Chapter 44
Rowan
The rhythmic beat of Caelan’s heart beneath my ear was strangely comforting. So comforting that I seriously considered taking a nap. But I forced my eyes open, peeking up at him from under my lashes.
“I feel you staring at me,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips.
Oh.
I looked away, suddenly self-conscious, but it wasn’t long before my eyes were drawn back by his magnetic pull.
There was a certain ruggedness to his appearance that I hadn’t seen before.
His stubbled jawline hinted at days without a razor’s blade and the dark hair there tempted my fingers, beckoning me to touch.
Be brave.
Hesitantly, I reached a hand towards his face. His breath caught in his chest, but he didn’t move. If anything, he stilled even further.
When my fingers were a hair’s breadth from his cheek, I wavered, my bravado slipping.
Be brave. Be strong.
I repeated it like a chant. Placing my fingertips against his skin, I let myself feel.
His breathing started again, even and steady, as I ran my fingers down his cheek. It was both soft and coarse. A strange combination, one I thought I might like the feel of against my own face.
Lost to the sensations, I ran my fingers across the top of his lip, feather-light, feeling his warm breath upon my fingertips when his lips parted.
They were soft as silk, and I remembered the touch of them against my own.
How good they felt. Sitting up a little, I grew braver, reaching over and running my finger along his eyebrows, relearning the shape of them.
Then down the side of his face. He moved his head into my caress, and I paused, looking at his eyes as he gazed at me from under lowered brows.
“I want to kiss you,” he whispered.
My eyes were immediately drawn back to his mouth.
To the lips I had just touched. Nervously, with a gentle stroke of my thumb, I traced their contours again, sensing them tremor at my touch.
Driven by the same insatiable urge, I sat up even further, closing the distance between us until I could feel his warm breath mingling with mine.
His mouth, so close now, beckoned me with its parted invitation, his exhale caressing my skin. With agonising slowness, I bridged the remaining distance, until, with the lightest of touches, my lips met his. I pulled away at once, uncertain, but a desperate plea echoed in the depths of my soul.
“Again,” he breathed, his yearning palpable.
Searching his gaze, I could still see only his unwavering love for me, so I surrendered to the churning emotions within, leant forward once more, and kissed him. Desire, hot and thick, swept up my spine, flooding me with its intensity.
It was too much. Too soon. I pulled away with a soft cry.
He froze. “It’s okay. Shh, it’s all right.”
I’m sorry.
He took hold of my hand, helping me to sit up as he sat too. “Don’t be sorry, Rowan. Not for this. Never for this. We will take it at your pace, okay?”
Embarrassed at my reaction, I looked away.
“Rowan?” He turned my face back to him. “It will get better, I promise.” He gave me an encouraging smile. “Okay?”
This time I nodded, but my mind was conflicted. What if I could never be with him in that way again?
Standing suddenly, he interrupted my thoughts. “What are your plans for the day?” he asked.
The change of subject was a welcome relief. I wondered about the answer to his question. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do, and had not thought about my next step for so long that I was a little lost doing so now. I looked to him for guidance, shrugging.
“Did you want to go for a walk?” he asked.
My eyes moved to the window, where I could see snow falling.
“No? Okay. How about exploring the secret corridors?”
A slight shiver ran through me at the thought of walking through tight tunnels.
“No, not that either. What if we go to the library, and you can look for a book?”
I thought on that one. Yes, I thought I would like that. I had missed reading.
“Yes, I can see more enthusiasm for that one. Let’s do that, then. I’m certain there is a game of strategy in play somewhere in there. I might be able to encourage Aenan to join us.”
He reached for my hand and together we walked to the library. But when we passed the open door of the study, Caelan pulled me inside. Aenan was scowling over parchments strewn across his desk. He stood at our entry, taking note of our clasped hands.
“Sister, you look well.” He indicated the chair opposite him, and I sat, Caelan sitting beside me, so close his thigh touched mine.
I idly looked at the papers, trying to make sense of them. “What are these?” I enquired, taking one and turning it so I could see it better. It appeared to be plans of some sort, castle blueprints, but not of Wyndaryn, from what I could tell. When no reply was forthcoming, I glanced up.
“You’re speaking a lot better now,” Aenan said.
Oh.
