Chapter 41
Rowan
Aenan had not let go of my hand since he had sat down beside me.
After my breakdown, he had wasted no time in ushering us inside.
Caelan had picked me up before I could protest and, with nary a thought for his horse, had rushed me in.
I had been ensconced in the receiving room since, and neither had left my side.
Tea had been called for, a warm blanket fetched, and the house staff, despite wanting to see me safe themselves, had been shepherded away. Jesmina nearly had a fit at being refused entry to the room.
“Are you all right? Are you truly all right?” Aenan asked, looking me over again. He squeezed my hand. He had asked multiple times already, and each time I had nodded, but I didn’t think he fully believed me. I looked him in the eye and nodded, again.
I am now.
“She hasn’t spoken,” Caelan said, not privy to my words. “Not until she saw you earlier.”
I stiffened when I felt him move behind me. I tried not to. I really did. Aenan frowned when he noticed the motion. My brother’s eyes returned to mine, and I could see him looking deep as if searching for the reason why. But I just shook my head at him, sadly.
Another time. I didn’t want to think about that right now.
He looked over my head at Caelan, and a silent communication passed between them. I released the hold I had on Aenan and took a sip of the tea I’d been given.
“Come, little bird,” Caelan said. “Let me take you upstairs. I’m sure a proper bath would be appreciated, and some of your own clothes.”
Looking down at the borrowed pants and shirt I wore, I realised I would like my own clothes. And a bath I could lie down in sounded divine, but I looked back to Aenan first, scared that if I left he might disappear.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” He brushed a hand over my arm. “I’ll still be here tomorrow when you wake, and we can catch up then.”
I nodded and set my empty teacup down, allowing Caelan to lead me from the room.
“I’m certain Jesmina is waiting for you in your rooms and has already started preparations for a bath,” he said as we climbed the stairs.
Oh. I wasn’t sure I was ready for Jesmina. I felt nervous about seeing her. What must she think of me? Actually, now that I thought about it, what did they all think of me? Did they believe I left of my own accord? Or did they realise I had stupidly left the wards of the estate only to be captured?
I had brought this on myself.
Suddenly I was fearful. Fearful of being left alone. Fearful of not being able to speak. Fearful of being left with someone other than Caelan.
When had I moved from outright fear of him to this feeling of safety?
I stopped on the staircase, unable to take another step, my anxiety spiking. Caelan, noticing my absence, paused a few steps up, looking back. Whatever he saw had him hurrying down again and he took my hands in his, anchoring me.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
I just shook my head. How could I explain when I didn’t know myself? I could see him thinking about what had been said. Searching for what could have triggered my reaction.
“Is it the bath?” he asked, rubbing my hands, but I shook my head. “Jesmina?” I squeezed his hands. “Okay. That’s okay. I’ll just tell her that you want to be alone.”
No! My panic rising, I grasped his hands tighter and started to hyperventilate.
“Okay. I understand now. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there the whole time. Is that what you want? No Jesmina, just me?”
I nodded at him, my breathing slowly returning to normal.
He freed a breath before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “Yes,” he said, relieved. “I can work with that. Come on.”
He steered me up the last of the stairs before taking my hand in his as we continued along the hall to my room.
When he opened the door, he kept me behind him while he had a short conversation with Jesmina.
I hid against his back, embarrassed. When she left, I felt her eyes on me before she hurried off to do whatever he’d bid.
Caelan moved towards the bedroom, towing me along. “I’ve asked her to fetch Aenan; we have lots to discuss, so if it’s all right with you, we can do that in your sitting room, while you have a bath. How does that sound?”
Scanning the room, I let the idea settle in.
When it didn’t immediately fill me with panic, I nodded at him and moved towards the tub.
It had been filled with water, and lavender-scented steam wafted through the air.
I dipped my finger in, looking back at him.
He was watching me with those mist-coloured eyes, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. Bare. I looked away.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, but I shook my head. “Did you want me to wait here until you get in?”
I did, but how did I tell him I didn’t want to undress in front of him? My eyes roamed the room until I spotted the wooden screen in front of the wardrobe.
Noticing the direction of my gaze, he seemed to understand. “How about I move this in front of the tub so you can wash in private, and that way I can leave the door open in case you need me for anything?”
I smiled at him – a small smile, but he stilled at once, his mouth dropping open. My smile slowly drained away and the self-conscious feeling returned.
“Do that again,” he whispered, not moving.
I just looked at him in confusion, shaking my head a little.
“Smile,” he pleaded. “Smile at me again.”
Oh. Looking up at him from beneath my eyelashes, I smiled at him. A shy smile, but one just for him.
“Oh gods. I thought I’d lost you.”
He rushed towards me, and I took a step back in fear.
But he wrapped me in his arms, engulfing me in his embrace, and I melted as his familiar comforting scent enveloped me.
We stood like that until Aenan arrived: my head tucked under his chin, listening to the steady beat of his heart as his arms held me tight.
Hours later, I’d fallen asleep to the soft murmurs of Caelan and my brother speaking in the other room, but woke to find myself in my dream cave. The dark, cool nothingness no longer held the comfort it once had, and I wished for Caelan to be there instead.
So he was.
He lay atop a bed. My bed.
The cave bled away to show my room, and I watched him lying there, gilded by the glow of the fire. Asleep, his face was free from worries. The lines smoothed away as if my being there, being home, being safe, eased something inside of him, allowing him to breathe.
Remembering I was dreaming, I turned away when a noise sounded from the sitting room.
Aenan lay on my chaise longue, his long legs dangling off the end.
A blanket partly covered him, although the room was warm.
His brow, unlike Caelan’s, was furrowed, and I absently wondered about his dreams. His chest rose steadily, his breathing deep, and I took comfort in the sound, the only one in the room.
Except it wasn’t.
What was that noise?
I turned towards the door, a peculiar sensation trickling down my back. My heart started to pound. Faster and faster and faster. I reached for the handle. Not because I wanted to. I didn’t. Somehow, I knew that what lay on the other side was not something I wanted to see.
I fought. I fought with everything I had. But I was powerless to stop it. I stepped across the threshold. Into the dark. Into my nightmare.
They dragged me screaming across the floor by my chain, my fingers grasping at the collar, trying to alleviate the pressure. Trying to breathe.
“No! No! Leave me alone!” I cried. But they laughed. They sneered. They shouted as I was hauled past.
“Light Fae whore.”
“Slut.”
“I’ll give you something to shut you up,” one said, grabbing his crotch.
A kick landed on my ribs, the bone giving way. The crack tore through my chest. I screamed again.
“I grow weary of this NOISE!” he shouted. “Hold her down.”
I struggled anew, but my rib protested, my vision blackening. “No, no! Please – no!”
But they held me down. Four males. Four Dark Fae. I had no hope. No way to escape. I thrashed my head from side to side, fearing what was coming. Knowing.
He removed the knife from the sheath at his side. “Open her mouth,” he commanded.
“No, nooo—”
My screams cut off as they held open my mouth, just a gurgling sound choking from my throat. He crouched down beside me and grabbed hold of my tongue, and before I could make another noise, he cut it out.
Blood sprayed everywhere. Across his face. Across all their faces. They let go of me, laughing in glee.
“Wake up!” they shouted, shaking my shoulders. “Wake up, Rowan!”
I opened my eyes, looking up into the face of the man who had removed my tongue, and screamed anew.