers to control as she pleased.
He’d meant it when he said it earlier: he would happily be at her mercy until the end of time, but as her essence seemed to spill into him, something inside him reacted—violently.
Kai broke the kiss, stepping back.
Isla mustn’t have felt the vicious retreat as she stared with furrowed brows. “Are you okay?”
He wasn’t sure. Whatever had resisted seemed to slink back into a darkened corner of his soul, crouching in wait.
Kai sighed. “The usual,” was all he replied. “I’ll be at our table with Rhyd and Jonah when you guys are done." Her stare was doubtful. To avoid it, Kai lifted his head to Ameera and Davina in the distance. “Do either of you want anything?”
“Alcohol!” Ameera answered immediately, and Kai did his best not to frown.
“I’m okay,” Davina said. “Tell Rhydian to come over here in ten minutes so we can release this together.”
Kai nodded and gave a wary Isla a peck on the forehead before disappearing into the crowd.
Breathe.
Kai took his time getting to Rhydian and Jonah, his hood pulled over his head as he maneuvered through the crowd, monitoring.
He counted each of his paces, timing them with his heartbeats, as he checked to ensure all guards were at their assigned posts. Some of them had slipped away, it seemed, in the merriness of the night, and a few he sent towards where Isla remained, ordering them to keep a distant eye on her.
He didn’t catch any off scents. His rolling net of sense didn’t snag on any volatile emotions. No rogues. No spies. No bak. No witches.
Still, paranoia gnawed at his insides, stoking his own erratic emotions.
I hope we don’t go to war.
Where was Malakai? Where was Sebastian? General Eli? The Imperial Heir? Their guards? He hadn’t seen them since the ceremony…
Goddess, he couldn’t think like this. Couldn’t doubt them and imagine the worst. They were Isla’s family, but—
Coming to terms with the fact that Io was his greatest adversary had been a conclusion in the making for months, years—if he counted his father’s dealings. Their love, no matter how world-shattering it felt for the two of them, wouldn’t change that. Maybe the battlefield was inevitable.
“There he is!”
Kai came to attention at Rhydian’s voice.
Somehow, he’d made it to the table he and Jonah had commandeered without even realizing.
A half-eaten feast was spread between the twins, where they sat facing each other.
Street foods, entrees, and a slew of desserts, on account of Rhydian’s sweet tooth, covered the table.
Jonah looked bemused. “Look who finally got off Isla's ass,” he jibed as Kai fell into the seat beside him.
He shot his brother a narrowed look and, for good measure, plucked a lamb skewer off his plate. “Mention my wife’s ass again.” A mild, jeering threat.
Jonah’s amber-flecked eyes narrowed, and Kai took a bite.
Back was the irritating desire to jump out of his skin, like he’d burst at the seams, starting at his healing stitches from the bak’s brutal claw. He’d get Jonah a skewer replacement, but right now, maybe some good food would ground him.
The meat settled in his stomach like lead.
Rhydian chugged his ale, barely masking his chuckle with the wooden mug, nearly as tall as his head. “You were gone a while.”
“We had a very important meeting.” Despite his nausea, Kai took another bite, flavors of home bursting across his tongue. “Alpha and luna now. Needed to talk strategy.”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
Jonah leaned back in his seat. “You know, last Autumn Equinox, neither of you was mated, which meant I could enjoy my meal in peace without you reeking so badly of lust that even I can scent you.”
Kai didn’t bother turning his head; he only gave his friend a sidelong glance. Considering Jonah couldn’t shift and had weaker senses, that said a lot.
Another bite.
No, this definitely wasn’t helping.