Chapter 16 #2
She did not see him arrive, her attention taken by the roses.
Sunlight caught her hair as she bent over one of the blooms, turning it to pure gold.
There was a light smile on her face, no longer the anxious young lady he had first encountered.
There was a new happiness about her now; the weight she had carried for so long finally set down to be entirely and completely forgotten.
I love her.
The whisper in his heart was confirmation of his affections, the sensation fierce and overwhelming.
He loved her kind heart, her willingness to forgive, her tender hope.
Had he not watched her battle against the ton's whispers?
Had he not seen her quiet courage which, near to breaking, had still survived within her?
It had been her strength of mind which had told him to stay back from her, her resolve to put him ahead of herself which had challenged him the most, and had made him see the true beauty of her character.
She was extraordinary, and Nathaniel fully believed he would never be able to find another young lady like her.
I do not want to ever step away from her again. I want her to always be beside me.
She looked up, and he was already moving — no pause, no negotiation, no shoulder pulled back at the midpoint.
His feet carried him across the garden before his mind had entirely decided to go, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he did not stop himself.
Her smile was so radiant it stole the breath from his lungs, and when he reached her, he took her hand without hesitation, without the old careful distance.
"Eliza." Bowing over it, he pressed a tender kiss to the back of her hand, heat beginning to spiral through him. "How glad I am to see you."
She did not put a hand to her hair. She did not smooth her skirt. Her hands rested at her sides, open and unhurried, and she did not notice their stillness — which was, she would later think, precisely the point.
"And I you." She smiled up at him. "It feels so very strange to have it all at an end, does it not? There is no longer this burden to carry, no longer this confusion that binds my heart and mind."
He did not release her hand. "You must feel a good deal lighter."
"I do." Her eyes twinkled. "When I awoke this morning, I felt so joyous, I practically skipped to the dining room to break my fast. I do not think my aunt has ever seen me in such a frame!"
With a chuckle, Nathaniel pressed her fingers. "I am heartily glad to hear it, Eliza. Truly."
The smile on her face lingered but softened.
A silence grew between them as Nathaniel held her gaze, feeling the weight of all he wanted to say settling on his shoulders.
It had all seemed so very easy before he had been with her, his thoughts had been settled and uniform.
Now, however, looking into her eyes and having her so close to him meant that everything had fallen into disarray.
"I — " Closing his eyes seemed to help him recall exactly what it was he wanted to tell her. "Eliza, when we left the solicitors yesterday afternoon, you stated that you hoped I would still be a part of your future."
There came a short pause. "Yes, I did."
"I did not have opportunity to answer," he continued, opening his eyes to see her blue ones searching his face. "With your inheritance, you are able now to do just as you please, are you not? Without constraint or obligation."
Her free hand lifted and settled on his arm. He felt the warmth of it through his sleeve. "That is so."
"I — I want to tell you that whatever your future may be, whatever hopes and intentions you have for it, I should very much like to be a part of it," he said, the words spilling freely now.
"I would not dictate your choices, Eliza, truly.
Finally, you have a freedom that is all your own, and I would not dare to take it from you.
All the same, I cannot imagine my own life spent alone and without you.
You said that you hoped I would be present in your future — Eliza, that is the very same hope that is in my own heart also. "
Her breath caught as she closed the distance between them, sending fire shooting into his veins.
"I would not hold back the truth of my heart from you," he finished, his voice catching.
"I must tell you how deeply I feel, Eliza.
I must tell you just how much I have come to care for you.
When you said that we should part, when you told me that you wanted to protect me by placing distance between us, it was then that I felt such a searing pain that it overwhelmed me.
I knew then that I could not ever be willingly parted from you. "
Eliza did not respond immediately. She was very still — not the old stillness of forced composure, the chin pulled taut, the fingers pressing seams, but a different stillness altogether, one she did not recognise in herself.
Something small and old moved in her chest. It was the familiar voice that had followed her since she was a girl sitting in her father's cold parlour whilst he counted what he had lost, the voice that had told her throughout the Season that gratitude was not the same as being chosen.
This is not real. This is kindness. He will see clearly in a moment and step back.
Her hands, which had been resting open at her sides, curled slightly — one last reflex of the old grip, the fingers pressing inward as if reaching for a seam that was no longer there.
Then she looked at him. His face was entirely unguarded.
His hands hung open and visible at his sides.
His eyes were on hers and not past them, and there was nothing in his expression that resembled performance or duty or the careful management of appearance. He was simply there.
She let the voice go.
"And you have become more to me than I ever expected," she responded, emotion thickening her voice as she held his gaze.
"You have fought for me, defended me in a way that I did not think anyone would.
You stood as a wall between the ton's accusations and myself, protecting me and shielding me in a way that cost you.
" Her lips curved gently. "I think it was when you stood and spoke to Lady Ravenshill that day in the park that I came to see just how much I loved you. "
For a moment he could not speak. He had not known, until she said it, how much he had needed to hear it.
"I love you," he said. "I have for some time. I did not know how to name it at first."
He touched her cheek. Her curls fell against the back of his hand.
"You have changed me, Eliza. I am not the man who sat across from you at Braithwaite's. I cannot be without you."
Her eyes shone, unshed tears bright in the sunlight. "Then do not go," she whispered. "Stay with me. Never again will I want distance between us."
Nathaniel did not hesitate. His hands found her waist, and he drew her into his arms.
The world went quiet.
His lips met hers, and everything else fell away — the birdsong that had been threading through the garden, the distant rattle of a carriage beyond the garden wall, the faint rustle of air moving through the roses.
All of it receded until there was nothing but the warmth of her mouth against his and the slight pressure of her hands where they found his arms and held.
The kiss was unhurried. Neither of them was afraid anymore, and this was the first time that had been true — the first time there was no wound between them requiring navigation, no caution, no careful positioning of hands or words.
He tasted the salt of her tears at the corner of her lips.
He felt the steadiness of her breathing against his chest. He was aware, with a clarity that left no room for anything else, that she was not going to pull away.
When they separated, the world came back slowly — the garden returning first as scent, the roses heavy and sweet in the warm air, then as light, the afternoon sun finding them through the leaves.
He did not immediately speak. She did not immediately speak.
A breath. Then his eyes opened and found hers, and there was nothing left between them that required explanation.
"I was going to ask you to begin a courtship," he whispered against her lips, unwilling to pull back, unwilling to step away. "Now that we are here, however, now that I have you so close to me, might we not think of a future where we are joined as man and wife?"
Her sharp intake of breath widened her eyes, pulling her back from him, and Nathaniel went still, his fingers tightening on hers, afraid that he had spoken too quickly or been too hasty.
"Marriage?"
He nodded slowly. "If you do not think that it is the right time, then — "
"Oh, Ashcombe!"
She threw her arms about his neck, tears of joy on her cheeks as Nathaniel caught his breath, relief pushing into his veins. "You accept me, then?"
"Accept you?" Leaning back, she framed his face with her hands. "My love, I could not think of anything more fitting. Yes, of course I shall marry you, for I can think of nothing more wonderful than becoming your wife."
The warmth of her against him was so complete, so unhurried, that he pressed another light kiss to her lips before he could think of anything else to say. "Then husband and wife we shall soon be," he murmured, as she closed her eyes and leaned into him. "I love you, Eliza."
Her eyes opened. "And I love you."