Chapter 17 #2
Giles sighed. It probably wouldn’t have even occurred to him to tell his mother. “I suppose it really is more than a paper cut.”
“Yes it is. And if I hear that you’re not resting, I will be back to give you another lecture. Now, are you going to be nice to Michael if I send him back in? Or do I have to feed you myself?”
A whisper of laughter passed his lips. “I’ll try my best.”
She tapped her cheek and bent down so he could kiss it before she left.
He did manage to feed himself, but was glad of Michael’s company. And when he finished, Michael even helped him to get up and stretch his legs a bit.
“Thank you, Michael. I know you didn’t want to leave Belle right now, and I really appreciate that you came. But you need to go back to her.”
Michael nodded. “I will, now that I know you’re… not well perhaps, but you will be.”
Christina returned after Michael left. Unfortunately, she refused to climb back into bed with him, but it was probably for the better.
His door might as well have been a revolving one, with all the people who came and went through it.
Donoghue, Doyle, Allister, Fitz, and eventually Dr. Goodluck.
Irony of the highest order. Seeing the man could only ever mean you were having the worst luck.
Ash came in while he was taking Giles’ pulse.
“How is he?” Ash asked.
“So far, everything looks very good. I’ll know more once I get the bandages off.” He gave Ash a pointed look.
“Christina, I believe Gwen is in the front sitting room with a few of the other ladies, enjoying some strawberry tarts. Why don’t you go join them?”
Not surprisingly, his wife shook her head. “I’d rather stay.”
“That was Ash’s very kind way of telling you that you need to leave for this part,” Giles explained.
“But I don’t want to,” she said stubbornly.
He raised his brow, and tried not to cringe from the pain it created. “Are you arguing with me?”
She pursed her lips and turned for the door.
“Bring me one of those tarts when you come back.”
At least that got a small smile.
“Dr. Goodluck thinks we should sedate you for this, but I’ve told him you may not want it, so the choice is yours.”
“I don’t want to be sedated again. I still feel groggy.”
“It will likely be painful, and you may also feel some things that are unpleasant,” the doctor warned.
“I want a mirror.”
“No.” The doctor shook his head. “Not right now.”
“I wish to see it.” He sounded like a petulant child, but he didn’t care. They were treating him like one.
“Once it has healed. I will not allow it until then.”
“It’s not going to heal,” Giles yelled. “There’s no bloody eye!”
Ash placed a hand on his shoulder. “You need to calm down, Giles.”
“I don’t want to calm down. I just want to see it!”
“This is your last chance, or you’ll have to be sedated.”
“What is this? An asylum?”
Ash flinched. The pain of those words seemed to weigh down his entire being. Giles had just done exactly what his mother had warned him not to.
“I’m sorry, Ash.” He reached out his hand. “I’m sorry. Please help me through it.”
Ash gripped his hand and placed the other on his shoulder. “I’m right here.”
The doctor didn’t move, and the only sound Giles heard was his own ragged breathing. “I’m ready.”
“You need to close your right eye,” Dr. Goodluck instructed. “And keep it closed, so that you don’t pull against the stitches with your left.”
Giles did as he was told, a rush of fear sweeping through him.
“Now, if you’ll lift your head slightly from the pillow, it will be a little bit easier to remove these.”
Slowly, the doctor unwrapped the bandage that was layered in varying directions around his head. That part was easy enough.
“Now, just lie back. I’m going to remove the gauze that’s against your eyelid. This part might hurt.”
He held onto Ash’s hand, desperately hoping to take on some of his strength. It was painful, but the worst part was that once all the gauze was removed, and the pressure against his eyelid was gone, he could feel the void.
He sucked in a breath, suddenly afraid he might be sick.
“We can still sedate you,” the doctor said. “I have a syringe ready.”
“No.” He held his breath for a moment.
Ash rubbed his shoulder. “It’s alright. It won’t take very long.”
“This is the worst part,” the doctor assured him. “Just a bit more ointment, and then I’ll get you wrapped back up.”
But even when he was wrapped up again, he couldn’t seem to let go of how it felt. His eye really was gone. Part of him had still prayed that they were all wrong. But it was gone. He could no longer deny it.
“Thank you, Dr. Goodluck,” Ash said.
“Would you like me to come back and sedate you when you’re ready to sleep tonight?”
Giles shook his head. It was all he could manage while he struggled to hold back a sob.
The door opened and closed, and Ash’s hands never left him. Finally, he lost the battle, and the sob broke through. He sucked in a shuddering breath.
“I’m sorry,” he said, trying to pull his hand away, but Ash wouldn’t let go. Giles was ashamed. Ashamed of his outburst. Ashamed that Ash had to see something so grotesque. Ashamed that he was grotesque.
When he finally opened his eye, Ash was holding a handkerchief. “We don’t want Christina to see your tears when she comes back, or she’ll never let us throw her out again. Would you like me to wipe them? Or do you prefer to do it yourself?”
Shame and guilt left a gaping cavern inside his chest as he reached for the cloth.
He didn’t want Christina to see him this way, and not just because of the tears. He no longer felt worthy to be in her presence. But he knew her well enough to know she would come anyway. And she did, with a smile on her face. She sat down beside him and held up a tart.
“I’m afraid I must apologize. I was unable to resist a little nibble on my way down the hall.”
The sweetness of her words stung. He’d never felt so undeserving of something in his life. And yet, he was wholly grateful for her. “I’m happy to share with you.”
She insisted on feeding it to him, and although it was a struggle for him to accept her help, he remembered his mother’s words, and allowed her to.
Two hours passed, mostly in silence. There wasn’t much to say, really. Nothing either of them wished to speak of, certainly. But she offered him comfort by holding his hand, and pressing the occasional kiss against the back of it.
Eventually, after darkness fell outside the window, Ash returned.
“Are you ready to sleep for the night?”
“Yes.” His self-loathing was becoming unbearable. As much as he cherished Christina’s presence, he no longer felt worthy of it, and he needed her to go.
“Alright, let’s get your hands restrained.”
“I’m not going to tear the bandages off, Ash.” He was grumpy. The pain was wearing down most of his patience, and the disgust he felt about his disfigurement took care of the rest.
Ash sighed. “I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling right now, and I hate that I have to do this, but we don’t know what might happen while you’re sleeping. That means you have to be restrained. The choice you have is whether to do it willingly or sedated.”
It was nearly impossible not to rage at the injustice of it all.
And even though he knew Ash just wanted what was best for him, right now, he hated him for it.
He just wanted to go home, where he could hide from the rest of the world, and wallow in his own self-pity, without having to pretend like he wasn’t dying inside.
“I’ll stay with him,” Christina offered. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t touch his face.”
“No.” He would not have her going without sleep because of his stubbornness. He laid his arms at his sides. “Tie them.”