He laughed at the look of surprise on my face. “You didn’t even realise you spoke aloud, did you? That’s good progress.” He waved at the papers. “These, my dear sister, are blueprints for Avensharn.”
Avensharn. I shuddered at the name, at the memories it evoked. I could see it, though; I was familiar with the layout. I traced a line from the great hall to the dungeon and back again. It seemed such a short distance on paper, but I remembered the walk being so much longer in reality.
Maybe that was because I was dragged.
“I’m trying to work out how you got from here” – Aenan pointed to the great hall – “to here” – he pointed to another page showing exterior plans – “in such a short amount of time.”
Looking at the expanse between them, the two places did appear to be quite a distance apart. I traced what I believed was the route we had taken. “We ran down here, I think.”
“We?”
“Yes, Valerian and me. She freed me, then we ran down this corridor. I’m certain.”
“But that corridor leads to here,” he said, tracing the line to a different part of the plan.
“Oh. Well, I must have it wrong, then. There were stairs. We went down some stairs, and the ground changed from dirt to mud and back to dirt again.”
He stared at the blueprints, trying to see what I was describing.
“There. There are stairs here near the hall, but they lead to here,” he said, pointing to the eastern wall.
“Caelan was over here at the far southern wall, so unless these two tunnels cross somewhere, I can’t see how you got from here to there. ”
“Maybe the plans don’t show it?” I ventured. “Maybe there are secret tunnels, like here?”
“Maybe, but even if you took a direct route, it would have taken you longer than it did.” He retraced a tunnel that led from the southern wall through to near the hall.
“This tunnel here is over six hundred feet long. Our plan was for Orick to take you from here and meet Caelan somewhere around here.” He pointed to about half the distance along that route.
“But Caelan tells me he didn’t even get to the entrance before you were there. ”
“But… how is that possible?” I asked hoarsely. “How did Valerian know to take me there in the first place?”
“That, little sister, is exactly what I am trying to work out.”
Sitting back, I let their voices wash over me, lost in my thoughts.
I tried to recall all that had transpired in the days prior to my rescue.
Valerian had been absent, I was certain of that.
I hadn’t seen her in the great hall for a couple of days, only really seeing her in the early mornings when she had visited me in the dungeon to give me the water.
The water—
“Valerian knew somehow,” I blurted, interrupting their conversation. “She gave me water.”
When two pairs of blank eyes met mine, I realised they had no idea what I was talking about. I tried to explain.
“I didn’t dream, not after I was taken. They gave me this drink, a foul-tasting alcohol that I didn’t like.
It was the only liquid they would give me, so I either drank it or went thirsty.
But then Valerian came to my cell one day before the other fae did and gave me water, told me not to drink the alcohol anymore, and that she would bring me water every morning instead.
That night was the first night I dreamt. ”
Caelan looked to Aenan. “Have you heard of a liquid that can cut off your gifts?”
Aenan shook his head, his gaze pensive.
Caelan turned back to me. “We couldn’t reach you, not until then. Couldn’t feel you through the bonds at all. But you just suddenly appeared. That was the night I found you in your dreams.”
I ducked my head, recalling how I had ejected him from that dream and the next, but he just tapped his thigh against mine, bringing my eyes back to his. The warmth in them eased my anxiety.
My brother still had that pensive look on his face, though. “What is it?” I asked him.
“Your mate bond. You told me you couldn’t feel it. Did it disappear when you started drinking this drink?”
My eyes widened, but the look on Caelan’s face made me pause.
“You can’t feel our bond?” he whispered, his voice full of agony.
I could only stare at him. At the absolute devastation on his face. I shook my head sadly.
“Rowan,” Aenan said, bringing my attention back to him. “Did your bond cut off at that time?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“But it didn’t come back when your other gifts did?”
“No. It has to be something else.” Caelan was watching me, his gaze mournful. It made me feel anxious again, so I rubbed the back of my neck. His eyes followed the movement. “How did he brand you, Rowan?” he asked, quietly.
I shook my head, not wanting to remember. Aenan suddenly looked interested.
Caelan persisted. “Did he dip the knife in this liquid?”
“Maybe,” I whispered. “I don’t know.”
He turned to Aenan, who nodded. “We will have Jesmina take a look at it, along with any other wounds that need tending to. As soon as we are done here.”